The mirror was cracked and the glass was everywhere. Lucas smiled at the
mess as he sat down on the floor. His head was cut and bleeding into his
eyes. He was fighting with himself again. Too bad the angry side won.
"Happiness: emotions experienced when in a state of well-being." Lucas laughed and turned his head to the side, "Sadness: The state of being depressed." He punched the wall, "I'm a walking dictionary! I'm a fucking dictionary with a dick!" And then the other spoke to him. The other him, the calm, hateful asshole spoke.
'Oh yeah, everyone hates you. Everyone wants you to fail so they can bitch and moan about it. They like to see you fuck up, just so they can feel a little smarter than they are. You're intelligent boy, yep, you've got them all beat. You're even cute, but no one wants cute and intelligent. You're cursed, you know it's true. From the second you were born everyone hated you. At least your parents didn't pretend you meant anything to them. Ha. You're so fucked up. You try and you try and you try to be loved, when you're nothing. Nothing. Your name should be Lucas Nothing. You don't even matter, if you die they will just find someone else to take your place. Move on, he's just dead.'
"No!" he pulled at the greasy hair on his head, "No, no, no, no, no."
The blood from the cuts was everywhere. Lucas had decided to doodle on his arms and legs with a piece of glass. He carved hearts and stars and zig- zags all over himself. It was a game: "How much blood can I lose?"
'Look at that puddle of blood. It looks like a fish, a big red fish with no eyes. No eyes, at least it can't see you. You shouldn't have eyes either. Your hair is falling in your face again. Pull it out. That's it, all of it. Rip it out of your head, make your scalp bleed. You can't feel it though can you? Numb, you're just numb all over aren't you? Didn't even feel the glass cut your head as you smashed the mirror did you? You moron. Just bleed to death already and die. That's right, hit your nose on the ground. You broke it! Good. See the blood running out of it? You're dizzy aren't you? No shit you are. You must have lost most of your blood there on the floor. Yeah, laugh it up you idiot. It's funny isn't it? Broken noses are fun to have. Go ahead, you're tired, close your eyes. Sleep Lucas. You want to sleep don't you?'
"Shut up! Leave me alone you son of a bitch!" Lucas stood up and shook his head, "You're doing this aren't you? I wouldn't let you control me now you want me dead."
The blood from his nose was pouring like a faucet, he cupped his hands and gathered it. So red, almost black. He had to bleed the other out, he had to pour it out of his soul.
'You idiot. You really think you can get rid of me by bleeding to death? And you're suppose to be a what? Genius? Just die now. Just close your eyes and fall asleep. Nothing will bother you ever again. Not even me."
Lucas sat on the floor again and laid in the glass, "Ok- ok.. I just want to get away from here. Just let me fly away- I want to see the stars again, one more time. Please?"
"Happiness: emotions experienced when in a state of well-being." Lucas laughed and turned his head to the side, "Sadness: The state of being depressed." He punched the wall, "I'm a walking dictionary! I'm a fucking dictionary with a dick!" And then the other spoke to him. The other him, the calm, hateful asshole spoke.
'Oh yeah, everyone hates you. Everyone wants you to fail so they can bitch and moan about it. They like to see you fuck up, just so they can feel a little smarter than they are. You're intelligent boy, yep, you've got them all beat. You're even cute, but no one wants cute and intelligent. You're cursed, you know it's true. From the second you were born everyone hated you. At least your parents didn't pretend you meant anything to them. Ha. You're so fucked up. You try and you try and you try to be loved, when you're nothing. Nothing. Your name should be Lucas Nothing. You don't even matter, if you die they will just find someone else to take your place. Move on, he's just dead.'
"No!" he pulled at the greasy hair on his head, "No, no, no, no, no."
The blood from the cuts was everywhere. Lucas had decided to doodle on his arms and legs with a piece of glass. He carved hearts and stars and zig- zags all over himself. It was a game: "How much blood can I lose?"
'Look at that puddle of blood. It looks like a fish, a big red fish with no eyes. No eyes, at least it can't see you. You shouldn't have eyes either. Your hair is falling in your face again. Pull it out. That's it, all of it. Rip it out of your head, make your scalp bleed. You can't feel it though can you? Numb, you're just numb all over aren't you? Didn't even feel the glass cut your head as you smashed the mirror did you? You moron. Just bleed to death already and die. That's right, hit your nose on the ground. You broke it! Good. See the blood running out of it? You're dizzy aren't you? No shit you are. You must have lost most of your blood there on the floor. Yeah, laugh it up you idiot. It's funny isn't it? Broken noses are fun to have. Go ahead, you're tired, close your eyes. Sleep Lucas. You want to sleep don't you?'
"Shut up! Leave me alone you son of a bitch!" Lucas stood up and shook his head, "You're doing this aren't you? I wouldn't let you control me now you want me dead."
The blood from his nose was pouring like a faucet, he cupped his hands and gathered it. So red, almost black. He had to bleed the other out, he had to pour it out of his soul.
'You idiot. You really think you can get rid of me by bleeding to death? And you're suppose to be a what? Genius? Just die now. Just close your eyes and fall asleep. Nothing will bother you ever again. Not even me."
Lucas sat on the floor again and laid in the glass, "Ok- ok.. I just want to get away from here. Just let me fly away- I want to see the stars again, one more time. Please?"