The Kagome Paradox
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Disclaimer Mad Lib: I don't [verb] the characters of this [noun]. I promise to be [adjective] to them, and will put them back in [place] when I am done. Now, please enjoy reading my piece of fan- [noun], which will undoubtedly [verb] you.
*
It was one of those "Ahh, get it off me!" rainy days, and Kagome and friends were in the local library, cornerstone of knowledge, killing time. The Higurashi's were having the shrine and the house fumigated after Mrs. Higurashi had come down with something that was either the common cold or SARS. The doctors were having trouble deciding. She was currently in the hospital with a fever that was 99 in our system of heat.
Inuyasha had come through the well, and was now unable to get back through due to the whole shrine complex being covered in blue tarps and inspected by men dressed like trench troopers from the First World War.
Inuyasha knew they looked like trench troopers, because Kagome was showing him a picture.
"British gas masks protected the whole face, unlike Sango's, and those funny looking round helmets are for protecting you from shrapnel."
"Who is Shrapnel?"
"Bomb fragments."
Inuyasha wanted back into the feudal era badly. Suddenly an idea hit him.
"Kagome, do these books go back all the way to the warring era?"
"Some of them. Why?"
"Well, this may sound silly, but couldn't we just look in one of them and see if we kill Naraku in the end?"
Kagome's mouth fell open. There was an interesting period of silence, in which her face ran the gamut of emotions and came out looking confused again.
*
The book the librarian recommended to them was, in fact, a composition by a priestess of old, between Kikyo and Kagome's time. It kept important dates and major events like comets and volcanic eruptions. Kagome and Inuyasha turned to an old tome in what was, in fact, a series of volumes.
They opened it.
The first thing they got was a woodcut of the village, and a bit of text, done in odd handwriting.
"That's odd. The writing looks like kind of like what they teach in school. Let's see." Kagome perused the page with a finger. "This is- ohm, not long after we left last, only a few years. This should be good. Let's see.
"The new village priestess has settled in nicely. The demon invasions have reduced considerably both in size and frequency. All had settled back into peace and quietness."
"Ugh," said Inuyasha, turning back to the picture of World War One in their first book, "That sounds so DULL. What the hell is 'mustard gas'?"
"Corrosive inhalant that fills the lungs with blood," said Kagome absentmindedly. "Hey, I think this sounds nice. See, we defeated Naraku after all. I LIKE that idea."
"So do it, but does it really say 'peace and quiet'? Because if it does, I'm enlisting in the First World War."
"Well, total peace just isn't for some people I suppose."
Kagome later wondered, for years, whether she would have been happier in the ignorance she was currently living in, which would have killed her. But she turned the page, and lived.
Because when she turned the page, what greeted her was a splendid full-page woodcut, done with skill and confidence.
It showed a village gathering, with many happy faces in the background. The day was nice, the trees were in bloom, and all set the mood for the centerpiece of the picture.
Inuyasha and Kagome were sitting together on a log, in front of the crowd, and Kagome was holding a baby.
Inuyasha, who was at that moment reading a paragraph on a very impressive sounding person named Kaiser Wilhelm, when he heard the gasp.
"What is it?'
No answer.
"What is it, Kagome?"
"Okay, I'll look." He spun around in his seat. He liked swivel chairs, and when nobody was around, he would spin himself dizzy in the one in the Higurashi household. And he saw the picture.
There was one of those silences you get when the airplane has dropped the bomb but the mushroom cloud hasn't come up yet.
It lasted five whole minutes.
"Huh," said Inuyasha, at last, choking it out. "Do you think we were married?"
Kagome was crying now, and making choking noises. A horrible possibility had hit her.
"It's not just that," she sobbed. "I think *sob* that-" She broke down crying again.
"Yes?" Inuyasha was cuddling her now. One of the library attendants gave them a funny look, but Inuyasha bared his fangs and the librarian suddenly remembered some non-fiction he had to shelve.
"Inuyasha-" no longer crying, adamant, "Inuyasha, I should have seen it before. My family has been in this area all these years, and the ancestry always looks so much the same from the old photos." She sobbed again. "Inuyasha, I'm MY OWN ANCESTOR.
*
*
Disclaimer Mad Lib: I don't [verb] the characters of this [noun]. I promise to be [adjective] to them, and will put them back in [place] when I am done. Now, please enjoy reading my piece of fan- [noun], which will undoubtedly [verb] you.
*
It was one of those "Ahh, get it off me!" rainy days, and Kagome and friends were in the local library, cornerstone of knowledge, killing time. The Higurashi's were having the shrine and the house fumigated after Mrs. Higurashi had come down with something that was either the common cold or SARS. The doctors were having trouble deciding. She was currently in the hospital with a fever that was 99 in our system of heat.
Inuyasha had come through the well, and was now unable to get back through due to the whole shrine complex being covered in blue tarps and inspected by men dressed like trench troopers from the First World War.
Inuyasha knew they looked like trench troopers, because Kagome was showing him a picture.
"British gas masks protected the whole face, unlike Sango's, and those funny looking round helmets are for protecting you from shrapnel."
"Who is Shrapnel?"
"Bomb fragments."
Inuyasha wanted back into the feudal era badly. Suddenly an idea hit him.
"Kagome, do these books go back all the way to the warring era?"
"Some of them. Why?"
"Well, this may sound silly, but couldn't we just look in one of them and see if we kill Naraku in the end?"
Kagome's mouth fell open. There was an interesting period of silence, in which her face ran the gamut of emotions and came out looking confused again.
*
The book the librarian recommended to them was, in fact, a composition by a priestess of old, between Kikyo and Kagome's time. It kept important dates and major events like comets and volcanic eruptions. Kagome and Inuyasha turned to an old tome in what was, in fact, a series of volumes.
They opened it.
The first thing they got was a woodcut of the village, and a bit of text, done in odd handwriting.
"That's odd. The writing looks like kind of like what they teach in school. Let's see." Kagome perused the page with a finger. "This is- ohm, not long after we left last, only a few years. This should be good. Let's see.
"The new village priestess has settled in nicely. The demon invasions have reduced considerably both in size and frequency. All had settled back into peace and quietness."
"Ugh," said Inuyasha, turning back to the picture of World War One in their first book, "That sounds so DULL. What the hell is 'mustard gas'?"
"Corrosive inhalant that fills the lungs with blood," said Kagome absentmindedly. "Hey, I think this sounds nice. See, we defeated Naraku after all. I LIKE that idea."
"So do it, but does it really say 'peace and quiet'? Because if it does, I'm enlisting in the First World War."
"Well, total peace just isn't for some people I suppose."
Kagome later wondered, for years, whether she would have been happier in the ignorance she was currently living in, which would have killed her. But she turned the page, and lived.
Because when she turned the page, what greeted her was a splendid full-page woodcut, done with skill and confidence.
It showed a village gathering, with many happy faces in the background. The day was nice, the trees were in bloom, and all set the mood for the centerpiece of the picture.
Inuyasha and Kagome were sitting together on a log, in front of the crowd, and Kagome was holding a baby.
Inuyasha, who was at that moment reading a paragraph on a very impressive sounding person named Kaiser Wilhelm, when he heard the gasp.
"What is it?'
No answer.
"What is it, Kagome?"
"Okay, I'll look." He spun around in his seat. He liked swivel chairs, and when nobody was around, he would spin himself dizzy in the one in the Higurashi household. And he saw the picture.
There was one of those silences you get when the airplane has dropped the bomb but the mushroom cloud hasn't come up yet.
It lasted five whole minutes.
"Huh," said Inuyasha, at last, choking it out. "Do you think we were married?"
Kagome was crying now, and making choking noises. A horrible possibility had hit her.
"It's not just that," she sobbed. "I think *sob* that-" She broke down crying again.
"Yes?" Inuyasha was cuddling her now. One of the library attendants gave them a funny look, but Inuyasha bared his fangs and the librarian suddenly remembered some non-fiction he had to shelve.
"Inuyasha-" no longer crying, adamant, "Inuyasha, I should have seen it before. My family has been in this area all these years, and the ancestry always looks so much the same from the old photos." She sobbed again. "Inuyasha, I'm MY OWN ANCESTOR.
*