A/N: The first step in how Jack got from not going to Kate's after the trial to living with she and Aaron. Beginning dialogue from season 4's "Eggtown".
XXX
"Do you want to follow me? Come by for a visit?"
"Uh, I actually have to get over to the hospital. But, maybe you and I could grab some coffee together or something."
"I know why you don't want to see the baby, Jack. But until you do… until you want to, there's no you and me going for coffee. But, if at any time you change your mind… come and see us."
"Yeah. Okay."
Jack thought about that conversation the entire ride to St. Sebastian's. He'd been early for his shift, of course – he hadn't been lying to Kate about having to work. It would've been just enough time for a cup of coffee, some small chat, laying the groundwork to recover the relationship they'd been building before his father's funeral.
Not enough time to go to her house. To drag out all that baggage, throw it in his backseat; carry it on his shoulders like the weight of the world. Jack could think of many times he had been brave, whether he wanted to be or not. But he couldn't be courageous this time, not yet, not with the knowledge he now had that burned his insides like a wound that would not heal, no matter how much alcohol he used to dull the pain.
Sometimes, when he thought of it – of her – he felt like his entire youth had been a lie. His father was a drunk and unfaithful; it should've come as no surprise, but then finding out on top of it all that the daughter of your dead dad is someone you'd grown to care for and protect, like a younger sibling (which, he ruefully laughed over, she was), and that her baby, her son, was now being raised under the cover of the child of the woman you're in love with…
How is he to reconcile it all, even months after Carole Littleton had unknowingly revealed the truth to him at his father's funeral? How can he ever expect the guilt that accompanies seeing that little blonde head to ever disappear? How can he be party to this lie, the one that was all his idea in the first place, before he knew, before his world was shaken and flipped and broken?
They had left her behind. He had left her behind, failed her, his own sister. During lulls at the hospital he went over every memory he could conjure, every moment they'd shared in their three months on the island, trying to remember if there was an uncanny resemblance, similar mannerisms, natural sibling vibes he had not noticed.
He wishes he had taken more time to get to know her. Wishes he had not been so wrapped up in getting them off the island, in trying to help everyone, in making plans and fighting enemies. Most of all, he wishes he had known she was his sister before the crash, that he had a young half-sibling in need of help on another continent, who had daddy issues like him, from the same dad.
And he couldn't face Aaron, could hardly bear seeing Kate and the baby together now, their sharply contrasting features, her dark hair and green eyes beside his blonde and blue. He saw them, and all he could think was, Of course they aren't related, can't you all tell? Can't you all see? And then, quietly, in the back of his mind, he heard, Does he look like me?
For all these reasons and more, Jack did not follow Kate to her house. Instead, he spent hours thinking of Claire, Aaron's actual mother, of Charlie, the man everyone had come to think of as the baby's father. Kate was filling in Claire's role as best she could, Jack knew, and loved the boy as much as any other mother loves her child. But going to Kate's house, stepping foot inside, letting Aaron run into his arms, swinging him around and hugging him close, Jack was not sure he was ready for that. He did not think he was ready to step into Charlie's shoes, to be a father. He did not want to make the mistakes Christian had, with Jack and Claire. Before the revelation months back he had thought, Maybe I can do this, maybe I can be a dad, and he had been so ready for a life with Kate and the baby.
Then it had all gone to hell.
Jack did not sleep much any more, catching a nap here or there in his office, drifting off on the couch with Sports Center blaring. When he wasn't thinking about what was left behind on the island, he thought of Kate.
(Her fierce gaze on the Searcher when she decided she would keep Aaron. Her smile when he would drop by on his way home from work to say hello. Her bemused expression when he asked her out on an official, real date. Her laugh when he had arrived late to Hurley's birthday party sporting the numerous leis Mrs. Reyes had forced on him. Her lazy smirk as they lay tangled together in his bed, just off the phone asking the nanny to stay an extra hour. Her utter shock when he told her Claire was his half-sister, making Aaron his nephew. Her voice on his answering machine asking why he wasn't returning her calls. Her surprise at him showing up at her trial, lying under oath, later explaining it was all untrue. Her disappointment that he did not agree to go see the baby, that he could not get over his guilt and fear.
He needed to get over it.)
XXX
A week or so after the trial ended, Jack found his nerve. He had spent the last seven days in a blur of work and alcohol and all-consuming thoughts, weighing options, mentally testing his own emotional strength. He wanted, so badly, to have a chance with Kate, as two people in the real world with responsibilities, not on some insane island fighting for their lives. And he did want to get to know Aaron, as tough as it was to look at the boy and not see the family Jack had missed out on (had let down). Maybe he could make a new family with Aaron and Kate, all three of them alone in one way or another.
It was a sunny weekend afternoon, pretty warm for winter in California. Jack took in Kate's Volvo parked in the driveway, the toys littering the front steps, as he walked up to the door with flowers in one hand, a children's book under his arm. He was trying.
Kate answered the door after half a minute, her hair wavy and a bit messy, the way it had looked on the island, which made him smile wide for some reason.
"Jack," she stated in surprise. A grin slowly crept across her face.
"Hi, Kate," he replied softly, extending the flowers.
She took them, sniffed, glanced up at him over the lilies, her eyes bright. "They're beautiful, thank you."
Jack took a deep breath, kept eye contact with her, so she knew how serious he was. "I don't want to spend my life hiding," he explained. "The whole reason we left was to get home, and since then I feel like I've just been going along, letting things happen. I don't wanna do that anymore. I wanna be happy. I want… I wanna live my life, how I want to live it."
Kate listened intently, watching his face. "I do too," she finally agreed. "But what made you change your mind?"
"He's my family," Jack said. "I'm gonna work on it, on… my issues. There's nothing I can do for – for Claire," he stumbled a bit on her name, "but I can be there for Aaron. And for you, if you'll let me."
Her eyes were wet, which Jack had not expected. "I'd like that." She reached out across the doorway to touch his jacket. Then she noticed the book under his arm. "What's that?"
Jack, remembering himself, grabbed the book and showed her the cover. "It was one of my favorites. I brought it for Aaron. I thought maybe I could read it to him sometime."
Kate absolutely beamed. It made Jack feel amazing, maybe for the first time since the Oceanic Six had gotten home, definitely the first time since he'd learned the truth about his family.
"Why don't you come in and give it to him?" she suggested. He nodded and followed Kate inside, shutting the door behind them.
Jack was not a quitter; he did not like to fail. He was going to give this new life, this new chance, everything he had. For Aaron, for Kate, for himself. And for his sister.
XXX