Gilderoy Lockhart and the Magical Makeover
*Hi people! I am really bored lately, and this is kinda… weird… but I think it's funny! I don't know if too many people write from the point of view of Gilderoy Lockhart because he's such a brainless git. Hehe! Well enjoy my story, if you can call it that! Thanks, and no flames please, I spent a Long time on this. See ya later, and write me any suggestions you have, cus I'm working on more for the last stories! Love ya!*
Good afternoon class. My name is Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, winner of the Most Charming Smile Award seventeen times running. And I'm only twenty-one!! Ha ha… joke... anyways… Many of you may have heard of the rather… unfortunate accident I had in the sewer pipes of a certain Hogwarts school in England. Well I more than defeated that basilisk… he won't be back for a long time! That poor Harry Potter child… thinks he did it all himself? He was unconscious the whole time, poor fellow. Tsk, Tsk. Oh well, may as well give him credit, right? Mustn't make my reputation too big, ha ha. You've probably also heard of me from my excellently written books which tell the tales of my defeats of such monstrous beasts as the Wagga Wagga Werewolf. Strange things, they were, but not rather challenging, if I do say so myself. Now have any of you read my books? Good, good… I say young lady, have I seen you before? What's your name? Hermione Granger it is? What's that, you've followed me from England to learn more about my fantastic experiences? Well there you go, class, ladies and gentlemen, a fine example of my teachings worldwide, they just couldn't stop coming back for more. Ha ha! Well anyways, today our first lesson will be… my teachers' schedule says Cornish pixies… well… I'd rather not… anyways our first lesson will be transfiguration. Yes, I know the transfiguration teacher is Professor Gadget, but I, with my creative mind of course, have added a fun twist. You will grab a partner and when I say go, try to turn each other into something else! Just make all of the changes you feel necessary to make your partner better person. And please, no joke playing, although I have had quite a few students that ended up looking like me! Ha ha! Yes, I have done this before, so don't you question my authority. I know all there is to know about simple subjects like transfiguration. Oh! Yes of course, I've forgotten to tell you- if any of you want a copy of Magical Me, I will be signing autographs in the hall after class, so be sure to tell all your friends. Okay, ready everyone? Go!
By the way, here are some of my results from past experimentations:
Hello this is Gilderoy Lockhart, author of such fantastical works as Gadding with Ghouls, Holiday with Hags, and Year with the Yetti. I have chosen the following subjects across England to participate in my experiment of transfiguring.
Here are the "befores" and "afters":
Subject 1: Dursley, Dudley:
Partner: Potter, Harry
End result of changes: ended up as a green blob on the floor, diameter 5 feet 7 inches.
Comment: Potter, my father is going to kill you!! He has a real good lawyer that'll sue the *%@&$@ $!&# pants off'a you! I always knew your kind was no good, no good at all!
Partner's Comment: Lawyer shmawyer. Green suits your shape so much better, Dudley!! Er… did I say shape? I meant eyes. Right… suits your eyes…
Subject 2: Dursley, Vernon:
Partner: Lockhart, Gilderoy
End result of changes: small warty creature about four inches tall, slimey, brownish tint (frog)
Comment: When I get my hands on you… I'll have no more of this magical nonsense! None of it exists!
Partner's Comment: Oops… a common mistake… Now I'll just perform the countercurse… A very simple task… heh heh… oops…
Subject 3: Granger, Hermione:
Partner: Malfoy, Draco
End result of changes: Pocket sized dictionary
Comment: Draco how could you! You misspelled aardvark!!! Oh my goodness what will the teachers say! I'm not perfect! What to do, what to do…
Partner's comment: Well you wouldn't have been able to tell the difference before between you and a dictionary… or maybe an encyclopedia would've been better fitting… you mudbloods are all alike…
Subject 4: Lockhart, Gilderoy:
Partner: Snape, Severus
End result of changes: nothingness, blank space, zero, zilch, zip (air)
Comment: Well I'm quite out of breath… heh… heh…
Partner's Comment: (none)
Subject 5: Malfoy, Draco
Partner: Granger, Hermione
End result of changes: small dirty brown creature, tennis ball eyes, floppy ears, wearing dirty burlap bag and dirty sock on head (house elf)
Comment: What the *&~!`#*$%!? What am I going to do now! I'm a disgrace to the Malfoy name! The name of Salazar Slytherin! Now I won't get father's inheritance!
Partner's Comment: Serves you right for treating poor innocent house elves like that… encyclopedia indeed…
Subject 6: Potter, Harry
Partner: Weasley, Ron
End result of change: Tall man, moussed blond hair, perfectly ironed lurid pink robes, most charming smile of the year (Gilderoy Lockhart)
Comment: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
(When subject was brought to consciousness) Ron! How could you?!? I'll never live this down…
Partner's Comment: *gales of laughter and heavy breathing between words*… … … its… just… you… Harry… !!
Subject 7: Snape, Severus
Partner: Lockhart, Gilderoy
End result of changes: short plump woman, red dress, red hand bag (Neville's grandmother)
Comment: (none)
Partner's comment: Oh, it was really nothing, it was really just a simple spell, child's play if you ask me, I say, I could do it with my eyes closed, I could! Oh, yes and anyone hoping for copies of Magical Me… hey come back!! I wasn't quite through… I'm signing autographs! outside! After class! Be there!
Subject 8: Weasley, Ron
Partner: Potter, Harry
End Result of changes: large arachnid, eight legs, hairy, height 5 feet 9 inches (spider)
Comment: Oh… my… GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Harry! Harry! Get it away! Get it away!! (passes out)
Partner's Comment: Now that's your look Ron, although you could use some of those big nasty pinchers (ducks out of the way as large spider charges)
Well wasn't that lovely? He he! Those kind of things are a lot of fun to write! I hope they're fun to read too! Okay… that sounds SO corny.. Anyways… I love Harry! Smile! Write to me with suggestions for future sequels to any of my stories! Thanks!
~*Lizzy Potter*~