The Final Battle -ominous thunder crash-
Voldemort: HAAAARRRY POTTER‼! I have you in my grasp even you have escaped every single time I think I'm going to win, including about ten minutes ago! In fact, I shall stall for time instead of killing you like all good evil villains should do!
Harry: Guess what? Dumbledore is better than you, nah nah nah nah-nah‼! He is also gay, which will cause much Muggle uproar and an increase in slash fics. Don't ask how I know, I know everything‼!
Voldemort: -stares, eyebrowless eye twitching in confusion- Whaaa?
Harry: Snape was on my side too! I-I mean, he was tragically in love with my mom. Yeah, I'm kinda scared. Does my hair look greasy to you? Does my skin look sallow? Do I resemble a giant bat? –begins muttering - Deep breaths, deep breaths. Calm, soothing. Think of your messy hair. You are the son of James-the-stalker, not Snape-the-stalker.
Voldemort: Oh, do I look like I care about LOOOOOVE? I have no love, compassion, kindness, charity, humanity, or hormones. –grins broadly-
Harry: Well try to feel bad about being a total jerkface, why don't you? You feel bad, deep down inside. Your heart is just a few sizes too small. And you need breath mints.
Voldemort: YOU DARE?!
Harry: I dare.
Voldemort: YOU DARE?!
Harry: I dare.
Voldemort: YOU DARE?!
Harry: Be a man, Tommy. I suggest copious amounts of Axe and swaggering.
Voldemort: WHY, YOU SNIVELING SLIMY MOLDY FISH-FACE!
Harry: Ha, that's funny.
Voldemort: I will now kill you!
Harry: Not bloody likely.
Voldemort: -dies-
Harry: -blinks-
Swarming Crowd: Potter, Potter, he's the man! If he can't do it, nobody can!
Harry: -Goes to Voldemort's body and pokes at it.- Hmmm, squishy!
Readers: So….he's dead then? That was anticlimactic. I thought Sirius would come back to life to be with Lupin and Fudge would be put in Askaban and Bellatrix would have an affair with Lucius Malfoy and Harry and Draco would realize their true love but then Ginny would steal Draco and then Hermione would steal him from Ginny and then they'd all a have a wizard foursome, which Voldemort's long-lost daughter, Vilyanticalsifa would join after pages of angst‼! ...oh well, there's always fanfiction dot net.