Disclaimer: I own nothing! D= Reid, Morgan, and the rest of the Criminal Mind's series belongs to some other fortunate soul. If it was mine, ReidxMorgan would not just be in those cute moments of bromance! XD

Summary: When everything ends and there is no way for it to begin again, what do we do when we can't give in?

Warning: Seriously, this is ReidxMorgan, which means boys love. This first part is just them talking, but the second part has some mature stuff. If you aren't comfortable with it, don't read on.
Oh, and this is a tad angsty.
Spoilers for season 6!

Author's Note: I wrote this shortly after watching 6x18. Since Prentiss was one of my favorites, you can imagine that I was a bit depressed and here is the results. =D

For months, they had not been together. It was not that they had fallen out of love, nor had they had a fight. Nothing new had separated them, neither abrupt physical distances nor life's demands growing more intent. The past few days had been utter hell, but even before that they hadn't been together.

There was no reason behind it. They just had not been together.

Except for work, but then again, work was where they had met and it was where they would always be fated to meet again.

Doubtlessly, it was far from the most romantic place, and it would never be the most private. Despite that, the BAU always had and always would be where they fitted together the best. There was their beginning and where they were the most dynamic, working as a team to save someone else.

That dynamic was what had made them enviable, but here, in the privacy of the grand bedroom that had witnessed their romantic moments, neither felt more than a lack of self worth.

The younger of the two was perched on the edge of the bed and stared at his hands, trying to process what he was feeling. He knew what grief was, knew exactly what chemicals were dulling his senses and influencing his thoughts, and could describe in detail what created everything he was sensing.

For him, it wasn't just easy to compute the 'why' of his feelings, it was nature. However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't understand the 'what.'

The older of the two slouched against the head board in the middle of the bed with his eyes focused solely on the wall straight ahead. His legs were halfway drawn up to his chest with his arms lying over them as his mind focused on trying to fixate on nothing. The only thing he wanted was to not think, to no longer feel, and it was no meager task to block it all out.

All he felt up to was trying to ignore his own mind and emotions. The two were just a downward spiral that was slowly tearing him apart. The mourning just wasn't helping him. It was hurting.

Neither male knew why that had gone there. Neither could figure out why they were poisoning this place with the dark feelings. Neither understood why they were both there.

The place had always been their haven. It was where they could hide from the demons, where they could shamelessly enjoy the simplest joys of life together, and where they were safe from the dark that existed everywhere else in their lives.

A few months earlier, they had gone there as often as their work schedules permitted. Then something had changed and it had been all but abandoned...and now they had returned just to pollute it by sitting in agonizing silence.

Slow but consistent, the quiet grew denser, harsher, grew to be too much. It screamed of the need to be ended, to be broken, and to be filled with the simple happiness that belonged in such a place. Even if there was no way for happiness to come, the pain did have to end, and since there was no statistic, theory, or pretty quote to be shared and sum it all up, Morgan was the one that had to speak first.

"When...When Rossi and I were at her place...we...I kept thinking, 'what else? What else are we missing? What else don't we know? What else don't I know? What else has she been hiding from us?' I felt...suspicious...betrayed...I didn't want to admit that after five years, something like that could make me not trust her completely," he confessed, speaking aloud the thoughts and feelings that had been plaguing him.

Reid watched wordlessly as he lifted his hands briefly in a hopeless gesture, only to let them fall back between his knees, as if the effort to keep them suspended was too much. The strong, alpha male seemed so weak and so lost.

Yet, his voice was impossibly steady as he told the other, "I didn't want to believe that she would just leave us. I wanted it to be more than that."

Though the dark face remained hopeless and nearly vacant, the pale face twisted slightly. Reid struggled to force the tears back once again. Already, he had wept more than any time before. It was to the point that the mere thought of shedding more tears was far from appealing.

All he wanted was to put forth a strong façade.

At first, this front had just been for himself, to protect himself from the comfort of those that were hurting as well. Now, he was acting strong for Morgan as well. It was nearly ironic. The older male had always been saving face for his junior's sake, and now it was reversed.

Clearing his throat, he fought against the lump in his throat as he told Morgan softly, "In the end...it was more." His eyes traveled away from his hands, his gaze shifting over his shoulder to focus on the other man as his thumbs over the short stumps of his finger nails. Some twisted, inner being had driven him to mimic the habit, and already he was regretting giving in to the urge. Meeting the obsidian gaze, he continued, "It was for a child whose future relied on her...a-and it was for us...to protect us."

Though he nodded along in mindless agreement, it was obvious that Morgan still couldn't accept it. In his heart and his mind, there could have been another way. Resolutely, he answered, "I know. I know that. I really do...but at the same time...I can't fucking believe that she didn't trust us enough to help. Why couldn't she just let us help?"

"Would you?"

The two words didn't receive or need an answer. Morgan had already proven that when it came to the team's safety, he would put himself second every single time.

That did not mean he had to be understanding when someone else did the same.

Sounding frustrated and oddly desperate, he muttered, "I know! I know that, but I can't believe she just left us in the dark and just left us completely, running off to go and die! She wasn't supposed to! She was supposed to come back! Then we could have solved the case together and after we could have been mad at her and we could have ignored her at the conference table and made her get us coffee to apologize and then gotten over it because we're a family! Now she is gone and all I have left is this vague feeling that there had to be one damn thing, just one that I could have done to make a difference! It is not fair!"

As the dark male had gone on, his tone had risen, nearly to a shout. Abruptly he bit off his ranting, and Reid could practically feel his lover's shock as he wrapped his arms around Morgan's, entrapping and cradling him.

Even if he mentally recoiled at the angry tone and even if he was normal never so bold as to reach out, he couldn't just sit there while Morgan screamed for support.

Pressing his face into the juncture between Morgan's neck and shoulder, his arms remained tight around the other as he continued his battle to not cry. His lithe body shook and his voice cracked with emotion as he whispered, "I-I know, god do I know, Morgan. A lot of things were supposed to happen that never did. There-there is so much that it feels like we could have done, but there is nothing we can do but move on and stay strong. W-we have to believe that everything that is done is done and move one or the past will consume us."

Silently quarreling with the tears, the silence went unnoticed. The duration of aching quite passed without note...at least until it was broken.

Morgan's hands shifted to rest on Reid's back, pulling him closer. The strong fingers curled in the flimsy fabric, and as he held him there, he asked softly, "Why? Why can we never catch a break?"

Inhaling deeply, the young genius steadied himself to speak...only to find that he had no words.

Logically, he could explain to himself that the average number of "breaks" they caught was considerably larger than those they did. Even though he knew it was just short of fact, he couldn't make himself believe it. It just didn't seem like it could be true.

It felt like the whole world was always slowly shattering around them. Every time he turned around, it was like something was missing or broken. The loss never seemed to end.

"I don't know," Reid whispered. Burying his face in the other's shoulder, he shook his head slightly and admitted weakly, "I-I just...don't know anymore."

Now reduced to praying that the tears wouldn't fall, he felt the hold on him tighten and Reid clung to Morgan. The male had saved his life and had saved his sanity a million times over. Just by being his friend, he had found strength. He willed for that to be enough to save him once again.

With a terrifying certainty, he felt that this time it wouldn't be.

A/N: I suck! D= A sad ending? That is so not cool!
Fear not! =D Part two is coming out. Not sure, yet, if it will be happy or not, but it is pretty likely to be mature.

Anyway, Hope that you liked it! :D View and review! What did you like? What did you hate? What could be improved?

Thanks for reading and I hope that you add me to your alerts so that you can enjoy more of my Reid and Morgan obsession. XD