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He sat alone, not much one could be doing anyways. One giant heavy sigh rolled out of his lungs. Damn, he seemed to be sighing a lot lately. His whole body felt tired, as if he couldn't move if his life was in danger. Good thing there had been no word of Voldemort for over a year. Maybe if there had been, he'd have something to do. He glanced across the common room. Fred with Angelina kissing in the corner, some other people petting each other, gazing into one another's eyes. "This sucks" He grumbled to himself, slumping back into the depths of the chair, and sticking his feet up on the ottoman.
"Hey Harry" He heard Hermione call from across the common room. She dropped her bag full of books at the side of the ottoman. She looked around, and saw there wasn't anyplace to sit, so she basically sat next to him, more so, right on top of Harry. Her eyes darted around the rest of the room filled with people rushing to finish assignments on time, making out, playing games, snuggling.....the list went on and on. "So" She said, shifting her weight, so that her face was about two inches from his, "What is up with you my dear Harry" She said smiling brightly, in a perky tone, that seemed to brighten Harry thoughts....a little.
He glanced up, "Ceiling" He said abruptly. Hermione just looked at him. The look made him change his answer, and he responded like a normal person, "Oh you know, sighing, contemplating stupid things. The norm"
"Oh, like what?" She asked, prying into his mind.
Harry answered quickly, "Stupid things....you don't want to know Herm"
"Oh come one, tell me, I'm you're best friend."
He sighed, and shifted so he could look at her. He smiled when he saw her happy face, eager to listen to him. She would always listen to him. Rom never wanted to hear anything, and Ron never told him things either, but Hermione, she would tell him everything. How much she had a crush on Terry Boot, and how much it hurt to walk through the halls everyday seeing couples all over the place, and not being part of the fad. And he would always talk to her about girls, complain about girls, ask her the girls opinion on subjects that only a girl would know. None of these sorts of thing Ron would ever listen to, or even want to hear about. There was just some crazy connection between the both of them. Both so saddened by being out of the loop, that they found comfort in each other.
"Well.....I'm bored as hell, and sick of seeing all of this around me" he said, motioning to the extreme amount of 'lovey-dovey-ness' in the room.
"Don't I know it..." Hermione said, letting her happy outside drop a bit.
After a moment of both of them in their own little worlds, rummaging about, collection their thoughts that were frightening similar, that came back to the real world.
"God I'm pathetic" Harry sighed as he started into space
Hermione shifted back from her space, to see only the side of his head, "You're only pathetic because you think you're pathetic. And being so pathetic in that pathetic sense. And being in that pathetic aura all the time, only leads to you believe your true pathetic tendencies, therefore leaving you with just that....patheticness." She said quickly, and matter-of-factly.
Harry turned back, "What?"
"Nothing, just babbling..." She said in not much more then a mumbling whisper.
"Now you're mumbling" He retorted.
"Yes nice observation Captain Obvious." She said looking at him, back to her normal self. Harry laughed. She could always make him smile, even when it seemed that the world was falling down around him. Hermiones bright smile and cheerful humor could always lift him back up.
"You seem to be mumbling a lot lately"
Hermione gave him a look again. One would think that soft honey brown eyes couldn't do much to a soul, but hers were different. When they wanted to be, they could pry ones soul right out, or make a person feel all warm and good inside.
Harry yawned, and put his head on Hermione's slumped shoulder. "Quidditch sucking?" She asked softly, glancing down to her half asleep friend.
"The big one" He said in nothing more then a mumble, keeping his eyes closed. Hermione put her head on his, but kept her eyes open, staring into the deepest of space within the common room. Her eyes almost in a catatonic state. Her gaze broke, and she sighed, and let her eyes drop to her lap.
"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked quietly.
Her next sigh was almost on the verge of tears. "How much life sucks."
"Oh...." He said softly, then thought to himself, with his own silent sigh 'Her too'
Hermione glanced to her friend sitting next to her. From behind her back she tapped his back, and muttered 'truto deptho'. In an instant the room went into a blur of gray and bright blue, surrounding them, only them. Harry sat, as if nothing was going on, like in an trance, and Hermione watched in amazement her own power.
The room stopped, and it was entirely gray. The people from before were there, and so was Harry, but he was frozen almost, as were they. Hermione moved as normal, but the room echoed every movement.
"Harry" She said getting up, hearing her voice sound distant, and underwater at the same time. "I did a truth spell, to see what's in your heart. I know you won't understand this when I set it back again, but I figure, my conscience would be cleared if I told you. Even if you won't remember." She said quickly, and barely looking at him, but rolling her eyes into the back of her head, trying to find the answers there somewhere. He just sat there, not moving
"Harry...what are you thinking about right now?" She asked, leaning closer to the stiff figure
In a monotone voice he replied, "Life"
"Again," She sighed to herself thinking about the moment before she had placed the spell
"Life" he said once again
"Oh, no, not that robot Harry." She figured she would stop saying things out loud, because then he would answer her thoughts. 'Alright,' She thought to herself, 'He's got to be thinking about some part of life' She looked forward at the gray figure, "What parts of life Harry?" She asked firmly
"Love, and why I have never seemed to find it" Said the robotic voice of Harry that still stared around the room. Hermione sighed, same as her. How could it be that two people so different were so alike? It made her heart beat even faster.
Just as she was about to ask him a more serious question concerning love, the room started to wiggle, and the colors shifted from gray, and slowly things came back into true color. Harry, now back to himself, stared at Hermione who was standing in front of him, instead of practically sitting on top of him a split second ago.
"What happened?" He asked stupidly, looking around.
"Nothing" Hermione replied, and gloomily came back to sit with him.
Harry watched her. He couldn't stand to see her upset, and he knew she was upset. Hermione could bring a whole rooms emotions along with her. When she was sad, everyone within twenty feet of her was sad as well. He sat, facing her, but she stared out blankly at some point on the wall opposite them. She looked perfectly normal, but her eyes. The same eyes that held so much love, and fire for life were so sad. Eerie and gloomily, as if the world wasn't right, and there was nothing she could do about it.
"Harry?" She asked, still keeping her focus off in the distance, and her voice was harsh and brash, not the normal soft elegant voice she normally spoke in.
"Yes?" He responded, still staring at the side of her head.
Without turning, and speaking very softly, she said in and noise barely louder than a whisper, "Have you ever thought about making all the pain end?" As she finished, she let her eyes close, and wouldn't look at him.
He stared at her, shocked that she would think such a thing. "Herm, what are you talking about?"
"You know perfectly well what I mean Harry Potter!" She said louder, and more angry this time. She looked at him, and now there were tears in her eyes, and the pain she felt was so strong, Harry could feel it too, it was beating down on him, and he couldn't imagine what it must feel like for her. Hermione who lived with all that pain bottled up on the inside.
"Hermione, calm down, what exactly do you mean." He stopped, and with dead far in his eyes, he stared into her strong willed, beautiful honey eyes. "Herm, do you mean to kill yourself?"
"No, I just like making jokes about this sort of thing Harry!" She balled openly. She collapsed onto his shoulder, and wept so hard. Harry only stared at her head of bouncing curls jerking up and down, and breathed heavily. What do you say when your best friend thinks about death like this? What do you do? He let a tear roll down his cheek as he stared at her head. He moved his arm, and put it around her shoulders, and let her head rest softly on his chest. He rubbed her back, and didn't say a word. What would he say?
They sat that way for a good hour, and no one stopped to ask questions. Harry was happy about that. All of a second, the sobbing stopped, and she spoke, "Harry, what is there here for me? I mean, today...I got an owl....my parents are splitting up, and.....and my grades are slipping, I started to take on to much. And...I can't seem to find myself anymore Harry? Do you know what I mean?" She cried softly
"Maybe"
"It's just....I don't know who I am any more. I can't find the good here" She said as she touched her chest where her heart lay, "It's almost as if I have no cares about the people I love, and no cares for me. I feel so empty inside Harry. So, So empty, and I don't know why. What did I do? What the hell did I do!" She wept openly again, and met his eyes. His were strong, yet a little watery. And hers were bloodshot, and depressed, and all the spirit that had once been so present, seemed to disappear. "Harry, its like I'm a shadow of who I am, It's like I'm no longer me, and I don't know what to do about it. The pain that I can't feel, the love that I can't feel, the hate that I can't feel is too much"
"But Hermione, that's no reason to die. Hermione, I love you, you're my best friend, you're like the only family I ever had, and if I lost you, I don't know what I'd do!" He stroke her tear soaked hair, and caressed her cheek. "Hermione, I'd die without you."
She sat silent. She stared at her lap, and then her eyes met his again, "Don't tell Ron" She said, and ran up to the stairs to the girls dormitory.
***
The light of the candle was burningly bright. It was harsh to eyes that were used to the dark, but it was hidden. As the quill scratched against the parchment, tiny splotches began to form where tears fell.
'I cannot go on. There is so much that hurts, and so much that shouldn't, and so much that I want to hurt, and I don't know what to do. Harry, I loved you. More then your friend, more than anything. I wanted to love you forever. You have no idea, and you'll never have an idea. Tell my parents it isn't their fault, even though they helped, and don't tell Ron. He isn't as strong as you are Harry. Don't tell him why. Goodbye.'
She signed the note, the last time she would ever let her perfect loopy handwriting crawl across parchment, and then she crept out of the common room, and up to the owerly. She tied the note around Hedwig, and stroked her head. She had the poison ready, if she could have a gun on Hogwarts there would have been one in her mouth by now. That seemed faster, and easier.
She went back to her room, and looked out the window. "Goodnight" She said softly. There were no tears now. She couldn't feel tears if she wanted too. She believed whole-heartedly that what she was doing was the right choice, the only choice.
She walked to her freezing cold bed, and let herself get comfortable. She poured the poison in her goblet of water, and as soon as she was about to fall asleep, she swallowed, and let the swift death flow through her veins. Her breathing became heavy, and painful, it felt like somebody had let her book bag lie on top of her. The weight was un bearable. Her eyes became fuzzy, she felt so heavy, and she could barely move, like somebody had put the body bind on her. 'So this is death' She thought. Her sigh was heavy, her last sigh, her last breath. She felt....She felt no more, and all was black.
~*~*~*~*~
A.N.~ Ok, this story is me. I wrote the first part of it after school one Monday afternoon. I am both Harry and Hermione. They are both part of me, and what I feel. Hermione is the me who is happy on the outside, but once you look on the inside, the side she doesn't really show often, she is sad, and she is lonely. Harry on the other hand, is the me that is openly depressed, and has come up with the idea on how to solve it, he just doesn't know how to go about doing it. I am Harry Potter, I am Hermione Granger. I am...way to into these books.......But I do not contemplate suicide. I have thought about thinking about suicide, but never actually tried or really got serious about it. And I don't hate Ron!!!! I love Ron Weasly, he's cool, but he's not a major player in this story. I like to think that h/h is the way to go.......but, hey, a girl can dream can't she?
I was almost on the verge of adding another chapter, but I'll wait and see. There will be Ron in that one. It'll be the reactions. It would also be another part of me, the me that would die if any of my buddies went for the poison. Yes...actually, I do think I'll add another chapter.....
Pip
Cailin
Tinuviel
Magical Me
MidnightGremlin
I don't know what name to use, so I made a staircase of names. See the staircase?
He sat alone, not much one could be doing anyways. One giant heavy sigh rolled out of his lungs. Damn, he seemed to be sighing a lot lately. His whole body felt tired, as if he couldn't move if his life was in danger. Good thing there had been no word of Voldemort for over a year. Maybe if there had been, he'd have something to do. He glanced across the common room. Fred with Angelina kissing in the corner, some other people petting each other, gazing into one another's eyes. "This sucks" He grumbled to himself, slumping back into the depths of the chair, and sticking his feet up on the ottoman.
"Hey Harry" He heard Hermione call from across the common room. She dropped her bag full of books at the side of the ottoman. She looked around, and saw there wasn't anyplace to sit, so she basically sat next to him, more so, right on top of Harry. Her eyes darted around the rest of the room filled with people rushing to finish assignments on time, making out, playing games, snuggling.....the list went on and on. "So" She said, shifting her weight, so that her face was about two inches from his, "What is up with you my dear Harry" She said smiling brightly, in a perky tone, that seemed to brighten Harry thoughts....a little.
He glanced up, "Ceiling" He said abruptly. Hermione just looked at him. The look made him change his answer, and he responded like a normal person, "Oh you know, sighing, contemplating stupid things. The norm"
"Oh, like what?" She asked, prying into his mind.
Harry answered quickly, "Stupid things....you don't want to know Herm"
"Oh come one, tell me, I'm you're best friend."
He sighed, and shifted so he could look at her. He smiled when he saw her happy face, eager to listen to him. She would always listen to him. Rom never wanted to hear anything, and Ron never told him things either, but Hermione, she would tell him everything. How much she had a crush on Terry Boot, and how much it hurt to walk through the halls everyday seeing couples all over the place, and not being part of the fad. And he would always talk to her about girls, complain about girls, ask her the girls opinion on subjects that only a girl would know. None of these sorts of thing Ron would ever listen to, or even want to hear about. There was just some crazy connection between the both of them. Both so saddened by being out of the loop, that they found comfort in each other.
"Well.....I'm bored as hell, and sick of seeing all of this around me" he said, motioning to the extreme amount of 'lovey-dovey-ness' in the room.
"Don't I know it..." Hermione said, letting her happy outside drop a bit.
After a moment of both of them in their own little worlds, rummaging about, collection their thoughts that were frightening similar, that came back to the real world.
"God I'm pathetic" Harry sighed as he started into space
Hermione shifted back from her space, to see only the side of his head, "You're only pathetic because you think you're pathetic. And being so pathetic in that pathetic sense. And being in that pathetic aura all the time, only leads to you believe your true pathetic tendencies, therefore leaving you with just that....patheticness." She said quickly, and matter-of-factly.
Harry turned back, "What?"
"Nothing, just babbling..." She said in not much more then a mumbling whisper.
"Now you're mumbling" He retorted.
"Yes nice observation Captain Obvious." She said looking at him, back to her normal self. Harry laughed. She could always make him smile, even when it seemed that the world was falling down around him. Hermiones bright smile and cheerful humor could always lift him back up.
"You seem to be mumbling a lot lately"
Hermione gave him a look again. One would think that soft honey brown eyes couldn't do much to a soul, but hers were different. When they wanted to be, they could pry ones soul right out, or make a person feel all warm and good inside.
Harry yawned, and put his head on Hermione's slumped shoulder. "Quidditch sucking?" She asked softly, glancing down to her half asleep friend.
"The big one" He said in nothing more then a mumble, keeping his eyes closed. Hermione put her head on his, but kept her eyes open, staring into the deepest of space within the common room. Her eyes almost in a catatonic state. Her gaze broke, and she sighed, and let her eyes drop to her lap.
"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked quietly.
Her next sigh was almost on the verge of tears. "How much life sucks."
"Oh...." He said softly, then thought to himself, with his own silent sigh 'Her too'
Hermione glanced to her friend sitting next to her. From behind her back she tapped his back, and muttered 'truto deptho'. In an instant the room went into a blur of gray and bright blue, surrounding them, only them. Harry sat, as if nothing was going on, like in an trance, and Hermione watched in amazement her own power.
The room stopped, and it was entirely gray. The people from before were there, and so was Harry, but he was frozen almost, as were they. Hermione moved as normal, but the room echoed every movement.
"Harry" She said getting up, hearing her voice sound distant, and underwater at the same time. "I did a truth spell, to see what's in your heart. I know you won't understand this when I set it back again, but I figure, my conscience would be cleared if I told you. Even if you won't remember." She said quickly, and barely looking at him, but rolling her eyes into the back of her head, trying to find the answers there somewhere. He just sat there, not moving
"Harry...what are you thinking about right now?" She asked, leaning closer to the stiff figure
In a monotone voice he replied, "Life"
"Again," She sighed to herself thinking about the moment before she had placed the spell
"Life" he said once again
"Oh, no, not that robot Harry." She figured she would stop saying things out loud, because then he would answer her thoughts. 'Alright,' She thought to herself, 'He's got to be thinking about some part of life' She looked forward at the gray figure, "What parts of life Harry?" She asked firmly
"Love, and why I have never seemed to find it" Said the robotic voice of Harry that still stared around the room. Hermione sighed, same as her. How could it be that two people so different were so alike? It made her heart beat even faster.
Just as she was about to ask him a more serious question concerning love, the room started to wiggle, and the colors shifted from gray, and slowly things came back into true color. Harry, now back to himself, stared at Hermione who was standing in front of him, instead of practically sitting on top of him a split second ago.
"What happened?" He asked stupidly, looking around.
"Nothing" Hermione replied, and gloomily came back to sit with him.
Harry watched her. He couldn't stand to see her upset, and he knew she was upset. Hermione could bring a whole rooms emotions along with her. When she was sad, everyone within twenty feet of her was sad as well. He sat, facing her, but she stared out blankly at some point on the wall opposite them. She looked perfectly normal, but her eyes. The same eyes that held so much love, and fire for life were so sad. Eerie and gloomily, as if the world wasn't right, and there was nothing she could do about it.
"Harry?" She asked, still keeping her focus off in the distance, and her voice was harsh and brash, not the normal soft elegant voice she normally spoke in.
"Yes?" He responded, still staring at the side of her head.
Without turning, and speaking very softly, she said in and noise barely louder than a whisper, "Have you ever thought about making all the pain end?" As she finished, she let her eyes close, and wouldn't look at him.
He stared at her, shocked that she would think such a thing. "Herm, what are you talking about?"
"You know perfectly well what I mean Harry Potter!" She said louder, and more angry this time. She looked at him, and now there were tears in her eyes, and the pain she felt was so strong, Harry could feel it too, it was beating down on him, and he couldn't imagine what it must feel like for her. Hermione who lived with all that pain bottled up on the inside.
"Hermione, calm down, what exactly do you mean." He stopped, and with dead far in his eyes, he stared into her strong willed, beautiful honey eyes. "Herm, do you mean to kill yourself?"
"No, I just like making jokes about this sort of thing Harry!" She balled openly. She collapsed onto his shoulder, and wept so hard. Harry only stared at her head of bouncing curls jerking up and down, and breathed heavily. What do you say when your best friend thinks about death like this? What do you do? He let a tear roll down his cheek as he stared at her head. He moved his arm, and put it around her shoulders, and let her head rest softly on his chest. He rubbed her back, and didn't say a word. What would he say?
They sat that way for a good hour, and no one stopped to ask questions. Harry was happy about that. All of a second, the sobbing stopped, and she spoke, "Harry, what is there here for me? I mean, today...I got an owl....my parents are splitting up, and.....and my grades are slipping, I started to take on to much. And...I can't seem to find myself anymore Harry? Do you know what I mean?" She cried softly
"Maybe"
"It's just....I don't know who I am any more. I can't find the good here" She said as she touched her chest where her heart lay, "It's almost as if I have no cares about the people I love, and no cares for me. I feel so empty inside Harry. So, So empty, and I don't know why. What did I do? What the hell did I do!" She wept openly again, and met his eyes. His were strong, yet a little watery. And hers were bloodshot, and depressed, and all the spirit that had once been so present, seemed to disappear. "Harry, its like I'm a shadow of who I am, It's like I'm no longer me, and I don't know what to do about it. The pain that I can't feel, the love that I can't feel, the hate that I can't feel is too much"
"But Hermione, that's no reason to die. Hermione, I love you, you're my best friend, you're like the only family I ever had, and if I lost you, I don't know what I'd do!" He stroke her tear soaked hair, and caressed her cheek. "Hermione, I'd die without you."
She sat silent. She stared at her lap, and then her eyes met his again, "Don't tell Ron" She said, and ran up to the stairs to the girls dormitory.
***
The light of the candle was burningly bright. It was harsh to eyes that were used to the dark, but it was hidden. As the quill scratched against the parchment, tiny splotches began to form where tears fell.
'I cannot go on. There is so much that hurts, and so much that shouldn't, and so much that I want to hurt, and I don't know what to do. Harry, I loved you. More then your friend, more than anything. I wanted to love you forever. You have no idea, and you'll never have an idea. Tell my parents it isn't their fault, even though they helped, and don't tell Ron. He isn't as strong as you are Harry. Don't tell him why. Goodbye.'
She signed the note, the last time she would ever let her perfect loopy handwriting crawl across parchment, and then she crept out of the common room, and up to the owerly. She tied the note around Hedwig, and stroked her head. She had the poison ready, if she could have a gun on Hogwarts there would have been one in her mouth by now. That seemed faster, and easier.
She went back to her room, and looked out the window. "Goodnight" She said softly. There were no tears now. She couldn't feel tears if she wanted too. She believed whole-heartedly that what she was doing was the right choice, the only choice.
She walked to her freezing cold bed, and let herself get comfortable. She poured the poison in her goblet of water, and as soon as she was about to fall asleep, she swallowed, and let the swift death flow through her veins. Her breathing became heavy, and painful, it felt like somebody had let her book bag lie on top of her. The weight was un bearable. Her eyes became fuzzy, she felt so heavy, and she could barely move, like somebody had put the body bind on her. 'So this is death' She thought. Her sigh was heavy, her last sigh, her last breath. She felt....She felt no more, and all was black.
~*~*~*~*~
A.N.~ Ok, this story is me. I wrote the first part of it after school one Monday afternoon. I am both Harry and Hermione. They are both part of me, and what I feel. Hermione is the me who is happy on the outside, but once you look on the inside, the side she doesn't really show often, she is sad, and she is lonely. Harry on the other hand, is the me that is openly depressed, and has come up with the idea on how to solve it, he just doesn't know how to go about doing it. I am Harry Potter, I am Hermione Granger. I am...way to into these books.......But I do not contemplate suicide. I have thought about thinking about suicide, but never actually tried or really got serious about it. And I don't hate Ron!!!! I love Ron Weasly, he's cool, but he's not a major player in this story. I like to think that h/h is the way to go.......but, hey, a girl can dream can't she?
I was almost on the verge of adding another chapter, but I'll wait and see. There will be Ron in that one. It'll be the reactions. It would also be another part of me, the me that would die if any of my buddies went for the poison. Yes...actually, I do think I'll add another chapter.....
Pip
Cailin
Tinuviel
Magical Me
MidnightGremlin
I don't know what name to use, so I made a staircase of names. See the staircase?