Took me years to come into this fandom and I'm ashamed, but better late than never! I just caught up with the anime, but I'm not caught up with the manga at the time I wrote and posted this, so my apologies if there are any inconsistencies. This takes place somewhere after they've gotten nicer to one another I guess around chapter 10 or so?
Disclaimer: I do not own Citrus.
Yours
It had been a fairly normal day in the Aihara household. Meaning nothing bad or particularly stressful had happened for once. And as far as Yuzu was concerned, no events was better than bad events.
Of course things were still as pleasantly awkward as ever in hers and Mei's bedroom. There was still a mutual confusion about what exactly was going on between them, what kind of things they should be allowing or avoiding.
But there was at least one thing they'd started getting accustomed to doing every night before bed.
A kiss. Just a small one.
It wasn't like the other kisses they might've shared and stolen during more dramatic moments. Their bedtime kisses were always soft and shy and brief.
Tonight's is no different.
With the lights off and the room shrouded in blue-tinged shadows, Yuzu closes her eyes and leans forward until she can feel Mei's breath tickling her chin. Neither of them really initiate more than the other does. But somewhere along the lines their lips bump together and stay that way.
No matter how many times they've done it, it still has Yuzu's heart racing. And she can tell by the faint trembling from Mei that her heart is much the same, in spite of the fact that she never shows it.
Yuzu is grateful for the shadows because they conceal the blush she knows is blossoming across her cheeks as the seconds pass by.
And then as quickly and wonderfully as it had began, it ends with more than a little regret. But they feel doing anything more would be risky, especially in bed together.
So they accept the end of this kiss just like all the others, easing apart as their eyes flick down to the bedsheets. Yuzu takes her usual cue and speaks first.
"G-Goodnight, Mei."
And before she can even meet her eyes one last time, Mei is turning around to give Yuzu her back.
"Goodnight."
Yuzu strains to catch her gaze, but there's nothing. Just the fleeting flutter of lashes against pale skin, then the dark cascade of hair falling down her shoulders as she lies herself down.
As always, Mei composes – or seems to compose – herself right away.
But Yuzu remains sitting up for a moment longer, hands clutching her heated face and her chest respectively. Her heart is still racing as if it were the first kiss all over again, and her face is equally as hot.
Come on! We've done this so many times now! Why am I still reacting like this...?
It takes her a moment to catch her breath again, swallowing back the little whimpers and other weird noises.
If this keeps up even with how frequently we're doing it... I'm going to have a problem. My heart can't take this...
She waits for a moment longer, sitting there, watching Mei as she falls asleep. The faint rise and fall of her shoulder and side, the almost inaudible rush of air as she breathes...
Once again, Yuzu is consumed with the overwhelming urge to be close to her, to wrap Mei in her arms and hold on until morning. But she just doesn't know if it's something Mei would want yet. Or if it will ever be something she'll want.
Ah, geez! I'm getting all depressed before bed again! I wish I could just shut off my stupid mind and go to bed!
She buries her face in her hands for a moment and lets out a sound somewhere between a sigh and a groan.
At last she peels the covers down on her side of the bed and slips herself underneath. As always the sheets are cool on this half, but just a few inches over toward Mei there's a comfortable warmth, one Yuzu is perpetually seeking, be it consciously or not.
There have been several instances where she's woken and found herself curled up close to Mei. It always serves to make a consternated morning.
She plops herself down onto the mattress and deflates into the pillow, closing her eyes and begging sleep to take her quickly tonight before her mind can wander further. Being still and quiet like this now, she can feel her heart thumping all too easily. And just thinking about Mei right there beside her, so distant and lonely-
No no no! Why can't I ever control myself?! Yuzu rolls herself over to face the window, trying to keep as far away from Mei as possible. That's what she wants, isn't it...?
Another sigh. It's always very disillusioning when she reminds herself of the reality. That the kisses they share probably mean next to nothing in Mei's perspective. But with how desperate Yuzu is, she'll take whatever she can get.
She just has to keep hoping that maybe one day something will change in Mei. Maybe one day the kisses will mean as much to her as they do to Yuzu.
The melancholy thoughts take hold of her mind and drag her down. She closes her eyes and tries to give in to sleep, waiting for it to pull her under.
But every time she gets near unconsciousness something brings her back up – a numbness in her side that forces her to move, an itch on her cheek that makes her scratch. She can already tell it's going to be another one of those restless nights, even though there isn't anything in particular she needs to stress about for once, other than the general stress she feels around Mei.
I'm such a mess...
She opens her eyes to the bedside clock and finds it's already past midnight. At this point she just has to hope her body gets so tired it passes out, because inviting sleep the normal way isn't working.
Her right side has grown numb once again, so she rolls herself around to face the other side. Mei still hasn't budged, which is typical for her. She usually lies down and is asleep in seconds.
I'm jealous. Though I guess I really shouldn't be. The fact that she falls asleep right away means she works herself so hard every day her body craves a rest as soon as it can get it.
Yuzu finds her thoughts once again on Mei, fretting about her health and what she could do to help her in any way she can. Her eyes trace the outline of Mei's form, the dip of her side beneath the blanket up to the rise of her shoulder, then the pool of jet-black tresses swirling onto her pillow.
Yuzu just stares for a moment and lets out another sigh.
I'm the worst. I'm so doomed...
She's just about to close her eyes and try to sleep again when a tiny sound reaches her ears. It's a sound she's heard before, only once, but she knows exactly what it means. A thin, scared little breath from Mei, one that trembles on its way out.
Yuzu is on high alert instantly, pushing herself up onto her elbow.
"Mei?"
Her voice is soft but tense in the quiet room. But it doesn't rouse Mei.
Yuzu clamps her mouth shut and waits.
Maybe it was just a fluke. Maybe she's all right now.
She waits, resisting the overwhelming need to reach out for her and touch her shoulder, to pull her into a hug, to let her know she's safe...
Yuzu scans her form, and she's able to tell that the consistent rise and fall of Mei's side has quickened. And then another scared little moan.
No, no, not again!
Yuzu can't hold herself back anymore. She can't. Not when she's this worried about her.
"Mei...?"
She whispers for her, inching closer. She leans over her just a little, just enough to see her face. Mei's expression seems neutral in her slumber, but her brow is furrowed a little. Yuzu swallows hard and dares to rest a hand on her upturned side, and she's shocked to find her shaking.
"Mei!"
But still, she doesn't wake.
Yuzu is utterly compromised once again. She wants to wake her, but also let her rest. She wants to comfort her, but knows she shouldn't touch her.
At the very least there doesn't seem to be any tears this time.
Yuzu stays still for a moment, keeping her hand on Mei's side, feeling the way her body trembles on every exhale. The concern she feels is all-consuming, to the point where it's almost turning into fear.
Any other night she would leave Mei be. But not when she's suffering like this. She just can't leave her. She can't.
And yet Yuzu can't help but feel she's using Mei's fragile situation as an excuse to touch her. She feels so wretched.
I just want to help her...
She reminds herself over and over this is the truth. But some part of her always feels she's taking advantage of the situation – of Mei.
Thinking like that, mixed with the prickling concern for Mei, brings a rush of emotion swelling up behind Yuzu's eyes. She feels the wetness brimming, but doesn't let any tears fall.
I'll protect her. I'll do whatever I can. It doesn't matter how I feel. I just have to keep her safe.
So she lies herself down on her side facing Mei now, carefully slipping one arm beneath her body and the other over her exposed side. She doesn't want to wake her, just perhaps provide enough comfort that might make Mei feel subconsciously secure enough to calm down again.
Yuzu wraps the girl in a loose embrace, then gradually inches closer. She bows her head against the nape of Mei's neck, breathing in the scent of her hair and berry-scented shampoo. Her chest presses against Mei's back, and an instant warmth floods Yuzu's body. If the situation had been different it really would have been so nice.
But pressed close as she is now, she can feel Mei's trembling for herself. She's shaking from her core, from the inside out, something more severe than a simple chill from the raw air of the room. It's quiet but violent.
And her heart...
Yuzu can feel her heartbeat even through her back. It's hammering fast and hard, pulses that are causing her body to shudder even more.
The dread that claws through Yuzu is almost nauseating. The last time Mei had suffered a nightmare it hadn't been anywhere near this bad. She'd just been upset about her father.
But this seems entirely different. She's trapped somewhere dark and terrifying.
Yuzu gulps, trying to get ahold of herself.
I have to help her. I have to be strong for her...
If she lets herself get scared too, then that fear would only transfer to Mei and heighten her harmful emotions. So Yuzu draws in a deep breath and gently tightens her hold around her.
"It's okay," she murmurs, taking care not to breathe directly onto her sensitive ears. She curls her arms a little more tightly around Mei's stomach and sides, pressing her hand over her chest, directly over her heart. It's still beating frantically, still sending shockwaves through her body.
Yuzu bites her lip. It's difficult not to let the fear take hold.
"It's okay," she whispers again. She moves her hands just a little bit, applying a firm pressure over Mei's chest, trying to assuage the pain. She curls closer to her back, nuzzling into her hair, begging her to just be okay. "Please... Mei..."
But then she hears the whimpers. The sign that things have gone too far. Mei's body jolts in Yuzu's arms, and she knows she's crying now. Her plan of comforting her in her sleep has failed. She has no choice but to wake her now.
"Mei!" Yuzu raises her voice as she sits herself up partially, still holding Mei however she can. "Mei, wake up! Please..."
And at last the sound of her voice draws Mei out of her nightmare. Her eyes fly open, a strangled gasp hitching in her throat. She coughs, curling in on herself. Yuzu gently pushes her onto her back and hovers over her in a fluster.
"Mei! I-It's okay! You were just having a bad dream."
As she looks her over, disheveled and breathless beneath her, Yuzu is filled with anguish in knowing she'd failed her.
But the terror in Mei's eyes is the absolute worst. When she tries to speak, her voice is choked and thin.
"Y... Yuzu..."
Yuzu feels her heart clench. She just wants to lie on top of her and hug her so badly. But at least now Mei is awake so she can calm down.
Yuzu looks to the side, not even realizing it when a tear drips down her own cheek.
"S-Sorry... I was trying not to wake you, b-but-"
"Yuzu-!"
Mei cuts her off with a sob of her name. Both arms reach up and around Yuzu's back, pulling her down on top of her in one swift, desperate motion.
Baffled, Yuzu gasps as her body registers the soft warm feeling of Mei's body underneath. Mei's heart is still slamming hard up against her chest, and Yuzu can feel it clearly. The arms locked around her back are tight and shaking, and Mei's voice is a whimper into her hair.
"Yuzu..."
For a moment, Yuzu can't believe what's happening. It doesn't feel real. Mei has never held her like this before, never spoken her name that way.
Slowly, Yuzu slips her arms around both of Mei's sides, sliding one hand up beneath her neck to cradle her head against the pillow.
Somehow she's gotten the hug she'd been wanting. But the fact that Mei had made it happen told her that this nightmare must have been really bad.
Yuzu had been expecting her to simply turn over and go back to bed. But this...
Mei is still shaking beneath her, still sobbing into her shoulder. Her heart continues thumping with a rapid beat, and the tears are still falling. Yuzu can feel a damp spot on the side of her neck as Mei brushes her cheek there, hiding her face in her shoulder.
Yuzu's own tears fall now as well, more from relief than anything else.
"It's okay," she murmurs again. "It's over now. You're safe, Mei. I promise..." She pauses, fumbling on how to word what else she wants to convey. "I-If you want to talk about it, I'll listen. Sometimes talking about it helps... but I understand if you'd rather not..."
Yuzu feels the fingers on her back clutch at the fabrics of her sleep shirt, Mei's nails digging lightly into her skin through the material.
"N-No..."
"Then that's fine," Yuzu whispers. "I'm not forcing you. You don't have to tell me-"
"No..." Mei shakes her head, pulling Yuzu on top of her in a crushing embrace. "It... It doesn't matter... that I'm safe... It was you, Yuzu..."
"...Huh?" Yuzu tries to ease back a little, just so she can see Mei's face. But Mei doesn't let her pull away. She clings to her like a frightened child and sobs into her shoulder.
"It was you... you got hurt, Yuzu..."
Yuzu can hardly believe her ears.
Me...?
She'd assumed the nightmare had been about Mei's father again, or her grandfather, or just about anyone else in the world. Yuzu had never even considered herself.
The fact that Mei had been so upset, so scared, at the thought of Yuzu getting hurt...
It made her heart swell.
"Mei..." Yuzu nuzzles into her neck. "I'm okay. I didn't get hurt or anything. You don't have to cry."
Even that is so odd to her. The fact that the stoic little sister of hers who barely ever shed a tear is now crying for Yuzu's sake.
She's chalking it up to the fact that it's late at night and Mei isn't fully in her right mind. But a part of Yuzu really wants to believe Mei would cry for her, for fear she'd been hurt and relief that she hadn't.
Yuzu certainly can't stop herself from crying about Mei in those terms.
"Mei... i-if you cry, I-I'm gonna..."
But it's already too late for that. Yuzu is already crying harder, hugging Mei into the mattress.
And Mei doesn't seem opposed. She doesn't let her go, not for a long time.
Being the big sister, Yuzu tries to compose herself as quickly as possible so she can focus on Mei. She pushes herself up just a little, just enough so she can finally see her face.
Mei's cheeks are wet with tears, her lips quivering. When she feels Yuzu move she opens her eyes to look up at her. Yuzu feels like she's going to start crying all over again just from seeing her like this.
"Mei, it's okay now. See?"
Mei sniffles and swallows, but gives a single nod.
Yuzu smiles. She leans down and presses a soft, tender kiss onto her brow.
"Right? So you don't have to cry anymore."
Mei sniffles again, but says nothing. She just pulls Yuzu back down on top of her and doesn't let go.
And Yuzu isn't opposed either. This satisfies her own urge to make Mei feel safe, as well as Mei's urge to know that Yuzu isn't really hurt.
But Yuzu is still worried about her, even more so than she usually is. Mei is still shaking a little, and her pulse is still reverberating through her whole body. Yuzu slips one hand across Mei's stomach to rub in gentle circles, running her palm up over her side.
"Mei, I'm worried about you... Your heart's still pounding so hard." Yuzu rests her hand over Mei's pulse. "Just take a deep breath."
She dips her head and rests her forehead against Mei's, feeling the tips of their noses brush.
"Just breathe. It's okay."
She waits until Mei is able to do as she says. Yuzu feels her ribs expanding beneath her clothes, her body filling Yuzu's palm as she inhales deeply, then lets it out. Yuzu encourages her to keep going, coaxing each breath in and out of her until Mei can do it on her own. Her pulse finally begins to slow down, and the shaking stops.
Only now can Yuzu breathe her own sigh of relief. At last she eases back to meet Mei's eyes again.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to get you some water?"
Mei shakes her head.
"No... Yuzu... please don't leave..."
Yuzu feels another pang shoot through her chest.
"I-I won't! I won't leave you, Mei! You don't have to worry about that. I promise I won't."
This was so unusual, for Mei to really be thinking about Yuzu and Yuzu alone for so long, for her to actually seem like she wants her here with her. Yuzu doesn't know if it's due to a lack of sleep or if Mei truly feels this way, but she isn't about to question it.
Now that things have settled down, Yuzu carefully shifts herself and lies down next to Mei, fearing that staying on top of her would only make it more difficult for her to breathe.
But as she moves, she hears Mei's little whimper, feels her hands clinging more tightly to her back. Yuzu lies on her side and reaches out to gather Mei into her arms.
"I'm not leaving," she whispers. "Promise."
She pulls her close, letting Mei hide in her embrace. Mei tucks her head into Yuzu's collar, both arms still hugging her sides and back. Yuzu drapes her arms around the girl's shoulders, threading her fingers gently through her hair.
And for once she isn't embarrassed or confused. She's just happy. So so happy.
She doesn't need to think about kissing her, about being her sister or her girlfriend. She just gets to enjoy the moment, holding her, making sure she's safe, feeling Mei's warmth and sharing her own.
Yuzu's heart soars as she pulls the blankets up over Mei's back and hugs her close, resting her chin on top of her head. She feels Mei shift just a little bit, lifting her head slightly.
"Yuzu... Are you okay? Your heart is beating very fast-"
"I'm fine, I'm fine!" she sobs happily. "I'm just so glad you're okay! I really am... I'm so happy, Mei..."
And Mei seems to breathe a sigh of relief too.
"Me too. Thank you, Yuzu."
"You don't have to thank me." Yuzu hugs her close. "I'm happy to help you Mei. I'll always help you. As your big sister and as your- well... ah..." She tries to think for a moment, but she doesn't know if she should really even test out the word "girlfriend," especially right now. So she just leaves it for the moment. "Well, not even just because I'm your sister. Because I'm your Yuzu!"
Mei's hands hold a little more tightly to her back.
"My... Yuzu...?"
"Yup! All yours~!" Yuzu eases back until she can find Mei's eyes, pools of amethyst shimmering in the darkness. "No matter if we're sisters or classmates or girlfriends or whatever, I'll always be yours, Mei. Always..."
The words are all spoken in earnest, so she doesn't even realize she's let the third title slip.
And Mei doesn't seem to notice, or if she does it doesn't seem to bother her anyway.
"Mine..." She tapers off, slowly resting her head against Yuzu's chest.
Yuzu brings her close again, relishing the moment. She's wanted to fall asleep with her like this for so many weeks now. It's almost too good to be true that she's actually doing it now.
I'm so happy...
"Ah, w-well it's getting late. We should try to get some sleep now since we have school tomorrow." She waits for a reply, but Mei only nods against her collar. Yuzu bites her lip again. "Th-That is, if you're really sure you're okay. Y-You don't need any water or anything? C-Cuz I can get you some and I'll come right back! I'm not gonna-"
"Just this."
"Huh?"
Mei nuzzles a little closer and closes her eyes.
"Just this is enough."
Yuzu fears her heart might explode, especially with Mei listening.
"Ah... All right. If this is good enough..."
She falls silent again, now terribly aware of just how hard her own heart is thumping.
It can't possibly be something Mei can fall asleep listening to... It's way too loud and obnoxious and she'll probably pull away any second-
"Goodnight, Yuzu."
"Eh-? A-Ah..."
Yuzu flounders for words, squeezing Mei closer, praying she won't leave. But she doesn't seem to have any intention to.
Yuzu can't stop the smile from spreading across her lips. She shifts just a little, nosing Mei's bangs away from her forehead before pressing a warm kiss to her skin.
"Night, Mei. Sweet dreams."
She hears a small sound, a relaxed little sigh. And in seconds Mei's breathing has slowed and deepened.
Yuzu feels so warm, but for once it isn't uncomfortable at all. It's the best feeling in the world.
Closing her eyes, she hugs Mei to her, feeling as though a million little bubbles and butterflies are fluttering around her body.
And they both sleep soundly for the rest of the night in each other's arms.
A/N: Listen, the drama's cool and whatnot but... what about those soft private little moments of nervous kissing and gentle hand-holding and stuff? That's what I wanna see more of.
Hope you enjoyed! I feel Yuzu is very easy and fun to write, and I think I mostly captured Mei, but who can actually read her for certain?
You can probably expect to see more Citrus fics from me in the future!
Please review!