Authors Special Note: Well hello there. This is our first time ever writing a story, so dont be too hard on us. Ah yes, in case you were wondering, we are a collaboration of Cy, Katie, and Lisa. I (Katie) started to write this, and Cy joined in, and Lisa edited and thought of our special group name! So, I hope you all enjoy. And this story is written in the form of a play, because thats just how we write back and forth to each other, and we didnt want to change it. Tell us if you like it! (Gary Winston is a character from Antitrustdo me a favor and dont ask.)
Disclaimer: We do not own Lord of the Rings, or Twist-a-braid, or Dorf or anything else we mentioned that is not ours.
LORD OF THE TWIST A BRAID
All of the troubles began with a great war. Good vs. Evil, and so on and so forth. It all came down to one fight. Isildur against Sauron.
Sauron: (Ready to strike Isildur)
Isildur: (Chops of Sauron's fingers)
Sauron: Ahhhhhhh! (Tries to flick Isildur off, but realizes he's missing his finger) Damn you!
Isildur: (Stabs Sauron again and steals the ring, then runs away laughing)
Sauron: (Falls slowly and explodes)
After the making of their first movie, the characters from The Fellowship of the Ring joined together once again on a talk show hosted by Dorf McLisa, the greatest talk show host ever. That is how their second journey began...
Dorf: Well hullo folks! M'name's Dorf McLisa, and today, we have a very special panel of guests from Middly Earth. We have here today, Frodo Baggins...
Frodo: Hello.
Dorf: Samwise Gamgee...
Sam: (staring at Frodo)
Dorf: I said, Samwise Gamgee!
Sam: Huh? What? Oh, er-hello!
Dorf: Legolas...
Legolas: (merely smiles, causing Lisa and Katie to melt into a puddle of goo, therefore becoming goo monsters known to the rest of you as orcs)
Dorf: Gimli...
Gimli: Is my beard braid coming undone?
Legolas: You should get a twist-a-braid. I use mine all the time.
Gimli: Twist-a-braid, eh?
Dorf: Ahem! Also, Aragorn and Boromir.
Aragorn: Hello all!
Boromir: I have multiple personalities.
Dorf: Okay then.
Sam: Uh, Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: Yes, Sam?
Boromir: Is there something you'd like to share with us Sam?
Sam: Mr. Frodo, I love you!
Frodo: (Screams and runs away)
Aragorn: I knew there was something a little different about that one!
Sam: (Chases Frodo) Mr. Frodo! Wait!
Gimli: Lemme see this twist-a-braid contraption.
Legolas: (Pulls it out of this quiver)
All: Oooh!!! Ahhhh!!!
Legolas: (Slowly takes a piece of hair into the twist-a-braid and presses the button and the hair is braided in record time!)
Gimli: Lemme see that!
Legolas: (Entranced) No...I found it at Wal-Mart...it's my own...it's my precious!
Gandalf: (Runs in) Noooooo!
All: (Look in amazement)
Gandalf: Oh, come on people! You didn't think I really died!
Boromir: I died!
Aragorn: Why are you even here?
Boromir: I have connections...I am really...Boromir! Son of Gary!
Aragorn: G-Gary Winston?
Dorf: Me ol' friend Gary!
Boromir: Insanity runs through my veins.
Gimli: (To Legolas) Hand over the twist-a-braid, pretty boy!
Legolas: Never!
(Entire room erupts in a huge fight)
Gandalf: Stop!
(All stop)
Gandalf: The twist-a-braid must be taken to the place it was forged! Only there can it be destroyed!
Legolas: (Studies twist-a-braid) Made...in...China...
Gimli: But who will take it?
Gandalf: Only one with hair too short to be braided.
(Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, and Aragorn all shrug, then look over at Sam and Frodo)
Frodo: Get away from me you dirty little-
Gandalf: SILENCE!
(Sam and Frodo stop)
Gandalf: (Kicks Sam out the door) This is a secret meeting! You weren't invited! (Slams the door in Sam's face)
Frodo: Thank you Gandalf.
Gandalf: No problem. But...
Frodo: Yes?
Gandalf: You must take the twist-a-braid to China, in Easterny Earth, the place where most plastic products are made. There, you must toss it into the great vat of liquid-hot pink plastic, and rid us of its evil forever!
Frodo: C-Can't you take it, Gandalf?
Gandalf: My hair is too long. Even my power can't resist the temptation to braid!
Frodo: I wish the twist-a-braid had never come to me.
Gandalf: Don't worry. They'll go with you, right guys?
(Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, and Legolas look around the room whistling)
Gandalf: RIGHT guys?
Guys: Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Gandalf: You must go now, before the braid wraiths come for you! They are dressed as riders in black, but their hair is unnaturally long! Now, GO! I'll meet you at Elfworld! Middly Earth's only elf themed amusement park! Now, be off!
(Gandalf and the group part and run off in different directions)
Dorf: Well...I s'pose that's all fer now...
Sam: (Runs in) MR. FRODO!! Dorf, where is Mr. Frodo?
Dorf: Well...
Sam: (Runs out the door) Mr. Frodo! Wait!
MEANWHILE, THE BRAID WRAITHS ARE ON THE LOOSE...
(The braid wraiths are riding through the forest when one of the horse's trips on his rider's incredibly long hair)
Horse: (Chokes and coughs)...twist-a-braid...Baggins!
Rider: (Screeches annoyingly loud, jumps onto another horse and follows the rest of the wraiths to Dorf's TV studio)
GANDALF'S ADVENTURES BEGIN...
Gandalf: I have come to seek your advice.
Saruman: (Pulls out magic 8 ball) Don't worry, the 8 ball never lies.
Gandalf: (Covers 8 ball) We don't know how many 8 balls are left. We shouldn't use it. (Notices something in Saruman's hair) Is that a-a braid?
Saruman: Gandalf, join the forces of evil! Free braiding!
Gandalf: (Pauses to think) Well...maybe I could just do one braid... (Comes to realization) NO! It is evil! (Runs for the door, but two guards close it, then tries every single other door, regardless of the fact that the first one closed and Saruman most likely won't let him out the other doors) Saruman! (Points magic stick at him)
Saruman: (Face turns like has just been slapped)
Guard 1: Bitch slap!
Saruman: For that you will pay dearly! (Points his own stick at Gandalf, sending him flying across the room)
Guard 2: Catfight!
Guard 1: My money's on Gandalf.
Guard 2: I'll take that bet. $50 on Saruman.
(Tue guards shake hands and watch the fight unfold)
Saruman: (Sends Gandalf flying into the roof)
(On roof)
Gandalf: You'll never win, Saruman!
Saruman: This is your last chance! Join Sauron's forces or face the consequences! (Points stick at Gandalf)
Gandalf: (Looks to the sky and notices a passing hang glider which he hijacks and rides to freedom)
Saruman: Noooooooooooo!!!!
LATER...
The group meets Gandalf in Moria...
Gandalf: Ah, Look. The pretty door of Moria that gets shiny when the moon is out.
Frodo: Dammit Sam, get your grubby paws off me!
Sam: But-but-
Frodo: *SMACK!*
Sam: *THUMP*
Frodo: Eh, Gandalf, what does all that funny scribbley stuff say?
Gandalf: It's written in the fair language (elf) and It says "Welcome To The Mines of Moria, Where Any Shiny Stuff is 50% off! Speak Buddy and enter"
Gimli: Well, can you figure it out Gandalf?
Gandalf: Of course I can! Im a wizard who just got bashed around by my *Superior* And suffered severe brain damage! PLUS, THIS HOBBIT IS HOLDING THE ONE THING THAT TEMPTS ME THE MOST!!!
All: *Gasp!*
Gandalf: But thats another story.
Frodo: Crikey Gandalf! Its a RIDDLE!
Aragorn: Ok Sam... Sam? I say, get up boy. Get rid of your horse!
Sam: *Blank Look*
Aragorn: Sam! DITCH THE PONY!
Sam: *Stares* Bacon?
Aragorn: RRGGHH! *Cuts the pony loose* Get off with ya'!
Sam: Oh! The PONY!!
Pippin: *Chuckin rocks into black gooey water like any typical moron* AHHH!!!
(Giant Gooey monster thingy rises up)
Pippin: Uh-oh! ITS! ITS GRANNY!!! AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!!
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE DOOR
Frodo: Gandalf, what's the pretty boy word for buddy?
Gandalf: Why its Binshwaggle of course! *Loud commanding groan* BINSHWAGGLE!
(Doors creak open and everyone gets up, except Gimli, who trips over his extremely long beard)
Pippin: AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!
All: Hey look! The hobbit guy found something!
Legolas: Should we save him?
Boromir: Nah, it wouldn't be much of a PARODY if we did.
Aragorn: Very well then. So long Pip!
Pippin: NO!!! NOT... THE CHEEK PINCH!!!AAAHHH!!!!
(Granny smashes door into rubble which means....No Way Out.)
Gandalf: Everyone! We are in the showroom of Moria. Whatever you do, do not make a sound, and dont touch anything shiny. If you do, the goo monsters/orcs/saleswomen formerly known as Lisa and Katie will crawl out of little holes all over the place and will attempt to make you....Buy it!
Everyone minus a Gandalf: *GASP!*
Gandalf: Now, I will plug in my 100 watt crystal flashlight and drag a few miles worth of extension cord behind me, cause all this magic is just gibberish.
Gimli: Now you all will experience the true greatness of the Dwarves! (aka Braided Bearded Folk)
Legolas: This isnt a showroom! Its a dead people house!!!
Everyone except Gimli: (Prolonged and Feminine-like) EEEWWWWWWWWWW
Gimli: *whimpers like a baby* Me doggy! Me ol' Woof Woof!! WWAAAHHHH!!!!
Boromir: Shame, you pudgy man! You've got a beard the size of Manhattan! Why should you be scared?
Gimli: You're right Bor ol' pal. Just let me have a braid or two...
Frodo: Never! Even a beard as big, no, gargantuan, no no, Enormousgigantificationisly HUGE-O-RAMA as yours cannot force me to use the twist-a-braid...
Gandalf: Enough! Onward through the Showroom! And dont touch anything! You touch=you buy!
The group trudges along, forced to slap each other when they started to reach for something shiny, and the quest continues. Little do they know, evil is following them. One who apparently wants the twist-a-braid for himself
After an hour or two of walking around aimlessly, the fellowship finds themselves lost.
Frodo: (Notices a deranged looking black horse walking around the cave and falling repeatedly) (Runs to Gandalf) Gandalf! Somethings down there!
Gandalf: That is the horse of a braid wraith. As a colt, his mane and tail were always braided. He hates and loves the twist-a-braid, just like he hates and loves himself.
Frodo: Suuuuure
And that is all we have for now. It might be the end. Or maybe a sequel. Im not quite sure. Please review and tell us if you want a sequel or not! Thanks for reading! Oh yes, and I can sell ANYTHING! (In reference to Cys part about me being a saleswoman)
Disclaimer: We do not own Lord of the Rings, or Twist-a-braid, or Dorf or anything else we mentioned that is not ours.
LORD OF THE TWIST A BRAID
All of the troubles began with a great war. Good vs. Evil, and so on and so forth. It all came down to one fight. Isildur against Sauron.
Sauron: (Ready to strike Isildur)
Isildur: (Chops of Sauron's fingers)
Sauron: Ahhhhhhh! (Tries to flick Isildur off, but realizes he's missing his finger) Damn you!
Isildur: (Stabs Sauron again and steals the ring, then runs away laughing)
Sauron: (Falls slowly and explodes)
After the making of their first movie, the characters from The Fellowship of the Ring joined together once again on a talk show hosted by Dorf McLisa, the greatest talk show host ever. That is how their second journey began...
Dorf: Well hullo folks! M'name's Dorf McLisa, and today, we have a very special panel of guests from Middly Earth. We have here today, Frodo Baggins...
Frodo: Hello.
Dorf: Samwise Gamgee...
Sam: (staring at Frodo)
Dorf: I said, Samwise Gamgee!
Sam: Huh? What? Oh, er-hello!
Dorf: Legolas...
Legolas: (merely smiles, causing Lisa and Katie to melt into a puddle of goo, therefore becoming goo monsters known to the rest of you as orcs)
Dorf: Gimli...
Gimli: Is my beard braid coming undone?
Legolas: You should get a twist-a-braid. I use mine all the time.
Gimli: Twist-a-braid, eh?
Dorf: Ahem! Also, Aragorn and Boromir.
Aragorn: Hello all!
Boromir: I have multiple personalities.
Dorf: Okay then.
Sam: Uh, Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: Yes, Sam?
Boromir: Is there something you'd like to share with us Sam?
Sam: Mr. Frodo, I love you!
Frodo: (Screams and runs away)
Aragorn: I knew there was something a little different about that one!
Sam: (Chases Frodo) Mr. Frodo! Wait!
Gimli: Lemme see this twist-a-braid contraption.
Legolas: (Pulls it out of this quiver)
All: Oooh!!! Ahhhh!!!
Legolas: (Slowly takes a piece of hair into the twist-a-braid and presses the button and the hair is braided in record time!)
Gimli: Lemme see that!
Legolas: (Entranced) No...I found it at Wal-Mart...it's my own...it's my precious!
Gandalf: (Runs in) Noooooo!
All: (Look in amazement)
Gandalf: Oh, come on people! You didn't think I really died!
Boromir: I died!
Aragorn: Why are you even here?
Boromir: I have connections...I am really...Boromir! Son of Gary!
Aragorn: G-Gary Winston?
Dorf: Me ol' friend Gary!
Boromir: Insanity runs through my veins.
Gimli: (To Legolas) Hand over the twist-a-braid, pretty boy!
Legolas: Never!
(Entire room erupts in a huge fight)
Gandalf: Stop!
(All stop)
Gandalf: The twist-a-braid must be taken to the place it was forged! Only there can it be destroyed!
Legolas: (Studies twist-a-braid) Made...in...China...
Gimli: But who will take it?
Gandalf: Only one with hair too short to be braided.
(Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, and Aragorn all shrug, then look over at Sam and Frodo)
Frodo: Get away from me you dirty little-
Gandalf: SILENCE!
(Sam and Frodo stop)
Gandalf: (Kicks Sam out the door) This is a secret meeting! You weren't invited! (Slams the door in Sam's face)
Frodo: Thank you Gandalf.
Gandalf: No problem. But...
Frodo: Yes?
Gandalf: You must take the twist-a-braid to China, in Easterny Earth, the place where most plastic products are made. There, you must toss it into the great vat of liquid-hot pink plastic, and rid us of its evil forever!
Frodo: C-Can't you take it, Gandalf?
Gandalf: My hair is too long. Even my power can't resist the temptation to braid!
Frodo: I wish the twist-a-braid had never come to me.
Gandalf: Don't worry. They'll go with you, right guys?
(Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, and Legolas look around the room whistling)
Gandalf: RIGHT guys?
Guys: Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Gandalf: You must go now, before the braid wraiths come for you! They are dressed as riders in black, but their hair is unnaturally long! Now, GO! I'll meet you at Elfworld! Middly Earth's only elf themed amusement park! Now, be off!
(Gandalf and the group part and run off in different directions)
Dorf: Well...I s'pose that's all fer now...
Sam: (Runs in) MR. FRODO!! Dorf, where is Mr. Frodo?
Dorf: Well...
Sam: (Runs out the door) Mr. Frodo! Wait!
MEANWHILE, THE BRAID WRAITHS ARE ON THE LOOSE...
(The braid wraiths are riding through the forest when one of the horse's trips on his rider's incredibly long hair)
Horse: (Chokes and coughs)...twist-a-braid...Baggins!
Rider: (Screeches annoyingly loud, jumps onto another horse and follows the rest of the wraiths to Dorf's TV studio)
GANDALF'S ADVENTURES BEGIN...
Gandalf: I have come to seek your advice.
Saruman: (Pulls out magic 8 ball) Don't worry, the 8 ball never lies.
Gandalf: (Covers 8 ball) We don't know how many 8 balls are left. We shouldn't use it. (Notices something in Saruman's hair) Is that a-a braid?
Saruman: Gandalf, join the forces of evil! Free braiding!
Gandalf: (Pauses to think) Well...maybe I could just do one braid... (Comes to realization) NO! It is evil! (Runs for the door, but two guards close it, then tries every single other door, regardless of the fact that the first one closed and Saruman most likely won't let him out the other doors) Saruman! (Points magic stick at him)
Saruman: (Face turns like has just been slapped)
Guard 1: Bitch slap!
Saruman: For that you will pay dearly! (Points his own stick at Gandalf, sending him flying across the room)
Guard 2: Catfight!
Guard 1: My money's on Gandalf.
Guard 2: I'll take that bet. $50 on Saruman.
(Tue guards shake hands and watch the fight unfold)
Saruman: (Sends Gandalf flying into the roof)
(On roof)
Gandalf: You'll never win, Saruman!
Saruman: This is your last chance! Join Sauron's forces or face the consequences! (Points stick at Gandalf)
Gandalf: (Looks to the sky and notices a passing hang glider which he hijacks and rides to freedom)
Saruman: Noooooooooooo!!!!
LATER...
The group meets Gandalf in Moria...
Gandalf: Ah, Look. The pretty door of Moria that gets shiny when the moon is out.
Frodo: Dammit Sam, get your grubby paws off me!
Sam: But-but-
Frodo: *SMACK!*
Sam: *THUMP*
Frodo: Eh, Gandalf, what does all that funny scribbley stuff say?
Gandalf: It's written in the fair language (elf) and It says "Welcome To The Mines of Moria, Where Any Shiny Stuff is 50% off! Speak Buddy and enter"
Gimli: Well, can you figure it out Gandalf?
Gandalf: Of course I can! Im a wizard who just got bashed around by my *Superior* And suffered severe brain damage! PLUS, THIS HOBBIT IS HOLDING THE ONE THING THAT TEMPTS ME THE MOST!!!
All: *Gasp!*
Gandalf: But thats another story.
Frodo: Crikey Gandalf! Its a RIDDLE!
Aragorn: Ok Sam... Sam? I say, get up boy. Get rid of your horse!
Sam: *Blank Look*
Aragorn: Sam! DITCH THE PONY!
Sam: *Stares* Bacon?
Aragorn: RRGGHH! *Cuts the pony loose* Get off with ya'!
Sam: Oh! The PONY!!
Pippin: *Chuckin rocks into black gooey water like any typical moron* AHHH!!!
(Giant Gooey monster thingy rises up)
Pippin: Uh-oh! ITS! ITS GRANNY!!! AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!!
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE DOOR
Frodo: Gandalf, what's the pretty boy word for buddy?
Gandalf: Why its Binshwaggle of course! *Loud commanding groan* BINSHWAGGLE!
(Doors creak open and everyone gets up, except Gimli, who trips over his extremely long beard)
Pippin: AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!
All: Hey look! The hobbit guy found something!
Legolas: Should we save him?
Boromir: Nah, it wouldn't be much of a PARODY if we did.
Aragorn: Very well then. So long Pip!
Pippin: NO!!! NOT... THE CHEEK PINCH!!!AAAHHH!!!!
(Granny smashes door into rubble which means....No Way Out.)
Gandalf: Everyone! We are in the showroom of Moria. Whatever you do, do not make a sound, and dont touch anything shiny. If you do, the goo monsters/orcs/saleswomen formerly known as Lisa and Katie will crawl out of little holes all over the place and will attempt to make you....Buy it!
Everyone minus a Gandalf: *GASP!*
Gandalf: Now, I will plug in my 100 watt crystal flashlight and drag a few miles worth of extension cord behind me, cause all this magic is just gibberish.
Gimli: Now you all will experience the true greatness of the Dwarves! (aka Braided Bearded Folk)
Legolas: This isnt a showroom! Its a dead people house!!!
Everyone except Gimli: (Prolonged and Feminine-like) EEEWWWWWWWWWW
Gimli: *whimpers like a baby* Me doggy! Me ol' Woof Woof!! WWAAAHHHH!!!!
Boromir: Shame, you pudgy man! You've got a beard the size of Manhattan! Why should you be scared?
Gimli: You're right Bor ol' pal. Just let me have a braid or two...
Frodo: Never! Even a beard as big, no, gargantuan, no no, Enormousgigantificationisly HUGE-O-RAMA as yours cannot force me to use the twist-a-braid...
Gandalf: Enough! Onward through the Showroom! And dont touch anything! You touch=you buy!
The group trudges along, forced to slap each other when they started to reach for something shiny, and the quest continues. Little do they know, evil is following them. One who apparently wants the twist-a-braid for himself
After an hour or two of walking around aimlessly, the fellowship finds themselves lost.
Frodo: (Notices a deranged looking black horse walking around the cave and falling repeatedly) (Runs to Gandalf) Gandalf! Somethings down there!
Gandalf: That is the horse of a braid wraith. As a colt, his mane and tail were always braided. He hates and loves the twist-a-braid, just like he hates and loves himself.
Frodo: Suuuuure
And that is all we have for now. It might be the end. Or maybe a sequel. Im not quite sure. Please review and tell us if you want a sequel or not! Thanks for reading! Oh yes, and I can sell ANYTHING! (In reference to Cys part about me being a saleswoman)