A/N: Everyone who has watched JLU (or trolled the internet for long enough) knows Amanda Waller pulled some crazy story out of nowhere about how Terry is Bruce's son. Don't get me wrong I love the plot but it made me wonder if between her old age and Alzheimer's she made up a story to feel important and the truth was crazier than expected. Thus this story was born. Please note this story is not meant to be taken seriously at all. Don't be surprised if a bear on a unicycle parades through the plot. Oh yeah, I don't own anything from DC but I would die happy if I met any of the heroes.

Chapter One: Never Piss off a Man Witch and No, Not the Sandwich

Terry smoothed back his hair with a pout. Two girls from the Justice League witnessed him without the Batman mask on and freaked when they saw his hair. They called it an awful version of Elvis hair. Who was Elvis anyway? Terry hummed to himself and went in search of Bruce hoping for help on his latest mission and maybe find out about this Elvis persona.

Alright where would I go if I was an old man in a mansion? The library! Ok, where was that again? Were the directions two lefts and a right or two rights in a left?

Terry came upon an ornately designed door and smiled in victory. He opened the door and was shocked at what he saw. The room was decorated in blue and white. The walls were painted white with blue paintings of toys that covered the top and bottom borders. A sturdy wooden crib filled with fuzzy blue blankets stood next a window covered with white lace curtains. Terry took in the sight of baby materials and backed slowly out of the room only to back into the very person he was looking for.

"Ooof!" Terry muttered and turned around to face the old man.

"What are you doing in there?" Bruce said with the patented Batglare marring his features.

"I was looking for you?" Terry said completely unsure of himself at this point. What if the room was Bruce's when he was a kid. Uh oh, that means he just opened the Pandora 's Box of Bruce's childhood.

"And of course I'd be in a nursery," Bruce stated sourly.

Terry frowned but pressed forward with his explanation, "I was looking for the library, but for some reason I was drawn here. The room seems familiar like I've spent a lot of time in here,"

Bruce jumped like someone had sent an electric shock through his spine. He leaned further into his cane for support. He can't possibly know about that right? Bruce thought worriedly. He sighed heavily and began walking towards the actual library. Terry followed uncertainly.

"Where are we going and why do you have an unused nursery in your house?" Terry questioned halfway down the hall.

Bruce glanced up- he remembered the days when he had to look down to see the boy's eyes- and spoke impatiently, "I'm taking you to the library and that room was my son's,"

Terry halted mid stride, "You had a son?"

"Yes, I'll tell you the whole story once we're in the library Terrence,"

Terry winced at the use of his full name. The old man must be pissed. No that wasn't right he only looked a bit worried and embarrassed. Wait a second Bruce was never embarrassed or worried. That settled it, Terrence McGinnis was about to die and no one was going to find his body. When they finally made it to the library Terry was sweating bullets. Bruce sat down in a comfy chair next to a small coffee table and motioned Terry to sit in the chair directly opposite of his. Terry sat down on the edge of his seat and once again ran his hand through his hair. Stupid nervous habit! Terry mentally yelled.

"You got a haircut?" The old man asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Terry grimaced, "Yeah, Barda and Marina caught me out of costume and held me down claiming that my hair was a disgrace to all human kind."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, "And here I thought Animal Control was going to mistake it as road kill and try to put it down. On a positive note the swelling around your lips went down from that one punch you took,"

Terry sent Bruce a cutting look, "We're getting off topic. When did you have a kid?"

The old man grimaced lightly, "The story that goes with that answer is a bit odd and embarrassing to say the least."

Terry cocked his head to the side in confusion, "Embarrassing? What happened did you get turned into a kid again?"

Wayne mentally berated himself for telling the kid that story. "No Terry, it was much worse than that,"

"Come on old man tell me what happened!" Terry demanded finally realizing he wasn't about to disappear for good.

Bruce leaned back into his chair for support and began speaking, "It all started when I pissed off a man witch and no not the food…"

Bruce Wayne smiled charmingly at the three ladies he was with. Although, on the inside he felt like he was in some awful joke. His three dates were of course a blonde, a brunette, and a red head-correction a ginger- but he'd never say that out loud. Surprisingly, the blonde was the only one to have any wits about her but that was probably because she was the designated driver and her two friends were hammered.

Each one of the girls had tried to talk him into their beds that night but he wasn't having any of that. No siree he had Gotham to protect tonight and that meant no alcohol and no sleeping with beautiful and talented women. Even if they did offer a foursome. Oh god, he was going to end up being celibate at the path he was on.

"Come on Bruuuuce! You can't honestly be that busy," The ginger pleaded while pouting in a sexy manner.

The brunette pulled herself close to Bruce and murmured "If you're uncomfortable with the three of us at once you can just take me home. We don't have to tell the others."

How could this get any worse? He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Speaking of rock hard things he had a serious… BAM! He crashed right into an attractive looking man who was obviously gay. He was wearing an ascot and a man purse for Pete's sake!

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to crash into you," Bruce apologized while helping the blond man off the floor.

The gay man looked up to see his helper and tightened his grip on Bruce's arm. The man's scowl turned into an appreciative smile almost instantaneously.

"Hello gorgeous, where have you been all my life?" The man said to Bruce with all the confidence in the world.

Bruce's smile fell not because a man was flirting with him (because that happened all the time). His smile fell because it reminded him of a nickname certain undesirable woman made for him.

"Zatanna, that better not be you in disguise!" He growled out and the man backed off with a laugh.

"Zatanna? I've never been a woman, love. My name's Zachariah Crowley," The man stuck his hand out and Bruce promptly shook it.

"Bruce Wayne,"

Zach's eyes suddenly sparkled with mischief, "Well Bruce, how about you ditch your lady friends for a night with someone as spellbinding as me?"

Bruce pulled back a bit stunned at the man's forwardness and awful tact, "Ummm well I hate to be the one to tell you this Zachariah but I like these ladies a bit more than I like you. No offense but I know them better."

Bruce waved goodbye with a smile and went to regroup with the trio. Unbeknownst to Bruce the man was actually a wizard of the highest order.

"No one turns me down like that! NO ONE! How dare he? Who does he think he is? Those airheads could never show him what I could! Oh, I like ladies more than you! Well you know what, maybe if you like them so much you should be one!" Zachariah paced and fumed for hours. He took a moment to gel his already perfect hair back into place.

An idea began forming in Zach's mind filling it wholly with a plan that would put that man in his place. A dark smile etched itself into Zachariah's face as he realized his next steps. He raced home and poured over his spell books like a man possessed. Finally he found the spell he was looking for. It was a dark spell but that was his specialty.

"A namow ouy yam ekil os a namow ouy lliw emoceb!" Zach muttered casting a transformation curse on the unsuspecting billionaire from miles away.

Zachariah cackled into the night sky before strutting off to the nearest gay bar. There at least someone would appreciate his talents as a strong loving man. At the same time Bruce had just arrived home and was about to go out and protect the dark city of Gotham.

Bruce walked back up the stairs that led into the BatCave and called for his trusted friend and father figure, Alfred.

"What is it Master Bruce?" Alfred asked his voice expressing his concern while his face stayed impassive.

"I feel very ill Alfred. I don't think I can go on patrol tonight." Bruce admitted leaning heavily into the frame around the antique clock.

Alfred's eyes widened in shock; the Batman never took a night off. He quickly brushed off his hesitance took one of the Batman's arms around his shoulder and led him upstairs to his room.

"Just rest Master Bruce, you must have picked something up from one of those scandalous women." Alfred said as he put Bruce into his bed.

"Amelia, Marie, and Haley don't have anything, I checked," Bruce muttered half-awake as Alfred pulled off his boots.

"I'm sure," Alfred said drolly finally tucking the blankets around the fearsome knight of Gotham city.

Alfred turned the light and paused to stare at the man he had cared for since he was in diapers. I certainly hope he is alright. Alfred thought right before he closed the door.

"And during the time I was asleep an odd transformation began…" Bruce paused in his story to gulp down a glass of water.

Terry sat across from him with a perplexed look on his face, "You pissed off Zach-a-fricken-riah? Even I know who that guy is! He's a high ranking demon!"

Bruce glared at Terry, "No one other than magic users knew of his existence at that time,"

Terry settled back into his chair a funny look suddenly crossed his face.

"Holy guacamole! You were turned into a…" Terry was suddenly interrupted by Bruce stomping his cane into Terry's little toe.

"As I was saying, I didn't notice the transformation until the next morning…"