"Heather, why? How could you do that?"
Your mouth is dry and your hands feel like they're shaking as you watch her pace within the confined trailer, her face twisted up like she can't decide whether to yell at you or to burst into tears. And then suddenly she's stopping in front of you, holding her hands in the air like she's trying to work out what to say. It's the first time you've seen her at a complete loss and although she looks beautiful even in her anger, the heartbreaking way that her lip is trembling is making you feel sick in a way you've never felt before.
"I had to." You say eventually, because the silence is unbearable. Her eyes meet yours and her response is so quiet that you have to step forward to hear it.
Tell me why. I know you spoke to Ryan and got the scene cut. The whole storyline has been changed, we don't even have any scenes together in the next episode. I thought you wanted this too."
A million excuses fly through your head. Because of the fans? Because the storyline changed? You could lie, say you had nothing to do with it. You know she wouldn't believe you though, you both know each other so well now that there's no way you could ever get away with lying to her. It would only hurt her more.
So, why did you knock on Ryan's door yesterday? Is it because you're afraid that in those brief moments when you act like you're in love with her, you can't tell whether you're acting or not? And in that scene, when they yelled 'cut', you can't admit that it was like being hit in the face with an ice-cold slushy, because you had to pull away from the kiss? And hours later, when you thought about your boyfriend, and felt so guilty because he hadn't even crossed your mind once that whole day. You owe it to him to be honest, and you owe it to her too.
"The kiss scene," you say softly, noticing the way her eyes flicker down to your lips, then back to your eyes. "I... I didn't want it to stop. And neither did you. That scares me so, so much because I thought I was doing okay, Naya. We're best friends and I love that, but it's not okay for me to feel so jealous when you talk about bringing some guy to an awards show, or going out on a date... and something changed when I kissed you, because it made me want you even more. And I won't, I can't want you."
You hadven't realised that you'd taken another step closer to her, your faces are inches away. Taking a deep breath, you back away, trying not to see the tears in her eyes because it's making them appear in yours too. You close your eyes and gather your emotions to speak, inwardly cringing at the coldness in your voice.
"So I requested that the Brittana storyline be canned. I told Ryan that I wouldn't do it. Naya, I can't pretend to be in love with you in front of the cameras because the lines are getting blurred."
This time she's the one stepping into my personal space. I feel like I'm incredibly aware of every tiny movement she makes when we're standing this close; her arms hugging against her chest, looking so vulnerable that it makes my breath catch in my throat; the way she unconsciously leans towards me, and me towards her; and the single tear that is running down her cheek. She brushes it away before raising her eyes to mine. "The kiss did change everything," she says, her voice wavering but defiant. "Because it made me realise that I don't want the guy I have to take to an awards show, or the guy who asked me out on a date. There's a reason for that, Heather, and it's you. So I'm saying this right now, I want to be with you. I know you have a boyfriend and I'm trying to respect that, but you know we have something between us that means a lot. You need to do the right thing by him and we both know what that is."
I want to argue with her but there's nothing to argue against. I should have ended things with him a long time ago; the last time I saw him, I couldn't even bring myself to kiss him without thinking of her. I know this, but I'm still trying to find something to say that will change it all, to keep denying this thing that I've been denying for months.
She somehow moves even closer and I can't breath anymore; when she gently rests her hands on my waist it sends a shudder through me. A second later we're kissing, hungry and intense at first, but then slowing and becoming something else altogether. When she breaks away from me I'm confused, and we stare at each other for a long moment before she smiles sadly and brushes my cheek with her hand. "You're going to have to make up your mind. That's something only you can do. Until then," she pauses, her eyes lingering on mine, "I'll be around."
The sound of the door closing as she leaves the trailer echoes through my head as I close my eyes, finally able to find some kind of peace in knowing that maybe, just maybe, things are going to turn out fine.