Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki
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A Day Without Rain
Kougaiji eyed the view from the cliff. He stared passively at the town. His
mouth twitched to curl up to a slight scowl. He sighs heavily and placed a hand
in his pocket. He pushed his hair away from his face where the wind was blowing
it.
From the shade of the tree, Yaone watched him longingly. She sighs and forces a smile. They were on their usual scouting mission. One thing, however, was different. Yaone used to go alone. This time, Kougaiji said he'd be going with her. Why is that, she never knew. She never questioned any of his wishes or orders. She forged a smile before she started to walk towards him.
He sighs again, and glared at the town. He slowly turned around to look at his subordinate. He smiled discreetly as he saw her walking towards him. His eyes widen as he saw her stop abruptly and fall to the ground.
"Yaone-chan?!"
"Kou! What happened?!"
"Go, I'll take care of this" Kougaiji said as he laid Yaone on her bed and closed the door on Dokugakuji's face.
Kougaiji walked over to her and sat on the bed. He bit his lip nervously as he gently pushed her hair away from her face. She was very pale. He scowled heavily as he remembered what happened,
"Kougaiji-sama?" Yaone had called his name. He turned around and smiled
at her,
"Let's go, it's too hot today to stay outside." Kougaiji said dismissively. He glanced at her. She looks tired, he thought, very tired. He started to walk towards her. To his horror, he saw Yaone stop abruptly, grope for support and started to fall. Kougaiji caught her just in time. He gently turned her around, as she lay in his arms. He looked at her. Her saffron eyes were glassy and out of focus. Her skin was deathly pale. "Yaone" he whispered, undeniably scared.
"I'm sorry," she said, smiling at him weakly before fainting.
"I'm sorry, Yaone" he whispered as he squeezed her hand gently.
"I caused this I know why you haven't been sleeping properly for
months ever since" his voice trailed off. He watched her apprehensively.
Kougaiji smiled as he stared at Yaone, who as sitting on a stool in her lab.
Countless phials with liquids of different colors on the shelves, sheets of
paper scattered on the table with complicated formulas and numbers. She was
quietly humming to herself as she worked. Kougaiji leant against the frame of
the door and knocked quietly. Yaone looked around and smiled.
"It's getting late." He said, as Yaone stood up and went to the sink.
Yaone chuckled as she washed her hands. Kougaiji walked over to her and gingerly placed his arms around his waist. He tilted her chin up gently and kissed her deeply. "Go to sleep." He said, as they pulled away from each other
We were so happy back then Yaone thought. She remembered the laughs, smiles, and everything. We shared a dream It was so perfect at least we thought it was but it wasn't meant to be
Kougaiji was shaken to see a tear slide slowly down Yaone's cheek as she lay on her bed, her eyes closed. Kougaiji felt his heart explode with guilt and melancholy. He shut his eyes. He had never seen Yaone shed a tear before not even
"I want you to be happy" Yaone had said quietly, a smile still
on her face. "I want you to be happier with her"
I would've felt better if you said you hated me he thought, as he stared at Yaone's pale face as she lay on the bed.
"Is that all you have to say?" he asked quietly. He sank to a chair and buried his face in his hands. "Tell me you hate me scream anything! Just don't smile like that" He said, with suppressed anger and disgust at himself. He shook his head sadly, "Anything but a smile" he added hoarsely.
Since then, I wanted to die...
Kougaiji placed a hand on her cheek. Her eyes slowly opened. She blinked at him softly. Kougaiji looked at her as she smiled at him weakly. He smiled, relieved. "I'm sorry for all this," she said hoarsely.
"Are you alright?"
"I just work hard," she said softly, as she sat up slightly. Her back was against the pillows. "Just to forget things I use my work to keep me occupied"
"Yaone"
"May I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"Are you happy with her?" she smiled at him. Kougaiji was not fooled, however, her eyes show sadness and longing.
"What?" Kougaiji asked, stunned. His heart was drowning in the sea of guilt and sadness. He remembered the single tear Yaone shed earlier.
"I want to know how you feel about her," she said. Suddenly, she shook her head and blushed, "I'm sorrythat was such a personal question"
"Misunderstood infatuation" he said, self-disgust rising in his chest.
"Don't talk like that"
"I had a think about how brainless it was" Kougaiji shook his head. He smiled at his own futility. "It was over within days, really."
"What?" Yaone said softly, looking at him. She blinked as Kougaiji stared at her longingly.
"May I ask you something?" he asked, looking at her eyes.
"Yes, of course" she said slowly.
She stared at him, as he looked at her and squeezed her hand gently. "Why do you lie to yourself?"
Tears welled up Yaone's eyes. Kougaiji's guilt was amplified when Yaone discreetly wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have I promised never to cry, didn't I?" she shook her head and forced a smile. She tried to look away.
Without thinking, and before Yaone could protest, Kougaiji pulled her to him. He buried his face on her neck. "I want to die I don't consider myself living ever since I let you go" he whispered.
"That isn't true don't say that..." Yaone said softly, tears threatening to fall silently. "It's over, isn't it?" she added, forcing a smile even though her tears fell.
"That's why I died."
"Don't do this" Yaone said, with suppressed emotions. She tried to push him away. But her heart couldn't. She shut her eyes.
I want to forget everything please she thought miserably I can't afford to I thought it was all over... leave it like that...
Kougaiji held her closely. "It's over isn't it? I've forgotten you I already threw away my feelings I promised myself" She said, tears falling freely.
I don't want you to get hurt I'd rather lie to myself
"Then why are you crying?" Kougaiji asked, looking at her and touching
her cheek.
"Please you have her now I want you to be happy" she said hoarsely. "You don't need me That was all over those times"
It's over... We can't go back...
"I don't want her. I never did. It's you who I want."
I need to know... Tell me you need me too...
"Don't say that" Yaone pleaded, I want to hear you
say you don't love me anymore please you don't love me It
would make me feel better
"That was a really stupid infatuation." Kougaiji said, disgusted with himself. "I've watched you for months now, Yaone. After that day you continued to serve me as you did before I was happy with your cold attitude for a while. I thought that was fine, that you had gotten over me. I thought you have no feelings for me anymore. But, day after day I could see your crying heart, Yaone. But what hurts me the most is your smile. It's the same genuine smile that we used to share. I don't deserve it"
Please, Yaone tell me you still love me as I do tell
me that before I leave...
She looked at him. "You don't love me please tell me you don't
don't give me another hope I'm already trying to get over you"
she choked.
Kougaiji looked at her. "Trying?" he repeated softly. His eyes showed tenderness... the same ones that she loved.
That stare, Yaone thought, Who am I fooling? I can't lie anymore
Yaone gave in to her tears, as she buried her face on his chest. "I can't lie to myself anymore I love you. I still do. But I mustn't I want you to be happy but you never smiled once ever since I drew away from you! I promised myself never to cry, to not make you feel guilty"
"Yaone" Kougaiji said softly, holding her tightly.
She loves me I don't deserve her she's too good for me
but I can't hide anymore I can't leave her like this... or I won't be
able to forgive myself...
"I still love you I want you back but I know I can't It's just not meant to be" Yaone murmured, trying hard to smile. "I don't want to get hurt again but I really can't stop loving you and I can't tell you I don't want to burden you even I don't understand..."
"You always have me although you know that, you're just denying yourself that."
I'll die for you... you know that... it never changed...
"What good would it do?" she asked as she wiped her eyes and stared
at him, "You're leaving soon I might never see you again. It's better
if I forget about you now. It's for the both of us, if I just get over you
just let me do that please tell me you don't love me"
Please if you love me, let me forget about you
I'm sorry, Yaone but this is how I feel Kougaiji
thought as he lifted her chin, and kissed her softly. "It's true. I am
leaving, but..." Yaone's tears continued to fall. "I love you, Yaone
believe me our eternal promise remember?"
"Eternal promise" he repeated tenderly, holding her tighter. Kougaiji held her as she cried herself to sleep.
~ Owari
A/N: *sigh* finished I got drained while writing this... -_-'' The thoughts
are all mixed up, even I can't distinguish them
but it looks good that way Review, k? I need to do some work... -_-''