This was it. This was the day that Rachel Barbara Berry was letting go of her first love. Finn Hudson. It's been a few months since they broke up and it finally dawned on her that she wasn't going to get him back. She knew now that she was only putting off the inevitable. They had been too broken from the start to ever have a real chance.
To start off with, they had their first kiss while he was dating Quinn the first time. Then he used her so he could get a scholarship and he needed Rachel in Glee for that. After hearing about Quinn's pregnancy and the real reason he wanted her back, a part of her heart broke. But she still went back. Maybe that was when she realised she was falling hard for Finn. Or maybe, that was when she realised that she'd already fallen.
She broke out of her thoughts. She'd already gone over this a million times the night before. Yes they'd been through a lot, and seemed to have over come it all but, they never forgot the past so they were never ready to move on.
For the last month, since regional's, she thought that Finn was finally letting go of the past. The reason he was going out with Quinn was to get closure, finally allow himself to move on. Much to her dismay, she was wrong. She saw the sparkle in his eye, the one that burnt out not long after they got together. She missed it. The way Finn used to look at her but there was nothing she could now. He had his life here and for as long as she could remember, her life was to move to New York and become the biggest Broadway star. It was time to get back on track. Let go. Move on. So as she sat waiting for Mr Schue, she was excited about the song she was going to sing. Ready to move forward.
Finally the moment had arrived. She new that Mr Schue was going to set a new assignment, seeing as it was Monday, so she raised her hand before he started.
"Yes Rachel?"
"I have a song that I wanted to sing. Before you set this week's assignment. May I?"
"Of course." He said, signalling for her to come to the front of the class.
Taking a deep breath, she stood in front of the glee club, some friends, some she barely knew. Now was the time. She looked Finn straight in the eye as she gave her speech, sometimes glancing at the rest of the club.
"A lot has happened these last two years. Some were great and some not so much. But I wouldn't change a thing. I've had the best two years of my life but now I know that it's time to move forward. Finally let go."
She nodded to the band and the music started to play. This was her moment, her goodbye.
These clouds aren't going nowhere, baby
Rain keeps coming down
I just thought I'd try to call you, baby
For you got too far outta town
And I hope that you get this message that I'm leaving for you
'Cause I hate that you left without hearing the words that I needed you to
And I hope you find it,
What you're looking for
And I hope it's everything you dreamed your life could be
And so much more
And I hope you're happy, wherever you are
I wanted you to know that
And nothing's gonna change that
And I hope you find it
Am I supposed to hang around and wait forever?
Last words that I said
But that was nothing but a broken heart talkin', baby
You know that's not what I meant
Call me up, let me know that you got this message that I'm leaving for you
'Cause I hate that you left without hearing the words that I needed you to
And I hope you find it,
What you're looking for
And I hope it's everything you dreamed your life could be
And so much more
And I hope you're happy, wherever you are
I wanted you to know that
And nothing's gonna change that
And I hope you find it
Whatever it is out there that you were missing here
And I hope you find it,
What you're looking you
And I hope it's everything you dreamed your life could be
And so much more
And I hope you're happy wherever you are
I wanted you to know that
And nothing's gonna change that
No, no, no
And I hope you find it
I hope you find it
Mmm,
Ooh.
By the end of the song Rachel was in tears. Yes, she was ready to let go, but that didn't make it any easier to actually do it. I mean, the memories are still there and it's not like she'll never see him again. He will always be there, if only in glee.
The team's applause had finally died down, she made her way back to her seat with a small smile on her face. Glancing towards Finn and Quinn she could tell that Finn was thinking about the song she just sang, maybe he could finally have the chance to let go to. She knew that he was going out with Quinn. Everyone knew that by now, but as she learnt last year, sometimes that doesn't mean you've truly let go.
The dramas of Finn's past relationship were always there when he was with Rachel, the fact that he never stuck up for her to save his reputation proved that, but long ago she thought the kiss was the closure he needed. He didn't need closure she later realized. They were good for each other. The both wanted the simple dream of having a happy family, where as Rachel, she wanted something bigger. One day, I'm sure, she'll have the same happy family as they will, she just wants something more, something for her.
All her life music was the one thing she turned to for support, growing up she knew that it would always be there. That's the reason she chose to fight for it, it's her escape. When life is tough she sings. When she's happy, she sings. It's the way it has always been. And for that reason, she let go of Finn through a song.
She turned away from Finn at that moment, no more staring. She had said goodbye.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Quinn looking at her. For what reason she didn't know, nor did she care. Quinn was never a part of her life and now that she let go of Finn, she never needed to be. Even if that is true, Rachel being Rachel, couldn't help but wonder what was running through Quinn's mind. Was she happy, she finally won? Was she sorry for Rachel? Was she smirking, she finally took the one thing from Rachel she ever really wanted? Or was guilty? No one would ever know was her final conclusion. Quinn was the hardest person to read and even if you got close enough, she'd never tell you anything. Lying is what gave her the greatest pleasure, that and ruining Rachel's life.
Finally the bell signalling the end of glee club rang. She could go home and start her new life without Finn. Something she should have done a long time ago.
As she walked down the hall she thought she could hear Finn calling after her, she wasn't sure, so she kept walking. By the time she reached the door he had caught up to her.
"Hey, Rach, I was calling you. Didn't you hear me?"
"Oh, sorry Finn. I thought I was just imagining it and, if you don't mind, I'd rather you called me Rachel from now on."
"What? Why?"
"Because, I've finally decided to move on and let you go. I can't do that if you still call me Rach."
"I know. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
Rachel stood there dumbstruck. He wanted to talk to her about her finally letting him go? After everything he said?
"I just… I just want to say thank you. I hope that you're happy too. Where ever life takes you."
Wow. Looks like he finally grew up. Although she must say, it wasn't what she was expecting but, it definitely help with the letting go.
"Thanks Finn. Goodbye."
"Yeah, talk to you tomorrow."
"No, Finn. This is a real goodbye. You can talk to me in glee, or if we have to work on a class project together. But from now on, I'd appreciate it if you were in my life less."
"But Rachel. I thought the point of that song was …"
"The point of that song," Rachel interrupted, "was to let you go. I'm done Finn. I can't be your friend and being more didn't work out either. From now on, we are nothing more than acquaintances. I meant every word of that song. I hope you find you're looking for, if it wasn't with me," she took a deep breath at that point. This was the hardest thing she was ever going to say, "then there's no reason for us to be in each other's lives. You made it clear, Finn. I'm not enough, I never was. There's no point in pretending anymore. You have your life and I have mine. Goodbye."
She walked off with her head held high. No more tears were going to fall over Finn Hudson anymore. Saying that, she didn't expect one to fall as she heard the broken whisper leave Finn's lips.
"Goodbye Rach. I'll love you forever."
Maybe so, she thought, but I'm not Rach anymore.