And I've lost who I am,
and I can't understand,
Why my heart is so broken,
rejecting your love- Shattered
I was sitting on the the couch, it was small and stained but I could give a flying fuck. I had zeds dead blasting in my ears making them feel numb and I had taken four little bright blue pills. I was going to be fine, if he wanted Kira, fine. He could have her. Fuck them both. After this was all over I would never see either of them again and it would go back to the days of me and Cassie on the road. Maybe we'd hit up Australia? Maybe France, or Rome of Hawaii. I didnt care. I just wanted to go. Hmm, wherew was Cass anyway? It had been a while since I had located her...I knew that she could handel her self, I just liked to keep tabs on her. I kept looking over at the bathroom. It was made of glass and I could practically see through it. They were close, and then I looked away. I couldnt take this. I sat up and ran a hand through my short hair. it felt longer, I didnt like it much. Just then the door opened. The smell of liquor hit me like a stack of bricks and my twelve year old sister sauntered in, barely able to stand, the same look in her eyes that mom got in hers when she was drunk. Fucking-a. Just then to make matters even better Nick the Dick walked out of the bathroom, his girlfriend in tow. I ripped the head phones out of my ears and threw my ipod on the couch behind me as I rushed to keep her standing strait. She made a b-line for Kira and sneered in her face.
"This is all your fault. All of it is happening because of you" Even though it was a drunken statement it was a true one. Kira laughed haughtly and crawled onto one of the beds. As much as I would like to sock her out, I didnt have time for it right now.
"Cass, come on lets go sit" I whispered soothingly to her. I had lived with a drunk for nine years of my life. You dont yell and force, you whisper and convince.
"No. And you you just let her cause you just like her so much right Nick?" She shrugged out of my grasp and I let out a breath and went to grab her again but she just went to the couch and tumbled onto it.
"What the hell were you drinking, gasoline?" Nick asked and I shot him a death glare. And then pulled off my little sisters old combat boots.
"I need to be like mom, tell him. I need to so you can live" She grabbed my face and told me, trying to whisper but she was loud as hell. I stroaked her hair and tried to give her a smile.
"What did i tell you. When you drink you sip, not chugg it like its water" I reminded her and she shook her head violently, blond, green and pink flew around her face.
"NO! Mom chugged and I need to be like mom! You die. Die. Every time" She cried and she pushed me off her. Nick and the shadow man came to try and hep me with her, but I moved them harshley back, with a flick of my wrist. They didnt get to be apart of this.
"And do you see where she is now, Cass? I dont need you to save me" I told her, starting to loose my cool. Tonight had been stressful in it's self and now this. Did i ever get a break? No of course not. Never me.
"Really? No need me? You get shot, right here" She slurred and pointed to her left temple. I looked her strait in the eye, determined to not back down.
"Or what about when those chinese bleeders crack your head like an egg? Or when you get crushed by some falling peice of something. Or when they make you blow your self up? Its alway bloody, you always suffer" She was crying by now, the tears that were running down her porecelin face looked so wrong. I came rushed forward, wrapping my arms around her but she pushed me away and much to my surprize she cocked her fist back and swung. Crunch, yeah that was my jaw. Just like I had taught her. I just looked at her through the hair hanging in my face. My eyes stung and my fists clenched at my hands. She was sobbing, harder now. Eye liner running down her cheeks.
"Thats i-" Nick, always trying to be the hero. I spun around and made him fly into the bed, right next to Kira. He could stay there, with her.
"you wanna know the worst part is? Its always because of me. You die for me. all the times for me" She cried at me and my whole body stiffened. Oh. So thats how I would go. It sunk in and I just smiled. I'd die protecting the only thing that mattered. I just looked at her, jaw throbbing and emotions running wild. She just shook her head and came to me this time, wrapping her arms around me and I gripped her tightly, my face in her rainbow hair. She finally shut down in my arms and I balanced her in my arms, carrying her to the couch. it was difficult, she wasnt six anymore.
"Let me help" Nick begged and I snapped a no at him as i lay her on the couch. I touched her cheek...She was so old. She had to live to get older. I stood up and saw the shocked face of Kira, the scared shitless face of the shadower, and the sympetheic face of Nick. My powers were going haywire and I was buzzing, bad. I hurried to my bag and pulled out the bottle of pills and dumped at least seven in my hand. They were multi colored, cheap shit. Its all I could find. I threw them down my throat and I heard gasps.
"We dont need her stumbling around too" It was Kira and she was a waste of my time so i didnt kill her. i faintly heard Nick curse at her. It didnt matter to me anymore. I was going to die any ways. Why make more connections? Die for Cassie, I had always known that was going to be the way I would go, but to hear it like that...It was hard. Who'd take care of her? I closed my eyes as I felt my power begin to go back to normal. Almost under my control. I stood up and grabbed my coat. I didnt want to leave my drunkie sister, but I needed a breather. bad.
"Where are you going?" Nick asked and I ignored him as I slung my bag over my shoulder and looked at the shadower.
"Watch her" I ordered and he nodded, scared to speak I guess. I exicted the motel and and took a deep breath of the city air. It chilled my insides, it felt good. It also helped with my aching jaw. I think I had taight her a little too well.
"Wait, Jesus Riley wait!" I didnt want him to follow me. It wasnt fair for him to play with me like this.
"What" I turned to him, he didnt expect it and he ran right into me. I pushed him back by his chest and he looked at me, his eyes changing emotions every five seconds.
"You cant just go, were being tracked" He told me and I let out a snort and a small, fake smile as I shook my head.
"Let them come right now, I'm in the mood to kill some bleeders" I said, the thought of a fight made adrealine course through my veins. He just grabbed me by the tops of my arms.
"Are you insane? Compleaty insane?" He shooke me and I was fighting with my self. Didnt he understand that he was holding a coiled spring in his hands, I could snap at any moment. Blow his body to smitherines with out even trying to?
"I suggest you let got" I gritted out through clenched teeth and he did as I said, thank god. He stared at me, looking all broken. That was not fair. Not at all.
"Go back. To Kira. Fucking go cause I dont want you any where near me" I spoke lowly. It was worse then yelling. It was a hiss and he litteraly flinched.
"You cant do this, Riley. You said-" God damn I was done with him trying to act like this was all my fault.
"I die! Didnt you hear her?" I yelled at him and he looked shocked. He tried to put his hand on my shoulder but I flinched away.
"We all die in her visions" I laughed, tears were running now and I felt like a pussy for crying infront of him. I wiped it away harshley and I knew I had smears of black across my cheeks.
"It's not the same. It's me or her. I die for her" I told him and he looked at the ground. He knew I was fucked too.
"So go back to Kira. Please just go back to her" I begged him and he reached for me again, those blue eyes begging and I juat cried harder and turned around. I didnt mean to feel this...I wish I didnt.
"I dont want Kira, okay, Just look at me! You never look at me!" He cried and I didnt turn back. I imagined the bleeders popping my head like a tamato, my blood flying all over him and Cassie. Or me struggling to escape hundreds of pounds of brick dropped on me. Crushed and half dead. It was grusome. I wondered how much it would hurt?...How long it would hurt? I was scared, scared to leave her in this big world all alone. Scared to leave Nick...And I shouldnt feel that. I turned around to face him and sucked i a deep breath through my nose, trying to calm myself.
"When I die, you'll take care of her" It wasnt really a question, more of a statement. I could see his anger begin to rise. That blush creep up his neck.
"Why the hell would you say that! Why do you always do this?" He asked, his voice shaking and I knew he was scared. He didnt want to accept the fact that I died...
"Because it needs to be said, Nick. Please...If you care at all, you'll take care of my sister" And he held his breath for a minute, angry and stiff. Battling thoughts inside his head. Then he let out a breath and deflated, all the emotions coming out and his eyes glassed up as he nodded.
"Yeah fine, I'll take care of her" He muttered gruffily, looking me dead in the eye and I let out a relieved laugh. There. They'd have each other. I gave him the only smile I could muster and walked away. I wouldnt return until morning.