The Cast of Pearl Harbor do a Season of The Real World
A/N: Aww, man I don't even watch The Real World anymore. The show bites and needs some spark.
Cast: Josh Hartnett, Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding Jr., Alec Baldwin, James King, Krysta McCawley.
Josh: This is the true story
Ben: of some fucking idiots
Kate: that all gather in a house
Cuba: and make a movie
Alec: and try to live together
James: even when creepy old guys hit on them
Everyone: ALEC!
Krysta(Rafe's little sister): They needed another girl.
"Shaniqua" plays in background.
Josh: Is Shaniqua there? HELL NO!
Ben: Shut up, Beavis.
Alec(sobbing): You called us fucking idiots, Ben!
Ben: The nice nice people that brought us Britney Spears and NSYNC at MTV told me to.
Krysta: Am I real?
Kate: No. You are Rafe's little sister who falls in love with Danny Walker, but they are all fictious characters. The author just needed another girl.
Krysta: That makes a lot of sense. But do I have to wear these clothes? (the camera pans over her 1930's ensemble)
James: I guess I'm the only one who would look good in that.
Cuba: And you dated Kid Rock.
James: Transitional period. Will the creepy old guy stop staring at me like that? I feel like that girl in American Beauty, for God's sake!
Josh: Mena Suvari? She's hot.
Ben: She's married.
Josh: Really? (starts laughing for no reason)
Ben: Beavis, what the hell is your problem?
Josh: They gave us an apple pie. (bursts out laughing again)
Ben: Okay. Right.
Josh(stops laughing abruptly): Alec, stop looking at the apple pie. STOP IT. I know you were a little obsessed with the movie but, COME ON.
Confession Room thing:
Cuba(stands and looks into the camera): Is this thing on? (Some guy tells him it is on) Okay. Anyway they tell me to talk about my roommates. They suck. They ain't any other brothers man! (stops ghetto voice) No, I said a double latte with extra foam.
Josh: WE...AIN'T...GOIN'...NOWHERE... WE CAN'T BE STOPPED NOW...CUZ WE BAD BOYS FOR LIFE. MTV RULES!
Ben: All these fucking idiots are fucking retards. I won a God damned oscar for God's sake! (some guy whispers in his ear) I don't care it's all going to be fucking bleeped out anyway!
Kate: I just feel like, such an outsider! (starts crying and guy comes to comfort her) It's alright. I'm good, I'm calm. But they all go and talk about things like music and stuff and when I try to join the conversation, they call me a prissy rich bitch!
James: So, Kate is all "was Kid Rock good in bed?" Now what the fuck is her problem? The prissy little rich bitch.
Alec: Man, James is hot.
Krysta: Oh my God, I just saw this totally His-Hot guy on tv. I'm all who is he? And now they all be like Justin Timberlake. He's so hot. I wanna marry him. MARRY ME, JUSTIN!
Back to the set:
Josh: It's a puppy!
Puppy runs around the room. Alec: Why is the thing sniffing my ass?
Ben: Because you are A FUCKING ASSHOLE.
Kate: Let's name him Arthur!
Everyone looks at Kate who is smiling like an idiot.
James: So Lucky it is!
Josh is throwing the newspaper around the room.
Cuba: Joshy Darling, what's the matter?
Josh: THE DAMN COMICS ARE MISSING. (Batter Up comes blaring through the speakers.) Fish don't fry in the kitchen, beans don't burn on the grill, took a whole lotta trying just to get up that hill. Now we're up in the BIG LEAGUES, it's our turn at bat. Just as long as we're living, it's Lunatics Playa, there ain't nuttin wrong wit that!
Cuba: Sweety, what is that song?
Ben: YOU FUCKING RETARD. YOU ACT GHETTO AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW A SONG BY NELLY! A FUCKING THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL KNOWS THAT FUCKED UP SONG!
Cuba: Who's Nelly?
Krysta: Where's Justin? HE'S SO HOT!
Ben(calmed down a bit): Who told her about NSYNC? (walks over to the cameraman) Was it you? You wanted her to be a teenybopper, didn't you? You wanted to FUCK her, didn't you?
Cameraman: No.
Ben: Krysta, Justin Timberlake is ugly. U-G-L-Y, he ain't got no alliby he ugly ya ya he ugly.
Josh: Swing batta batta, swing batta batta, BATTER UP!
Alec: I want what he's on.
Phone rings. Josh picks it up.
Josh: SHANIQUA DON'T LIVE HERE NO MORE.
He hangs up the phone.
Kate: Who was that?
Josh: Michael Bay.
Ben: YOU FUCKING RETARD! THAT WAS THE FUCKING DIRECTOR OF THE FUCKING FILM THAT IS GOING TO FUCKING MAKE YOU FUCKING FAMOUS.
James: He's been talking to Kevin Smith again, hasn't he?
Confessional:
Krysta: Okay, Britney Spears is such a bitch. She stole my man, I mean what the fuck is up with that?
Cuba: I'm searching for meaning in my life. If I weren't a celebrity, would you be so nice to me?
Ben: So Cuba and Krysta are all obsessed with NSYNC now.
James: I walked in the living room and Alec was watching American Pie. The strange thing was, there was an apple pie on the table. Josh swears he didn't touch it.
Josh: I AIN'T HAPPY, I'M FEELING GLAD. I'VE GOT SUNSHINE IN A BAG. I'M USELESS, BUT NOT FOR LONG. MY FUTURE IS COMING ON, IS COMING ON, IS COMING ON...
Kate: I feel like we're all in high school and they've formed a clique they didn't let me be in. Six against one. That's not fair.
Alec(laughing incontrollably): Apple pie. FUN!
Back to the set:
Josh: Okay only the cool people get to go to the club. So that would be James, Ben, and me. Have fun being useless members of society!
Kate: Ya, okay ya'all!
Ben: Right, whatever.
They go to the club. And come back.
Cuba: So, did you have fun?
Josh: JAMES AND I DID NOT MAKE OUT. HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE US! James, I think we should be civilized a-dults and go sleep in the same bed WITHOUT MAKING OUT.
Ben: So what did you guys do?
Kate: I taught them all how to play Euchre!
Ben: And another name to add to the list of fucking retards.
Alec: What? We actually did something while American Pie was on? I didn't notice.
Confessional:
Ben: I don't get paid enough.
Josh: Okay, so like James is sort of hot in a REALLY UGLY sort of way. That means we didn't make out.
James: No. Josh Hartnett and James King are not dating, nor did we date in the past, nor did we make out on the night of Febuary 21st.
Krysta: NSYNC was on Leno. Man, I taped it and watched it like 50 million times.
Alec: I heard that they are coming out with a sequel to American Pie. I think it will be called American Pie 2. Cool, huh?
Kate: Don't we have jobs or something? No, okay.
Cuba: I'm only a man in a funny red sheet. Looking for special things inside of me.
A/N: Aww, man I don't even watch The Real World anymore. The show bites and needs some spark.
Cast: Josh Hartnett, Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding Jr., Alec Baldwin, James King, Krysta McCawley.
Josh: This is the true story
Ben: of some fucking idiots
Kate: that all gather in a house
Cuba: and make a movie
Alec: and try to live together
James: even when creepy old guys hit on them
Everyone: ALEC!
Krysta(Rafe's little sister): They needed another girl.
"Shaniqua" plays in background.
Josh: Is Shaniqua there? HELL NO!
Ben: Shut up, Beavis.
Alec(sobbing): You called us fucking idiots, Ben!
Ben: The nice nice people that brought us Britney Spears and NSYNC at MTV told me to.
Krysta: Am I real?
Kate: No. You are Rafe's little sister who falls in love with Danny Walker, but they are all fictious characters. The author just needed another girl.
Krysta: That makes a lot of sense. But do I have to wear these clothes? (the camera pans over her 1930's ensemble)
James: I guess I'm the only one who would look good in that.
Cuba: And you dated Kid Rock.
James: Transitional period. Will the creepy old guy stop staring at me like that? I feel like that girl in American Beauty, for God's sake!
Josh: Mena Suvari? She's hot.
Ben: She's married.
Josh: Really? (starts laughing for no reason)
Ben: Beavis, what the hell is your problem?
Josh: They gave us an apple pie. (bursts out laughing again)
Ben: Okay. Right.
Josh(stops laughing abruptly): Alec, stop looking at the apple pie. STOP IT. I know you were a little obsessed with the movie but, COME ON.
Confession Room thing:
Cuba(stands and looks into the camera): Is this thing on? (Some guy tells him it is on) Okay. Anyway they tell me to talk about my roommates. They suck. They ain't any other brothers man! (stops ghetto voice) No, I said a double latte with extra foam.
Josh: WE...AIN'T...GOIN'...NOWHERE... WE CAN'T BE STOPPED NOW...CUZ WE BAD BOYS FOR LIFE. MTV RULES!
Ben: All these fucking idiots are fucking retards. I won a God damned oscar for God's sake! (some guy whispers in his ear) I don't care it's all going to be fucking bleeped out anyway!
Kate: I just feel like, such an outsider! (starts crying and guy comes to comfort her) It's alright. I'm good, I'm calm. But they all go and talk about things like music and stuff and when I try to join the conversation, they call me a prissy rich bitch!
James: So, Kate is all "was Kid Rock good in bed?" Now what the fuck is her problem? The prissy little rich bitch.
Alec: Man, James is hot.
Krysta: Oh my God, I just saw this totally His-Hot guy on tv. I'm all who is he? And now they all be like Justin Timberlake. He's so hot. I wanna marry him. MARRY ME, JUSTIN!
Back to the set:
Josh: It's a puppy!
Puppy runs around the room. Alec: Why is the thing sniffing my ass?
Ben: Because you are A FUCKING ASSHOLE.
Kate: Let's name him Arthur!
Everyone looks at Kate who is smiling like an idiot.
James: So Lucky it is!
Josh is throwing the newspaper around the room.
Cuba: Joshy Darling, what's the matter?
Josh: THE DAMN COMICS ARE MISSING. (Batter Up comes blaring through the speakers.) Fish don't fry in the kitchen, beans don't burn on the grill, took a whole lotta trying just to get up that hill. Now we're up in the BIG LEAGUES, it's our turn at bat. Just as long as we're living, it's Lunatics Playa, there ain't nuttin wrong wit that!
Cuba: Sweety, what is that song?
Ben: YOU FUCKING RETARD. YOU ACT GHETTO AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW A SONG BY NELLY! A FUCKING THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL KNOWS THAT FUCKED UP SONG!
Cuba: Who's Nelly?
Krysta: Where's Justin? HE'S SO HOT!
Ben(calmed down a bit): Who told her about NSYNC? (walks over to the cameraman) Was it you? You wanted her to be a teenybopper, didn't you? You wanted to FUCK her, didn't you?
Cameraman: No.
Ben: Krysta, Justin Timberlake is ugly. U-G-L-Y, he ain't got no alliby he ugly ya ya he ugly.
Josh: Swing batta batta, swing batta batta, BATTER UP!
Alec: I want what he's on.
Phone rings. Josh picks it up.
Josh: SHANIQUA DON'T LIVE HERE NO MORE.
He hangs up the phone.
Kate: Who was that?
Josh: Michael Bay.
Ben: YOU FUCKING RETARD! THAT WAS THE FUCKING DIRECTOR OF THE FUCKING FILM THAT IS GOING TO FUCKING MAKE YOU FUCKING FAMOUS.
James: He's been talking to Kevin Smith again, hasn't he?
Confessional:
Krysta: Okay, Britney Spears is such a bitch. She stole my man, I mean what the fuck is up with that?
Cuba: I'm searching for meaning in my life. If I weren't a celebrity, would you be so nice to me?
Ben: So Cuba and Krysta are all obsessed with NSYNC now.
James: I walked in the living room and Alec was watching American Pie. The strange thing was, there was an apple pie on the table. Josh swears he didn't touch it.
Josh: I AIN'T HAPPY, I'M FEELING GLAD. I'VE GOT SUNSHINE IN A BAG. I'M USELESS, BUT NOT FOR LONG. MY FUTURE IS COMING ON, IS COMING ON, IS COMING ON...
Kate: I feel like we're all in high school and they've formed a clique they didn't let me be in. Six against one. That's not fair.
Alec(laughing incontrollably): Apple pie. FUN!
Back to the set:
Josh: Okay only the cool people get to go to the club. So that would be James, Ben, and me. Have fun being useless members of society!
Kate: Ya, okay ya'all!
Ben: Right, whatever.
They go to the club. And come back.
Cuba: So, did you have fun?
Josh: JAMES AND I DID NOT MAKE OUT. HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE US! James, I think we should be civilized a-dults and go sleep in the same bed WITHOUT MAKING OUT.
Ben: So what did you guys do?
Kate: I taught them all how to play Euchre!
Ben: And another name to add to the list of fucking retards.
Alec: What? We actually did something while American Pie was on? I didn't notice.
Confessional:
Ben: I don't get paid enough.
Josh: Okay, so like James is sort of hot in a REALLY UGLY sort of way. That means we didn't make out.
James: No. Josh Hartnett and James King are not dating, nor did we date in the past, nor did we make out on the night of Febuary 21st.
Krysta: NSYNC was on Leno. Man, I taped it and watched it like 50 million times.
Alec: I heard that they are coming out with a sequel to American Pie. I think it will be called American Pie 2. Cool, huh?
Kate: Don't we have jobs or something? No, okay.
Cuba: I'm only a man in a funny red sheet. Looking for special things inside of me.