Summary: Dinah matches wits with a town's strange denizens.

Author's Note: The Prologue is adapted from a joke Char shared with me; therefore, since the entire idea was basically her fault, I forced her to beta-read. Final note--the story is set in my 'Friends' continuity.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to DC and Time/Warner; this is an original story that doesn't intend to infringe on their copyright. Feedback is welcome.

Copyright December 2003

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Death Over Easy

By Syl Francis

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Prologue

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Sam looked up at the familiar tinkling that signaled a customer. He scowled as soon as he recognized Erbina Darcy, the mayor's wife. Erbina was the kind of customer that usually made Sam wish he'd become a truck driver. Visions of hauling out of Pleasant Hill behind the wheel of a giant rig flashed through his head.

Sam sighed and looked around at the clean, but worn counters and neatly stocked shelves of the drugstore. Like his father and grandfather before him, Sam was a pharmacist as well as 'proud' owner of the same pharmacy his father and grandfather had owned.

"Stuck behind the same counter Dad was stuck behind for almost 30 years," he muttered. He ran his hand through his hair, and immediately froze in the middle of the gesture. Unbidden, his wife's morning admonition rang in his ears...

"Sam, how many times do I gotta tell you--stop doing that! You're just calling attention to that receding hairline of yours...!"

Sam flinched at the remembered sting behind her words. All things being equal, rolling down the highway in a shiny, eighteen-wheeler was looking better and better.

"*Sam*!" Erbina's voice rang with authority.

"Yes, Erbina?" Sam replied blandly. "How may I help you this morning?"

"I need to buy some cyanide," she answered with equal dryness. "Do you happen to have any available?"

"Cyanide?" Sam looked taken aback. "Erbina Darcy what in tarnation do you need cyanide for?"

"To kill my husband, of course. Why else would I possibly need it?"

Sam stared at the mayor's wife as if she'd grown another head. Indeed, he ran a hasty visual check of her just to reassure himself that it was really Erbina Darcy standing in front of him and not one of those strange pod-people he'd heard Ol' Bob Early going on about last week over at the barber shop. You know, the kind that kidnap Earth people in order to run weird experiments on them, only to replace them with look-alike clones grown from giant pea pods in their own backyard garden.

"Well?" Erbina demanded impatiently. "Do you or don't you?"

Sam started, her words bringing him out of shock. "What--? I mean--that is...I--?"

"Oh, for heavens sake, Sam!" Erbina scolded exasperatedly. "Pull yourself together! I'm in a hurry. If you don't have any cyanide just tell me, and I'll go someplace else."

"Erbina, have you lost your mind? You know I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! I mean, he's the mayor! Besides, you know what an idiot the deputy mayor is. If something were to happen to Mayor Darcy, then the town would be faced with an even bigger problem--*Deputy* Mayor Darcy, your husband's brother!"

"I am well aware of the shortcomings of both my husband and his fool brother," Erbina acknowledged. "But don't worry. If it makes you feel any better, I could kill him, too."

"Erbina, what's gotten into you? What's all this talk about 'cyanide' and 'murder'--?"

"Now, Sam, I never said anything about 'murder'--did you hear me say 'murder'? Of course not! I said I wanted to *kill* my husband; I never said I wanted to *murder* him."

"There's a difference?" Sam asked sarcastically. Before Erbina could respond, he held up his hand and continued, "Whatever you wish to call it--killing your husband is against the law! And if *I* sell you the cyanide, knowing your intentions, then that makes me an accomplice. We'd both be thrown in jail!" He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Erbina, I just can't do it."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Sam," Erbina said quietly.

"You know that I'll have to report you to Sheriff Brown," Sam added regretfully. Erbina didn't say anything; instead, she stood and steadily held his gaze for a few minutes. At last, she arrived at a decision and reached into her pocketbook.

"I was hoping to spare you this, Sam," Erbina said solemnly, "but, well...you've given me no choice." As she spoke, Erbina pulled out a photo and handed it to Sam.

Frowning, Sam took the photo and stared at it. Blinking rapidly, he shook his head as if to clear his vision. He seemed to be having trouble focusing on the picture before him. At long last, a new and determined look came upon the normally mild-mannered pharmacist. Looking up, Sam's dark eyes met Erbina's resolute gaze.

Without another glance at the picture of Erbina's husband in bed with Sam's wife, Sam handed it back to her. "Well now, Erbina, why didn't tell me you had a prescription?"

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Four years later...

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"Welcome to Pleasant Hill--the somnolent capital of the East Coast!" Dinah chuckled tiredly as her headlights briefly illuminated the welcome sign located on the outskirts of town. According to the onboard computer, the small town was situated in the mountainous regions just inside the northern border of Gotham State. It was nestled in a small valley, hugging the shores of a manmade lake.

Dinah yawned slightly. She was returning to Gotham City after a weeklong mission in Quebec, Canada, where she'd assisted the local authorities in breaking up a Quraci terrorist cell, and was looking forward to a long night's rest. She gunned the convertible's super-turbo charged engine, and roared off towards the town limits.

"Hey, Blondie!" Barbara's familiar voice broke in. "Take it easy with the engine's rpms. My readout shows it's dangerously close to the red line. I promised Dick--"

"--You mean, you promised *Alfred!*" Dinah interrupted.

"No, I promised *Dick* that we'd return the car without a scratch. That Porsche was his sixteenth birthday present. It has real sentimental value."

"Oh? Does it hold teenaged memories of delectable female conquests?" Dinah teased. "Say...of a certain redhead?" As she said it, Dinah tossed her head, enjoying the feel of the cool night air.

"No comment," Barbara retorted. "What are you gonna do? Find a room for the night or keep driving?"

Dinah yawned again. "It's bed for me, Barb. I only hope I can find a decent room out here in the boonies."

"Here, wait a minute. Let me see what I can find..." Barbara murmured. Dinah could hear her friend and fellow covert operative on the global war on crime over their communications link. Dinah smiled as Barbara began humming unconsciously.

"Hmmm...sounds to me like someone has a hot date tonight, girlfriend."

"What?" Barbara asked distractedly.

"Never mind." Dinah shook her head. She knew that Barbara would never reveal anything personal over the comlink. She was too professional, too well trained by the 'Master of Need to Know' to ever break protocol.

"Got it!" Barbara said triumphantly. "Stay on the road you're on for another 5.2 miles, make a right on Primrose Lane--"

"You're joking?" Dinah interrupted.

"--Proceed to the four-way stop," Barbara said without pause," and make another right. This will take you onto Blueberry Hill, where you'll find--"

"Where I'll find my thrill--?" Dinah quickly sing-songed, wondering if the Great Oracle had even heard of Fats Domino.

"Of that, I've no doubt," Barbara retorted, "but more importantly, you'll find the local Bed and Breakfast. According to the Standard Travel Guide, it rates three stars and has a vacancy."

"Sounds like a winner," Dinah said. "Thanks for the tip, Barb. G'night!"

"Good night, Dinah," Barbara said warmly. "Sweet dreams."

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End of Part 1