Lawsuits Done Differently
By Ms. Kinnikufan
Disclaimer: Pixar owns them. I'm just doing this to them.
"So Mr. Sansweet, have you thought about my offer?" the lawyer asked.
Oliver couldn't lift him self up from the hospital bed, partially due to his injuries and partially due the fact that he was medicated.
"I have, Mr. Jones. I've decided not to take you up on it."
"Why? He interfered with your right to die! Doesn't that brother you at all, Mr. Sansweet?"
"I've been thinking about it, thinking about really hard. It kind of hurts when you're heavily medicated, but I thought hard anyway. I've concluded that I'm happy that still alive. My neck hurts, but I'm still alive. When I felt the incredible pain of one of my bones breaking, I was still glad to be alive. I...I'm not sure why, but I'm still glad to be alive. I've got nothing: no caring family, no real close friend, mounds of debt, but I'm still glad to be alive.
Besides, now that with the benefit of hindsight, I can see jumping off a building is just asking for some sort of interference, super or otherwise. If I still want to kill myself later, I can always drive to an empty field somewhere and shoot myself or take cyanide."
"I think you're making a big mistake." The lawyer remarked.
"I don't think so."
"We could make a lot of money!"
"He is a super. There's no guarantee that win or lose that he won't come after us."
"Supers don't do that."
"Just leave my room already! Nurse!"
"Fine! I'll just file suit with the victims of the l-train accident!" the lawyer huffily put on his hat and left.
3 months later...
"I can't believe they tried to sue me, Simon." Bob remarked as they left the courthouse.
"The prospects of large sums of money for nothing make people do insane things. At least we won."
Reporters surrounded them.
"Mr. Incredible, you've won L-Train Victims vs. Mr. Incredible case! What are you going to do now?"
"Mr. Paladino. to what do you credit your victory for Mr. Incredible?'
"Mr. Incredible is it true that you will now be taking Buddy Pine as a sidekick since social services have found out that his parents are unfit?"
"Mr. Incredible, is it true that you are in a relationship with Elasti-Girl?'
"Mr. Incredible is it true that you're in a relationship with your sometime partner Frozone?"
"No comments! No comments!" Bob lifted Simon above his head and dashed for the Incredibile, shoved Simon in The Incredibile and drove off.
"Where are we going?" Simon asked a few minutes later.
"Far away from the reporters." Bob replied.
"I think we lost them a few miles back."
"Simon, it was simply ingenious of you Buddy Pine as a surprise witness. Now maybe he'll know not to follow me!"
"Actually Bob, social services investigated his home situation and it was bad. His parents just wanted him out of their face, so they didn't care that Buddy was following you around like a lost puppy. Also the fact the fact that a super being sued by a precedent "
"Oh. I didn't know that. What's going to happen to him now?"
"Something you won't believe..."
"That cutoff silence suggests something bad, Simon. What is it?"
"Edna Mode expressed interest in taking him in. According to what the NSA told me, the social services let her."
Bob crashed the Incredibile into a tree.
Meanwhile:
"Geez, Auntie Edna, I never knew a piece of fabric could survive an explosion that big!" remarked Buddy.
"Megafibers, dahling. A combination of megamesh and indestructofibers I made myself. Now let's perform the machine washable test!" Edna pushed a big red bottom.