Author's Note: I had to write this. It was something that screamed 'this would actually get attention'.
Wario was in a team battle with Jigglypuff against Dark Pit and Lucina, with them on the blue team and the clones on the red team as they were all fighting on the Windy Hill Zone stage from Sonic Lost World, with Lucina managing to smash Jigglypuff off the stage using a blue shell. Lucina screamed joyfully as Dark Pit scoffed, folding his arms as he had a cocky grin on his face, with Wario groaning in annoyance.
"Damn it, Jigglypuff! Get your head in the game! Barack Obama would want us to win!" Wario exclaimed as he watched Jigglypuff return to the stage.
"What the hell does Obama have to do with this?" Jigglypuff asked as she approached Wario.
Wario simply shrugged in response as he shook his head. "I don't know. I like the guy, even though Obamacare is shit."
Jigglypuff was about to comment, but she was then grabbed by Dark Pit, who smirked as he looked into the pink puffball's eyes.
"Ha! What are ya gonna do now that I got you down to just one stock left, bitch?" Dark Pit swore, because he was that edgy.
Jigglypuff struggled to break free, only to stop as she looked back at Dark Pit. "...your eyes are so big. Like a baby's!"
Dark Pit gawked in disbelief as he stumbled back, shaking his head in disbelief. "W-what!? I don't have baby eyes!"
"Actually," Lucina butted in as she took a glance at Dark Pit's face, smiling as she nodded. "You kinda do."
"Figures that Dork Shit would be a baby face." Wario taunted as he took out a clover of garlic and began munching it.
Dark Pit growled as he chucked Jigglypuff at Wario like a bowling bowl, flipping the finger at Wario. "Fuck off, fatass! I don't have a baby face!"
"But you're so cute!" Jigglypuff admitted as she got back up and started checking out Dark Pit's body, placing her stubby hands on her face cheeks. "And your butt is pretty big, too!"
"W-WHAT!?" Dark Pit stuttered in embarrassment as his eyes widened, placing his hands on his rear as Lucina began laughing, with Wario joining in the laughter as well as he approached the other Smashers.
"Man, you are packaging one good booty!" Lucina stated as she also took a glance at Dark Pit's ass. "I guess Pit really was the perfect boy for you to be cloned!"
"I bet it's bigger than your head! Wahaha!" Wario laughed as he pointed at Dark Pit, enjoying every second of this.
"You have no room to talk, lardio! You're a walking fart joke!" Dark Pit spat back as he literally shot spit from his mouth on Wario's face, glaring at Lucina. "And you barely even have a body to begin with, so where do you get off complimenting mine!?"
Jigglypuff then grabbed Dark Pit's hands and pushed them off, proceeding to rub her puffy, jiggly face in Dark Pit's butt, with Dark Pit screaming in horror again as Lucina and Wario held each other, too busy laughing at the moment. Master Hand and Crazy Hand were watching the match, with Crazy Hand giggling like a schoolgirl as Master Hand sighed in annoyance.
"There goes Jigglypuff being perverted again..." Master Hand grumbled as he clenched himself into a fist, causing the match to end with no contest as he sighed. "Why do these idiots always find a way to ruin matches...?"