"Zuko!"
He opens his mouth to reply but the effort is too much for his body. There's an inferno raging inside of his chest, scorching his organs and boiling his blood over. He wants to see her – if just to make sure she's alive, to be positive Azula's lightning hadn't touched her.
But it is still too much effort.
Zuko feels so tired. His eyes are struggling to stay open. All he sees above him is a red sky and the sounds of fire and water hissing as they meet. His sister's maniacal laughter is finally what untangles his resolve to stay awake. It's too horrible to hear her like this. He had never wanted to hurt her. It wasn't supposed to end this way.
He sighs and shuts his eyes to drown out the world burning under in flames. It is only for a little while. Only for a moment.
Katara is too late. She's too late.
He's there lying on the scorched stone unmoving, eyes shut against the dying light. When her fingers brush over the charred flesh of his chest, she thinks he is colder than he was before. Zuko is a firebender. They burn at a temperature above normal – that is something she noticed on their journey to find Yon Rah – but now the heat is gone and her heart stutters painfully at this.
Katara coats her hands in water and raises them above his body. She would give anything for a vial of spirit water right now – her life even. Because who is she if not dispensable? The world needs Zuko. As much as they need Aang, they need him too. He is the crown prince, now sole heir to the Fire Nation. He is the only person who can bring his people out from the Hundred Year War. And if she is being honest, she needs him too. For all Katara has pushed and shoved at him to stay away, he is the only person who understands her.
"Zuko, please," she whispers. "You can't leave me here."
There is no response and the ticking silence that follows nearly breaks her right then and there, but Katara blinks back the tears and feels for his chi. It's easy to find and her relief comes in waves as she feels the pulse of his slow but steady heartbeat. "I'll fix you," Katara says to him. "You'll see. You'll be right as rain – or I guess right as fire in your case."
Despite her efforts, the tears come anyways, but she's too busy to wipe them back. "I swear to Tui and La, Zuko, if you die I'm going to come after you in the Spirit World. Don't you dare leave me!" She doesn't realise she's passed out from the exertion of healing him until the Fire Sages carry them both back to the palace. She is too tired to even move now but if they think she'll go quietly to sleep in another room of the palace, they have another thing coming.
So they let her pull an ornate armchair up to the bed, taking Zuko's hand into her lap. She wants to climb into his bed and curl up next to him but she's scared any slight movement could rip the wound open again. Katara doesn't mind the chair though. It's not totally uncomfortable and she only plans to sleep for a few hours before healing him again anyway, so she barks for the Fire Sages to leave them be.
It's best for everyone's safety if they don't disturb the waterbender.
At least that's what the Fire Sages instruct the remaining guards and servants still at the palace.
The pain is gone. That's the first thing Zuko notices. The second thing is the smell. It's clear and fresh like the world after a thunderstorm. It's a far cry from the smoke and smell of burnt flesh that lingered in the courtyard during his Agni Kai with Azula.
He's dead, isn't he? Zuko has never been to the Spirit World before and it isn't at all how he imagined, but he just knows that this strange, swamp land is where the spirits roam.
Zuko takes a tentative step forward, and then another, and another. The ground squishes and squelches underneath his boots and he wonders if he's being punished. Had he been taken before he could fully redeem himself? He thought at least death would have provided him relief and maybe serenity but he feels none of that. Zuko feels anxious; terrified of what's to come for him, and for the world up there. For Katara. Is she alive still? What happened to Azula? Did Aang come back and kill his father?
Time, it seems, does not work like how it does up there. It's not linear. It's like a radial movement, curving in here and rounding out there. He thinks an hour must have passed since arriving in the Spirit World before he finally reaches somewhere beyond the low swamp trees and muddied ground but there is no way to know. It's a stream, rushing quickly and cutting through the swamp. He can't see where it leads to or where it came from but he's been walking for too long to care. He's dead now, right? He has all the time in the world.
A laugh startles him out of his self-pity. "Oh, of course you would think that, young Zuko, but even time in the Spirit World is limited."
Zuko turns, hands poised to attack but they immediately deflate when they see the man before him. "Lu Ten?"
"Hello cousin," he greets with a wide smile. "It has been a while."
"But… but you're dead!"
"That is true," Lu Ten acknowledges, still smiling, and then gestures to their surroundings. "And this is the Spirit World."
"Oh, right." Zuko flushes at his foolish mistake. "So does that mean I'm dead?"
"No," Lu Ten answers, and gestures for Zuko to follow. They begin to trail down the stream, following the current as it rushes to meet something far beyond what he can see. "You are in the in-between. Not dead. Not living."
"Will I die?"
"That is not for me to decide, Zuko," Lu Ten says solemnly, before fixing his cousin with a brighter smile than the ones before.. "But there is a little waterbender girl determined to keep you alive."
"Katara," Zuko breathes her name like it is his salvation. The relief he couldn't find before falls over him now. "She's alive."
"And kicking," Lu Ten laughs, a big belly laugh so like his father. "She has been ordering the Fire Sages and the Avatar and his friends around. The spirits have not been this amused in so long."
Zuko smiles and it is somewhere in between being smug and proud. "That's Katara."
Lu Ten stops walking. He looks sideways at Zuko, and it is the first time he's noticed how they are the same height. The last time Zuko saw Lu Ten was when he was only a small boy, desperate to run after his beloved cousin to war. How times have changed.
They don't speak for some time – hours or days could've passed but here in the Spirit World, Zuko's impatience has yet to rear its ugly head. In fact, he would've been content to simply continue walking in silence with his cousin. Katara is alive, and Aang is alive, and that means his father is dead. The world can finally be at peace now – and so can Zuko.
"There is something I forgot to mention," Lu Ten breaks the silence, and Zuko notices his smile is gone. "Actually, that is a lie. There is something I have been waiting to speak to you about."
"What is it?"
"Something in you has changed," Lu Ten says. "You are calmer now in the Spirit World. You feel at peace."
"I do." Zuko does not know why this seems to make Lu Ten so upset. Should he not be at peace?
"That is what I'm afraid of," Lu Ten sighs. "The longer you stay here, the harder it will be for you to return up there."
"Why would I return?" Zuko asks, confusion evident in his amber eyes.
"Zuko," Lu Ten says somberly. "I am not simply here as your cousin. I am also here as Death to show you the paths you must choose to take."
"You're Death?" Zuko laughs. He can't help himself because Lu Ten cannot possibly be Death. This is the man who once pushed nuts up his nose to amuse Zuko and Azula.
"I am here on Death's behalf then," Lu Ten says with a roll of his eyes. "When a soul is in the in-between like you are, Death has a lost relative come to speak to them."
"Oh."
"You have choices to make, Zuko," his cousin continues. "You will soon reach a fork in the road. One will lead you back up there and one will lead you to eternal rest."
"Is it scary to die?" he asks quietly.
"Not at all," Lu Ten answers. "It's peaceful. The worries and pain you felt up there simply disappear."
"That… sounds nice."
Zuko doesn't remember what it's like to not be burdened by the pain and guilt of his past; or the anxiety and fear of his future. Here, he could be free of all that. He could be with Lu Ten.
"It is," Lu Ten agrees. "But remember what you will be giving up, Zuko. Think of the people you love and the ones who love you. Are you willing to let them go yet?"
Zuko doesn't have time to answer before Lu Ten's body begins to quiver and fade away. "I told you time here was limited. Good bye, cousin. I will see you again."
And then he was gone, leaving Zuko bitterly torn down the middle. He continues to walk and he hopes he'll be more sure of his decision by the time he reaches the crossroad.
"Get out!"
"Katara, this is unhealthy!" Sokka argues back but it's hard to look intimidating when you're being held to a wall by frozen ice grips. "Just take a break, will you? C'mon, we beat Ozai!" This is evidently the wrong thing to say as the grips on his wrists tighten.
"And Zuko is still unconscious! How can you even think about celebrating right now?" Katara bites out angrily. "He's still lying there like he's - like he's…" The grips melt and Katara falls to the ground, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Oh, Sokka, this is all my fault!"
"Katara," Sokka says gently as he pulls her arms and wraps them around his neck. "This is not your fault. Azula did this."
"But if I had just stayed hidden like Zuko asked then maybe he would be here with us," she whispers, crying into her brother's shoulder. She has stopped trying to hold them back two weeks ago. Now they come freely and unabashedly with the possibility that Zuko may never wake up again.
"If you weren't there, Zuko might have died," Sokka returns. "But he's here. He's breathing and he'll come back to us. That guy is more stubborn than you. How many times did we think he was gone before he popped out of nowhere to chase us down?" Katara shakes with a chuckle. "Exactly. Too many times. Zuko doesn't know how to give up."
They stay like that for a few more minutes before Sokka is slowly pulling Katara to her feet. He rubs her back in soothing circles. "Now, get dressed, get some food and meet us in Zuko's study. General Iroh has something to talk to us about."
"What is it?"
"Well if I knew that, I would've told you. Geez, Katara. I'm not a mind read - ow! What's that for?" Sokka scowls, rubbing at his shoulder where she had just punched him.
"For being an idiot," she sighs but she's smiling, and it is the first genuine smile in weeks.
When Katara finally bathes and dresses in the new Fire Nation robes that were laid out on her bed, she feels a little better – or more specifically, a little bit saner. She hates to admit it but Sokka was right. She needed to leave Zuko's bedroom. She had done all she could to heal his wound and staying in there staring at his still form day in and day out had only been chipping away at her. Katara needed some perspective. No, she needed a distraction.
"Oh look, it's Sugar Queen!" Toph announces before Katara is even through the door. "Welcome back. I've almost forgotten what you look like."
"Ha ha, Toph, you're blind. You don't know what I look like," Katara says with a roll of her eyes.
Toph shrugs but her smile is wicked and she punches Katara good-naturedly in the arm. This is as affectionate as the fourteen-year-old earthbender is ever going to get.
"It is good to see you again, Lady Katara," General Iroh says, bowing slightly, but the normally jovial man looks more like a caricature of his former self. His already pale skin is pallid and the sparkle of golden eyes so similar to that of his nephew are dull in the dimly lit room. "I cannot thank you enough for attending to my nephew so diligently. He will be most appreciative when he wakes."
If… But Katara doesn't have the heart to shatter a poor man's hopes like that, and if she's honest, it is comforting to her cynicism.
"It's the least I can do," Katara says quietly. "So what is going on? Have I missed something?"
Though opulent and far larger than is necessary, the study is filled with people. Toph, Sokka, Suki, Ty Lee, Mai – everyone's here, even her father.
Even Aang.
Katara offers him a small smile and he seems to grab at it like it's the first ray of sunshine he's seen in months. This small act fills her with an immeasurable amount of guilt – but Aang doesn't need her like Zuko does. She can't give him the attention he wants, and why should she feel guilty over that?
"Now that you are all here," General Iroh begins, gesturing for them all to come closer. "I have received some unfortunate news this morning. Due to Zuko's condition, a rebellion has begun amongst the nobles and Ozai supporters. It's rumored Zuko's cousins are trying to take the throne now that they are convinced my nephew is dying. We can't let them. They may not have the cunning of Ozai or the ruthlessness of Azula but they are no less a threat to our new peace."
"What can we do, Iroh?" her father asks, dark brows furrowing forward. "We can't let the public catch wind of this, not while Zuko isn't here to claim the throne himself. It will only incite panic."
"I know, my friend," General Iroh says – and for a moment Katara is struck dumb; when did they become friends?
"We'll just have to wipe them all out," Toph grins. "Between all of us, it shouldn't be too hard."
"It is not so simple," General Iroh says and he begins to explain. "The noble families hold a lot of power and influence here in the Fire Nation. We can't just go knocking down doors and accusing them of treason, and at the moment, we have no way of knowing who is loyal to Zuko."
"My family still holds influence," Mai interjects. "They may not like Zuko but I know they will support him once he is crowned Fire Lord. We can hold a party in his honour. It will be easier to see who is loyal and who isn't there. People are looser with their tongues when there's alcohol involved."
"That's a great idea, Mai!" Ty Lee exclaims as she loops an arm through her friend's. "My family can help too!"
"Splendid, girls!" General Iroh claps his hands together and he looks much more like his old self than a moment ago. "Now onto the issue of the rebellions. They've popped up all over the coast. While Mai and Ty Lee look for the families funding them, some of us will have to put out those fires before it spreads."
Katara doesn't want to leave Zuko's side but if someone out there is dishonouring him in this way then she has no choice. He saved her; she will save him. "I'll go."
"Katara, no," her father takes her hand and looks imploringly at her. "You are not at your strongest right now."
She snatches her hand back and fixes him with a glare. "I'm fine. There's nothing more I can do for Zuko here and this way I can still help him. I'm going."
"Well then I'm going with Sugar Queen," Toph announces.
"Me too!"
"Twinkle Toes, don't you think you should - oh I don't know, spread out so we can get this done faster?"
"Oh. Yeah. Okay, I'll go do that."
"Don't worry, Aang. I'll go with you!"
"Thanks, Sokka…"
The stream leads to a waterfall. It's somehow disappointing. Zuko half-expected to see towering pillars of white marble or something more holy in the Spirit World. At least something less like the moss-covered cliff above him that appears to stretch endlessly on either side.
Zuko thinks a month has passed since he woke up in the Spirit World. The anger he once held so closely to his heart is all but gone. He even whistles and hums now as he walks through the swamp land. It's a tune he can't quite place but it's one that warms him from the inside out.
"You still remember."
He turns around, freezing as he sees who it is before him. "I thought… No, you can't be dead. You just can't!"
She laughs, a soft tinkling sound. "Oh I'm not, Zuko. I'm not really here. I'm merely in the form you find most comforting."
Zuko doesn't hesitate to wrap her in a hug anyways. He doesn't care if she's not real, because she still smells of fire lilies, and if he closes his eyes he can pretend they're at the pond feeding the turtleducks.
"I've missed you so much," he breathes out. "I wanted to look for you."
She strokes his hair before putting both of her hands on his shoulders to push him slightly back. "I'm glad you didn't, Zuko. You would not have achieved so much if you had. I'm so proud of the man you've become, my son."
Zuko chokes back a sob. "I know you're not real. I know you're not really her but Agni, I've wanted to hear you say that for so long."
"I may not be but I have her memories and her personality," his fake-mother says with a smile. "And I know she would be. I know I am."
He drops his arms to his side but he's smiling, feeling even lighter than he had before. "Who are you then?"
"I am Time," she says. "I am your past, your present and your future. Come with me, Zuko. I have much to show you."
She begins to walk deeper into the swamp lands and Zuko obliges. He quickens his pace so he is right next to her, enough to feel her warmth and know she's still there and not a figment of his imagination. Although Zuko knows his real mother is up there somewhere in the world, the woman beside him is exactly as he remembers her. The billowing crimson dress, the golden crown, the long black hair and those warm golden eyes – it's all there.
"Do you remember?" she asks quietly and points into a far-off distance.
For a second Zuko is confused by what he's supposed to remember but then the fog warps and shapes until he sees a little boy throwing bread at the turtleducks until his mother clasps one hand over his and shows him how to break the bread apart so it's easier for the turtleducks to swallow.
"It's us," he says, tears welling in his eyes. "Father was gone and it was just you, me and Azula for an entire week." He coughs and wipes at his eyes before they can fall. "It was the happiest week of my life."
His mother nods and grips his shoulder tightly. "Even at that age you showed more compassion and kindness than your father could ever understand."
Zuko opens his mouth to tell her of all the wrongs he has committed in her absence but the fog shifts again. It's the four of them at dinner and Azula is complaining about Kunyo. He can hear it though the words don't echo in the quiet swamp lands, but the memory is seared into his mind and he can recall every word spoken that day.
"She was born lucky, you were lucky to be born," Zuko repeats, fists clenched by his side. "He's always hated me."
His mother doesn't say anything for awhile; she just watches him. "Your father was an ambitious man. Power to him was more important than love but he could never understand the kind of power you hold, Zuko. The kind of power Azula could never hope to have."
"What power is that?"
"Your heart," she says, prodding him gently on his chest. He scoffs, which earns a scolding look from his mother. "Come. We've only just begun."
His mother takes him back to his childhood, through the brief moments of joy to the devastating pain that a child should never have to endure. For so long Zuko had fought to restore his honour, to finally earn the acceptance and love he craved from his father, but since joining the Avatar, and maybe even before that, he could see how misguided he had been. Ozai would never be capable of love. He would never look at Zuko the way Chief Hakoda looked at his children. It was a bittersweet realisation, and looking at his past played out to him through the fog, Zuko could see it now.
"I wish I knew then," he murmured to his mother. "I wish I had the sense to stop trying so hard for his approval."
"Do you?" she asks. She waves her hand and a different scene plays out before him. His breath catches in his throat and he instantly recognises the memory.
Katara is watching him from across the campfire in her bed roll. It's the evening after they found Yon Rah, and he remembers the air being frigid that night. She says something but no sound is made in the swamp land. He knows though she is asking him to make the fire burn hotter. He's replying that that is too risky; they could get caught out here. Her brows crease forward in a scowl and she's now waving her arms around. She's cold, and unless he wants to go back to the Western Air Temple and explain to the Avatar how she died from hypothermia he will make the fire burn hotter. Zuko sees himself stand up and stalk over to where she's lying down, positioning himself behind her and pulling her body into his chest. Katara stiffens but a moment later, she relaxes, clutching onto his arm to wrap it tightly around her waist.
The fog fades away and Zuko's blushing at his mother's inquisitive eyes.
"She is a beautiful girl, Zuko," she says with a knowing smile. "You might not have met her if you hadn't gone on the journey you did."
"But I hunted her down and I betrayed her. If I had known, maybe I would've joined the Avatar right from the start," Zuko argues with a solemn frown.
His mother nods. "You might have but do you truly regret everything that led to that moment?"
Zuko shakes his head reluctantly, but she is right. For all of the hurt he's caused Katara over the years, every single choice has led him to that moment, and to earn her forgiveness after all that he's done to her was more of an achievement than learning how to redirect lightning. It was knowing she saw all of the dark and horrible pieces of him and yet still accepted him for who he is. Her friendship is too valuable for him to regret his past.
"Good," his mother says. "Now you see."
The two start to walk again. The companionable silence is nice. It is peaceful down here in spite of the soft mud underneath his boots and the sticky air, but now something is different. There is an itching in the back of his mind that disrupts his serenity and Zuko can't figure out what it is.
"That was your past," his mother speaks, interrupting Zuko from his addled thoughts. "And this is your present."
The fog shifts and changes but this time the picture is clearer, there are colours where the greys, blacks and whites should've been.
Katara is sitting by his bedside, holding tightly to his hand – and Agni, is that him? "I look awful," Zuko comments out loud.
"You've been unconscious since Azula's attack."
He has to wonder if time is slower down here or faster. How long has it been since Sozin's Comet? How long has he been like that? It's no wonder Katara looks so tired. She must have been trying to heal him all this time.
"I have to leave you now," Katara whispers, and the sound of her voice startles him. He turns to ask his mother how he can hear her but she presses a finger to her lips, so he quiets.
Katara leans forward to brush his hair from his face. "I have to go take care of something but I'll be back I promise. Just do me a favour, Zuko? Wake up, please. The world needs you. Your people need you." She presses a kiss to his forehead. "I need you."
The fog shakes as a nonexistent wind blows it away.
"Wait! But… what happened next? Where is she going?" Zuko cries out.
"I can't tell you that," his mother sighs. "That is all I am allowed to show you, Zuko."
The itching grows more insistent and Zuko scratches at the back of his head but it does nothing to dispel the feeling. For the first time since he arrived, he doesn't feel at peace anymore and he knows when he comes across that fork he's not going to know what to do.
The water whip knocks two firebenders into a tree. Katara draws it back and reforms the whip into frozen daggers. She throws them at another firebender who is consequently enclosed by his uniform against the trunk of a giant oak tree. Toph bends the earth up around to trap the firebender in place before he can melt the daggers.
The camp is smaller than they had initially thought and Katara and Toph manage to capture the Ozai supporters in under an hour. Toph bends metal around all of the prisoners before she drops onto a nearby stump, happily wiggling her toes.
"It's a good day to be on Team Sparky!"
"What?" Katara stops rummaging through the firebenders' packs to look at her friend.
"Well, it can't be Team Avatar anymore because we're not doing this for him," Toph explains with a roll of her eyes. "So it's Team Sparky."
Katara chuckles and goes back to rummaging through the packs in the hopes of finding anything that could tell them who's funding the rebellion against Zuko. Frustrated, she falls back onto the ground with her knees tucked to her chest.
"Woah, Sugar Queen, you're as hostile as a boarcupine, what's up?" Toph asks as she comes to sit beside her.
"Everything, Toph!" Katara throws her hands up in the air. "Zuko's still unconscious and now there's a rebellion trying to overthrow him before he can even become the Fire Lord. I thought when we defeated Ozai, it'd be over. I thought we could finally be happy."
"Don't be stupid," Toph snorts. "It was never going to be that easy. We all knew that." Katara bristles at the insult but before she can get a word in, Toph puts up a hand to stop her. "Sparky will wake up."
"How can you be so sure? It's been nearly three weeks," Katara says, and she rubs her eyes wearily. "His wound is all healed now. There is still damage but nothing life-threatening. It's his head, Toph. It's clouded. I can't… I can't sense him anymore."
Toph looks questioningly at Katara. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't want to worry anyone," she answers truthfully. "I couldn't bear to take everyone's last bit of hope like that."
"So you kept it all to yourself? Real smart, Sweetness," Toph says with a roll of her eyes. "Did you think that maybe we could help? Maybe Aang could go into the Spirit World and drag Zuko's ass back?"
Katara shakes her head resolutely. "We don't know he's there."
"Where else would he be? Ba Sing Se?" Toph is close to shouting but she has enough control to keep from disrupting the silence of the forest they're in. "Listen, Katara, I know you feel guilty about what happened but that was Zuko's sacrifice to make. Don't belittle his action."
"I'm not," she says quietly.
"You are," Toph pointedly says. "And call it supreme earthbending intuition but I don't think that's all you're guilty about. Is it?" Katara doesn't immediately respond and Toph flicks dirt at her. "The offer stands for only tonight, Sweetness. Talk now or keep it bottled up inside."
Katara rubs at the pendant around her neck and tries to explain. "Something changed when we went to find the man who killed my mother. I didn't just forgive Zuko that night. I…"
"You fell in love with him."
"What? No! That's not what happened!" Katara quickly says but at Toph's arched brow, she sighs. "But I guess I saw that I could. I saw how easy it would be to… to feel that way about him." She groans and drops her head into her hands. "It wasn't right. Aang loved me and - and I thought I loved him too, so I tried to push it away. I told myself at the end of all this, I'd choose Aang." She pauses to look up. "I'm so stupid, Toph. He dove in front of lightning for me and I couldn't even be honest with him!"
Toph is silent, and Katara wonders whether confiding in a fourteen-year-old girl is the wisest thing to do, but as soon as her friend speaks, she's reminded of how wise the young girl is. "Sparky's going to wake up and you'll have your chance to tell him then but right now there's no point in wallowing in your guilt. It's eating you up inside and you're no good to anyone like this. Suck it up, Sugar Queen. Sparky still needs you or else he's not going to have a nation to run when he gets back."
"It has been a long time, old friend."
"Too long."
"Has the little one recovered?"
"She's running around chasing after her brothers as we speak."
"She is too much like her mother," laughs the bald monk, and then the fog slowly fades away.
It takes Zuko a moment later to realise that that had been Aang and him standing in the palace gardens. The Avatar is older than he remembers but the twinkling grey eyes are enough to confirm it is indeed Aang. He could hardly recognise himself though. His hair has grown out some and the boyishness is all but gone from his face.
"I'm a father?" Zuko asks breathlessly.
"It's a possible future," his mother tells him. "But it is not the only one. You know better than anyone that our destiny is the one we choose for ourselves." She waves her hand and orders him to watch.
The fog reshapes into another image. There is a man huddled in the corner of a cell. His bones are glaring against his taut skin. He barely turns when the door to his cell is pulled open and someone walks in.
"And to think you were supposed to take the throne," someone spits at him. "Look at you now. Pathetic."
Zuko inhales sharply as the man in the corner turns his head, golden eyes flashing in the darkness of the prison.
"What do you want?"
"I just wanted to tell you the good news," the person sneers. "The Avatar is dead. No one's coming for you now, cousin."
"You're lying!" shouts future-Zuko but the exertion is clearly too much for him as he splutters and coughs, his whole frail body shaking violently.
The fog fades again and Zuko is shaking his head, backing away from his mother. "I don't… I don't understand."
"Zuko, wait!"
But it's too late.
As much as he loves his mother, as much as he misses her more than he can say, he's running now. He doesn't want this future. The war is supposed to be over. It was supposed to end with Ozai and Azula, but this – this cousin of his that Zuko can't even recall is going to threaten everything they had all fought for, for so long to accomplish. He's so tired of war; so tired of the fear of not knowing what would happen the next day. He's tired of fighting.
Zuko stumbles through the swamp lands, sidestepping vines and rocks, but his hysteria causes him to be careless and he trips anyways. He is surprised to find he can still bleed here in the Spirit World. Pain still exists, and the throbbing around his knee is persistently painful.
"Here, let me."
Before Zuko can look up to see who it is this time, water-soaked hands hover over his knee and the wound knits itself back together. He jumps to his feet. "Katara!" He wraps his arms around her waist, holding her tightly against his chest, breathing in the salty sea smell he associates with her. "Please tell me you're not dead. Please tell me you're just here as something else."
She chuckles against him. "I'm not dead, Zuko. I'm still up there somewhere."
He lets out a breath of relief and pulls back, unwilling however to fully let her go. "So who are you?"
Katara smiles cryptically. "Don't you already know?"
"I've already met Death and Time. I don't know what's left."
"You were always so dense," Katara says, rolling her eyes. "Think harder, Zuko. Who am I to you?"
He flushes red. "I… I don't know."
Katara shoves him and scowls. "Do I always have to spell it out for you? I'm Love!"
"I…"
"Don't bother lying," Katara says, still scowling. "I know you love me. Even if you don't really know it yourself."
Zuko sighs. "It's complicated."
"Isn't love always complicated, Zuko?" she asks, her hand falling on his forearm. "It is the single most powerful force in the world. It can make you feel whole and it can break you all at the same time."
"That's hardly comforting."
Katara laughs again. "It wasn't supposed to be." She trails her fingers down his arm till they twine through his. "C'mon. Let's walk."
They return to the stream and follow it, just like he had done with Lu Ten an entire lifetime ago. He finds the silence however is less companionable than with his cousin or his mother. Being near Katara again, all Zuko wants is to know is how she's doing, if Azula hurt her, if she's okay, but he doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what he could possibly say to her.
"Can I ask you something, Zuko?" Katara asks, worry and uncertainty etched into her features, and it's a look that halts him in his steps.
"I guess," he says warily. Katara was always so observant, knowing him probably better than he knew himself at times, and this Katara, this form of her is Love and Zuko couldn't help thinking why she would even need to ask when she probably already knew.
"Ba Sing Se," she begins simply, watching with her disconcerting blue eyes. "If Azula hadn't showed up, if we had more time in the catacombs to ourselves, what would have happened?"
The question surprises him. It is not something he hasn't thought of before but of all that she could ask, it surprises him that she asks this. Zuko sighs and runs a hand through his hair, longer now with the war spanning years of his teenage life. "I would have said yes," he answers without much hesitation because he knows he would've. "I would've let you try to heal my scar and maybe at the end of it, I would've gone with you back to the Avatar."
Katara nods and continues to walk, her hand still firmly intertwined with his – not that Zuko minds. It's so wholly terrifying and comforting at the same time. Besides, this is not the most intimate they've been together. Zuko blushes at the memory and he feels Katara's eyes studying him curiously.
"Do you regret going with Azula then?"
Again, Zuko doesn't hesitate in his reply. He's had a lot of time to think about this. "No. I think I needed to really see what 'home' was like." He sighs and smiles ruefully at her. "I spent so long wanting to go back. Everything I did was so I could go back home and because of that I built it up in my head. I forgot what a miserable time I actually had there. How much I disagreed with my father. With Azula. I needed to realise that for myself."
"Even if it meant betraying me?" Katara asks, and there's a teasing lilt to her voice, which has him smiling more genuinely this time.
"Even if it meant that," Zuko nods. "I hated that I hurt you, you know? I really did. A part of me does regret it but my mother – or I guess, Time made me see things differently. If I sided with you then at Ba Sing Se after you healed me, I would've felt like I owed you something. That's not fair to you." He looks away, a blush on his cheeks. "We're equals. We don't owe the other anything. That's how it should be."
Katara smiles, a brilliant, dazzling smile. "You've really changed, Zuko. Since the first time we met."
"Yeah," Zuko half-heartedly agrees. "I guess."
She pauses and tilts her head in confusion. "Do you not think so?"
"Azula still beat me, didn't she?" Zuko nearly snaps at her. It's an age-old insecurity flaring up inside of him. The prodigal sister to the pathetic banished prince. He just thought after all he had gone through, after finally realising his true destiny, he would finally be able to face his sister. He clearly was wrong.
Katara punches him in the shoulder and he winces with a scowl. "What was that for!"
"For being as dumb as a hippo cow," Katara frowns. "Azula didn't beat you. I think sacrificing your life for someone else is proof of that."
"Well, I don't see her in the Spirit World!"
"Zuko!" Katara nearly shouts but the rise in pitch has him feeling admonished nonetheless. "You have wanted to redeem your honour your entire life. Isn't risking your life for the life of someone you care about not the most honourable thing a person can do? And isn't choosing to hurt a person's loved one to get back at them not the most dishonourable thing a person can do?" Zuko is silent but Katara isn't done. "You beat her, Zuko. You won." And then in a quieter voice, she adds, "if that is all you care about."
"That's not - no, that's not all I care about," Zuko quickly assures her, squeezing her hand. He knows she's not real but she feels so real right now that he simply doesn't care.
"Then stop being such a baby and get over this stupid competition you have with your sister," Katara snaps, but there's a twitch of her lips that has him believing he's forgiven. "You're supposed to be at peace here, remember?"
Zuko rolls his eyes. "I'm never at peace with you around."
Katara smiles with a shake of her head. For a moment, they walk in silence, following the current of the stream, as the swamp land echoes with the sound of their footsteps.
"If you choose to stay, we'll all be okay," Katara says quietly. "I'll be okay. It'll be hard and it'll take time but I'll come to terms with it. As long as your decision is for you and no one else – as long as you're happy in the end, Zuko, I'll be okay."
She's giving him an out. She's letting him go. Zuko doesn't know why this hurts him more. "Do you love me?" He finally asks the question that's been burning on the tip of his tongue for the better part of the past – however long he's been here with her. "You're here because you think I love you but do you love me?"
Katara stops and smiles sadly at him. "I can't tell you that, Zuko."
"Then how am I supposed to know what to do!" he shouts in frustration. "You come here and you tell me I'm in love with you but then my mother shows me futures where I might be a father or I might be a prisoner. What am I supposed to do, Katara? Tell me!"
"Zuko," she sighs heavily, using her free hand to touch his scarred cheek. "I told you, love isn't simple. Love is complicated. I can't tell you what to do."
"I don't know," he answers. "I don't know, Katara."
She nods solemnly and points to a path that wasn't there a moment ago "Just at the end of that path, you'll reach the crossroad. The path to the left will take you back to the living. The path to the right will take you to eternal rest. Choose wisely, Zuko. There will be no second chances."
Between them all, the rebellions were easily snuffed out before they could burn wildly through the Fire Nation, but there is still the matter of funding. The nobles will try again unless they're stopped, and although a party is the last thing Katara wants, it's one she finds herself attending anyways. It's hard for her to find the energy to smile and make small talk with the guests when she can hardly stay still long enough to speak to her friends.
It's absurd how much Zuko's comatose state has affected her. For weeks, she's told herself it's because he risked his life for her and she couldn't bear it if he died because of that, but since her conversation with Toph last week, she wonders – is it because of his sacrifice? Or is it because she couldn't stand the thought of a world where he doesn't exist?
How did this happen?
Katara burrows her head into her hands with a low whine. She isn't supposed to care about him, not any more than she cares for Toph. She's supposed to be in love with Aang – he is the Avatar for Tui and La's sake. He saved the world from Ozai. She should be with him. But that's not what the niggling, awfully persistent voice in the back of her mind kept saying.
Remember that night, Katara? Remember it?
Oh, how could she forget? It's seared into her mind as if Zuko had firebent it there with his scorching heat.
"Can't you make the fire hotter!"
Katara shouldn't be snapping at him. He's done so much for her in the past couple of days and all of it without judgement. She shouldn't be snapping at him but she can't help it. She's tired and cold and her emotions are fritzing with electricity, and unfortunately for him, he's the only one close enough for her to take them out on.
"And I told you, we're too close to a Fire Nation colony, we don't want to draw any attention to ourselves!"
The irritation is clear in his amber eyes, lit aflame by the flickering fire lying in between them. Zuko pinches the bridge of his nose and he lets out a low sigh, steam curling away from him.
"Why are you being so unreasonable!" she snaps again. "I know I'm not the only one who's cold here. Just a little hotter!" She watches Zuko shiver, seemingly involuntarily, and she smirks. "See."
"We'll survive," he scowls.
"Or maybe we won't," Katara says. There's a wind coming from the north, frigid and unyielding, completely foreign to the Fire Nation. She can smell the storm on its way; it's in the air. But Zuko doesn't know that and they'll be gone by the time it reaches the island so she doesn't mention it. It doesn't mean however the cold night is any less worrying. She hasn't been eating well, or sleeping well, and her body is too weak to fight off the cold right now. It's embarrassing considering she's not only a waterbender but also the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe's daughter. This is her element, literally. Only she feels cold and exhausted, and her bones are brittle in this weather, so she fixes Zuko with a glare. "Fine. But you're going to have to go to back to the Avatar and tell him yourself about how I died from hypothermia because of you."
The flames flicker with Zuko's anger and this makes Katara smile. She thinks she finally reached him, and maybe now she'll have the heat she so desperately craves. Only Zuko is standing and she's worried she pushed him too far. She doesn't want him to leave her. She knows she's been horrible to him lately but she doesn't want to be alone – she can't be alone right now. Not in this state. Not right after Yon Rah.
Her mind is hysterical when he walks past her, panic rising in the back of her throat, but suddenly her bed roll is being pushed aside and there's a warm body sliding in beside her. His hands curl around her, tugging her gently into his chest, but then he stops moving, waiting… waiting for what?
Waiting for her.
Katara sucks in a breath, wondering if she should throw him back across their campground with water, but while her mind deliberates, her body responds. She places her hand over his and pulls him tightly to her body, humming in the back of her throat at how absurdly right this feels.
"Now sleep," he orders, burrowing his nose into her hair.
Katara would bristle at being told what to do but her eyes droop and sleep finally comes to her after so many restless nights.
"You alright, sis?"
Katara blinks back the memory. "Fine, Sokka," she says after registering it's him that spoke to her. Suki is standing beside him and she offers her a smile. "Really, guys, I'm fine."
"Toph said you were pretty ruthless out there," Sokka says.
"Thanks."
"It's not a compliment," Sokka tells her. "She said at times it looked like you were going to kill them."
"I wasn't," Katara scowls, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.
"Weren't you?" Sokka asks again. "Look, I get it. We're all worried about Zuko and the rebellions, but don't do anything rash. I know you. You'd only regret it."
"No, Sokka!" she cries out, not caring if she's drawing attention to herself. "No, you don't. Did you know when I found Yon Rah I wanted to kill him?"
"But you didn't…"
"Not because I forgave him. Not because I couldn't do it!" Katara says, tears brimming in her eyes. "I stopped because his life was already so pathetic. I wanted him to suffer. Killing him would only be a relief."
"Katara," Sokka sighs.
"Don't Katara me," she says, more softly now. "I'm not perfect. There's a part of me that terrifies me, a part that's angry and horrible, and I could never tell you because I was so scared of what you'd think of me. You and Aang were already so disappointed I'd go after him." She is crying now. "But not Zuko. He never judged me. He never once told me what he thought was best. He just… He just stood by me."
"Do you think I wouldn't have?" Sokka asks quietly, hurt in his voice.
Katara touches his arm. "You always have. More than anyone else in this world. But you and Aang. You both put me on a pedestal. I don't deserve it. I just wanted someone to see my flaws for once."
"And Zuko did?"
"He understood," Katara nods. "He has the same flaws."
Sokka is silent for a long while and only when Suki pulls his hand into hers does he start, seeming to realise where he is again. He looks at her and smiles. "He'll wake up. Trust me. He's a stubborn ass."
Katara laughs in spite of everything and she hugs her brother with as much feeling as she could put into one small physical act. He returns it with equal fervor. It's a relief to unburden on him like that, even if now was not the time for it, but she feels somewhat lighter and that makes tonight a little less miserable. She even makes more of an effort to speak to the nobles, and when they ask her about the Agni Kai with Azula, she doesn't even grit her teeth and tell them to go poke a komodo rhino. Even if she really wanted to.
The night wears on but there is no sign of Ozai supporters amongst the nobles. Mai looks increasingly frustrated, though if Katara hadn't actually spoken to the girl, she wouldn't have known considering Mai's usual dull expression. Even Ty Lee is showing signs of frustration, and that is a feat for the hyperactive, bouncing acrobat.
Katara knows they're here. She can feel it but she doesn't know how. It's just an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, something screaming danger inside of her, but no matter who she talks to, they all spout admiration and respect for their hopeful new Fire Lord. Most of it, Katara can tell, are lies meant to grovel for favours with Zuko, but they're harmless lies of greedy, selfish nobles rather than ones of murderous, homicidal nobles.
There is only an hour left of the evening when Toph comes running up.
"Something's wrong!" she quickly mutters to them. "It's… We need to get to Zuko's chambers." When no one moves, Toph stomps her foot. "NOW!"
Immediately, everyone drops what they were holding, a clatter of dishes and cups smashing onto the marble floor, before they're all racing through the palace. Katara has her arms coated in water, while her, Sokka, Suki, and Aang trail after Toph. She doesn't know what to expect but the screaming in the pit of her stomach is growing louder and the fear for Zuko's life grips her in ways she doesn't know how she's still running and breathing at the same time.
They turn down a corner and Katara's heart hammers painfully to a stop when she catches sight of the guards outside his door incapacitated on the ground. Everyone seems to be overcome with the same feeling as they've all stopped in a daze. It isn't until a loud crash from inside the chamber has them snapped back to reality.
"Zuko," Katara whispers, following Toph as she busts the door open with a giant stone hammer she bent out of the wall.
As if one heart-stopping moment wasn't enough, Katara pauses just beside the door, causing Sokka, Aang and Suki to crash into her. There in the corner is a frightfully thin Zuko clutching his wounded chest as he bent fire weakly at three masked assailants. For a second, Katara allows the relief to rush through her at seeing him awake, but immediately after, she shoves past her equally stunned friends. She steps forward with one arm raised towards the assailants, bending a wave of water towards them, throwing them into the wall and freezing them there.
When Katara is sure they're secure, she sprints forward and throws her arms around Zuko's neck. He smells of medicinal ointments and sweat but she doesn't care, because underneath it all, there's that smoky, spicy scent that's all him and it makes her heart race so fast she feels dizzy.
"I thought you were dead." She's crying into the crook of his neck. "I thought I'd never see you again."
Zuko is stiff in her arms but she smiles when she feels him relax and hug her back. "I'm… I'm okay, Katara."
"Don't." She slaps his shoulder when she pulls back. "Ever do that again!"
"Okay, okay, let's not hurt the nearly-dead guy," Sokka says as he peels Katara away from Zuko. He then turns to the future Fire Lord and hugs him tightly. "But yeah, don't do that again."
Zuko flushes and rubs at the back of his neck. "Um, I'll try not to?"
"Sparky, am I glad to see you awake!" Toph punches his shoulder in greeting and the weakened prince scowls in return.
"Yeah, Sifu Hotman! You really had us worried there!" Aang joins in.
"Now I remember why I wanted to choose the other path," Zuko groans.
"What other path?" Katara asks.
He flushes again. "Nothing. Never mind."
Zuko is coronated two weeks later. The Fire Sages and the Council wanted to do it sooner but Uncle Iroh had insisted on letting him rest and regain his strength before facing the Fire Nation. It wouldn't do well for the world to see the new Fire Lord in such a frail state, or so that was his reasoning. His main reason was to follow Zuko around, urging him to eat this and drink this. It took all of Zuko's newly gained patience not to snap at his uncle and throw that damned teapot against the wall.
Of course the Council wouldn't let Zuko off that easily. He spent two weeks in and out of meetings to discuss the new rebellions and the possible nobles who could be funding them. Then there were the talks of reparations the Fire Nation must pay to the other nations. He should be regaining his strength but the more he's learning about the state of the world and the pile of things he has to do, Zuko feels even weaker than before. Not for the first time, he wonders if he can even do this. He's not cunning like his father. He doesn't have the same aptitude for politics. He barely has an aptitude for people, preferring instead to spend his time in his mother's garden with the turtleducks.
That's where she inevitably finds him.
Zuko hasn't seen Katara properly since he woke up. She's come to help heal him but there's always a council member nearby talking to him about this or that, or a Fire Sage nearby discussing his coronation. There's been barely a moment where he could really speak to her and ask her how she is; or even just to thank her for saving his life.
"I thought I'd find you here," Katara says quietly, coming to sit beside him. He hands her a piece of bread wordlessly and she picks it apart to feed to the little baby turtleducks. "Are you okay, Zuko?"
He turns to her and touches her knee tentatively. "Thank you, Katara."
"For what?"
"For saving my life. For saving my nation," Zuko lists off. "For being there beside me when I was… when I was like that."
A beautiful crimson blush tinges her dark skin. "It's… It's nothing."
Zuko grabs her hand and implores her to hear him. "It's not. I'm alive because of you." It's more true than she knows.
"I guess we're even," Katara murmurs shyly and fixes him with that dazzling smile. His heart skips a beat at the sight.
"What?" Zuko asks, a little dazed.
"You saved me too, remember?" Katara says with a roll of her eyes. "The Agni Kai with Azula?"
"Oh, right," Zuko nods and shrugs, repeating her words back at her. "It's nothing." Katara laughs and shoves him playfully. He thinks he loves that sound.
"I… I couldn't feel you," Katara begins uncertainly after another long minute of silence. "I could feel your body healing itself. Everything said you were fine but you wouldn't wake for so long. Your mind was so cloudy, Zuko. I thought you were gone from us."
Zuko brazenly reaches forward and wipes at the tears now running down her face with the pad of his thumb. "I was always going to come back to you," he says without thinking, blushing furiously when he realises the implications of his words. For a moment, the firebender and waterbender stare at each other, silently each trying to make sense of this new territory in their relationship.
Zuko speaks first. "I was in the Spirit World. That's probably why you couldn't reach me."
"Oh," is all she says.
Then in a flurry words so unbeknownst to Zuko, he tells her about how he had to choose between life and death – how hard it was when time seemed to stretch on for months and months. He tells her about the spirits who guided him through the Spirit World, about Death, Time and Love. Finally, he tells her who they were.
"Lu Ten, my cousin, came to me as Death," Zuko says quietly. "He told me about the choice I had to make. Then… my mother. She was Time. She showed me my past, my present and my future." He swallows nervously. "Then Love came to me."
Katara scoots closer. "Who was Love?"
"You," he answers quietly, staring at her blue eyes as they widen.
"Me?" she all but squeaks. "Why me?"
Zuko chooses not to answer; instead, he carries forward with his story, figuring it would become clear to her soon enough. "My mother showed me two futures. In one, I was… I was locked up in a cell and my cousin came in to tell me the Avatar was dead. He said no one would be coming for me now and it was like I just knew everyone I ever loved was dead too." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "In the second future, she showed me… well, I didn't see but it was me and Aang a lot older than we are now. We were talking about my children and," he laughs disbelievingly.
"I wanted that future, Katara. I never thought I would. I've always been scared of who my children could grow up into because of my family but I wanted it. Except the second future scared me. I'm tired of fighting a war and seeing that possibility, I… I didn't want to come back. I didn't want to fight anymore. I wanted the peace and calm I felt down there."
Katara grips his hand tightly, a hitch in her voice when she speaks. "Why did you come back?"
"You showed up," Zuko tells her. "You asked me about Ba Sing Se and I told you I didn't regret it. I hated that I hurt you but I don't regret what it led to… I mean, Katara, you saw the very worst parts of me and you still forgave me. You still became my friend in spite of it. I'd never regret that."
She closes her eyes and sighs. "Why was I Love, Zuko?"
He cups her cheek with one hand gently, scared if he placed any more pressure she would crumble and drift away. "Because I love you, Katara."
Zuko doesn't hesitate now when he leans forward, pressing his lips softly against hers. He doesn't want to scare her by being too insistent but even just from that one brief contact, his body is pooling with heat and yearning and something that feels like home.
When Zuko pulls back, Katara is smiling and it warms his heart like nothing ever will aside from that damned smile.
"Good," she says then wraps her fingers around his tunic to pull him back for another kiss, this time more demanding and exploratory than the last. Zuko instinctively wraps his arms around her waist and lifts her onto his lap. She giggles when he traces kisses down her jawline and nips at the sensitive flesh below her ear.
"I love you too," Katara breathes against him. "So much more than you know."
"You can show me."
"It'll take a long time."
"A lifetime," Zuko agrees and draws her lips back to his.