TITLE: Remain
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid
SUMMARY: Qui-Gon mourns a friend. Story told from Obi-Wan's POV.
Rating: G
In memory of Natasha Richardson
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Remain
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I couldn't hear my master's words over the soft hissing of the medical equipment that was keeping her alive, though I saw his shoulders shake every so often as he sat bedside holding her pale hand. Now and then he'd brush his fingers through her blonde hair, careful not to disturb the tubes that crisscrossed her silent face.
Her features were drawn, but I could see the underlying beauty that hovered there. I guessed her to be between forty and fifty years old, by human standards.
I don't know who she is. I don't even know her name. Our trip here was sudden and made in almost complete silence. Feeling the pain emanating from my master, I fought the need to ask him where we were going - what we were doing. I knew my questions would fall without response.
Once we landed, he told me only to follow. As I did.
We were escorted here, to this sterile, yet somehow comforting hospice room. Sunlight flooded in through arched windows overlooking a far reaching ocean of green. It was a breathtaking view. A view that went unseen by those who came to hold vigil beside the young woman and her life sustaining machines.
She was dying.
I sat away from the scene before me. In a chair next to the door. I felt as thought I had no right to intrude on this woman's final hours, but Master Qui-Gon had asked me to stay near. So I remained.
In the eight years I've spent with my master, I've rarely seen him cry. It wasn't that he was afraid of emotion; he just had his own ways of dealing with emotional pain.
I don't recall ever seeing or feeling him as upset as he was at this moment. His mental shields were raised, but our bond still allowed me to feel the anguish, as intense as it was.
He sat with her for two hours, then placed a final kiss to her hand, and walked away.
She remained there.
Unmoving.
There were no words as Master Qui-Gon walked past me. His only acknowledgement was painfilled glance as he left the room.
Upon his leaving, a small group filtered in. Some were medical staff. The others appeared to be family. An older woman shadowed by two children. Boys. Maybe twelve or thirteen. I remember that age. Awkward and confusing. And for these two - devastating.
Master Qui-Gon stood outside the room. He'd drawn his hood and crossed his arms, folding his hands into his robe. In a gesture of respect, I did the same. We watched the final moments of the woman's life. Her family saying their last goodbyes. The medical team making final preparations to remove her from the hissing tubes that sustained the final moments of her life.
It was as this was happening that my master finally spoke without taking his gaze from the dying woman.
"Her name is Nasha. She saved my life."
I immediately felt the need to ask questions, but he continued before I could form the words.
"It was my second year of knighthood. I was here for a mission. I was ambushed and attacked. Left for dead. Nasha found me and took it upon herself to nurse me back to health. I've come back here every year since to visit with her. She's been a friend. One of my dearest."
"But she's so young, Master. What happened?"
"An accident. A minor injury that turned deadly within hours. Now her family has made that final impossible decision to let her go. That's her mother with the two boys. She will raise them. Their lives are forever changed. All that remains for them are the memories of her, and these final moments."
"I can't imagine, Master. I'm sorry for those she leaves behind."
I heard the faint sound of a single steady hum as Nasha's chest fell still. Her mother and children knelt beside her and buried their faces as they grieved for their loved one.
Master Qui-Gon lowered his head forward. His face still hidden by the hood, but I didn't miss the droplets of water falling to the floor.
I'd been uncertain what my place was meant to be in all of this. But as my master lifted his head and steadied a deep, shuddering breath, I felt his hand settle on my shoulder. And I felt a sense of relief flow through him at my presence.
Not long after, we left for home. Master Qui-Gon took the controls, but I watched him carefully. His focus was not on the here and now. It was on his friend. He was now feeling the full impact of the loss, knowing he'd never return here. Knowing that he'd never see his friend again. Never talk with her. Never smile with her. And that her boys would grow up without the love of their adored mother.
I quieted a pesky control that continued to beep on the flight panel. Master Qui-Gon hadn't noticed it, lost in his thoughts. It was a minor thing to miss, but I knew it was my time to step in.
I stood behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Master, I will pilot us home. You should deal with your loss. You haven't yet come to terms with it and you need to do so."
To my surprise he offered no protest as he bowed his head in acceptance.
I reached down towards him, putting my arm around his shoulders and leaning my head sideways until we touched.
He was fighting the emotions.
It was a battle he would lose.
I held the embrace for several moments. "You should grieve for your friend, Master. It would dishonor her memory if you didn't do so. It's all right to let down your guard to mourn a friend. I will get us home safely."
His large hand moved under my chin and then settled on the side of my face. He whispered. "Thank you, Padawan."
I smiled at him as he got up from the pilot's chair. Without a word, he reached out and drew me into an embrace. One so deep that I was nearly lost in his robe. His arms tightened around me in an almost desperate way.
The need to find some form of comfort. The need to try and deal with the pain in his heart.
When he finally released me, I watched him walk slowly away, retreating to the ship's rest area.
I realized I was witnessing a side of Qui-Gon Jinn that few had ever seen. And perhaps few had ever shared in. I felt honored in some strange way to have been the one trusted enough to accompany him on his journey of loss.
And I could only wonder at what type of person Nasha had been to have instilled such love and devotion into my master's heart.
A place not so easy to reach.
But a place where the memory of Nasha would always remain.
END