And this time it's all about You
Chapter 1
You close your eyes. Try not to think about what you are doing. The people around you are talking too fast. Their words are nothing but stupid. Not real. Not important. They are unclear. Making you dizzy. Everything is blurry right now. (Only for you?)
The alcohol is burning down your throat like acid. All déjà vu to you.
Cause it isn't as if it never happened to you before. Sleeping not enough, drinking too much. Whilst trying to drown your own mind. (How bad it is such a good swimmer.)
You watch the people around you. Some are dancing some are sitting around but no one seems to care about you, the raven-haired woman. The lab tech who is totally out of control right now.
The people sitting in the corners at their small tables the ones on stage. They all have one thing in common. The beat of the music is rushing through their veins.
And you feel lost. Lost between the big mass of people swaying around, dancing. It doesn't feel as if it ends tonight. You are sure nothing does. But maybe it's the time for a new start anyway. Time for something else to begin.
And you close your eyes. Begin to move with the group. At first slowly but then faster and faster. Your arms are in the air high above your head. And you feel the flow. Calm down. Remember your first times of drinking, smoking, remember your first job. Now you feel save. This was always your place to feel home at.
…
You decide to take a break. Make your way to the bar. You order one more drink. You turn around, take a first step forward and then you stop.
There, almost hidden in the crowd of people, is a familiar face.
It's something you haven't expected. Something you haven't planned. And you don't know how to react.
You would have never thought she would go out to a club like this. But she really is here. Near you.
And she looks even more gorgeous than she normally does at work. That makes it harder for you not to watch her every little move.
You know that she hasn't noticed you yet but what you know too is that she will if you don't stop looking at her like that. Cause she seems to have that skill where she senses whenever you watch her. And your not in the condition you want her to see you in.
This is the first time you are afraid to be discovered by a co worker. (At least the first time that you can remember in your condition.)
If she were to look up now, look straight into your eyes, she would see what you feel. For her.
Would see how much you care (about her), how much you are afraid she could be gone one day you come to work. Could be gone back to Israel. Back home. To never return.
But it's nothing you would ever tell her. As much as you want to. You know inside that it would ruin what you have now. It's not much but it is more than nothing. More than you had dared to hope for after the death of your beloved Kate.
And you still have hopes up that she might feel the same way. Even if it's against everything logical. Because she is cold, she seems to be emotionless. (Doesn't mean she is. You have seen sparkles of emotion in her eyes the day Roy Sanders died.)
And on top of all she always freaks out when you come too close to her. As if she needs to distance herself from everything outside.
You smack yourself on the back of your head for drowning in your helpless thoughts about an agent you will never reach, who will never be yours if you don't take a step forwards. (Possibly even not yours if you tell her the truth about everything you are feeling. For her.)
…
And tears are streaming down your face.
You were not ready for this.
You thought it might be better to tell her after all, but it seems it just turned it all into the worst.
Because she doesn't seem to understand it, maybe she is just as drunk as you are. But you can't know that. There is no sign, just as always. She could also feel the same and just not tell you. There is no way to be sure.
And suddenly you loose control over your body. The world turns black. And you feel your legs give out under you.
…
Slowly you open your eyelids. And the first thing you notice is the streetlights flying by. The only explanation is that you're inside a moving vehicle. (Not that you remember getting anywhere.)
Your body is still shaking, you feel as if you have been lying in ice for hours. But there is a soft, thick jacket spread across your body (You can't remember taking one with you.) and a warm shoulder your head is leaning onto. (This one you really didn't bring with.)
You turn your head and blink in the attempt to get a better view of the person next to you. As far as you can tell it seems to be a she. But that's no surprise. What really surprises you is that the person is one Ziva David. (The one person who always makes your heart beat faster. Makes you feel weak in the knees, turns you into a puddle of Abby-goo every time she looks at you.)
But she can't know that, right? She usually is the queen at figuring things out and it wouldn't surprise you if she already had this one figured out. (But it would scare you if she knew. That would be really weird. You certainly would never tell her. Right?)
There's only one way to find out how much she already knows. Asking.
But there is still the chance she hasn't noticed you're awake yet, so you close your eyes once more, trying to fall asleep again.
Maybe things will become clearer after a little bit of rest for your body and soul.
Who knows? Better to give it at least a try, right?
…
You awake once more. This time, as you notice, hidden beyond a huge amount of blankets. You feel relaxed and warm until you notice that you're not lying in your own bed, and remember that you were out at a bar last night. (If it was last night…you can't clearly pin down that thought either.)
Then you are startled by the sudden movement next to you. And it's just then that you notice the other body next to yours. No other than the trained Israeli Ziva David.
Her dark curls shining in the moonlight and her skin in a soft golden, olive tone.
Her eyes closed and her face relaxed in a way you have never seen before.
She looks so peaceful in her slumber, so free. And there is nothing more you'd like to do than to caress her cheek. To remove that single dark curl that has falling down onto it.
What you wouldn't you give to keep her close.
May it be because of the rest of alcohol in your system or may it be the sleepiness in your system, you put your arms around her waist. Hold her close and snuggle your head right into the softness of her neck and shoulder.
You feel her react to your movement, hear her let out a sigh and then slowly turn around.
But she does not awake so you seem to have gotten lucky today. And you decide to relax into her soft form, at least as long as you can, feeling all safe like nothing bad can happen while you so close to her, in her embrace. And your breathing slows down until it's similar to hers and you fall asleep again.
Finally next to the woman you love.