A nice fic, I think, personally. But I would, wouldn't I?
Er, the feelings... I tried to make them as real as possible, from own experience of course. But, as always, improvements are welcome.
Merry hates the secrecy.
He hates the lie that he has to tell, to people who trust and believe him. To his father, his mother... Estella.
He hates the nervous thrill that makes him feel sick, that makes his hands shake when he opens the letters with Pippin's handwriting on the front.
And he hates the sudden fear that consumes him when he unfolds the letter, half expecting it to tell him that Pippin's busy for the next few months, and that a week at Crickhollow would be... impossible.
He hates the pain that swallows the sudden rush of happiness, when he remembers that they will only have a week together.
He hates the guilt he feels when he realises Diamond and Faramir will be waiting in Tookbourgh for Pippin to return, after a 'friendly' meeting with his favourite cousin.
He hates the dread that makes his hair stand on end and his hears twitch whenever someone calls at their house, days before Pippin is expected.
He hates the loneliness that haunts him when Pippin is not there, whether it be because he has just left, or not expects for a fortnight, or late. The loneliness that makes him think Pippin has turned away. Or forgotten him.
He hates the indescribable feeling that makes his ears and cheeks burn, that prevents him from breathing in any way other than short, breathy gasps, when he reaches for the door, knowing full well it's Pippin on the other side. But dreading it's not.
But when he opens the door, and finds Pippin smiling at him from underneath his auburn curls, his green eyes wide and shining, he forgets. He forgets the secrecy, the lies, the nervous thrill, the sudden fear. He forgets the pain, the guilt, the dread, and loneliness and the indescribable feeling that is pure terror. He forgets it all.
Because, when he smiles back, all his can think of, and all he can feel, and all he knows right now... is Pippin.
I liked that... Good for me!
Is it Tookbourgh where Pippin lives?