A USA Character Thanksgiving
By RascalFlattsS
Summary: All our favorite USA characters come together to celebrate a good old American holiday. Starring characters from Psych, Burn Notice, Royal Pains and White Collar. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!
Disclaimer: I don't own Psych, Burn Notice, Royal Pains and White Collar. This is written for entertainment purposes only-that and it gives me a reason to NOT do any work!
"Thank you so much for letting us use your place, Neal," said Elizabeth Burke. She was wearing a long white apron. She was currently basting the large-20 pound-turkey.
"It's no problem, Elizabeth," said Neal Caffrey, who was currently lying on the couch, twirling his hat in his hands.
"June doesn't mind?" asked Elizabeth.
Neal shook his head, "June is out of town celebrating with family. So it's just us."
"Hooray," said Elizabeth's husband, FBI Agent Peter Burke. He was sitting at the table watching Elizabeth cook. "I don't understand why we had to host Thanksgiving this year."
"Because you're the one who refused to go out of town," Neal pointed out, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Whose side are you on anyway?" asked Peter. He sighed. "I just hate that we have to do all the work."
"We?" asked Elizabeth, raising an eyebrow.
"Neal's not helping either!" said Peter.
"I provided the location," said Neal, waving his hand around the apartment. "Besides, I'm an ex-convict, remember? I can't be trusted."
"I thought you were reformed," said Peter, raising an eyebrow.
"When it comes to white collar crimes, yes," said Neal. "But not when it comes to stealing a piece of Elizabeth's delicious turkey….that would be a no."
Peter was about to reply when the door bell rang.
"I'll get it!" shouted Neal. He jumped up from the couch, jammed the hat on his head and ran to answer the door. A few seconds later, Neal returned with the HankMed team.
"Peter, Elizabeth, this is Dr. Hank Lawson," said Neal, pointing to Hank. "This is his brother, Evan Lawson; his physician's assistant, Divya Katdare and Jill Casey. Everyone, this is FBI Agent Peter Burke and his beautiful wife, Elizabeth."
"Hi," said Hank, Evan and Jill.
"Here," said Divya. She handed Peter a large pie. "We brought the pie."
"Thank you," said Elizabeth. She took the pie from Peter and set it on the counter.
"Do you need any help in the kitchen?" asked Jill.
"Sure," said Elizabeth. She shifted her head towards Neal and Peter. "Those two haven't been any help."
Neal collapsed back on the couch. "What did I just say? I'm an ex-convict. Clearly, I can't be trusted."
Divya smiled, "That sounds like something Evan would say."
Evan walked over and sat down on the couch next to Neal. "Well, maybe that's because I can't be trusted either," said Evan smiling.
"Are you an ex-convict too?" asked Neal.
"Worse," said Evan. He grinned. "I'm an accountant."
"NO!" said Neal, covering his face with his hands. "THE HORROR!"
"Are you done?" asked Peter annoyed.
"Not yet," said Neal calmly before he returned to screaming. "NO! NOT AN ACCOUNTANT!" He took a deep breath. "That's worse than an ex-convict, my friend."
Evan laughed. "There is one thing worse than an accountant." He paused for a moment for effect. "An IRS agent!"
Both Neal and Evan burst out laughing. "That's a good one, Evan!"
Evan smiled. "Thanks," he said.
Hank turned to Peter, "Is it a good idea for those two to being hanging out?"
"Probably not," said Peter, sighing.
"Hey!" said Neal. "I resent that! I am not that bad influence on Evan."
"I agree," said Evan. "I'm a much worse influence on Neal." Both Neal and Evan laughed and bumped fists.
Divya rolled her eyes, "Great! Just what we needed: more immature boys."
Elizabeth smiled, "Oh I don't think they are that bad."
"Want to bet?" asked Hank and Peter together.
The doorbell rang again. "I'll get it!" shouted Neal jumping up and rushing past Hank, Peter and Jill, knocking the three of them on the floor.
"NEAL!" shouted Peter, standing up. "I'm going to kill him!"
"Now Peter, is that really a good idea?" asked Evan from the couch. "I mean first of all it's Thanksgiving and killing Neal is not in tune with the holiday spirit and good will towards men. And second, there are a little called 'witnesses' and as you can see, there are a number of witnesses here. And personally, I'm not afraid to testify against you in a court of law."
"Evan, if you don't shut up, I'm going to kill you," said Hank, as he helped Jill up off the floor.
"That's not a very nice thing to say to your favorite brother," said Evan.
Hank sighed and rolled his eyes, "Evan, you're my only brother."
"Hence by favorite brother by default," said Evan, proudly.
"Aw," said Neal walking back into the living room. "Siblings fighting and death threats; now it feels like Thanksgiving."
"Who was at the door Neal? " asked Jill.
"We were," said Michael Westen, walking in behind Neal. Behind him were Fiona Glenanne and Sam Axe. He took off his sunglasses, "And I have to agree with Neal-it's not Thanksgiving till the fights and death threats break out."
"I know that's true for my family," said Fiona. She walked passed Michael and Neal to Elizabeth, Divya and Jill. "May I give you a hand?"
"Of course," said Elizabeth.
"Just don't blow up the kitchen," said Sam. "Again."
"You blew up a kitchen?" asked Peter, shocked.
"You too?" asked Evan. "I thought I was the only one!"
"When did you blow up a kitchen?" asked Hank, raising an eyebrow.
"Um," said Evan. "It was during the college and Tim and I-"
Hank rolled his eyes. "I don't want to know."
"Whose Tim?" asked Elizabeth.
"Tim McGee was my college roommate at MIT," said Evan. "He works for NCIS now."
"This Tim sounds like fun," said Neal. He sighed. "I clearly signed up with the wrong agency."
"Oh, Tim and I used to get into all sorts of trouble," said Evan. "I could tell you stories."
"Neal, don't get any ideas," warned Peter, shaking his finger at Neal. He then turned to Michael. "I thought you were supposed to stay in Miami."
"I wished we had," said Sam. "It is freezing up here!"
"Its 39°F outside," Neal pointed out.
"Its 81°F in Miami," said Sam. "And what's with all this snow?"
"It's winter," said Evan. "That kind of what happens in the winter in New York City. Haven't you ever seen snow before?"
"I try to avoid it," said Sam. "Next year, I vote we have the Thanksgiving party in Miami."
"I second that!" said Evan.
"I agree!" said Neal. "All in favor?" Evan, Neal, Sam, Michael, Fiona, Jill, Divya and Elizabeth all raised their hands.
"Put your hands down!" said Peter. "We're not going to Miami! We can't, remember?"
Neal sighed. "Miami's a little out of my two-mile radius." He said as he lifted his pant leg to reveal the GPS tracker on his ankle.
"Oh that," said Fiona, peering over the couch to look at Neal's ankle bracelet. "I can unhook that thing no problem."
"Say again?" asked Peter, raising an eyebrow.
"Um, I was saying how I like your hat?" said Fiona loudly. "What's that? You need my help in the kitchen? Okay, Elizabeth, I'll be right there!" She ran back off into the kitchen.
"Well, this is awkward," said Sam. "Okay, I need a beer." He walked off into the kitchen.
"We brought a fruit salad," said Michael, handing it off to Peter.
"Thank you," said Peter.
"So, Mike," said Neal. "Have you ever broken the law?"
Michael smiled. "I used to be a spy, remember?"
"Sweet!" said Evan. "We've got the accountant, the ex-con and the spy! We could start our club of super evil villains!"
"Sounds like a plan," said Neal.
"So you're a criminal?" asked Peter.
"Criminal's a strong word," said Michael. "I perform convert ops which are not always legal."
"That's a yes," said Peter. "Elizabeth!"
"What now?" Elizabeth asked, exhausted.
"Why are you letting all these criminals into my house?"asked Peter angrily.
" It's not your house, Peter," Elizabeth corrected. "And it's Thanksgiving. Lighten up, honey."
"I think the Grinch's heart needs to grow three sizes today," said Neal. Neal, Evan and Michael all laughed.
"What are we all laughing at?" asked Sam, walking back in with his beer.
"The Grinch over there," said Evan, pointing at Peter.
"I am not a Grinch!" said Peter, angrily as Hank walked back out, holding two beers. Hank handed one to Evan.
"Evan, stop annoying Peter," said Hank.
"What makes you thinking I'm annoying him?" asked Evan.
"Because it's you," said Hank. "And you have a tendency to annoy other human beings."
Neal leaned over and whispered to Evan. "I think we found Grinch Number Two." Neal and Evan laughed.
Sam clucked. "You guys are all right," he said. "We could use you two on one of our "little jobs", huh Mikey?" Michael just nodded.
"Yes!" said Evan and Neal.
"NO!" said Hank and Peter.
E van slumped down on the couch, "You never let me have any fun."
"That's because I don't want you to end up dead," replied Hank, ruffling Evan's curly hair.
"Evan's right, Hank, it's not that dangerous," said Sam. "I mean, we've done hundreds of little side projects and look! We're all still here."
"And how many near death injuries have you all had?" asked Hank, raising an eyebrow.
"Not much," said Sam, waving his hand. "I mean sure every once in a while you end up with a small burn or two, a minor cut here and there and few stab wounds and a couple of broken ribs every once in a while. And maybe a gun wound here and there. And the occasionally kidnapping. Not to mention, a lot of running because there are people with guns or knifes or C4 who are trying to kill you. But honestly, it's not that bad." He looked up at everyone's horrified faces. "What? What did I say?"
Michael just shook his head. He patted Sam on the shoulder, "You sure know how to paint a picture, Sam."
Neal turned to Evan, "Why do I have a feeling I'd be safer with Michael?" he whispered. "OW!" he yelled as Peter slapped him on the back of the head. "What was that for?" Peter rolled his eyes. "Now I definitely want to switch teams!"
Peter was about to reply when the door bell rang.
"Peter!" shouted Elizabeth. She poked her head out of the kitchen."Get the door!"
"Have Neal get it!" shouted Peter.
"I would have," replied Neal, "but that was before you hit me in the head!"
"Cowboy up, Neal," said Peter, "I didn't hit you that hard. Neal! Get the door!"
"Lizzie!" shouted Neal. "Tell Peter to get the door!"
"Oh you're going to tattle on me," said Peter. "EL! TELL NEAL TO GET THE DOOR!"
"Oh for the love of God," mumbled Elizabeth. "It's like living with two small children sometimes. Peter, stop hitting Neal and go answer the door. And Neal, stop bugging Peter. And don't call me Lizzie again."
"Sure thing Lizzie," said Neal, grinning his character grin.
Elizabeth glared at him as she walked back into the kitchen to help Divya, Jill and Fiona. Peter mumbled something under his breath (something that sounded a lot like "Neal" but no one was really sure).
"She's going to kill you," said Michael. "I hope you know that."
"Totally worth it," said Neal. He rubbed the back of his head. "Ow. That really hurt."
Evan chuckled, "Then be glad you don't work for NCIS."
Neal was about to ask "What happens at NCIS?" but at that moment, SBPD Head Detective Carlton Lassiter came walking into the living room, followed by his partner detective Juliet O'Hara, psychic detective Shawn Spencer and his partner Burton "Gus" Guster.
Lassiter laid one eye on Michael Weston and instantly recognized him from an ABP. He immediately reached for his gun, pulling it out, shouting "FREEZE!"
Michael and Sam instantly pulled out their own weapons and pointed them at Lassiter.
"HIT THE DECK!" shouted Shawn, Neal and Evan all called out. Shawn, Gus, Neal, Evan and Hank all immediately dropped to the floor, hoping to avoid being shot.
At the sound of the entire racket, Elizabeth, Jill, Divya and Fiona came rushing out.
Jill and Divya saw one look at all the guns and dropped to the floor. Elizabeth just rolled her eyes and sighed. "Oh honestly." That's all she got a chance to say before Divya and Jill each grabbed an arm and pulled her down to the floor with them
One the other hand, Fiona took one look at the situation before she pulled out her own weapon, pointing it at Lassiter.
Juliet also pulled out her own gun, "Now, let's everyone calm down. Put down your weapons."
"Not a chance sister," said Sam. "You're the ones who came in gun blazing."
"And you're all group of criminals," snarled Lassiter.
"I resent that!" said Evan.
"Shut up Evan!" snapped Hank.
"Why doesn't everyone put their guns down!" shouted Neal.
"I second that!" shouted Shawn.
"SHUT UP SPENCER!" snapped Lassiter.
At that moment, Peter came bustling into the living room, his own gun drawn. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" he demanded.
"HE STARTED IT!" shouted Lassiter and Michael together, each pointing at the other.
"I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT!" shouted Peter. "IF ALL OF YOU DON'T PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN RIGHT NOW, I AM GOING TO ARREST YOU ALL AND LEAVE YOU SITTING IN JAIL TILL NEW YEARS! UNDERSTAND?"
Peter looked so mad that no one dared argue. Lassiter, Juliet, Michael, Sam and Fiona all lowered their weapons.
"Good," said Peter. "Now if you are all going to behave like civilized adults and no one was is going to try to shoot anyone else or arrest anyone or so help me God, I will through you all out in the snow, Thanksgiving or no! Understand?"
Everyone nodded.
"Good," said Peter. He holstered his own gun and walked over to his wife, holding out a hand to help her up.
"Are you alright honey?" Peter asked, concerned.
"I'm fine," said Elizabeth, smiling.
"I'm okay!" shouted Neal as he got up from off the floor.
"Yippee," said Peter sarcastically, pretending not to care but Elizabeth saw through his mask immediately. She lightly punched Peter in the arm.
"Ow!" said Peter, rubbing his arm. "What was that for?"
"I'm sure I can think of something," said Elizabeth.
"Sorry we pulled you down Elizabeth," said Jill. Divya nodded in agreement.
"That's all right," said Elizabeth.
"We're not used to having guns being pulled out whenever someone walks through the door," said Divya.
"Get used to it," said Neal, Shawn and Gus. Peter glared at them.
"Anyway," said Juliet, putting an end to another fight. "I'm sorry about all of this. It's just a big misunderstanding. Right Lassiter?" She elbowed him in the ribs. Hard.
"Ow!" said Lassiter, "Um, yeah. It was a misunderstanding."
"Understandable," said Elizabeth. "I'm Elizabeth Burke and you've already meet my husband Peter." She held out her hand for Juliet to shake it, which she did.
"I'm Juliet O'Hara," said Juliet. "And this is my partner Carlton Lassiter. And that's—"
"Shawn Spencer, psychic extraordinary," said Shawn, pushing past Lassiter. "And this is my partner Gobble Turkey Butt."
"Stop telling people that's my name," said Gus. He held out his hand, "I'm Burton Guster."
"Divya Kitdare," said Divya, holding out her hand.
Gus took it, "What an interesting name."
"Forget it, Gus," said Shawn. "She's engaged."
Divya raised her eyebrow, "Very impressive, Mr. Spencer."
"They don't call me Psychic Extraordinary for nothing," said Shawn.
"No one calls you that," said Gus.
"Ignore him," said Shawn, "He's cranky; he didn't get his nap on the plane."
"Are you sure I can't shoot him?" asked Lassiter.
"No," said Peter and Juliet together.
"Anyway," said Jill, sensing another argument starting, "I'm Jill Casey."
"Hello," said Gus in a sexy voice.
"Forget it buddy," said Shawn. "She's taken too." He gestured over to Hank. "She's with that doctor guy."
Divya and Evan whirled around to Hank and Jill. "What did he say?" asked Divya.
"Seriously?" asked Evan. "Jank is back together?"
"Jank?" asked Elizabeth.
"Hank and Jill," said Evan. "you know," Evan brought his two hands together, "Jank."
"Aw yes, because that makes so much more sense," mumbled Peter.
"We're not back together," said Hank.
"We're just friends," said Jill.
"Um-huh," said Shawn. "The spirits say you're a liar liar, skinny jeans on fire but whatever."
"Shawn," warned Juliet.
"What?" asked Shawn. "I didn't do anything wrong."
"That's a first," mumbled Lassiter.
"Anyway," said Hank. "I'm Hank Lawson and this is my brother, Evan."
"Don't think you can change the subject!" said Evan. "I can't believe you didn't tell me you and Jill are back together!"
"I didn't tell you because we're not back together!" said Hank.
"At least," added Jill. "Nothing official. We just didn't want to make a big deal of it. You understand, don't you, Evan?"
"No," said Evan shortly. "I can see why you didn't tell the entire Hamptons, but you still could have told me. I thought we did keep secrets from each other."
There was an awkward silence.
"Well, since no one is going to introduce me," said Neal, "I'm going to introduce myself. Neal Caffrey."
"I know who you are," said Lassiter. "You're a criminal."
"Recently reformed," corrected Neal.
"And you're a criminal," said Lassiter, pointing to Michael.
"Technically, I'm a spy," said Michael.
"A burned spy," added Sam. Michael shot him a look.
"Not helping?" asked Sam
"No," said Michael. He sighed, "But for anyone who doesn't know me, I'm Michael Weston. This is Fiona Glennane and Sam Axe."
"Great!" said Neal. "Now that we all now each other, can we try not to shot each other?"
"No promises," mumbled Lassiter.
"Carlton!" said Juliet.
"No one is shooting anyone," said Peter, firmly.
"Peter's right," said Elizabeth. "Now why don't you boys sit and watch the football game while we finish up diner?"
Michael, Sam, Peter, Neal, Evan, Hank, Shawn, Gus and Lassiter went back into the living room. Lassiter turned on the game.
Within five minutes, everyone was in-grossed in the game. Well, almost everyone.
"Does anyone else find this boring?" whispered Neal.
"God yes," said Evan.
"Want to go help the girls?" asked Neal.
"If it gets me away from this craziness," said Evan.
The two got up and walked away from the living room into the kitchen.
The women looked up when the two men walked in.
"Don't tell me," said Elizabeth, "Peter kicked you out of the living room?"
A hurt look came across Neal's face. "Don't you trust me?"
"No," said Elizabeth.
"That's fair," said Neal. "And probably justified."
"Anyway," said Evan, "We weren't interested in the game. Any chance we can help you girls out in the kitchen?"
"You?" asked Divya. "You can cook?"
"Yes I can cook," said Evan, sarcastically. "How do you think Hank and I are survived after our dad left and Mom got sick? Because it wasn't off Hank's cooking."
"This is true," said Jill. "I've had some of Hank's cooking."
"Thank you, Jill!" said Evan.
"I'm sure we could use the extra help," said Juliet. The other women nodded.
"Great!" said Neal. He washed his hands. "oh and one more favor?"
"And what would that be?" asked Fiona.
"When the other guys ask why we weren't watching the game—" started Neal.
"Can you tell them that you force us to help you?" finished Evan.
"To keep up appearances?" guessed Elizabeth.
"And to protect or reputation," said Evan.
"And what reputation would that be?" asked Divya, smiling.
"Ouch," said Evan, pretending to look hurt.
Divya rolled her eyes, "You'll recover. Here" She handed him a bowl of mash potatoes. "Start working."
"Yes ma'am," said Evan.
Evan and Neal sat in the kitchen with the girls working on preparing the food, laughing and tell stories. Slowly the other men started filtering in from the living room; first Gus, then Michael, then Hank, then Shawn and then Peter. Even Sam and Lassiter wondered in at the end of the third quarter.
After several hours, all the food was cooked and ready to be eaten. June's beautiful table had been set and the group sat down to enjoy the wonderful Thanksgiving meal.
"Before we start," said Elizabeth. "I think it would a good idea to say what we are thankful for."
"An excellence idea," agreed Gus. The other nodded in agreement.
"Lizzie, since you are a wonderful hostess," said Neal. "Why don't you go first?"
Elizabeth punched him lightly in the arm, "I'll be thankful if you stop calling me Lizzie!"
"That doesn't count," said Neal.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes, but decided not to respond to Neal.
"I am thankful," she continued, "for my loving husband," She smiled at Peter, "and that I can spend Thanksgiving with my friends and family."
"I am thankful," said Peter, "for my loving wife whom I would be complete lost without." He leaned over and gave Elizabeth a kiss.
"I am also thankful," said Peter, "for a partner who never lets me down." He smiled at Neal who smiled back.
"I am thankful for second chances," said Neal. "And my wonderful friends who always believe in me and willing to give me three or four second chances."
"I am thankful," said Evan, "for new opportunities; wherever they are new business opportunities or for meeting new people and going new places and doing new things or having a lifelong dream come true."
Hank smiled at his little brother and ruffled his hair.
"I am thankful," he said, "for all the change that has occurred in my life this year- the good and the bad-and for all the people who were right there with me, helping me get through it."
"I am thankful," said Divya, "for the opportunity to do what I love with a great team."
"I am thankful," said Jill, "for the HankMed team in helping to make the free clinic realty. I am also thankful for this lovely Thanksgiving dinner."
"I am thankful," said Michael, "for my friends and family who may not always understand why I have to do what I have to do, but they are always stand by me, no matter what." He smiled at Fiona.
"I am thankful," said Fiona, "for the many adventures I get to have with my friends and hope we have many more."
"I am thankful for beer," said Sam simply, "and great cars. And beautiful women. And for the second chance to make a difference with a great team."
"I am thankful for pineapples," said Shawn, "and rubber bands. And slushes. And moon boots. And—"
"Shawn," warned Gus.
Shawn smiled, "I am thankful for my good friends, my wonderful job and most important, my psychic abilities, that allows me to solve every single case before Lassiter."
Gus sighed. Lassiter narrowed his eyes.
"I am thankful," said Gus, "for my job-both my jobs, my friends and my family."
"I am thankful," said Juliet, "for the change I made this year in moving to Santa Barbara and all the friends I have made this year."
"I am thankful for the ability to serve the people of Santa Barbara every day," said Lassiter. "Oh and I am also thankful that I did not have to sit next to Spencer on the plane ride here."
"Here, here," said Shawn.
"Cheers," said Neal, raising his glass. The other joined him, raised their glasses and celebrating the hoilday season.
Yay! This story has taken forever to write but hopefully it was worth it!
Please R&R! I hope I did all the characters justice.
Happy Thanksgiving!