The Best Silence
Summary: Lily's epiphany, it only took the best silence.
The best silence is that silence, you know? The one in which no one says a thing. The one when you can look right at the person next to you and realize he's staring right back at you. The one when you realize that you're looking at everything that you've always needed, not just what you've thought that you wanted. The difference between loving someone because you need them and wanting them is the difference between knowing what you need and thinking that you want something without actually seeing it for what it is.
That's the best feeling, when you look at him and he's already looking right back at you. Somehow, even though it's dead silent you know it is the sweetest, warmest, most comfortable silence ever. There's no awkwardness, it's not one of those awkward pauses when nobody knows what to say. All you can hear is the sound of your own breath, heartbeat and the soft sound of his own breathing.
He looks at you and you don't just see him. You see all of your feelings, the undeniable pure love, the unbroken trust that ties you together, and the steadfast, unwavering loyalty...all of it, reflected right back at you.
Then his head is next to yours, his breath is warm on your lips and the both of you look at each other, both asking a silent question. You know that you could kiss him, you can already feel his lips lingering on the side of your mouth, if he turned less than an inch it would happen.
But you don't tell him, and he doesn't answer. Both of you aware of the silence but both of you equally unwilling to shatter it. The silence when you pull back ever so slightly to stare, and they look right back at you. When you try to search his eyes for answers to questions that you don't even know. Questions you've never asked, never even thought of, but you also feel like you desperately want to know the answers to.
The silence when you realize that in those moments, his eyes are searching yours for answers too.
The seconds when you realize that this is when you're both saying those unspoken words. It's like a language, one that only you and him will ever understand...but at the same time neither will be able to comprehend much less understand for even a fraction of a second for what it really is.
Those are the moments when everything hits you at once like running into a brick wall. It's not a nice, organized line anymore, no trail of thoughts that each connect to the next. Nothing makes sense anymore. All you can think about is him and desperately try to sort out how you feel in that exact moment.
Then, you realize that there's no point because he always makes you fee like this. Your thoughts always trample you then chase after you, calling your name whenever he's around.
You realize that your feelings have been building without you even realizing it. When you look at him he's not just a friend like he once way. He's still your friend but now he means so much more to you that you don't even have the words to say it anymore. There's no way to explain it in any way, in any language that anyone will understand.
He's not just good looking, you could look at him for hours and never get tired. You know all that he could be if he didn't think so badly of himself. If he could feel a fraction of the feeling of pure faith that you have in him, you know it would be shocking. Enough to make him believe in himself.
You've always thought he was amazing but now, you can see every little piece that made him all that he is.
Then there's that best and worst feeling. You realize just how hard you've fallen for him, that he's yours and that you don't actually mind being someone's everything. Then you wonder if he's just realized that he's fallen for you too, if at all...and if he did, did he fall just as hard for you as you did for him?
Can you really tell him that you love him? It's not about being scared to tell him because they're just words telling the person how you feel. You're just scared to death of what he'll say back.
But now that you've fallen head over heels for this guy, this amazing, perfectly imperfect guy who might never love you...you have to try.
Every single heartbeat, your mind is telling you to run. To get away from here, from him-that you'll just get yourself hurt. Your common sense is trying to tell you that he's not wroth it, that he's only a boy and that you could have much better.
But with each steady, pounding beat, your heart is telling you to stay, to take a chance. It says that he's worth the risk, every risk. That yes, he's just one boy and he's not the only boy in the universe, but he's the only one that matters.
Your heart knows just from looking at him that there's always going to be someone who is better looking, smarter and is everything that he is two times over and counting. But you don't want that, you don't need that. You want the one who is right in front of you, the one who you would follow to the ends of the earth for.
The one who thinks you're the most beautiful girl in the world, the one who thinks you're amazing, the one who believes in your dreams when you don't, the one who picks you up every time you fall. The one who thinks you're far more beautiful without makeup, the one who plays with your hair and brushes it out of your eyes. The one who you're still learning from.
The one who you're so scared to love, even though you know it's right. The one who you're scared to tell that you love them...but you have to before it's too late.
But your heart already knows the answer.
Your heart, it's ahead of you by miles...seeing things that your eyes are blind to. It's already seen with every feeling you have, and it knows what words can't say.
It's already looked into his heart and until you can say it, the silence can say everything that worlds will never be able to.