I am not a good songfic writer, but meh. I'm bored. I'm consistently bored. And sickly poor. So, I went through my 4,000 songs on iTunes, and chose a few zillion to write song fics to. I hate, hate, hate it when lyrics are posted throughout a fic, it's distracting and annoying. So, begrudgingly, I posted the lyrics to this song at the bottom of the page since it's not really one of the most well known ones out there. It's by Maroon 5 from the It Won't Be Long Before Soon CD. YouTube it or something if you don't know it, it's fun.
Enjoy.
Summary: I'm stuck living out that night again, I'm not falling apart. Derek can't move forward from the night he lost his girl, and lost his mind. Implied Dasey/Songfic
Disclaimer: I own neither Life with Derek nor the song Not Falling Apart by Maroon 5.
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Not Falling Apart
Sunlight streamed through Derek Venturi's window, throwing a splash of heat across his peaceful face. A groan escaped him and he turned, burying his head between the mattress and his pillow to block the offense. The remnants of a dream filtered across his mind, and he frowned at the pillow top.
Derek was sure he hadn't even been home long enough to start dreaming, but here he was once again finding himself sleepless and exhausted after being jolted awake by that memory. He lost sleep at night, his train of though escaped him at work, and his hockey record faltered, all due to the distraction by this dream.
The dream, the daydream, the fantasy, the memory.
Casey. Casey McDonald, of course it was Casey McDonald. No one else on the planet had the ability to make Derek miserable like she did.
Derek didn't want to go to the Back-to-school party that was being in every house up Greek Street. He wasn't in the fraternities, but he was Derek Venturi, and everyone knew and loved Derek Venturi.
"Derek," Casey whined, pulling him away from his thoughts. "I want to go to these parties. We just got away from home, and I feel like I have three months of my best behavior to destroy."
Being the most popular guy in Junior year of college, almost everyone knew his reputation. The reputation that he had let slip lately. Mr. Party had closed himself up slightly, stressed beyond his limits by his classes, his grades, his team, and his home-life.
Nothing good would come out of this party because Derek couldn't ever recognize his limits after a few beers.
Derek sighed and pushed himself out of bed. He had started analyzing, a trait he'd never admit that he'd gotten from Casey, and there would be no more sleep for him today. Derek peeled his clothing off as he headed towards the shower with his eyes half open, leaving a trail behind him until he pulled the curtain back to hot water.
The party had gone off without a hitch. Everything that was expected from Derek, he delivered. He made a scene, he drank too much, he flirted, he fooled around, and he ended his night with his girlfriend of two years walking away from him. He had lost Casey to Veronica... or Monica... whoever it was, they weren't important. What mattered was that he had messed up for the last time, and he was stuck in a situation that he could only blame himself for.
"We are done, Derek Venturi." Casey said to him, her face not showing the amount of emotion coursing through her. "We are done."
The relationship was fairly perfect, up until that point of course. Deciding after a few months of a truce to act on the feelings they had both been ashamed of, Casey and Derek found that they were a much better couple than step-siblings. George and Nora found out the summer between and Freshman and Sophomore year, and had thrown every moral speech and guilt trip at them that they could think of, but essentially lost the battle.
Two years, almost to the day, without any huge fights, beyond their normal quarrels, of course, without any huge mess ups, without any break ups.
Two years, and now Derek was stuck in his apartment alone, living out that night.
"I'm not falling apart." He muttered to himself, realizing that he was standing in the shower with his forehead against the wall and his eyes closed. He was too tired to be awake, too tired to be standing. Standing straight, Derek ran his hands over his face roughly a good couple of times before grumbling and picking up his shampoo. "I'm not falling apart."
Three hours later, after forcing himself to eat a bowl of cereal and dig up his notebooks, Derek meandered into the coffee shop before his first class of the day.
"You have to try something new," Casey said to him, holding onto his pinky finger while they walked into the door of the shop. Derek had out-grown his no public affections rule with Casey, deciding that with a relationship so long lasting, and so public, it was less of an effort to just let Casey hold his hand.
"I've got what I like, Case, it's never done me wrong." Derek answered with a smile in his eyes. He knew how much he sounded like her.
Casey smiled and shook her head at him. "Let me pick you new syrup at the very least."
"I don't like sugar in my coffee, and you know that. Besides, you're going to pick peppermint, and I don't like that."
"I am not." Casey said too quickly, the words laced heavily with a pout. Derek laughed and finally decided to let her order him which ever drink she felt like.
Casey and Derek had intentionally taken a low-level math elective to be together, so it was no surprise to see her in the shop as he stepped up to the counter. The awkward moment that was shared every Monday and Thursday seemed only one sided, Derek being the shifty, nervous one. It was, after all, nearly three months after the break up, so it made sense that Casey had moved onward and upward.
The entire fight consisted of Casey ending the relationship, and Derek running back inside one of the sorority houses to puke. Not once had he seen her cry, after all the times she told him she needed him and loved him, he hadn't seen one tear or sign that she was as destroyed as he was. Derek was supposed to be the one that walked away from relationships fearless and care free. But no, now he was stuck wishing for the past and imagining his ex-girlfriend laying next to him at night.
Derek blew out a breath and ignored the jolt of adrenaline as his ex-girlfriend walked past him.
"Hey, Derek." She said, just like every other day, walking towards the door with her small group of girlfriends with her.
And just like every other day, Derek answered with a tight lipped, forced smile and a nod. 'I'm not falling apart.' He thought to himself before sighing and looking up to the menu board to order. "Large coffee with almond, please, strong."
He gladly accepted the drink and walked out of the shop, stopping to sip his drink as his eyes connected with Casey's once more.
"I'm not falling apart," He muttered to the cup, shaking his head in defeat. "I'm not."
Danced all night, slept all day, careless with my heart again fearless when it comes to playing games
You don't cry you don't care afraid to have a love affair is that your ghost or are you really there
Now I can't walk I can't talk anymore since you walked out the door and now I'm stuck living out that night again I'm not falling apart
Wither on a sunny day, time slows down I wish you'd stay pass me by in crowded dark hallways
I tried my hardest not to scream find my heart is growing weak so leave your reasons on the bathroom sink
Now I can't walk I can't talk anymore since you walked out the door and now I'm stuck living out that night again I'm not falling apart
I heard you say you needed me now what's the problem I can't see you destroyed me I won't fall apart again, I'm not falling apart.
Take what you wanted, I will be just fine, you'll be better off alone at night
Willing and falling constantly calling out your name will it ever change
Now I can't walk I cant talk anymore since you walked out the door and now I'm stuck living out that night again, I'm not falling apart
I heard you say you needed me now what's the problem I can't see you destroyed me I won't fall apart again, I'm not falling apart.