Strange Obsessions
The pages of the book on the table turn. The words seem strangely familiar. Then realization hits him.
His brother wrote these words.
There is another book on the table. A hand, belonging to a young man, pages through the book. The page turns forward, and backward. He can barely recognize the meanings, but he knows by the focused look on the young man's face that he is comparing the words.
Is he comparing a translation? Why would he want to go through so much trouble?
Eugene looks up.
The young man is in a small room, surrounded by bookcases. Behind him is a stairway, leading out of –
The basement.
Eugene frowns and looks down at his hands.
A dream.
This is the basement. How did I get here? Out of my body?
He leaves the young man behind and goes upstairs.
The stairway leads to a bookstore. Countless of old books. Old enough he can nearly smell them.
He paces out of the store and finds himself in a dark street full of second-hand bookstores.
A headache.
His eyelids are heavy when they open in a dark room. Eugene is not in his own room. He feels warm, soft skin under his fingers. Long hair all over the pillow.
Away from his apartment in London. Far away from England.
He disentangles himself from – Eugene looks down - the girl.
Her name? He cannot remember. Not that it is important. He will leave this country within two days. That's why Eugene slips out of the bed without making any noise. He is afraid to disappoint her – see her disappointed face when she wakes up. Eugene is good at comforting the dead he never knew. Not living human beings who attach themselves very easily to him.
When Eugene leaves her apartment, he does not leave a number. He simply closes the door behind him without leaving any trace. She will forget about him too. He hopes she will. Hopefully like so many others before her.
At the age of fifteen he skips out on his first trip to Japan – he chickened out, so to speak. Eugene goes the next year. Now it is his seventh time in Japan. His brother never accompanies him. Eugene has begged him to come along on his second trip, but it was futile.
Much like his other wish.
Once upon a time he held aspirations of opening an office in Tokyo, but he did not gain any financial support, or any support – there was simply no point in doing that. Even Madoka had given up after a while.
The disappointment stings him to this day, but it cannot be helped.
Nowadays he rarely talks to his brother.
Eugene exits the building and walks into the direction of the train station.
His memories of last night are fuzzy. He remembers going to a night club with some friends, drinking some beers, chatting up to some girls, kissing a short-haired girl in a dark alleyway, ending up in a bar and getting dead drunk – Eugene narrows his eyes.
But how did he end up in bed with that long-haired girl? On the other side of town?
And the dream –
After a minute of walking he finds himself in a street with a plethora of second-hand bookstores.
Is this Jimbocho?
He has heard of Jimbocho, but never stepped a foot in the neighbourhood. He still isn't much of a reader – his brother is.
But still, there is something that attracts him to bookstores. The touch of papers. The smell of old books. It stimulates his physical senses.
He wanders into a street.
I was here last night.
He notices a quaint-looking bookstore at the corner of the street.
I know that one.
Eugene enters the bookstore.
The smell of old books instantly reach his nose. Simultaneously, his eyes are overwhelmed by the long aisles, and the bookcases reaching up to the ceiling.
Faint memories of his childhood suddenly come to mind.
When they were younger, his brother never entered secondhand bookstores. Old books tend to have a 'history of their own', whether pleasant or unpleasant. Back then he always bought new books, but nowadays he picks up a book without hesitation.
Eugene walks into one of the aisles and randomly picks a book out of the case.
There is a movement in the corner of his left eye. Something drops and makes a dull sound against a carpeted floor. Eugene looks down at the cardboard box.
"Ah. E-excuse me for this mess."
The store employee comes into his view when he kneels to pick up the fallen box. The young man wears glasses and seems to be around Eugene's age.
Eugene stares dully at him.
I've seen this guy before.
The young man cocks his head a little.
"…Can I help you with something?"
Last night. That wasn't a dream.
"Oh, uh."
Eugene scratches the back of his head and makes a sheepish smile. He has been staring for too long.
Awkward.
He probably looks a bit out of the place. A little too early on a weekday.
What time is it again?
"…No, I'm just looking around."
A small frown covers the man's face.
"Alright."
He leaves with the box. The man's curious gaze doesn't leave him until he enters the other aisle.
Eugene moves his focus to his current whereabouts. The classics. He stares down at the book in his hand.
He goes to look for the store employee in the other aisle.
"Oh um, is this a good book?"
The young man blinks at the book.
"No longer human by Dazai Osamu?"
Eugene nods.
"Hmm. It depends. – Do you like depressing works?"
"Not particularly…" Eugene says with a weak smile.
He pauses, lifting an eyebrow. Then he moves to the classics section. Eugene follows after him.
There, the young man pulls out another book out of the same row.
"…Run Melos by the same author might be a better start…"
He takes it into his hands.
"Have you read all of his works?"
"I did. I feel it was inevitable as I share the same name as the author… Well, not quite. The kanji is different."
"Your name?"
"Yasuhara Osamu. Written with the kanji for diligence."
He points at the badge on his breast pocket.
"Well, Yasuhara-san. What did you think of No Longer Human?"
"Do you mind spoilers?"
"No."
"Well… It's a good book, a classic. But I don't like reading about suicide."
Yasuhara's mouth smiles, but his eyes don't.
There's more behind it. Eugene involuntarily looks down at the carpet.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"No, it's an old story. It reminds me of a fellow student at my old high school. That's why I haven't reread it ever since…"
Eugene is taken aback by the sudden personal anecdote.
"Ah… I'm sorry about your friend."
Yasuhara shakes his hand.
"Oh no. We weren't close at all." He pauses. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. It's not like we are friends… I must be half-asleep."
He laughs it off awkwardly.
That's when Eugene notices the dark circles under his eyes.
"No, I don't mind," he says, and glances around. "…Um, I have another question. Do you have time?"
Yasuhara winks.
"I can make time for you. Ask away."
He certainly seems cheerful, Eugene thinks. He cannot help but smile back.
"What's your favorite spot in this bookstore? This shop seems rather large… I doubt I can explore it extensively."
Yasuhara's head turns somewhat to the back of the store.
"Well…"
Then he looks at the older woman at the storefront. He makes a gesture to the back.
"I'm taking him to the basement."
She nods.
Yasuhara walks to the back and Eugene follows.
"Is this okay?"
"We don't have many customers around this time. Don't worry." Yasuhara glances briefly with a questioning gaze. "By the way… Have we met before?"
Eugene almost thinks Yasuhara saw him wandering around while astral walking in the basement, but he deems it extremely unlikely.
"No. Why?"
Yasuhara leads him down a corridor of bookcases, lit by small lamps in the ceilings.
"Because you remind me of someone."
Eugene cannot help but smirk.
"…Are you hitting on me?"
Yasuhara gives him a secretive smile, not confirming Eugene's suspicions.
Well.
They enter a small room with a sofa and several couches. The walls are surrounded by bookcases once again. The lamp in the middle room remains unlit, adding to the ghostly atmosphere. Eugene is happy to stay out of the lights if it does not worsen his headache.
"This is…"
The very same room he wandered in last night.
"The international esoteric section. That's how this room is called, officially that is."
Eugene approaches a book case. It contains various books on parapsychology. He recognizes almost all the books with English titles.
"I believe you're more familiar with this."
Yasuhara holds out a book.
The System of Unexplained Phenomena.
"I watched an online lecture by Oliver Davis. It's hard to forget such a beautiful face."
Eugene chuckles.
"I'm not him."
His eyes go wide.
"You're… not?"
Eugene nods.
"I may have the same face, but I didn't write that book," he says. "I'm Eugene Davis."
It takes a few seconds for Yasuhara to process this fact, but he recovers unexpectedly quickly. He puts the book on the table.
"I see, so you're his twin brother. Well, that explains how often you smile."
"So you were hitting on me? Or technically, on my younger brother?"
Yasuhara makes a nonchalant shrug.
"The chicken or the egg?"
This is complicated.
"If you come over to England I can arrange a meeting." Eugene suggests.
"Your brother is single?"
"He's a stupid scholar. Never had a date."
"Cute."
"I think you would get along," Eugene says. "…Well, if nothing comes out of it. At least he'll have a friend his own age."
Yasuhara cups his chin with his fingers.
"…Sounds interesting."
"What about you, Yasuhara-san? Why did you watch my brother's lecture? I don't suppose it was for his looks."
"It's a long story. I won't bore you with the details."
"Please bore me. I have all the time of the world."
Eugene sits down in a plastic chair and folds a leg over the other one.
"Alright. If you say so, Davis-san."
Yasuhara starts to talk about his school and its many rules. He also mentions that he was the student council president of that school for a couple of years. Eugene cannot recognize any of his high school experiences in what Yasuhara told him. The school seemed oddly strict.
"Strange things happened at my school after a boy committed suicide. His name was… Sakauchi."
The way he takes the name into his mouth seems as if he hasn't spoken it for a long time.
Yasuhara pulls the chair from the table and sits down as well. He talks in detail about the various incidents.
"The more time passed after his suicide, the more these incidents escalated. No one could figure out the cause and how to stop it. We were frustrated. Once we did get help…." He looks Eugene straight in the eyes. "It wasn't able to prevent the death of one of our teachers. I prefer not to say how it happened, but… he truly died a gruesome death. – However, it was the very last incident."
Something is stuck in his throat.
"God …I'm sorry."
Yasuhara gives a bitter smile.
"At the time of the teacher's death, I was suddenly reminded of Sakauchi… I suppose my intuition told me that it had to do with Sakauchi. It was just an inkling, but it still didn't sit well with me."
Eugene frowns.
"Did it have something to do with the teacher?"
"Yes …After Sakauchi died he left a suicide note. It said 'I'm not a dog'."
"I'm not a dog?"
"That teacher… treated him like a… dog." Yasuhara looks very uneasy at mentioning this. "All of us, actually."
"What? Didn't anyone do anything stop that teacher?"
"…All the adults in our school sided with him." Yasuhara stares down at the floor. "Even after the suicide, the principal didn't send the teacher away."
"That's awful."
"For that reason I thought that Sakauchi was behind it –"
"No, that's—" Eugene blurts out in spite of himself and stops himself. Bad habit, he thinks. A certain person's approach has crept in.
Yasuhara blinks at him.
"Huh?"
Eugene awkwardly adds, "…That's not enough proof." Then he explains the reason behind his sudden outburst, "It could have been caused by someone else. Sakauchi couldn't have been the only one with a grudge. Or perhaps that teacher happened to be in the wrong place and wrong time."
"You think so?"
The tone of his voice changes. Yasuhara sounds oddly sure of himself.
Proof. He has proof.
"Do you want to know how he died?"
Eugene opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. He closes it again and nods.
"The hallway was filled with students. That teacher walked among them, and then…" Yasuhara talks slowly, as if every word had to be fully absorbed. "a giant dog materialized out of nowhere…" Eugene feels a chill running down his spine. "…and ripped him apart."
Yasuhara takes this moment to look away from him. He shifts his gaze to the book on the table.
"His body was rendered beyond recognition. Blood… and innards all over the place. In addition, many students got injured."
His hand moves and rolls up the sleeve of his arm, and to Eugene's horror, Yasuhara shows a large scar running from his hand to his upper arm.
"…You saw it happen?" Eugene's mouth goes dry. He does not want to believe this.
Yasuhara pulls the sleeve down quickly again. His stare never leaves the book.
"Most students were injured by the broken glass."
He stands up and takes the book into his hand.
Then he looks down at Eugene and smiles.
"But I'm fine now, really."
Eugene puts his folded leg back down and places a hand against his forehead. He feels another painful headache coming.
No way. There's no way you would be.
"So I investigated the situation from the bottom up. The more I researched, the more it pointed to Sakauchi. …and honestly, I didn't want to believe it. It would make him a murderer." At this point, Yasuhara walks around him. Eugene turns his head to follow him with his gaze. "I visited Sakauchi's family shortly after I graduated. I felt that it would clear up any of my suspicions."
He stops in front of a bookcase with Japanese books, then slowly strokes the book spines horizontally with his fingers.
"It didn't."
Yasuhara stops his fingers at one book. He drops his hand and looks down at the floor.
"I found a notebook detailing the plan which would be carried out after his death… The plan would be enacted by all the students who unknowingly partook in a certain… ritual. …I, myself, included."
"Ritual?"
"We called it Orikiri-sama, but you might be more familiar with Kokkuri-san? It's the same concept."
Eugene nods. "I've heard of it."
Yasuhara continues.
"I was at a loss. I couldn't tell anyone. Especially not his family. They didn't know what to do with his books. Sakauchi was obsessed with this. They thought of it as a strange obsession, and considered throwing the books out. It only brought them sadness. But… I intervened. I took everything… Out of sheer morbid curiosity. The more I read, the more it turned into a personal obsession, my own strange obsession." Yasuhara moves away from the bookcase and returns to the chair. Then he continues in a light-hearted tone. "You see, the woman at the storefront is a relative. She offered this space to store these books in exchange for some help in the mornings. No one buys them of course."
Yasuhara shrugs nonchalantly.
All Eugene can do is stare with dazed eyes.
"I'm sorry."
He smiles.
"Don't be. Thank you for listening."
Tears start to form in Eugene's eyes. If only…
Yasuhara opens the book and turns the pages as if it was a therapeutic exercise.
"In my second year of university I met a professor who specialized in parapsychology. His name was Hashigami. He recommended your brother's theses. We had long discussions on parapsychology and whatnot, and eventually he told me that he was invited to one of Oliver Davis' exclusive online lectures. Hashigami-sensei asked me if I was interested in registering for a lecture at his recommendation. I jumped at the chance, of course." An embarrassed smile crossed Yasuhara's expression. "Never would have guessed he would be around my age."
"I see." Eugene smirks a little. He feels somewhat relieved to see the genuine smile on Yasuhara's face.
"Let's talk about you. What brings you here? How did you know…?"
Eugene has no idea how to answer this.
"Chance?"
Yasuhara lifts an eyebrow and walks over to him. He looks down at his neck.
"Then what about this bruise."
Eugene reaches his hand up to his neck. Shit. He forgot to look in the mirror. He laughs a little out of embarrassment.
"I ended up around here somehow last night."
Yasuhara looks amused.
"A girl?"
Eugene smirks suggestively.
"…Maybe?"
"Hmm."
Yasuhara gives him a long pensive look, then turns around and tears a piece of paper from a post-it note stack. He scribbles on the paper with a blue pen, and gives it to Eugene.
"Let's have a drink next time," he says with a wink. "I know a good place."
Eugene stares down at the post-it. It has Yasuhara's name, email and phone number on it.
"I'm going upstairs. The owner must be wondering what I'm doing here."
"Oh, sure."
They take the staircase back to the bookstore's main area. The mood is considerably different from the basement. More people roam the aisles, looking for books or reading while standing.
"What about Run Melos? Why that one in particular?" Eugene says as he walks with Yasuhara to the counter.
"I really like that one. It's a tale about unwavering friendship."
"I'll take that one then."
Author's note
A very light attempt at Eugene/Yasuhara with some one-sided Yasuhara/Naru. I hope you enjoyed it!
I wrote this in response to a prompt for the Ghost Hunt Prompt Meme Challenge 2: Obscure Emotions on AO3. See my profile for more information on these challenges.
The prompt was:
Vellichor
n. the strange wistfulness of used bookstores, which are somehow infused with the passage of time—filled with thousands of old books you'll never have time to read, each of which is itself locked in its own era, bound and dated and papered over like an old room the author abandoned years ago, a hidden annex littered with thoughts left just as they were on the day they were captured.