It was dark out, the faded and dull atmosphere overwhelming a person. My
suit was uncomfortable and I couldn't control myself to itch at my tie. I
sat down, trying to control my nervousness and the hole in the pit of my
stomach. It hurt, as if someone had decided to stab me with a knife. After
that thought processed I flinched, why would I even think of something like
that?
A man walked past me, shaking his head and biting his lip. The tears were flooding his eyes but I wasn't sure what hurt more, the weight that his wife was pressing against him as she shook with sobs, or the regret that he had to have been thinking. I shook it off, tried to compose myself and sat up straight. A woman approached, a moist tissue sitting in her hand.
"Gordon?" She asked. I turned around making it look as if I hadn't seen her.
"Can I help you?" I responded. She smiled, sitting next to me and rested her hand on my shoulder; this made things more uncomfortable.
"Correct me if I'm wrong," She dabbed her noise with the tissue. "But aren't you Gordon Lachance?"
"I don't think I'm following you, but yes I am." I shook my head trying to recognize the face, the eyes, the hair, but nothing processed.
"I'm Diane Chambers…Chris' wife. He talked about you an awful lot, he thought very highly of you." She began to cry again. Realizing that this she knew more about Chris in the last ten years that I had I reached for her arm and tried to sooth her, motioning towards a bench out beyond the cemetery.
"The service was really beautiful. Chris would have adored it." She shook her head again.
"I'm sure he would have." We sat on a small concrete bench as she fiddled with the papers in her hand.
"He was getting ready to end a deal…and then we were off for a vacation in Ireland, just the two of us." She mumbled.
"Really." I sighed, folding my arms. "Is there more then just the two of you?"
"Oh no, we don't have any children. We both had very busy careers." She smiled momentarily then glanced back at the crowd. "I know he didn't call as often as he had hoped, Gordon…but he really did care about you. Sometimes, when he had just closed a deal or gotten more money out of one then he thought he would, he would go on these rants. These indescribable rants about your jokes and school and camping, random places around Oregon…he was so proud of those moments. He really held onto them." She began to cry harder, this time allowing herself to put her face into her hands, sobbing.
I put my arm around her, then let out a sigh, a remembrance sigh, the kind you only do when you don't have the urge to laugh.
"What?" She asked.
"It's just weird to me…Chris comforting me when my brother died and here I am comforting his wife when he dies. I should have called him," I shook my head, disappointed in myself. She looked up at me and stopped, quickly wiping the tears away.
"Don't you blame yourself for that, Gordon. You did all that you could. It takes two to communicate…he was just so busy and you had a whole different life in front of you."
"But what if I could have had one more talk with him, one more conversation or joke or…or deep moments. I would give everything to have another one of those with him." I hadn't cried about Chris. It hadn't even settled in just yet, I had read the newspaper, dreaded each word and then finished off my day. I didn't bother to call Teddy or Vern or make sure that his wife was okay, I just spent a few moments to him. It hadn't even occurred to me the impact he had played on my entire life. "Without him I wouldn't be where I am today."
"Why do you say that?" She asked, dabbing at her eyes.
"He had to practically force me to take the college courses, you should have heard him…" I stopped and looked down at the dirty ground, the soil moist and wet from the morning rain.
"He regretted it, you know. Not keeping in touch with you, he cared about you even after the two of you hadn't spoken. He actually…never mind, I'm not sure if you would want it."
"What is it?" I asked eagerly.
"He put together a package, this taped up package that he had procrastinated on for years, saying he would send it to you…I guess he never got around to it." A few tears slipped, but she pushed them away.
"May I see it?" I asked slowly.
"It's at home…actually." She trailed off.
"Oh yes, sure, I understand. Another time."
"I only live a few minutes, let me run home and get it for you. Will you wait?" She asked.
"Sure, yes." I quickly agreed.
"Wonderful. I'll be back shortly, Gordon."
"Diane." I started.
"What?" She turned back and looked at me.
"Call me Gordy?" I asked.
She nodded her head, her pale lips beginning to shake again as she rushed over to her car.
I sat, contemplating any reason why Chris would leave a package for me. I couldn't even begin to think of what was left in it. We had many memories together, memories that no matter how I tried, could never match up to the bond I had with anyone else later on in my life. Sure, I had friends. I got married, divorced and I had two wonderful children, but there was no possibility for me to share the same with them as I did with Chris. I stood up, stretched, then walked back over to the crowd walking past a few women who eyed my curiously, wondering who I was and what relation I had to Chris Chambers. I really wasn't sure anymore.
I noticed a man with shorter hair, waving his arms dramatically about and ranting to some women. She smiled slightly and then nodded her head.
"And so he grabbed me, I mean, put his arms around me, threw me off the tracks and began to yell at me, saving me from the train…I was crazy then…he was an amazing friend." The man said slowly. I walked up behind him as the women began to sigh and shake their heads, crying again. He nodded his head, his eyes becoming glossy.
"Don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talking about." I ruined the mood as the girls all looked up at me, their mouths dropping.
"What are you talking about? Of course I'm telling the truth…he saved my life, many times, and how would you know whether or not…" He slowly stopped, his eyes becoming big as he dropped the cigarette that sat in his mouth. "Gordy?" He mumbled.
The girls grew tired of our reunion and slowly left, talking amongst themselves.
"Teddy." I replied, shaking my head.
"I'm surprised to see you here." His eyes grew intense, turning into an oval shape.
"Why's that?"
"I don't know, I just didn't think you and Chris were still good friends." He shrugged.
"We really weren't…but I don't know Teddy. I came and I'm still trying to figure out why I did. I mean, we hadn't talked in ten years…I guess it was that summer that made the impact …"
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I had to come, I mean, he was my lawyer and saved my ass too often. He got me out of going to jail at least four times. He stuck up for me like a friend should." It began to get awkward and Teddy leaned over, tying his shoe.
"Still into those big combat boots, huh?" I laughed, lightly hitting his foot.
"I guess," He shrugged.
"Have you see Vern?" I slowly asked.
"Not lately."
"I want to tell you something but I can't here." I looked around, eager to find the Vern Tessio. Vern was unlike any other, yet there's always one like him in every group of friends. The laughs with Vern were more likely to be made at him other then with him.
"What is it?" Teddy asked eagerly. I wasn't surprised; Teddy always had to know everything.
"Let's get Vern." I mumbled and glanced around.
I walked past a few people, excusing myself and then walking on. I bumped into another man, a built and sturdy looking man and the kind that girls drool over in high school. He turned around as a smile spread across his face; I began to get the creeps.
"Can I help you?" I ask very cautiously and slowly.
"Gordy Lachance." He laughed, opening his mouth widely and then wrapping me into a hug. I was confused, not only was the unknown man putting his arms around me, but also it didn't feel weird.
"Vern?" I asked a few minutes later.
"It took you long enough," He laughed. The laugh was a shrill, loud, normal Vern laugh that only he could make.
Teddy began to laugh into his hand, trying to shield the shock himself.
"And Teddy, where have you guys been?" He asked, shaking Teddy's hand and then standing back.
"Having a life I guess." I shrugged.
"Yeah, really. It's really great to see you guys again. Although the occasion is really horrible." Vern smile faded and he stood quietly, pulling his hands together behind his back.
"Look, Gordy has something he needs to tell us, so do you think you could break yourself away from your little friend over there for a few minutes?" Teddy motioned towards a woman standing, a toddler running around her feet. She smiled at us, walked over and threw her gorgeous blond hair over her shoulders. She stuck out her hand.
"I bet you are Gordy and you are…Teddy. Am I right?" She smiled. Her eyes had a tint of red around the corners from crying.
"That's who we are, but who might you be?" Teddy began to play his charm.
"This is my wife, Sara." Vern smiled, placing his hand gently on her back.
Our jaws fell, our gut jolted and we began to softly laugh. Never in all our life had we ever imagined.
"Great, real great." Teddy tried to control himself.
"It was nice…to meet you." His wife became confused and then left to pick up a crying child.
"Now what was it you wanted to say Gordy?" Vern asked, trying his hardest to ignore Teddy's laughter.
"I wanted to show you something, something real important…but not here." I looked around, trying to find some vacant place to begin to talk.
"I got just the place." Vern nodded his head and then walked over to his wife and explained the situation. Both Teddy and I tried to look occupied but one thing was very clear, Vern got incredibly lucky. "Come on, we can take my car." Vern motioned towards the parking lot.
"I have to wait for someone first." I said and then searched the area for Diane.
"We'll wait," Vern shrugged.
Diane soon appeared, carrying a heavy looking box. I glanced down at it to see my address and name, even a post stamp marked on it.
"There you are, thank you Gordon for everything. I'm really glad that you could come." She smiled, shaking my hand.
"I'm really sorry about what happened, give me a call if you ever want to talk about Chris," I slightly grinned.
"That would be much to often for your schedule I'm sure." She replied.
"Ah-hem." Teddy muttered.
"Oh right, Diane, this is Teddy and Vern, they were friends of-"
"Oh this is so wonderful! Chris would have loved this, he really would have." She began to cry again and for a moment I felt guilty for putting this all on her at once. "Thank you for coming, it was wonderful to see all of you." With that she rushed over to her mother, collapsing in her arms.
I nodded my head slowly and then put the box under my arm heading towards the parked cars.
"His wife I take it?" Vern asked after we had driven out of the parking lot.
"Yes…Diane. She's heartbroken, it's terrible." I shook my head again and then looked at the box, running my hand over the dusty brown paper, the lines of tapes running across it. I smiled; Chris would becoming along with us one last time.
When we arrived at an empty field, immediately Teddy began to get angry.
"Where did you take us, Vern? What is this? Some kind of wheat field for us to pick wheat in remembrance of Chris?"
"No, you idiot." Vern replied. I was shocked, Vern had grown into a very self-confident man, back when we were younger, he would have never gotten away with saying something like that to the famous Teddy Duchamp. Teddy would have hit him real good.
"Well then where-"
"Just look around you Teddy." I mumbled and opened the back door, standing into the field the grass high and looking dry, except for the small moist areas on the ground. I walked over near the tree and looked up at it, it was still there. The paint was chipped and the ladder was missing two boards. It didn't look stable, but I knew we were going to go into it. I walked up and lifted up the small board, standing into our tree house. It was messy, dirty; bugs scattered around the room. The table was splitting in the middle and the chairs were gone. The curtains that used to hang over the empty windows were ripped, pieces lying aimlessly on the ground. I sat down on the floor and sighed. Teddy sat across from me, pulling out a cigarette.
We both looked at him.
"Oh come on, for old times sake." He held out the package in front of me.
I took one, setting it in my mouth.
"I quit smoking," Vern held up his hand.
"One thing hasn't changed." Teddy rolled his eyes, lighting the one that sat in his mouth then reaching for me.
"Oh, and what's that?" Vern asked.
"You're still the biggest pussy." I began to laugh as Teddy laughed loudly and directly into Vern's face.
"Well at least I've got my life on track, isn't that right? I mean, aren't you the one that's been in jail and-"
"Hey, hey, hey, come on guys. Let's not get into it." I held up my hands before Teddy could go onto his rant and begin to yell. I dropped the box in front of me and it grew silent. Their eyes were directed on it.
"What is it?" Vern muttered.
"I'm not sure," I began to open it to see a piece of tissue paper covering the bottom part a small piece of paper sitting on the top. I reached for it, saw that it was addressed to me and gave both of the guys a look. They began to busy themselves looking around the tree house. I opened the paper and began to read and just like in the movies, I could almost hear Chris' voice. But it wasn't the Chris that I would occasionally hear on the answering machine or sometimes even on the telephone. It was the Chris that comforted me after Denny died. The Chris that would assure me what a good person I was and that I was the only person on this earth that he wanted to be best friends with.
"Dear Gordy," It read. "Regrettably, I may never get this out. It's petty, something that I've been contemplating whether or not to send for some time now. I've collected these for years, trying to give you something that you would laugh at, something that would somehow assure you that our friendship meant the world to me. My wife keeps telling me to send it, but I'm afraid that if I do it will just leave confusion. This was only meant for the memories, Gordy. I would appreciate it if you showed Teddy and Vern. I'm sure they would enjoy it also. Remember who you are and the things that you're good at and the things you do, Gordy. If you do that, you'll go very far in life. I really miss you, and hope to get together with you soon. And who knows, maybe I'll have the balls to send these. We'll never know. Chris." I sighed, closing the letter and resting it in my pocket then motioning for the two men to come back over to the center of the room. Vern walked over, sitting down slowly and then rested his hands on his knees.
"This is weird." He muttered.
"Why?" Teddy asked, in the most seriousness then I have heard him. Then again, I haven't heard him talk in more then ten years.
"It's just strange, the atmosphere is strange. The whole event is…different. Without Chris here." Vern tried to get out, looking both of us directly in the eyes.
I nodded my head and then shrugged. Opening the large box. Folding the sides I glanced at the items sitting in it, pulling them out one by one a smile spread on all of our faces.
"What is that?" Vern asked, leaning closer. I held up a small piece of sweater material, brown with dots cascading the material that was shown. I began to laugh.
"It must be have been in there by accident." I muttered and for some reason, which I'm still not sure of, I didn't want to share my talk with them. The talk of how the true Chris Chambers felt and how much he despised following in his families footsteps. I felt guilty for only a few seconds and then realized that was one of the few things that Chris and I could still share.
Teddy shrugged then reached into the box pulling out a small comb. He laughed, throwing it in Vern's direction.
"There, now you can prove to the world that you look great on the camera." He laughed.
"A comb." Vern chuckled.
"Look at this…" I pulled out a tiny train, the kind that my son collected that can attach to other parts of the train. I held it up to look at it, remembering the daring experiences with trains. Teddy took it next, resting it in his hand.
"He cared enough to push me off…no one has cared about me that much since then." He set it on the ground next to him and then pulled out a small bag, four nickels sitting untouched inside of it.
"A goocher." Vern mumbled, fingering the tiny silver coins.
I smiled, pulling out the biggest and heaviest item in the box. The gun sat in my hands, the palms beginning to sweat the same way they had the day that he had shown it to me. 'Hawked it off my old mans burial.' He had said. I had been amazed and decided to shoot the loaded gun would be a swell idea. I was so wrong.
I began to feel overwhelmed by the presence of Chris, something I hadn't felt in so long. Regrets flooded my mind as Vern pulled out a small picture. He turned it around so we could all see.
"Her tits are just as good as they used to be, that's for sure." He laughed then showed us the small black and white picture of Annette off of the Mickey Mouse Club. I rolled my eyes as Teddy erupted in laughter, as always, eager to break the depressing silence.
"Hey look at this, I guess Chris wanted to donate to my jar of penny collection, huh?" Vern began to laugh, pulling out the tiny jar of pennies.
"And I guess he didn't resent my smoking like you all do," Teddy pulled out an old pack of cigarettes.
I reached in and pulled out a worn and tattered cap, the rim ripped slightly and then areas near the bottom faded.
"My Yankee cap." I muttered, resting it on my head. It fit perfectly now, the same way it had fit Denny when he wore it. Obviously, it probably hadn't taken Chris much to retrieve it from Eyeball; I knew he hadn't wanted it in the first place. It wasn't been the fact that my cap was stolen, or the fact that Ace had thrown Chris to the ground, it had been the fact that my brother had given it to me before he died. Something that even after I had grown and healed as much as possible, I had still wanted it back. I felt like crying, the tears growing in my throat. The cap was one of the few things that I had to remember Denny by. I sat back as Teddy drifted off into his world, most likely in reminiscing about Chris. Vern began to count the money in the jar, letting it slide into his hand.
I wasn't sure what I would have to remember Chris by; I didn't have anything that he had given to me except for his friendship. The way we could just look at each other and laugh, or the way he knew immediately if I wasn't in a good mood. He had given me something that was incomparable. I looked at the empty box; beginning to return the items to the box I saw another piece of white paper. I picked it up and began to read it.
"Gordy. Maybe this was an insane idea for me to come up with, and trust me; it took me a long time to remember everything. But I figure that once we all look at this it will give us a reason to go on another rebellious trip to the woods, maybe even fall into a pond infested with leeches. Maybe not but I do hope that this package will make us want to relive the memories, I know that I do. Even if I never do send this, I want you to know that it's not a matter of the time that we spent together, but a matter of memories that we have to remember each other by. No matter what happens and no matter where we go, I don't think we'll ever forget it. I know I won't. I'll see you around. Chris." I stopped and noticed that I had read it out loud, both sets of eyes starring at me.
"So that's it." Teddy mumbled.
"I guess," Vern shrugged, beginning to pick up the items scattered around us.
"But I never…I never got to thank him." Teddy began to fidget, hitting his leg with his fist.
"It's okay man, he knows." I rested my hand on his shoulder.
"No he doesn't! He…he saved me from going to jail, from killing myself…he saved my sorry ass so many times and I didn't…I didn't even thank him." Teddy stood up, throwing an empty soda can out of the window. I heard it hit the ground outside, glass shattering on the empty grass. He rubbed his eyes, standing in the corner, trying to make it as unnoticeable as possible.
"You do realize that none of us would have done this, don't you?" Vern asked suddenly. I looked over at him. "If any of us had died, any of us besides Chris, no one would have this hidden box full of memories that could save a persons life. Do you realize that? That with these memories, these times and emotions and experiences, with all this, just remembering it…or…or thinking about it…Chris was the only one that cared enough to make this. None of us would call each other or keep in touch, which I think was okay…but Chris, he really cared, more then any of us could ever care in our lives."
"He didn't deserve to die." I muttered, looking off into a direction in which I had no idea where I was starring.
"No one does." Vern shook his head.
"That's not true. The people that deserve to die are those that kill other people or kill themselves…but not someone like Chris…Chris didn't deserve to die." I stopped suddenly and the room grew quiet. As if we all waited for Chris to correct ourselves, he would have started with Teddy and wouldn't stop until we were all joking again, singing some insane song that he liked. Maybe getting together was good, but I know that it won't happen again. There's something missing now and it will never be the same.
"We should have…talked. We hardly talked after that summer. Maybe…if we had or…if we kept in touch then. Maybe we could make up for lost time." Vern suggested.
"It doesn't seem right," I mumbled.
"Yeah, not without Chris." Teddy sat back down, still rubbing at his eyes, trying to release any sign of tears.
"Yeah, maybe you're right." Vern sighed.
"Or maybe Chris would want us to. Like, if he were here, he would want us to talk…especially after seeing how much he cared," I lifted the cap from my head and ran my fingers over the faded letters on the front. "Or maybe we don't have to visually see each other to show that we still care."
It was quiet; not another word was spoken. We sat in the tree house for hours. Teddy dealt cards and we played a few games, setting up a small radio we began to tell jokes and even in our adult age we were forced to lose ourselves into our adolescent behavior when problems like these never occurred, at least not when Chris was around. He had some way of making the big problems seem so petty and small. Even with his own problems, he dealt with them personally and once he did, they were gone.
Vern left first, realizing that he needed to get home to his wife and children. Teddy and I stayed later, talking about Chris and about everything that we thought about him, why we thought things happened and what we actually did in the years that we didn't talk. He left around three in the morning and I was left alone in the abandoned tree house, and all I had left was the empty darkness and the soft sound of the breeze that began to hit the tree house and inform me of the coming rain. I knew at that moment that I could go on for the rest of my life and never have experiences like I did was I was twelve. I knew that there was no way I could ever forget Chris…but hell, there's no way I would want to.
A man walked past me, shaking his head and biting his lip. The tears were flooding his eyes but I wasn't sure what hurt more, the weight that his wife was pressing against him as she shook with sobs, or the regret that he had to have been thinking. I shook it off, tried to compose myself and sat up straight. A woman approached, a moist tissue sitting in her hand.
"Gordon?" She asked. I turned around making it look as if I hadn't seen her.
"Can I help you?" I responded. She smiled, sitting next to me and rested her hand on my shoulder; this made things more uncomfortable.
"Correct me if I'm wrong," She dabbed her noise with the tissue. "But aren't you Gordon Lachance?"
"I don't think I'm following you, but yes I am." I shook my head trying to recognize the face, the eyes, the hair, but nothing processed.
"I'm Diane Chambers…Chris' wife. He talked about you an awful lot, he thought very highly of you." She began to cry again. Realizing that this she knew more about Chris in the last ten years that I had I reached for her arm and tried to sooth her, motioning towards a bench out beyond the cemetery.
"The service was really beautiful. Chris would have adored it." She shook her head again.
"I'm sure he would have." We sat on a small concrete bench as she fiddled with the papers in her hand.
"He was getting ready to end a deal…and then we were off for a vacation in Ireland, just the two of us." She mumbled.
"Really." I sighed, folding my arms. "Is there more then just the two of you?"
"Oh no, we don't have any children. We both had very busy careers." She smiled momentarily then glanced back at the crowd. "I know he didn't call as often as he had hoped, Gordon…but he really did care about you. Sometimes, when he had just closed a deal or gotten more money out of one then he thought he would, he would go on these rants. These indescribable rants about your jokes and school and camping, random places around Oregon…he was so proud of those moments. He really held onto them." She began to cry harder, this time allowing herself to put her face into her hands, sobbing.
I put my arm around her, then let out a sigh, a remembrance sigh, the kind you only do when you don't have the urge to laugh.
"What?" She asked.
"It's just weird to me…Chris comforting me when my brother died and here I am comforting his wife when he dies. I should have called him," I shook my head, disappointed in myself. She looked up at me and stopped, quickly wiping the tears away.
"Don't you blame yourself for that, Gordon. You did all that you could. It takes two to communicate…he was just so busy and you had a whole different life in front of you."
"But what if I could have had one more talk with him, one more conversation or joke or…or deep moments. I would give everything to have another one of those with him." I hadn't cried about Chris. It hadn't even settled in just yet, I had read the newspaper, dreaded each word and then finished off my day. I didn't bother to call Teddy or Vern or make sure that his wife was okay, I just spent a few moments to him. It hadn't even occurred to me the impact he had played on my entire life. "Without him I wouldn't be where I am today."
"Why do you say that?" She asked, dabbing at her eyes.
"He had to practically force me to take the college courses, you should have heard him…" I stopped and looked down at the dirty ground, the soil moist and wet from the morning rain.
"He regretted it, you know. Not keeping in touch with you, he cared about you even after the two of you hadn't spoken. He actually…never mind, I'm not sure if you would want it."
"What is it?" I asked eagerly.
"He put together a package, this taped up package that he had procrastinated on for years, saying he would send it to you…I guess he never got around to it." A few tears slipped, but she pushed them away.
"May I see it?" I asked slowly.
"It's at home…actually." She trailed off.
"Oh yes, sure, I understand. Another time."
"I only live a few minutes, let me run home and get it for you. Will you wait?" She asked.
"Sure, yes." I quickly agreed.
"Wonderful. I'll be back shortly, Gordon."
"Diane." I started.
"What?" She turned back and looked at me.
"Call me Gordy?" I asked.
She nodded her head, her pale lips beginning to shake again as she rushed over to her car.
I sat, contemplating any reason why Chris would leave a package for me. I couldn't even begin to think of what was left in it. We had many memories together, memories that no matter how I tried, could never match up to the bond I had with anyone else later on in my life. Sure, I had friends. I got married, divorced and I had two wonderful children, but there was no possibility for me to share the same with them as I did with Chris. I stood up, stretched, then walked back over to the crowd walking past a few women who eyed my curiously, wondering who I was and what relation I had to Chris Chambers. I really wasn't sure anymore.
I noticed a man with shorter hair, waving his arms dramatically about and ranting to some women. She smiled slightly and then nodded her head.
"And so he grabbed me, I mean, put his arms around me, threw me off the tracks and began to yell at me, saving me from the train…I was crazy then…he was an amazing friend." The man said slowly. I walked up behind him as the women began to sigh and shake their heads, crying again. He nodded his head, his eyes becoming glossy.
"Don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talking about." I ruined the mood as the girls all looked up at me, their mouths dropping.
"What are you talking about? Of course I'm telling the truth…he saved my life, many times, and how would you know whether or not…" He slowly stopped, his eyes becoming big as he dropped the cigarette that sat in his mouth. "Gordy?" He mumbled.
The girls grew tired of our reunion and slowly left, talking amongst themselves.
"Teddy." I replied, shaking my head.
"I'm surprised to see you here." His eyes grew intense, turning into an oval shape.
"Why's that?"
"I don't know, I just didn't think you and Chris were still good friends." He shrugged.
"We really weren't…but I don't know Teddy. I came and I'm still trying to figure out why I did. I mean, we hadn't talked in ten years…I guess it was that summer that made the impact …"
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I had to come, I mean, he was my lawyer and saved my ass too often. He got me out of going to jail at least four times. He stuck up for me like a friend should." It began to get awkward and Teddy leaned over, tying his shoe.
"Still into those big combat boots, huh?" I laughed, lightly hitting his foot.
"I guess," He shrugged.
"Have you see Vern?" I slowly asked.
"Not lately."
"I want to tell you something but I can't here." I looked around, eager to find the Vern Tessio. Vern was unlike any other, yet there's always one like him in every group of friends. The laughs with Vern were more likely to be made at him other then with him.
"What is it?" Teddy asked eagerly. I wasn't surprised; Teddy always had to know everything.
"Let's get Vern." I mumbled and glanced around.
I walked past a few people, excusing myself and then walking on. I bumped into another man, a built and sturdy looking man and the kind that girls drool over in high school. He turned around as a smile spread across his face; I began to get the creeps.
"Can I help you?" I ask very cautiously and slowly.
"Gordy Lachance." He laughed, opening his mouth widely and then wrapping me into a hug. I was confused, not only was the unknown man putting his arms around me, but also it didn't feel weird.
"Vern?" I asked a few minutes later.
"It took you long enough," He laughed. The laugh was a shrill, loud, normal Vern laugh that only he could make.
Teddy began to laugh into his hand, trying to shield the shock himself.
"And Teddy, where have you guys been?" He asked, shaking Teddy's hand and then standing back.
"Having a life I guess." I shrugged.
"Yeah, really. It's really great to see you guys again. Although the occasion is really horrible." Vern smile faded and he stood quietly, pulling his hands together behind his back.
"Look, Gordy has something he needs to tell us, so do you think you could break yourself away from your little friend over there for a few minutes?" Teddy motioned towards a woman standing, a toddler running around her feet. She smiled at us, walked over and threw her gorgeous blond hair over her shoulders. She stuck out her hand.
"I bet you are Gordy and you are…Teddy. Am I right?" She smiled. Her eyes had a tint of red around the corners from crying.
"That's who we are, but who might you be?" Teddy began to play his charm.
"This is my wife, Sara." Vern smiled, placing his hand gently on her back.
Our jaws fell, our gut jolted and we began to softly laugh. Never in all our life had we ever imagined.
"Great, real great." Teddy tried to control himself.
"It was nice…to meet you." His wife became confused and then left to pick up a crying child.
"Now what was it you wanted to say Gordy?" Vern asked, trying his hardest to ignore Teddy's laughter.
"I wanted to show you something, something real important…but not here." I looked around, trying to find some vacant place to begin to talk.
"I got just the place." Vern nodded his head and then walked over to his wife and explained the situation. Both Teddy and I tried to look occupied but one thing was very clear, Vern got incredibly lucky. "Come on, we can take my car." Vern motioned towards the parking lot.
"I have to wait for someone first." I said and then searched the area for Diane.
"We'll wait," Vern shrugged.
Diane soon appeared, carrying a heavy looking box. I glanced down at it to see my address and name, even a post stamp marked on it.
"There you are, thank you Gordon for everything. I'm really glad that you could come." She smiled, shaking my hand.
"I'm really sorry about what happened, give me a call if you ever want to talk about Chris," I slightly grinned.
"That would be much to often for your schedule I'm sure." She replied.
"Ah-hem." Teddy muttered.
"Oh right, Diane, this is Teddy and Vern, they were friends of-"
"Oh this is so wonderful! Chris would have loved this, he really would have." She began to cry again and for a moment I felt guilty for putting this all on her at once. "Thank you for coming, it was wonderful to see all of you." With that she rushed over to her mother, collapsing in her arms.
I nodded my head slowly and then put the box under my arm heading towards the parked cars.
"His wife I take it?" Vern asked after we had driven out of the parking lot.
"Yes…Diane. She's heartbroken, it's terrible." I shook my head again and then looked at the box, running my hand over the dusty brown paper, the lines of tapes running across it. I smiled; Chris would becoming along with us one last time.
When we arrived at an empty field, immediately Teddy began to get angry.
"Where did you take us, Vern? What is this? Some kind of wheat field for us to pick wheat in remembrance of Chris?"
"No, you idiot." Vern replied. I was shocked, Vern had grown into a very self-confident man, back when we were younger, he would have never gotten away with saying something like that to the famous Teddy Duchamp. Teddy would have hit him real good.
"Well then where-"
"Just look around you Teddy." I mumbled and opened the back door, standing into the field the grass high and looking dry, except for the small moist areas on the ground. I walked over near the tree and looked up at it, it was still there. The paint was chipped and the ladder was missing two boards. It didn't look stable, but I knew we were going to go into it. I walked up and lifted up the small board, standing into our tree house. It was messy, dirty; bugs scattered around the room. The table was splitting in the middle and the chairs were gone. The curtains that used to hang over the empty windows were ripped, pieces lying aimlessly on the ground. I sat down on the floor and sighed. Teddy sat across from me, pulling out a cigarette.
We both looked at him.
"Oh come on, for old times sake." He held out the package in front of me.
I took one, setting it in my mouth.
"I quit smoking," Vern held up his hand.
"One thing hasn't changed." Teddy rolled his eyes, lighting the one that sat in his mouth then reaching for me.
"Oh, and what's that?" Vern asked.
"You're still the biggest pussy." I began to laugh as Teddy laughed loudly and directly into Vern's face.
"Well at least I've got my life on track, isn't that right? I mean, aren't you the one that's been in jail and-"
"Hey, hey, hey, come on guys. Let's not get into it." I held up my hands before Teddy could go onto his rant and begin to yell. I dropped the box in front of me and it grew silent. Their eyes were directed on it.
"What is it?" Vern muttered.
"I'm not sure," I began to open it to see a piece of tissue paper covering the bottom part a small piece of paper sitting on the top. I reached for it, saw that it was addressed to me and gave both of the guys a look. They began to busy themselves looking around the tree house. I opened the paper and began to read and just like in the movies, I could almost hear Chris' voice. But it wasn't the Chris that I would occasionally hear on the answering machine or sometimes even on the telephone. It was the Chris that comforted me after Denny died. The Chris that would assure me what a good person I was and that I was the only person on this earth that he wanted to be best friends with.
"Dear Gordy," It read. "Regrettably, I may never get this out. It's petty, something that I've been contemplating whether or not to send for some time now. I've collected these for years, trying to give you something that you would laugh at, something that would somehow assure you that our friendship meant the world to me. My wife keeps telling me to send it, but I'm afraid that if I do it will just leave confusion. This was only meant for the memories, Gordy. I would appreciate it if you showed Teddy and Vern. I'm sure they would enjoy it also. Remember who you are and the things that you're good at and the things you do, Gordy. If you do that, you'll go very far in life. I really miss you, and hope to get together with you soon. And who knows, maybe I'll have the balls to send these. We'll never know. Chris." I sighed, closing the letter and resting it in my pocket then motioning for the two men to come back over to the center of the room. Vern walked over, sitting down slowly and then rested his hands on his knees.
"This is weird." He muttered.
"Why?" Teddy asked, in the most seriousness then I have heard him. Then again, I haven't heard him talk in more then ten years.
"It's just strange, the atmosphere is strange. The whole event is…different. Without Chris here." Vern tried to get out, looking both of us directly in the eyes.
I nodded my head and then shrugged. Opening the large box. Folding the sides I glanced at the items sitting in it, pulling them out one by one a smile spread on all of our faces.
"What is that?" Vern asked, leaning closer. I held up a small piece of sweater material, brown with dots cascading the material that was shown. I began to laugh.
"It must be have been in there by accident." I muttered and for some reason, which I'm still not sure of, I didn't want to share my talk with them. The talk of how the true Chris Chambers felt and how much he despised following in his families footsteps. I felt guilty for only a few seconds and then realized that was one of the few things that Chris and I could still share.
Teddy shrugged then reached into the box pulling out a small comb. He laughed, throwing it in Vern's direction.
"There, now you can prove to the world that you look great on the camera." He laughed.
"A comb." Vern chuckled.
"Look at this…" I pulled out a tiny train, the kind that my son collected that can attach to other parts of the train. I held it up to look at it, remembering the daring experiences with trains. Teddy took it next, resting it in his hand.
"He cared enough to push me off…no one has cared about me that much since then." He set it on the ground next to him and then pulled out a small bag, four nickels sitting untouched inside of it.
"A goocher." Vern mumbled, fingering the tiny silver coins.
I smiled, pulling out the biggest and heaviest item in the box. The gun sat in my hands, the palms beginning to sweat the same way they had the day that he had shown it to me. 'Hawked it off my old mans burial.' He had said. I had been amazed and decided to shoot the loaded gun would be a swell idea. I was so wrong.
I began to feel overwhelmed by the presence of Chris, something I hadn't felt in so long. Regrets flooded my mind as Vern pulled out a small picture. He turned it around so we could all see.
"Her tits are just as good as they used to be, that's for sure." He laughed then showed us the small black and white picture of Annette off of the Mickey Mouse Club. I rolled my eyes as Teddy erupted in laughter, as always, eager to break the depressing silence.
"Hey look at this, I guess Chris wanted to donate to my jar of penny collection, huh?" Vern began to laugh, pulling out the tiny jar of pennies.
"And I guess he didn't resent my smoking like you all do," Teddy pulled out an old pack of cigarettes.
I reached in and pulled out a worn and tattered cap, the rim ripped slightly and then areas near the bottom faded.
"My Yankee cap." I muttered, resting it on my head. It fit perfectly now, the same way it had fit Denny when he wore it. Obviously, it probably hadn't taken Chris much to retrieve it from Eyeball; I knew he hadn't wanted it in the first place. It wasn't been the fact that my cap was stolen, or the fact that Ace had thrown Chris to the ground, it had been the fact that my brother had given it to me before he died. Something that even after I had grown and healed as much as possible, I had still wanted it back. I felt like crying, the tears growing in my throat. The cap was one of the few things that I had to remember Denny by. I sat back as Teddy drifted off into his world, most likely in reminiscing about Chris. Vern began to count the money in the jar, letting it slide into his hand.
I wasn't sure what I would have to remember Chris by; I didn't have anything that he had given to me except for his friendship. The way we could just look at each other and laugh, or the way he knew immediately if I wasn't in a good mood. He had given me something that was incomparable. I looked at the empty box; beginning to return the items to the box I saw another piece of white paper. I picked it up and began to read it.
"Gordy. Maybe this was an insane idea for me to come up with, and trust me; it took me a long time to remember everything. But I figure that once we all look at this it will give us a reason to go on another rebellious trip to the woods, maybe even fall into a pond infested with leeches. Maybe not but I do hope that this package will make us want to relive the memories, I know that I do. Even if I never do send this, I want you to know that it's not a matter of the time that we spent together, but a matter of memories that we have to remember each other by. No matter what happens and no matter where we go, I don't think we'll ever forget it. I know I won't. I'll see you around. Chris." I stopped and noticed that I had read it out loud, both sets of eyes starring at me.
"So that's it." Teddy mumbled.
"I guess," Vern shrugged, beginning to pick up the items scattered around us.
"But I never…I never got to thank him." Teddy began to fidget, hitting his leg with his fist.
"It's okay man, he knows." I rested my hand on his shoulder.
"No he doesn't! He…he saved me from going to jail, from killing myself…he saved my sorry ass so many times and I didn't…I didn't even thank him." Teddy stood up, throwing an empty soda can out of the window. I heard it hit the ground outside, glass shattering on the empty grass. He rubbed his eyes, standing in the corner, trying to make it as unnoticeable as possible.
"You do realize that none of us would have done this, don't you?" Vern asked suddenly. I looked over at him. "If any of us had died, any of us besides Chris, no one would have this hidden box full of memories that could save a persons life. Do you realize that? That with these memories, these times and emotions and experiences, with all this, just remembering it…or…or thinking about it…Chris was the only one that cared enough to make this. None of us would call each other or keep in touch, which I think was okay…but Chris, he really cared, more then any of us could ever care in our lives."
"He didn't deserve to die." I muttered, looking off into a direction in which I had no idea where I was starring.
"No one does." Vern shook his head.
"That's not true. The people that deserve to die are those that kill other people or kill themselves…but not someone like Chris…Chris didn't deserve to die." I stopped suddenly and the room grew quiet. As if we all waited for Chris to correct ourselves, he would have started with Teddy and wouldn't stop until we were all joking again, singing some insane song that he liked. Maybe getting together was good, but I know that it won't happen again. There's something missing now and it will never be the same.
"We should have…talked. We hardly talked after that summer. Maybe…if we had or…if we kept in touch then. Maybe we could make up for lost time." Vern suggested.
"It doesn't seem right," I mumbled.
"Yeah, not without Chris." Teddy sat back down, still rubbing at his eyes, trying to release any sign of tears.
"Yeah, maybe you're right." Vern sighed.
"Or maybe Chris would want us to. Like, if he were here, he would want us to talk…especially after seeing how much he cared," I lifted the cap from my head and ran my fingers over the faded letters on the front. "Or maybe we don't have to visually see each other to show that we still care."
It was quiet; not another word was spoken. We sat in the tree house for hours. Teddy dealt cards and we played a few games, setting up a small radio we began to tell jokes and even in our adult age we were forced to lose ourselves into our adolescent behavior when problems like these never occurred, at least not when Chris was around. He had some way of making the big problems seem so petty and small. Even with his own problems, he dealt with them personally and once he did, they were gone.
Vern left first, realizing that he needed to get home to his wife and children. Teddy and I stayed later, talking about Chris and about everything that we thought about him, why we thought things happened and what we actually did in the years that we didn't talk. He left around three in the morning and I was left alone in the abandoned tree house, and all I had left was the empty darkness and the soft sound of the breeze that began to hit the tree house and inform me of the coming rain. I knew at that moment that I could go on for the rest of my life and never have experiences like I did was I was twelve. I knew that there was no way I could ever forget Chris…but hell, there's no way I would want to.