If the Commander was being perfectly honest with himself, he wasn't sure how the situation had gone south so damn quickly. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was his inability to keep a secret. Or maybe it was the fact that he shouldn't be attracted to one of his subordinates and he let her poke things like that out of him all the time.
Whatever it was, Shepard was already regretting the last sentence that left his mouth. The roar of the music and the constant chatter coming from the patrons didn't do anything to drown out the laughter coming from his friends, or the confused looks Garrus and Liara were exchanging. Kaidan and Ashley, though, they were practically dying at the buzzed admission Shepard had given.
Who cares if he used to like old comic books from Earth? Other than running around with the rest of the kids, there wasn't much a boy could do on a space station, and even that was restricted to certain times of the day. So yeah, he'd found stuff to do on the extranet while his parents were working. That stuff eventually led him to superheroes and his boyish infatuation with protecting people.
"I don't think I understand," Liara said. Shepard tore his eyes off the giggling marines to look at Liara, and as soon as he saw her omni-tool, his eyes widened. Good God, she looked it up! Even with the light buzz, Shepard had it in him to be mortified. He used to think he handled his alcohol pretty well, but today, he was seriously questioning that belief. He couldn't even remember what had led them to this point, so maybe he was wrong.
"Tales of protecting the weak and saving lives, filled with danger. These superheroes sound like a dream," the asari continued. "I don't understand why it's so funny."
That only made Kaidan and Ashley laugh harder, and Shepard's cheeks darken in embarrassment. Coming out with them was a mistake. Sadly, that was only his first of what he imagined to be many tonight.
"All right, Commander, you have to have a favorite," Alenko said.
Ashley, who seemed to be the more tipsy of the two, leapt on Kaidan's partially unasked question. "Yeah, now you gotta tell us who it is."
He ran a hand through his hair and let it settle on the back of his neck. "Uh, no thanks. I think I've embarrassed myself enough for one day."
"Oh, come on," she deadpanned.
Shepard groaned, relented. I'm done drinking around my idiots. His brain skipped over the possessive comment and he said, "Spider-Man."
That stopped her cold, but Kaidan visibly had to restrain himself from another bout of laughter. Maybe he was the one that was drunk. He'd been matching Shepard drink for drink earlier while Ash had sat there on her own, claiming to be content with watching them be the ones making poor decisions.
"I don't get it," Ashley said.
Thank God, he thought.
"What?" Kaidan actually looked horrified. "You mean you don't know Spider-Man?"
He wasn't sure whose expression was better. Kaidan was still looking at Ashley like she'd grown a second head, and Ashley was still looking at Kaidan like he was insane. Neither of them were this great back on the ship, and while he knew they'd hate it if he ever said anything, Shepard wasn't going to pass up the chance to see them start...whatever they were starting.
"You do?"
"How do you not?" Kaidan demanded.
Shepard stifled a laugh.
"Why do you? Why do either of you?"
"Because he's the greatest thing ever," Alenko said rather flatly.
Ashley scoffed and looked back at her glass, hunching her shoulders like a kid who'd just been told she couldn't get that toy at the store. Kaidan smirked triumphantly and took another gulp of the liquor in front of him. They were both acting like children.
They're both drunk, Shepard decided. A thought crossed his mind, and he grinned stupidly at the table. Blackmail material. If either of them brought up his love for superheroes ever again, he knew exactly how to return fire. Ashley pouted like a two year old, Kaidan knew what he was talking about and possibly even agreed with him.
The situation had turned around rather nicely in Shepard's book.
"Are all humans lightweights?" Garrus whispered in his ear.
Shepard looked between the turian and the two marines, the pouting one and the smirking one, and then down at his beer. His knuckles were white, he was clutching it so tight. A sigh escaped his throat before he swallowed another mouthful, and then said, "Yep, probably."