A typical Tekken Fanfic
By I_love_Jin_although_have_never_played_tekken
Summary: Hi everybody. I have An original story that has a lot to do with romance & nothing to do with Fighting. When I say original I mean ripped straight off Buffy the vampire slayer. Please review. No flames. Just ass-kissing
Scene 1
Heihachi: I'm a10th dan karate master who meditates for hours a day in the quest for enlightenment & admires the finest of Japanese arts & I've built a shitty little company from nothing to the unofficial world government But I'm just a senile old pervert in this story. Now to do something evil that involves capturing my grandson! HAHAHAHAHA!!
Scene 2
Jin: Look at me. I'm the mysterious tragic hero that keeps to himself..just like Angel.er! I mean...like an original character. Now I need a love interest
Julia: How about me! I'm a crap rehash of Michelle. Look at my big boobs
Xiaoyu fans: BOOOOOO! This offends me more than the time I read that fanfic with Julia & Jin
Xiaoyu: No pick me! I'm exciting & bubbly
Jin: Like an aero?
Julia: No. Bubbly's just another word for annoying
Jin: Alright, how about a compromise? I'll dump both of you & go gay
Nerd Chicks: WOOOOOOOOOOOH!! I'm gonna have sex with Jin through Hwoarang
Hwoarang: I'm nerd chick fantasy number 2. The wild biker boy that she longs to tame
Jin: Dude, the nerd chick fantasy is a pulse
Hwoarang: No, that's nerd chick minimum requirement. The nerd chick fantasy is Orlando Bloom
Jin: No one likes the actor 'Orlando Bloom' just the character Legolas
Hwoarang: Maybe Legolas should be your love interest
Author: Not so fast. I've written myself in & I'm gonna be your love interest.
Jin: Oh god not another cameo
Author: Xiaoyu. I hate you. For no apparent reason whatsoever. I've never seen a cut-scene that involved you or fought against you or chosen you or played Tekken for that matter. I just hate you & I'm gonna make a joke at your expense to establish my superiority over you as a character
Xiaoyu; Don't you have a LOTR convention to drop dead in?
Julia: So. you felt you were essential to the story line because...?
Author: I'm not. I've grown so envious of this social circle of attractive people that I've created & will never experience in real life that I just had to include myself
Jin: Its only on paper
Author: My therapist says that's the best I can ever hope for...so pants off
Jin: I bet your gonna be the best lay I've ever had aren't you?
Author: Damn straight. But I have so much inner beauty too. Just cause none of the people at school see it.....(Whispers) they'll all pay..
Jin: What?
Author: NOW! For my amateurish porn scene.
Jin: So Hwoarang, You say your right side throw is fatal?
Hwoarang: Not if you play with 140% energy
Author: What the hell are you two talking about? .... Oh yeah, that's right - you're a fighting game. Oh god you're so muscular. It must be all those crazy martial arts you do
Jin: No I pump steroids
Author: Whatever you say my wickle icky sexy martial artist
Jin: Don't talk that way again. It may be acceptable to your fat, ugly, pimply, sword collecting, DBZ watching boyfriend, but If I hear it again..I'll hurt you
Author: What? But seriously, can my boyfriend get into that shape?
Jin/Hwoarang/Julia/Xiaoyu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jin/Hwoarang/Julia/Xiaoyu: Deep breath
Jin/Hwoarang/Julia/Xiaoyu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jin: No
Hwoarang: I've brought professional wrestler & all around good guy King, to explain
King: Your Yu-Gi-Oh playing , fanfic writing boyfriend will never be muscular because he has neither the ability or motivation to do so. He knows you'll never leave him because you'll never get with anyone else again. You'll never even be a drunk college guy's last resort
Author: LIES, LIES, LIES!!! Shutup! (Listens to slipknot or Linkin park or whatever crap suicidal music teen angst compels her to)
King: I'd like to finish off by taking a shot at all jerks who don't put me in fanfics purely because I'm not a teen heart-throb.
Jin: You're very lucky. Its actually a humiliating role
Hwaorang: Yeah. Why do people think we're gay? Is there something effeminate about the way I carry out acts of mindless violence & crime?
Jin: I don't know Hwoarang, I just don't know
Lee: At least no one makes you do it with your brother
Kazuya: (Shudders)..By the way, I'm Kazuya. I'm a heartless potential Yakuza Boss but in this story, I play a tragic hero looking for the family I never had..Like some other jerk off Buffy...Er! I Mean...an original character
Author: So Jin. Are you gonna sex me up or what?
Jin: It amuses me that you'll never actually have sex with a physically attractive person
10 Billion orgasms later
Jin: Now that we've established a perfect & tranquil scene, it will inevitably be torn by some love triangle or violent kidnapping or murder
Hwoarang: I notice we're all wearing black gothic stuff that is completely out of character & irrelevant as the readers will forget in two sentences & once again use our In-game models as their imagination reference.
Xiaoyu: I too noticed this
Julia: As a spare-part that hasn't had a line in ages, I notice that our speech is stilted & unnatural
Chinook 5-seater assault helicopter flies in & 50 men pour out...& Heihachi
Kazuya: Neat...er! I mean some spiteful line for throwing me down that cliff
Heihachi: Its built with clown car technology
Kazuya: Circus clown or rodeo clown?...er! I mean.another spiteful line with added death threat
Author: Good job boys, you're really creating that tension atmosphere that I want but no one cares about
Jin: C'mon Dad we can take them all
Several sentences that no one read later
Kazuya: Not a lot of respect for our ethnic origin in our speech huh?
Jin: Now lets get Grampa
Heihachi: (some perverted line that inevitably ends in manical laughter)
Kazuya: We've just beaten 50 men. You'll be no problem
Heihachi: You'd think so wouldn't you
Next scene with Jin & Kazuya racked up to some chains in a dojo
Jin: How the **** did that happen!?
Kazuya: Eh. Figures
Heihachi: I'm gonna bring some people in to beat you up now
Enter Bruce & Ganryu
Heihachi: By lacking sexual appeal, they've been typecast into the brainless hired goons with no lines who are beaten up easily category
Ganryu: I've been typecast as a Michelle stalker
Heihachi: OH MY GOD! HE TALKS
Everyone falls down & dies
The End
Hey, I've seen worse endings. Alternate route:
Kazuya: So Why do you keep going after Michelle. Sumo wrestlers are well respected in our country & can have hordes upon hordes of concubines & groupies
Jin: I call them groupubines
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ganryu: I must have a thing for Native Americans with crappy revenge stories
Heihachi: Well, well. What do you know, beggars can be choosers
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Heihachi: Swish!
Ganryu: That's it!
Heihachi: Bring it on fatty
Ganryu: I will baldy
Bruce: whut you call me biatch?
Heihachi, ganryu & Bruce engage in brawl
Jin: Ahem. You haven't unwittingly revealed your plans to us.
Heihachi: That's for the next chapter. If we leave them in suspense, they'll surely read it again. If they want to find out my plans & who's you're secret stalker? Will the shadowy figure who attacked Lee reveal himself? What sinister betrayal lies beneath the gentle demeanour of Xiaoyu?
Jin: A most importantly of all, What the **** are you talking about?
Heihachi: Only time will tell. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
The Reviews
The users alternate account: WOW! Best story ever
Ling_fan: No Jin & Ling. (spits) This fic disgusts me beyond my most horrible murder
Dumbass: Wow. I really can't figure out these mysteries. They're really hard. I can't wait for the next chapter
Ass kisser: I really love this story. Its really great. Now review mine!
Some Jerk: Next chapter or I'll threaten you. j/k
Another jerk: I'll threaten you if you don't get the next chapter j/k
J/k: Next chapter or I'll have to threaten someone
By I_love_Jin_although_have_never_played_tekken
Summary: Hi everybody. I have An original story that has a lot to do with romance & nothing to do with Fighting. When I say original I mean ripped straight off Buffy the vampire slayer. Please review. No flames. Just ass-kissing
Scene 1
Heihachi: I'm a10th dan karate master who meditates for hours a day in the quest for enlightenment & admires the finest of Japanese arts & I've built a shitty little company from nothing to the unofficial world government But I'm just a senile old pervert in this story. Now to do something evil that involves capturing my grandson! HAHAHAHAHA!!
Scene 2
Jin: Look at me. I'm the mysterious tragic hero that keeps to himself..just like Angel.er! I mean...like an original character. Now I need a love interest
Julia: How about me! I'm a crap rehash of Michelle. Look at my big boobs
Xiaoyu fans: BOOOOOO! This offends me more than the time I read that fanfic with Julia & Jin
Xiaoyu: No pick me! I'm exciting & bubbly
Jin: Like an aero?
Julia: No. Bubbly's just another word for annoying
Jin: Alright, how about a compromise? I'll dump both of you & go gay
Nerd Chicks: WOOOOOOOOOOOH!! I'm gonna have sex with Jin through Hwoarang
Hwoarang: I'm nerd chick fantasy number 2. The wild biker boy that she longs to tame
Jin: Dude, the nerd chick fantasy is a pulse
Hwoarang: No, that's nerd chick minimum requirement. The nerd chick fantasy is Orlando Bloom
Jin: No one likes the actor 'Orlando Bloom' just the character Legolas
Hwoarang: Maybe Legolas should be your love interest
Author: Not so fast. I've written myself in & I'm gonna be your love interest.
Jin: Oh god not another cameo
Author: Xiaoyu. I hate you. For no apparent reason whatsoever. I've never seen a cut-scene that involved you or fought against you or chosen you or played Tekken for that matter. I just hate you & I'm gonna make a joke at your expense to establish my superiority over you as a character
Xiaoyu; Don't you have a LOTR convention to drop dead in?
Julia: So. you felt you were essential to the story line because...?
Author: I'm not. I've grown so envious of this social circle of attractive people that I've created & will never experience in real life that I just had to include myself
Jin: Its only on paper
Author: My therapist says that's the best I can ever hope for...so pants off
Jin: I bet your gonna be the best lay I've ever had aren't you?
Author: Damn straight. But I have so much inner beauty too. Just cause none of the people at school see it.....(Whispers) they'll all pay..
Jin: What?
Author: NOW! For my amateurish porn scene.
Jin: So Hwoarang, You say your right side throw is fatal?
Hwoarang: Not if you play with 140% energy
Author: What the hell are you two talking about? .... Oh yeah, that's right - you're a fighting game. Oh god you're so muscular. It must be all those crazy martial arts you do
Jin: No I pump steroids
Author: Whatever you say my wickle icky sexy martial artist
Jin: Don't talk that way again. It may be acceptable to your fat, ugly, pimply, sword collecting, DBZ watching boyfriend, but If I hear it again..I'll hurt you
Author: What? But seriously, can my boyfriend get into that shape?
Jin/Hwoarang/Julia/Xiaoyu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jin/Hwoarang/Julia/Xiaoyu: Deep breath
Jin/Hwoarang/Julia/Xiaoyu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jin: No
Hwoarang: I've brought professional wrestler & all around good guy King, to explain
King: Your Yu-Gi-Oh playing , fanfic writing boyfriend will never be muscular because he has neither the ability or motivation to do so. He knows you'll never leave him because you'll never get with anyone else again. You'll never even be a drunk college guy's last resort
Author: LIES, LIES, LIES!!! Shutup! (Listens to slipknot or Linkin park or whatever crap suicidal music teen angst compels her to)
King: I'd like to finish off by taking a shot at all jerks who don't put me in fanfics purely because I'm not a teen heart-throb.
Jin: You're very lucky. Its actually a humiliating role
Hwaorang: Yeah. Why do people think we're gay? Is there something effeminate about the way I carry out acts of mindless violence & crime?
Jin: I don't know Hwoarang, I just don't know
Lee: At least no one makes you do it with your brother
Kazuya: (Shudders)..By the way, I'm Kazuya. I'm a heartless potential Yakuza Boss but in this story, I play a tragic hero looking for the family I never had..Like some other jerk off Buffy...Er! I Mean...an original character
Author: So Jin. Are you gonna sex me up or what?
Jin: It amuses me that you'll never actually have sex with a physically attractive person
10 Billion orgasms later
Jin: Now that we've established a perfect & tranquil scene, it will inevitably be torn by some love triangle or violent kidnapping or murder
Hwoarang: I notice we're all wearing black gothic stuff that is completely out of character & irrelevant as the readers will forget in two sentences & once again use our In-game models as their imagination reference.
Xiaoyu: I too noticed this
Julia: As a spare-part that hasn't had a line in ages, I notice that our speech is stilted & unnatural
Chinook 5-seater assault helicopter flies in & 50 men pour out...& Heihachi
Kazuya: Neat...er! I mean some spiteful line for throwing me down that cliff
Heihachi: Its built with clown car technology
Kazuya: Circus clown or rodeo clown?...er! I mean.another spiteful line with added death threat
Author: Good job boys, you're really creating that tension atmosphere that I want but no one cares about
Jin: C'mon Dad we can take them all
Several sentences that no one read later
Kazuya: Not a lot of respect for our ethnic origin in our speech huh?
Jin: Now lets get Grampa
Heihachi: (some perverted line that inevitably ends in manical laughter)
Kazuya: We've just beaten 50 men. You'll be no problem
Heihachi: You'd think so wouldn't you
Next scene with Jin & Kazuya racked up to some chains in a dojo
Jin: How the **** did that happen!?
Kazuya: Eh. Figures
Heihachi: I'm gonna bring some people in to beat you up now
Enter Bruce & Ganryu
Heihachi: By lacking sexual appeal, they've been typecast into the brainless hired goons with no lines who are beaten up easily category
Ganryu: I've been typecast as a Michelle stalker
Heihachi: OH MY GOD! HE TALKS
Everyone falls down & dies
The End
Hey, I've seen worse endings. Alternate route:
Kazuya: So Why do you keep going after Michelle. Sumo wrestlers are well respected in our country & can have hordes upon hordes of concubines & groupies
Jin: I call them groupubines
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ganryu: I must have a thing for Native Americans with crappy revenge stories
Heihachi: Well, well. What do you know, beggars can be choosers
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Heihachi: Swish!
Ganryu: That's it!
Heihachi: Bring it on fatty
Ganryu: I will baldy
Bruce: whut you call me biatch?
Heihachi, ganryu & Bruce engage in brawl
Jin: Ahem. You haven't unwittingly revealed your plans to us.
Heihachi: That's for the next chapter. If we leave them in suspense, they'll surely read it again. If they want to find out my plans & who's you're secret stalker? Will the shadowy figure who attacked Lee reveal himself? What sinister betrayal lies beneath the gentle demeanour of Xiaoyu?
Jin: A most importantly of all, What the **** are you talking about?
Heihachi: Only time will tell. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
The Reviews
The users alternate account: WOW! Best story ever
Ling_fan: No Jin & Ling. (spits) This fic disgusts me beyond my most horrible murder
Dumbass: Wow. I really can't figure out these mysteries. They're really hard. I can't wait for the next chapter
Ass kisser: I really love this story. Its really great. Now review mine!
Some Jerk: Next chapter or I'll threaten you. j/k
Another jerk: I'll threaten you if you don't get the next chapter j/k
J/k: Next chapter or I'll have to threaten someone