Insomnia

"Natsuki…"

The name rolled off her tongue. Why does that incident keep coming back as a recurring dream? She looked out of the window at the dark sky. How long has it been? She did a mental tally of the number of years that has passed between them. Our relationship is nothing more than platonic. I should stop trying to force my feelings on her. Afterall, I'm here to avoid her. She made a face as that thought crossed her mind. What a coward I am. The details of the dream came back to her, as though the incident was yesterday.

-Flashback-

'Ding dong'! The doorbell rang and pattering of feet could be heard.

"Hold on a minute!" a voice called out from behind the closed door.

'Crash'! a string of swear words was muttered as the person behind the door tried to fix the offending object back into its place. "Ah! Finally!"

She smiled. It's so like her to swear at inanimate objects.

"Hello, you're looking for…?"

The words died on her lips as Natsuki saw the person standing at her doorstep.

"Shizuru? What are you doing here at this hour? Shouldn't you be in Tokyo right now?"

She laughed at the comical look on Natsuki's face.

"I happened to be passing this area on my way back to Tokyo so I decided to drop by and see how you are doing."

"Hey pup, who is…"

"HOLY CRAP, what are you doing here?"

"Shut it Nao. Make yourself useful and get lost."

"Yeah yeah. Whatever."

Nao glared at her before walking back into the apartment and into her room, shutting the door behind her.

"Is Natsuki going to invite me in?"

"Oh! My bad. Do come in." Natsuki opened to door a little wider.

"Hey, who is the babe?"

"Argh! Go hit on someone else Sei." Natsuki growled at her housemate as the aforementioned person walked by.

"Relax Natsu, I've got one myself." Sei winked at Shizuru and continued her way back to her room.

"What interesting housemates you have Natsuki. It seems that you're doing well." Shizuru said, her heart ached with the knowledge that she couldn't be there to share this sort of life with Natsuki.

"Well…" Natsuki saw pain flashed in those ruby eyes momentarily and found the floor more interesting. "They are a nice bunch to live with. Though Sei had to separate me and Nao a fair number of times."

"Ara, I believe Natsuki is going to say that it is Yuuki-san who started the disagreements."

Natsuki looked up in wonder as she stole the words out of her mouth.

"How...you….how did…"

The flabbergasted look on Natsuki's face brought out the first real chuckle from her in months.

"You should laugh more often. It's nice."

Almost as though she caught herself for saying what she did, Natsuki excused herself to get drinks. It took all her self-control to not blush and let her jaw drop at the rare compliment that Natsuki had gave her.

"Thanks" she accepted the cup of tea from Natsuki, their fingers brushing and lingering a second too long. Did she feel the jolt? She schooled her face into a mask of calmness while her insides start a riot at the contact. Does she even know that she can affect me so even after so many years? Natsuki peered hard at her friend.

"Does Natsuki see something she likes?" she teased.

"Idiot!" a blush invaded Natsuki's face but she continued. "Shizuru, you should take better care of yourself and get sufficient sleep."

That's the second time she did it. Please, don't make this more difficult than it already is. "Ara, I'm flattered that Natsuki paid so much attention to me."

Seeing the hard look that Natsuki gave her, she conceded. "I will try to sleep early from now on. Don't worry about me." I couldn't stay here any longer. If she does something unsuspectingly sweet, I would be back to square one. Making this trip is a mistake. Looking at her watch, she realized that only a quarter of an hour had passed since she stepped into the apartment. It's going to look a little bad, but I really have to leave, before my traitorous heart give in.

"Ara, it seems like I should get going. It's getting late."

Natsuki stood up the same time she did and walked her to the door.

"Do you really need to leave so early?"

"There is a meeting tomorrow which requires my presence. I'll see you soon Natsuki." She opened her bag and looked for her purse. Dang! Where is it…she rummaged through her bag. I must have dropped it in the car when I got a ride from Sagisawa sensei.

"Is something wrong Shizuru?" concern laced the question.

"Everything is fine. It seems like Natsuki is turning into a worrywart."

"Don't lie. I could tell something is up. Why are you shutting me out?"

Why is it that you have to make things more difficult than they actually are? Do you know that with each concerned question, with each smile, you send me deeper into the abyss? There is no turning back for me. Everything that you are showing me now, they remind me of the reasons why I fell for you.

"It seems as though I left my purse in Sagisawa sensei's car when she dropped me off here."

"Give me a minute" Natsuki disappeared into her room and reappeared almost instantly, leaving her no methods of making a quick escape.

"Here, take my card and use it."

"But…I would not have the PIN to use the card."

"I'm going to give it to you."

"Isn't Natsuki worried that I might spend all her money away?" she joked.

"Pft. You have more than enough money to last you for the rest of your life. If you finish off my money, I would just live off you for the rest of my life." Natsuki grinned and stuck her tongue out at her. "Right, the PIN. 219891."

Upon hearing the number, Shizuru nearly lost her control over her facial expression while Natsuki turned red.

"Not a word Fujino."

Moving up and closed the gap between them, she hugged the blushing girl. After a moment of internal struggle, she gave in to her impulse and planted a kiss on the surprised girl's lips.

"Thanks for the card. Just remember, despite the number of years that went by, I still love you. Take care Natsuki."

With that she walked out of the apartment.

-End of flashback-

Oh why did I do that. Why! If only I was stronger. How time flies. That incident happened a few months ago and a few years before that, I fell for her and I never stopped loving her. Even though her rejection echoes in my head each time I see her. What was it she said? 'I have no idea what to say? I'm flattered that you like me, but I hope we could remain as friends.' I should have expected that. Yet somehow, some part of me is still hoping that she will accept me. What a joke.

Ruby eyes watched as the sky begin to lighten. A brand new day. She made her way to the bathroom and freshens up.

"Good morning Otou-san" she greeted her father as she sat down at the dining table.

"Another sleepless night Shi-chin?"

She nodded.