Disclaimer: Vampire Knight does not belong to me

Warning: This story contains a suicide scene so if you can't handle that I advise you not to read this

I'm Desperate

Zero POV:

It was getting worse. With every passing day it would come on faster and harsher. I tried to hide it the best I could but the vampires knew yet they couldn't care less. They would turn back to look at me with a grin on their face. I wasn't one of them yet. I was going to fight until I couldn't anymore.

Later that night we were doing prefect duties. I tried hiding it from her. She'd talk. I'd try ignoring her. If I try keeping myself calm maybe it would go away. But I heard it. Footsteps far away... Shallow breathing... Blood falling to the floor... I could hear it so clearly yet I could tell it was in town. How could I hear it so clearly? I refused to believe I had turned. I knew it wasn't a big cut. The footsteps sounded muffled like the person was wearing socks on a hardwood floor. The breathing sounded like they were about to cry. The blood was in a small amount. Then I heard the voice of a child.

"Mommy, I cut my finger." That little cut caused me to feel this way. I hated it.

"Zero, are you listening to me?"

"No." I had to get my mind off of it so I decided to talk with her like she wanted. The pain was getting harder to ignore. When she turned her back I jumped off the ledge and ran into the woods only to stop near a tree. I sat there talking to myself. And like always the chairman appeared from nowhere.

"You need to come inside."

"Why me?" He didn't answer. Anything he said would've made it worse. "I know I would hate knowing she did that to normal humans but they'd probably die from the bite and not suffer like this. She did it just to spite me. To turn a hunter... I'm sure they all thought of it but they all know better..." I closed my eyes for a while. It was starting to ease up so I finally stood. I had to hold onto the tree but I was so dizzy. When I started to walk I had had to kneel just to stop seeing three of everything. I punched the grass because I was so angry. "Damn it... I wish I would've died back then. Why didn't I?"

"Come on. I'll help you." But I didn't let him help me. He was behind me just in case I fell again but I pushed myself to walk in my own. We walked back to the dorm.

I went to the guest bath only to shove my head in the sink with the water full blast. I had already taken a bath so I didn't want to take another. But as soon as I turned off the water the pain came back again. I didn't even try getting a towel. I held the wall on my way to my dorm but when I made the corner I had to sit down against the wall and hold myself like I did earlier. Like always the chairman appeared from nowhere this time with a glass of water and a blood tablet. "You must love doing that don't you?"

"I don't like seeing you like this. Here." I looked at it awhile but threw it down. It shattered and the water got absorbed in the carpet. "You were bitten by a Pureblood. Like it or not you will turn. If you keep trying to fight it the pain will only get worse."

"I'm not turning. I'm not going to bite anyone. I'm not going to kill..." He just sighed. I sat there awhile before going in my room.

Later on in the week Yuuki and I went to town. Somehow we got separated then I heard her scream. When I found her she was in the clock tower being chased by a Level E. But before I got to her I had to deal with another one. This one was a woman. She would've wanted to bite me but after smelling me she pulled back with a grin on her face. I hadn't pulled the trigger yet like I would've done back then. It was different. This woman and I were similar. I would turn into this and she had to remind me.

"You're one of us." It played back in my mind and frustrated me enough so that I would shoot her. Those words would stay with me... Another scream... I ran up the stairs but once I smelled blood I couldn't go near her. I heard that man's voice. He had saved her. I wasn't needed. I went back to the dorm.

I wanted to stay away but I wanted to see if she was okay. She was looking for me. It only made things worse. I stayed sitting in the lowest steps until I heard footsteps. I couldn't be near her right now. I screamed at her but she only came closer. Then the bandage came off. That smell... I couldn't control myself when I grabbed her. I yelled at myself internally but my body wouldn't listen. I bit her. The blood tasted so good and my pain died down. Finally my body listened to me and I pulled away. "Yuuki, I'm sorry."

"You're a vampire." Then that man came again. He just had to rub it in. He stood in front of her for a second before she pushed him out the way and fell into my arms. I did this. He just kept on aggravating me. I didn't want to hear him. With Yuuki still in my arms I fell to the floor looking at the blood and the evidence of the fact I had turned. He finally stopped talking after my hand slid under my jacket and slowly removed my gun. I wanted to right then and there but then I didn't. The gun felt so heavy when I tried to lift it. I guess he was worried because he bent down to pick Yuuki up and finally said something that made sense.

"Give Yuuki something to wake up to." And he walked away. He was right. I should wait until I know she's okay. I placed the gun back where it used to be, knowing the chairman was coming. He'd take it away when I needed it most. Soon he came to make sure I went to wash my face then go to my dorm. He gave me a worried look but I didn't know if it was for me or Yuuki. It could've easily been him thinking 'How could you?' which was understandable. But I didn't bite her on purpose. I went in my room and locked the door. I'd go to sleep only to say this was my last time sleeping in this place. I needed to leave if it would mean everyone would be safe.

The next morning I didn't go to class. I had seen Yuuki going to class. She was alright. Today I planned on packing my belongings so I could leave. I would never be able to harm anyone never interrupt the chairman's idea of coexistence. I was on my way out when I noticed a photo of Yuuki and I on the floor. She wanted me to smile. How could I when I knew this was coming? I knew if I left she'd try finding me. I may meet her again. I may bite her again. I may kill her. I would prevent that. If I was gone I'd never hurt anyone. If I was gone there'd be a few tears then they'd go on with their lives. Which seems the best option? I have to end it. I dropped the bag on the floor then sat on the bed. I pulled the gun out and stared at it remembering what Cross said when he gave it to me. It would only kill a vampire. It would kill me now.

I was hesitant at first then I began thinking how much more well off everyone would be. Chairman might miss me but let's face it. He never acted like a father to me and always seemed to prefer Yuuki over me. He'd be okay. The hunters would kill him on sight. They'd be thrilled. Yuuki might miss me. I'm her adoptive brother. I stay with her almost all the time. But she has Kuran. She'll get over it. The vampires would be a lot happier not seeing me on the way to class and the Day Class students would rather him gone so they wouldn't have to stay back when zither Moon Dorm gates opened. Everyone should be perfectly fine. My parents and my brother would get to see me again. A win-win for everybody. That's it. I made up my mind.

It's true what they say. Your life flashes before your eyes before you die. But my life was full of blood, full of suffering, full of hate, full of everything that shouldn't be there. It's time to stop everything... I'm going to see my family again. I'm going to be where I was supposed to be four years ago. Now they don't have to wait.

I didn't have much time. I heard footsteps coming up the hall. They probably belonged to Yuuki. She knew I hated myself after what happened and knowing I wasn't there this morning gave off a red flag. She was right to worry. But now she didn't have to. My gun was pointed at my head when I heard a hand on the knob.

I'm Desperate...

I pulled the trigger.