Can't and Won't(1,1)
by Danii
[I'll forget you.
The more you stay inside of me, the weaker I grow.
I'll forget you.
Tomorrow, I will turn and let you go.
I grow colder.
I lose myself in anything but you now.
For there is nothing I can do now...but forget.]
It hurt. It hurt to be away from her, not
knowing if she was alive or dead, sick or well, in joy
or despair. It hurt to know that she might have found
someone else by now, someone to hold her, to be with
her, to love her. It hurt to know that someone wasn't
him. It hurt to know that it could never be him, that
it never would be him. It hurt so much.
But he could never give her what she wanted, what
she needed, what she deserved. If he had stayed, he
would have held her back from happiness, and he loved
her too much to do that. He could never give her a
child. He could never give her his physical love. He
could never give her normalacy. All he could give her
was pain, despair, darkness, and a world of constant
danger. All he could give her, he knew, was death.
And he would not do that to her.
But despit the reasoning, the pain remained. He
would bear it, though. He would bear it to give her
the chance for a normal life. He would bear it for
her happiness, even if he never got to see it in
person. And eventually, he reasoned further, he would
find a new life to take up the time, and the pain
would lessen. He didn't try to delude himself into
thinking it would ever go away completely. That would
never happen. He loved her so much. That's why he
had to forget her.
[I'll forget you.
I' won't remember arms that pulled me in soft and
slow.
I'll forget you.
There has to be a way to let you go!
No more shadows.
No more dreams of leaning in the dark above you.
I will forget how much I love you...any day.]
It hurt. It hurt that she wasn't near him, that
she wasn't there to be with him. It hurt to be away
from him, not knowing if he was dead or alive, well or
in pain. It hurt to think of him holding someone
else, of him kissing someone else, loving someone
else. Someone that wasn't her. It hurt that he had
run away from her, away from her love and his own. It
hurt so much.
But she would never find him. When he left, he
had made himself unfindable, with not a pinch of
papertrail. All she had was what he had left her: a
note. A note! No goodbye, but a note, a note saying
that he loved her but he wanted her to have a normal
life. It was all she had. No phone number, no
address. No way to find him. No way to tell him. No
way to let him know that she didn't want a normal
life. That she wanted him.
But he was gone. She had to forget him. She
knew she never truly would. But she would go mad if
she didn't forget the feel of his kiss, the lovely
tickle of his often unshaven cheek. She had to forget
the gentle voice, the kind eyes so ful of sadness and
love for her. She had to forget all the movie dates,
and the popcorn. She had to forget the small touches,
the light pecks, the words of love he had spoken in
such a roundabout way, that they were clear. She had
to forget the sacrifices they had made. She had to
forget her best friend and the man she loved.
[But every time I close my eyes. you come to me again!
I swear I feel your touch... upon my skin...
You haunt me everywhere
'Til I reach into the air
Trembling to think of all the nights that might have
been!]
He could feel her. Feel her wild auburn hair
against his face, her soft touch upon his neck as she
pulled him close. He could see her eyes, so bright
and full of life. But it wasn't real. He opened his
eyes. It was as it had been when he'd close them. A
motel room. A cheap motel room. God, it hurt.
[I'll forget you.
I hear you whisper to me in the dark, still I know.
I'll forget you.
God help me find a way to let you go!
I do not want you!
But still you steal each breath I'm breathing from
me.]
She got in the car and drove. She drove to find
him. She would find him. She didn't know where she
was going, turning when she felt she should. She had
no idea of location or destination, only he mattered.
[With just a touch, you overcome me...]
He had been mad to leave! He had to find her or
he'd go insane. He began to dress.
[And I let you]
She pulled her car into a motel parking lot, only
to see a familiar green cadillac.
[I will forget you...]
She burst into the room just as he was putting on
his coat. She ran to him and kissed him.
"I can't forget!"
"But-"
"I won't forget!"
"I know"
"Do it."
"But-"
[When I die]
"I will never stop loving you, never forget you
till the day that I die."
"You won't have to remember. I will be with you
always."
[I will forget you]
"I love you."
"I love you."
[When I die....]
She opened her now amber eyes and stared at the
man she loved. That, she would never forget.
fin
by Danii
[I'll forget you.
The more you stay inside of me, the weaker I grow.
I'll forget you.
Tomorrow, I will turn and let you go.
I grow colder.
I lose myself in anything but you now.
For there is nothing I can do now...but forget.]
It hurt. It hurt to be away from her, not
knowing if she was alive or dead, sick or well, in joy
or despair. It hurt to know that she might have found
someone else by now, someone to hold her, to be with
her, to love her. It hurt to know that someone wasn't
him. It hurt to know that it could never be him, that
it never would be him. It hurt so much.
But he could never give her what she wanted, what
she needed, what she deserved. If he had stayed, he
would have held her back from happiness, and he loved
her too much to do that. He could never give her a
child. He could never give her his physical love. He
could never give her normalacy. All he could give her
was pain, despair, darkness, and a world of constant
danger. All he could give her, he knew, was death.
And he would not do that to her.
But despit the reasoning, the pain remained. He
would bear it, though. He would bear it to give her
the chance for a normal life. He would bear it for
her happiness, even if he never got to see it in
person. And eventually, he reasoned further, he would
find a new life to take up the time, and the pain
would lessen. He didn't try to delude himself into
thinking it would ever go away completely. That would
never happen. He loved her so much. That's why he
had to forget her.
[I'll forget you.
I' won't remember arms that pulled me in soft and
slow.
I'll forget you.
There has to be a way to let you go!
No more shadows.
No more dreams of leaning in the dark above you.
I will forget how much I love you...any day.]
It hurt. It hurt that she wasn't near him, that
she wasn't there to be with him. It hurt to be away
from him, not knowing if he was dead or alive, well or
in pain. It hurt to think of him holding someone
else, of him kissing someone else, loving someone
else. Someone that wasn't her. It hurt that he had
run away from her, away from her love and his own. It
hurt so much.
But she would never find him. When he left, he
had made himself unfindable, with not a pinch of
papertrail. All she had was what he had left her: a
note. A note! No goodbye, but a note, a note saying
that he loved her but he wanted her to have a normal
life. It was all she had. No phone number, no
address. No way to find him. No way to tell him. No
way to let him know that she didn't want a normal
life. That she wanted him.
But he was gone. She had to forget him. She
knew she never truly would. But she would go mad if
she didn't forget the feel of his kiss, the lovely
tickle of his often unshaven cheek. She had to forget
the gentle voice, the kind eyes so ful of sadness and
love for her. She had to forget all the movie dates,
and the popcorn. She had to forget the small touches,
the light pecks, the words of love he had spoken in
such a roundabout way, that they were clear. She had
to forget the sacrifices they had made. She had to
forget her best friend and the man she loved.
[But every time I close my eyes. you come to me again!
I swear I feel your touch... upon my skin...
You haunt me everywhere
'Til I reach into the air
Trembling to think of all the nights that might have
been!]
He could feel her. Feel her wild auburn hair
against his face, her soft touch upon his neck as she
pulled him close. He could see her eyes, so bright
and full of life. But it wasn't real. He opened his
eyes. It was as it had been when he'd close them. A
motel room. A cheap motel room. God, it hurt.
[I'll forget you.
I hear you whisper to me in the dark, still I know.
I'll forget you.
God help me find a way to let you go!
I do not want you!
But still you steal each breath I'm breathing from
me.]
She got in the car and drove. She drove to find
him. She would find him. She didn't know where she
was going, turning when she felt she should. She had
no idea of location or destination, only he mattered.
[With just a touch, you overcome me...]
He had been mad to leave! He had to find her or
he'd go insane. He began to dress.
[And I let you]
She pulled her car into a motel parking lot, only
to see a familiar green cadillac.
[I will forget you...]
She burst into the room just as he was putting on
his coat. She ran to him and kissed him.
"I can't forget!"
"But-"
"I won't forget!"
"I know"
"Do it."
"But-"
[When I die]
"I will never stop loving you, never forget you
till the day that I die."
"You won't have to remember. I will be with you
always."
[I will forget you]
"I love you."
"I love you."
[When I die....]
She opened her now amber eyes and stared at the
man she loved. That, she would never forget.
fin