Inspired by Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars
Let me in the wall, you've built around
And we can light a match and burn it down
Let me hold your hand and dance 'round and 'round the flame
In front of us
Dust to dust
The first time they had sex they were drunk. A night of matching either other drink to drink the bourbons went down a little too smooth for both of them. It wasn't necessarily the worst decision he had ever made while drinking, but sleeping with a cop he had a long history of investigating was up in his top ten.
Calling the next morning awkward was an understatement. He woke up with her tangled in the sheets, his head pounding and eyes not quite adjusting to the light. A small groan he didn't realize he let out disturbed her sleep and in seconds she shot straight out of bed, a panic look splashed all over her face.
When they finally locked eyes, Olivia started visually shaking as she tried in vain to cover herself up.
"What… um… what happened… did we?" her voice was shaking and Ed remembered that look in her eyes, the same fearful look when he told her he was arresting her.
Ed took a moment to blink and focus the spinning world around him. He did not hold his alcohol like he used to.
"Uh, yeah, I think so." He debated saying something else to her, letting her know that they made a mistake, it didn't have to go anywhere, but the pounding in his head and look in her eye made it almost impossible to say another word.
"Can I have a moment, please?" her voice was small and he almost thought she was begging him. He moved as quickly as his body would allow him to and slipped on his boxers and moved out to the living room.
Pouring himself a glass of water he started the coffee. He leaned against the counter as he tried to replay the events of the night before. He remembered meeting her at the bar. She teased him and he flirted.
He wasn't sure how they ended up at his place. He just remembered how beautiful she was and how great she felt. He smiled realizing her tasted still lingered on his lips.
She drinks tea. The thought pulled him out of his memory and he quickly filled the kettle with water and heated up the stove.
Suddenly she walked out of his bedroom in her fitted trousers and flowing top. She had a smile on her face that was anything but friendly. She was about to say something, but stopped when she noticed he was all but naked. Ed contained a smirk as he realized she was checking him out before ducking into his room to slide into a pair of jeans.
"I'm sorry about last night. It was a mistake we can't repeat." Her voice was cold and left little room for question. Ed was about to agree when the kettle whistle blew.
"I, uh, made you some tea. The, uh, bags are in the drawer to the right of the stove." He wanted to beg her to stay, to try and repair their newfound friendship.
She was hesitating and almost scared. "You don't have to feel sorry for me. We are fine, but I don't need your sympathy."
Ed was confused. He wanted to question her, but the annoying whistle kept blowing and his head kept pounding and before he could get out any words she had left his apartment.
Later that day, Ed saw Olivia at One PP. He thought about approaching her, asking to talk if just for a minute. He wanted to assure her that he didn't judge and that he still wanted to be friends. Instead he watched her from his little corner of the office. He let out a small chuckle as he wondered if she always talked with her hands so much. She was beautiful and compassionate. And headstrong, self-righteous, and short tempered a voice in the back of his mind reminded him.
The last couple of months had been fun with Olivia. Their friendship seemed to only exist in the bars, but their time together slowly became the single most thing he looked forward to all week. She would fight him, push his boundaries, but before the night was through, her hand always ended up on his.
His mind slowly drifted back to last night, feeling her hands all over his body, her strong fingers surrounding his manhood, her lips leaving a trail on his chest.
A smile formed on his lip from the pleasant memory as he searched for Benson before realizing she must have left him for the second time that day.
That night he went to their bar after work. He had sent a text, asking her to join him but the lack of response made him assume he was on his own. He was about to pack up after his second bourbon when he saw her, standing in the door way. She looked confident and strong scanning the bar for him. She smiled slightly as their eyes locked and moved slowly his way.
"Bourbon or wine tonight Lieutenant?"
Her mouth open to answer, but she hesitated. He watched her carefully as she took a deep breathe before ordering a Merlot. She was slow to sit, but once she did she let out a small smile.
"I'm sorry about this morning." Her eyes watched his closely, trying to read his response.
Ed almost chuckled. "Now what in the world do you have to apologize for?" He wanted to hug her right there, assure her that it was okay, but he wasn't one for PDA.
"I freaked out on you." He watched carefully as she pulled away and took a long drink of wine.
"You had just slept with IBA, I would be freaked out too." Ed tried to lighten the mood, but the look in her eyes told him he was failing, miserably. "Look, we were both drunk. We made a mistake. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." He searched her eyes for answers.
Instead she just laughed at him. Not in a mocking way, there was nothing about that laugh. The smile on her lips told Ed she was almost amused by his comment; that his worry was for nothing.
"It's not that. I didn't freak out because it was you." Her voice trailed off as Ed's eyebrow rose. "Okay, not just because of our history. Ed, I like you. You are one of my closest friends right now and I know this is pathetic, but it is true, and I don't want to screw this up."
Ed let out a smile. She cared about him and called him a friend. He moved his hand to touch her shoulder when she visibly flinched. Panic flashed quickly through her eyes before she offered a light smile.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, closing her eyes before finishing off her glass. He gave her a small nod before looking down at his tumbler to build a little courage.
"I like what we have to," he said, still looking down. Taking a swig his eyes met hers before finishing, "But for the record I liked what we did last night too." He finished his drink, afraid of the rejection that was coming.
Olivia stayed silent, just looked forward, sipping her wine. Her face was almost passive, but he could see sadness building in her eyes.
"I'm a single mom of a toddler in my 40's, married to my job, a job that personally conflicts with yours. We don't work Tucker."
Ed thought about pushing forward, trying to find the words to convince her that he didn't care about all of that. He just wanted to spend time with her. Preferably naked time. Instead he ordered another bourbon and turned his attention to the new on the TV.
They sat in silence for a while. Both nursing their own drink slowly as they debated what to say next.
Olivia was the first to speak.
"I need to get home to Noah. It was good seeing you Ed." She moved quietly out of her seat, placing some cash on the table for her drinks. As she slipped into her jacket, Ed stood too.
"Let me walk you home." It wasn't a question and Olivia didn't object. She felt safe with him beside her. When they reached her building, Olivia held the door for Ed without saying a word and they silently made their way to her apartment.
Lucy was finishing putting Noah to bed when they walked in. Olivia went in for a short book and hugs and kisses, leaving Ed alone in her living room. He didn't dare move, unsure of what this meant, what Olivia expected from him. He hadn't even decided if he should take off his coat when Olivia reemerged.
"Would you like a glass?" she asked, moving to the kitchen as she grabbed a bottle from her top shelf.
"Sure." Ed voice wavered as he finally stepped into the room, slipping he jacket off carefully.
They stood in silence after Olivia handed him a glass. Ed carefully smelt the dark red liquid before letting it pour down the back of his throat.
"I don't feel comfortable with people seeing my scars." The confession came out of nowhere and Olivia seems almost unsure if she said it out loud.
Ed's eyebrows furrow. He didn't remember any scars on her body. He remembered her taste; remember her beautiful legs, her feeling, but he didn't remember a scar. He was about to ask her when his mind finally caught up with her. Lewis.
He read the reports. All of them. He lost his lunch after his first interview with her; sick to his core by what that man did to her.
"I never want to make you uncomfortable." He looked up at her, his eyes pleading that she believed him. "If you don't want to repeat last night, we won't." He took as slow step closer to her and set his glass down on the counter, reaching carefully for her hands.
"I think that's the problem. I really enjoyed last night." As she met Ed's eyes, he could physically see her struggle with the vulnerability. He wanted to embrace her, promise her it would be alright.
Instead he just gave her a smile and told her he enjoyed it too. "I mean it though, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
Olivia looked up at him with a small, appreciate smile. Taking a moment to set down her wine glass, she moved to hold his hands and carefully rested her head on his chest.
"Stay with me tonight?" her voice was small and Ed could feel her body tremble just slightly at the request.
"Always."