.......................................:::::::::::::::::::::::::: PART 1 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::..............................
I had, once again, found myself in the position of protecting him. Although this time, it wasn't from himself. Or others. I was calming him, hearing his voice quake whenever he said thing like 'yes' or 'no' or even a slight 'mhm'. His body was shaking all over, but I guess I was some sort of comfort anyway. Naruto never was that fond of the lightning. Nor did he like storms raging against his house in the autumn. We were curled up against the wall in his bedroom, the curtains closed so that he wouldn't feel so close to the outside. It wasn't even late, it's just that every time he's alone and it starts to storm he would call me, and I would come over. Oh no, you might think that we're a couple, right? Well, that's wrong. Naruto and I are enemies. We could never be together. And yes, we are both boys. And yet we were sitting against the wall, me with him in my lap, between my legs, reading a book to him. It was a child's book he'd had since he was a kid. A silly book. It was as if I was his brother, reading him a good night story. It had only gone a little while before I realized that he was crying from fear. "Naruto, are you alright there?" I asked, trying to turn him so that he'd face me.
"y-yeah, I-I'm fi-hi-hine." I sat up a bit straighter so that he'd have to turn his face towards me. His eyes were already puffy, and his whisker-marked cheeks were wet with tears and had red blotches on them. I felt like crying. I always feel so painful when Naruto is down. Although, I didn't tell him that, I just kept my face in its place and turned him so that his face was in the crook of my neck, and my arms around his back. "No you aren't" I pulled up a blanket over his shoulders and shushed in his hair and stroked his shaking back until it ebbed away. I soon realized that Naruto was asleep. I've never been the kind of guy who comforts people. Nor hug them. And I would rather kill myself before letting them curl up like a child in my lap. But something about Naruto makes me cast all those things away. It's as if he's broken down all my barricades towards him without even moving a finger.
It was late when Naruto (and I) woke up. The storm was worse than ever, the wind roaring and the thunder crashing loudly. Naruto jumped and twitched every time a lightning split the sky in two. I went out in the kitchen and made two gigantic cups of tea, and then re-entered the room. Naruto was covering underneath the thick blanket and shakily humming something to himself. I felt so sorry for him being so afraid of something. It must be horrible to be so scared that you can't even form proper sentences. I put my arm around his shoulder, and helped him drink the tea. When he had drank it, he seemed to be a little bit cheered up, although his eyes were still red and his face was marked with the signs of having fallen asleep crying. I just wanted to take the sorry little figure in my arms and tell him everything was going to be okay. Although I didn't. I noticed that it was half past one in the morning, and I suddenly felt really tired. I should've gone home, but I didn't want to leave him. I was afraid he might hurt himself, or feel lonely, or think about how much everyone hated him (although that's not true, he's got lots of friends, it's just that some people are stupid enough to believe that Naruto is a demon. Which he isn't. He's actually a very kind and considerate person).
"D'you want me to stay for the night? Are you tired?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I am... and... please stay. I get so lonely otherwise. And sorry for making you do this." I was a bit shocked about his way of replying, and also for believing that I thought that it was troublesome to take care of him. "It's not something that you're forcing me." a small, shivering smile escaped his lips, and his eyes glowed with gratefulness. "although I'm sorry that I don't have another mattress, you know, I never expected to have guests sleeping at my house and... I can't really afford one."
"It's okay, I don't mind sharing a bed." I felt nervous when we undressed, got into pajamas (He lent me one that was too big for him that had been a Christmas present from Iruka-sensei) and crawled into the bed. I was eased by the storm outside, somehow those weathers have a kind of calming effect on me when I'm about to sleep, but Naruto was shaking again, now that we were alone in the dark the storm seemed much closer, especially when it was quiet. I could feel his back against mine, his breaths were uneven and shaky, and I could sense how scared he was. He'd jump every time the thunder came and when the springs at the window were lightened up by lightning. I resolutely turned myself and him around, oblivious whether it was okay for anyone to treat his enemy like this or not. I just handled on instinct. I put my arms around his shoulders, and he snuggled up against my chest with a snivel and a small sigh, and his breathing seemed to become calmer. It felt good to lie like that. Close and cozy, warming each other. I wouldn't mind staying like that forever.
After a while, he finally drifted off, and when he was breathing soundly and even, I lightly kissed his forehead and allowed myself too to fall asleep.
................................::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: PART 2 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::................................
Somehow, I always knew it would happen. All those years of hate-letters, talking behind his back and whispering. Even though he had many friends, the words always reached his ears, the taunting never stopped, the eyes never stopped to glance coldly and the letters always broke a part of him down. He'd call me, he'd talk to me, but only after he turned fifteen. I guess me myself also had a part in him being so miserable. I despise myself for it, but now, I know better. I know that smile of his is a façade, that actually inside, he's worrying. I know that I have to care for him, and show my appreciation all the time. He's fragile. And he could brake apart any minute. He shouldn't have to worry. I often wish that he'd ignore the stupid people who doesn't understand who he really is because he deserves to be treat right.
There was blood everywhere. He was very pale apart from his eyes that were puffy and red, and his lips which were still lightly pink. His cheeks were still wet. There was blood on the toilet seat, the floor, smeared around on the walls and the mirror and his clothes were ruined. There was blood in his hair. The sunshine coloured locks were dirtied with crimson. His face too. I was in a state of shock. I yelled at him. I shook him, I tried to stem the blood flow from his wrists. It never occurred to me that I should call the emergency central.
I panicked. For the first time in my life since I met Naruto, I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. My face got swollen, my nose ran, my whole body shook violently and I screamed as if there would never be a new tomorrow. I heard the door slamming shut from the force of the wind. It kind of woke me up. I still cried, I still couldn't see anything but my head was clearer. I checked for a pulse. It was still beating. His heart. It was fighting for his life. I got the bandages from his first aid box and started to wind them around his wrists with the compress underneath. The blood seemed to stop flowing, and I dragged him out to his bedroom and put him in the bed. Then I went out in the kitchen and got bags of ice which I put around his wrists. When I checked the bathroom, I found out that he hadn't lost so much blood as it seemed at first sight, it was just smeared around very much. I figured that I'd need to clean it up for him, so I did. It took a long time, but when I was finished, you'd never guess what had happened in there just an hour ago. I checked up on Naruto, and I was relieved when I saw that his face had its colours mostly returned, and he seemed to just be asleep. His breaths were louder and my heart skipped a beat when he suddenly moved a bit and mumbled in sleep.
I guess that most of his extraordinary luck was because of the Kyuubi, and in that moment, I praised the nine-tailed beast inside of him. He would never have been able to regain his chances to live otherwise. I couldn't stand the thought of Naruto not alive, so I chased the thoughts away.
I didn't want to leave him in case he'd wake up and try to commit suicide again. He'd be angry, I knew that. People often were when they didn't want to live and you saved their life. And he'd try to chase me away, but I promised myself not to leave his side whatever happened, no matter what he said to me. I'd rather be there to watch him being angry, than being angry somewhere else. I tip-toed up to his bed and crawled down under the covers beside him. "Whatever you got yourself into, I promise, I'm getting you out of it."
As I put my arms around him I felt all those other scars that marked his arms. I felt angry at myself for not being able to protect him, angry at Naruto who'd let those bastards get to him. Angry at the bastards. They almost won! But I also promised myself that I would never ask the question "Why?". I knew perfectly well what his reasons were, and I wasn't going to be the one making him say them. I only wanted him to be convinced to live again. To fulfil that old dream of his. He was supposed to become Hokage! That was his dream.
Where did everything go so wrong?
I woke up several hours later, still clutching onto Naruto. I realized that the blood that still hadn't dried up had now dried on my clothes and his sheets. There was blood on my hands too, from cleaning his bathroom. I then also realized that Naruto had turned around. He was now laying with his nose in the crook of my neck, and his hands held on to my collar. He mumbled something and suddenly opened his eyes. They were dim, as though he didn't know where he were. I watched him as he sniffed my skin, recognising my smell. He then looked up at me, and his eyes were teared again. I sat up straight, pulling him along. He didn't look at my face, he just stared in his lap. He tried to speak, cleared his throat a couple of times and then cried more than spoke, "I-I'm... so-ho so-horry-hyy! I'm.. I'm so.. Sa-ha-suke, I'm.. I didn't...-"
"Naruto, you have nothing to apologise about. Look at me!" he turned his face towards me and I suddenly knew. The feeling that struck me every time I was reminded that he in fact was my eternal rival and enemy, the feeling I got every time I saw him... it was more than friendship. It was a complicated kind of love that I had developed for him. And so I told him. I told him I loved him. I told him that I cared for him, and that the last thing I wanted was to lose him, but also to fight with him. I was scared of not being good enough to protect him, that I got hurt whenever he did. And he stared at me with those eyes. The cerulean blue that I always adored, always searched for a sparkle of happiness, approvement, anything. And he leaned his head on my shoulder. I could feel his left hand's fingers touching mine. I felt the smile on his lips as he whispered, "Then Sasuke, promise to take good care of me, will you?"
................................:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: PART 3 ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::............................
The tea was burning my lips, but I didn't care. I was thinking about what Naruto said, after that horrible night. The night when I cried because he'd tried to kill himself. He promised me not to do it, but I don't know. I'm not sure whether he's going to keep his promise, so right now, I am living in his apartment. He refused to go live in my house because he said he didn't want to be a burden to me. Although, he's not. I love hanging around with him, I love the scent of his hair, the way his clothes smell, his real smiles when everyone he loves is around. Those glittering eyes, and that laughter that makes my heart skip a beat. You'd never understand me, but that's how I feel. I know I don't show it much, but I still tell him that. Oh, remember when I said that Naruto and me could never be together? Well, I was wrong. Right now, it actually feels possible, even if it sounds crazy. We're acting as though we hate each other when we're around other people, but when we come home, he's all sweet and sensitive, and I have to be careful with him and not force myself onto him, because I'm afraid I'd scare him away. I love him. Did I say that? I love him so very much, and I really want this to be true. If I woke up right now, I'd kill someone.
I put the teacup down, deciding to go see what Naruto was doing. I found him sitting in his room. He was sleeping, something he'd do a lot lately. He was always tired whenever we came back from a mission, and just keeping his smiles and such until we got home. I think that Sakura might've noticed that Naruto is a little down, because she gives him weird looks, but she's still too ignorant to understand why. She's always yapping about how lazy he's become, and how I get to do all the work. She never says anything about the work she's not doing, since it apparently has nothing to do with it. I don't hate her, I just don't want her to think that I'm giving her hints. Because I would never do that.
His head was down on his shoulder as he was sitting in a comfy chair – the only comfy chair he had – as the drool slowly attached itself to his shirt. I smiled at the sight of him, picking up the red blanket from his bed and draping it over him. Suddenly I noticed a book lying on the table. Now, facade or not, Naruto is not a reader, so I decided to check what kind of book it could be.
It was a diary. I felt my hands get a bit sweaty, and my senses tensed up a bit. My fingers itched to open it and read it, but my head said no. I finally decided that I should read the first page – then put it away. The first page read, hi there, diary. I feel pretty lousy talking to a book, but I guess you're all I have. I'm a lonely person who likes ramen, orange and who is also hated by almost everyone in my village. I don't dare talking to anyone, because that makes me vulnerable. But since you're not a living object, I feel fine confiding in you. I'm not sure that I want to pour all of myself inside of you just yet though, so I'll leave it at this. Have patience with me, Naruto.
I thought that it was an odd way of starting you diary. I mean, wouldn't you buy a diary so that you could pour all of yourself into it? I wondered if I had somehow not come anywhere CLOSE to reach the real Naruto yet, if he was that hesitant to tell a dead object about himself. I looked at the sad little figure, snoring in the chair, and my head asked me questions like 'who are you?' and 'I wonder how much pain he's really gone through' I walked up to him and lightly shook his shoulder, whispering "Naruto, you shouldn't sleep in a chair, buddy" He stirred a bit, and said "What d'you say, Teme?" I swear you could see the vein at my temple as I kicked the chair so that he got fully awake and said, "your feet get swollen, and your back will hurt. It's not good for resting, baka!" I regretted it the moment I'd said it, he always though that I didn't like him when I called him names. He gave me a fake smile and said, "ahahaa, sorry Teme, I didn't hear you properly, you'll have to speak more clearly!" I saw the sadness in his eyes, the guilt. As if he was even guilty of anything! He got up from the chair and dragged himself over to the bed and laid down, his back towards me. I stood and watched him for a couple of seconds, until I made my way over to the bed. I crouched down, sitting on my knees (yes, my knees) with my hands in my lap and laid my head on the side of the bed. My forehead barely touched his back as I said quietly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, Naruto, but I don't like being called names. It's because of my pride and because I'm so stubborn. I'm only admitting this to you, so don't you go telling Sakura what a softy I am, 'kay?" I stopped for a second and the I whispered, "I love you Naruto, but it's hard for me to get used to the feeling. Perhaps I'm scared, I don't know. Just have patience with me, please?"
if you asked me three months ago if I would ever get down on my knees and open up myself to them, or even say sorry, I would've smacked you hard in your face. I couldn't believe myself when I did it, and I think that Naruto couldn't either. It was weird, but it still felt good.
Naruto turned around in his bed, so that our faces were really close, and then whispered, even though there weren't anyone else around to hear him, "I'm sorry too Sasuke. I didn't mean to be rude. It's just an old habit I guess, calling you Teme." I felt my face turn warm with affection, and daring myself to do something I hadn't done since the last storm I said "can I sleep in your bed tonight?"
I was a bit nervous, and so was Naruto as we crawled down in his slightly small bed dressed in pajamas. He put the lights out and we said good night. I suddenly realized that this was the first time I was lying beside Naruto in his bed when it wasn't thunderstorm and he wasn't scared to death from the lightnings. Suddenly I heard his voice call out quietly in the room, "Hey Sasuke, do you want to spar with me tomorrow again?"
"'course I want to, just ask me anytime." I could almost feel his smile where he lay beside me. I turned around from facing the window, and found myself staring into his eyes. We didn't say anything, we didn't have to. Or want to. With my forehead pressed against his, I shyly took his hand as we started to fall asleep. I felt him squeeze my hand and I gave him a quick peck on the tip of his nose before we both slowly fell asleep.