Author's Notes: Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit.
This takes place sometime in the first season of the show. I tried to keep it in line with showverse, except for Camille. I love her and I love writing her, but she didn't fit into this, so she doesn't exist.
As always, a huge thank you to my writing buddy kathrynew30. She was my cheerleader and my sounding board for this, and I probably wouldn't even be writing again if it wasn't for her. I owe her a big hug when I see her again.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
"Alright, see you guys later. Have fun!" Logan calls out from the kitchen.
James watches the door close behind Kendall and Jo before racing to the bathroom to prepare for his own date. He thought Kendall would never finish in there, and now he only has an hour to get his hair perfect—a task that's much more difficult than anyone realizes. Normally he closes the door for optimal privacy but the scent of Kendall's aftershave (ha, there's a laugh, Kendall couldn't grow a mustache if he tried!) is overpowering.
As he turns to reach for his mousse, he notices a forlorn figure wandering from cupboard to refrigerator to pantry. "Dude, what are you looking for?" he asks.
Logan shrugs, hands slipping into his pockets. "I don't know. Something to munch on."
Glancing around after leaning out of the bathroom, James whispers, "Don't tell Carlos, but I stashed some Twinkies in my closet. Under the pile of bandannas. You can have a couple if you want."
"Thanks," Logan smiles, but his voice doesn't reflect the magnitude of this offering. "I might later."
"Logan. Dude. Twinkies. How often do I whore out my Twinkies?"
This brings a chuckle out of Logan. "James Diamond, Pimp of Twinkies everywhere."
"That sounds even worse than what I said. But go ahead, have a few. I know you won't steal the whole stash."
"Thanks," Logan says again, then leans back against the counter, hands still hidden in the pockets of his jeans.
James sprays some foam into his hand and is about to put it to use when it occurs to him that this is familiar—Logan wandering aimlessly as if bored, shoulders slumped. It's been happening a lot lately and James realizes now that it's usually on the weekend, though he assumed Logan was just missing home. They all do at times, especially Kendall.
The thought of Kendall brings it home-it's when Kendall goes out that Logan mopes.
Maybe the move has been harder on Logan than James realized. Being in a new place, surrounded by new people and new problems, can be scary. Without each other, they all would have cracked up by now. Over the past few months, though, the dynamic has shifted.. Logan and Kendall were inseparable in Minnesota, as were Carlos and James. James supposes it changed when Kendall started dating Jo and spending most of his free time with her rather than Logan. Carlos bonded with Katie quite a bit after the move, which left Logan to fend for himself because James was usually in the gym or by the pool. Mrs. Knight suggested to James at one point that he drag Logan along with him on his outings, and James had done so, Logan protesting the first few days. Eventually they'd become what they are now, which is basically best friends; and as Logan's best friend, James should have seen this sooner.
Logan misses Kendall.
A huge sigh escapes James; he knows what he has to do. He washes the mousse off his hands and dries them before stepping into the kitchen. "So, what you got planned for tonight?"
"Me?" Logan looks around. "Thought I'd study for that test next week. Maybe read ahead in our history book."
"Logan, come on. It's Saturday night! Get out and do something!"
"Like what?"
"I don't know! What's Carlos doing tonight?"
"We're going to Raging Waters!" an excited voice calls out. "Half-price after 4 P.M.!"
Both boys turn to see Katie in the living room, a towel tucked under her arm.
"Water parks are open at night?" Logan questions.
"This one is!" Carlos yells, bounding into the room in swim trunks and a tank top.
"How are you getting there?"
"Mom's taking us. She said she'll just chill by a pool with a book, but I'm determined to splash her enough that she gets wet anyway. Come on, Carlos, she's waiting."
"Wanna come, guys?" Carlos grins, eyes wide and inviting.
James opens his mouth to urge Logan to go, then remembers—Logan hates water parks. He's not a fan of shooting through a tube full of water at approximately one hundred miles an hour; the swirly slide is as adventurous as he gets. Though Logan would probably enjoy himself anyway, James doesn't want to push Logan into something that makes him uncomfortable. "Nah, you guys go ahead."
"You should go, James," Logan offers, but his eyes reflect a loneliness that eats away at James. "Or do you have a date?"
"Me? Date? Please. Not that girls haven't asked," he adds quickly. Gotta keep the image up. "But I didn't feel like going out tonight. I turned them down." James makes a mental note to call Christy and cancel the date.
"Oh. But you were getting ready to go somewhere, right?"
"Look, we gotta go before Mom gets out the bullhorn. Later!" Katie grabs Carlos by the wrist and pulls him out the door.
Logan smiles as he hears them arguing over who gets shotgun, the sound fading as they rush away. "James, were you going somewhere?"
"No. Just trying out a new hairstyle. I saw this swept back, sophisticated look I wanted to try," he lies, not even feeling guilty about it. "So what should we do tonight?"
"Like I said, I'm just gonna study for-"
"No, you're not. If I'm stuck at home with you for the evening, we're at least watching a movie or playing Foosball."
Logan smiles. "Alright, I guess."
James lets Logan handle the ordering of a movie and pizza while he escapes to break his date with Christy. Next week, he promises. After all, she is popular and he's not going to let her go that easily.
Surprisingly, Logan orders a sci-fi movie. Most people would assume that Logan, science maven that he is, is a huge sci-fi buff. The truth is he can't stand most of them because the science involved is wonky and "That would never happen." He's ruined more than a few movies for all of them, reminding them how impossible the premise is. Logan knows how much James enjoys them, though, and so James assumes that's why Logan chose the movie he did, as well as a pizza with pineapple; Logan hates pineapple on his pizza. The gesture doesn't go unnoticed, and after the food is delivered James immediately picks up the phone to order a second pizza—extra pepperoni, the way Logan likes it.
Perhaps it's because Logan doesn't feel the need to prove his intelligence in any way around James, but Logan doesn't argue with the movie even once. Instead he relaxes, getting up halfway through to nuke some popcorn before returning to join James on the couch. Once the movie ends there is a Foosball challenge thrown down, and James finds that when Kendall and Carlos aren't around to crowd them, Logan plays rather well due to his quick reflexes. It's been a long time since James saw those reflexes in action, not since their last hockey game where Logan put in a complete shut-out performance at the net.
Saying goodnight to Logan a few hours later, James realizes that he had more fun tonight with Logan than he would have had with Christy. True, there was no making out, but you can't have everything, right?
XOXOXOXOXOXO
The following Friday
Just a little more gel, tweak it with the comb, and we have-
"James, come on! You've been in there almost an hour!"
"So what, Kendall? You took forever last week getting ready for your date!" James yells through the closed door. Kendall can just wait.
"And now we're even! Jo's gonna be here in fifteen minutes! Please!"
That gives James pause. He sets down the comb and opens the door a crack. "Jo? You're going on a date again?"
"It's not like we get to do it often. We take what we can get. Now move over, at least share the mirror with me."
James bites his lip, considering. "Where's Logan?"
"Logan? I don't know. He was in the bedroom a few minutes ago while I was getting dressed. Now move over!"
James moves aside, breath coming out in a rush. "It's yours." He moves down the hall to the bedroom Logan and Kendall share, poking his head in. Logan is lying on his bed reading a book, except when James looks closer he sees that Logan's gaze is on the ceiling. "Hey," he says softly.
Logan's body jerks, the book falling aside. "You startled me!"
"Sorry. You got plans tonight?"
"Of course."
"Plans that don't involve books or homework?"
"Plans are plans, James. Just because it's not what you would do, doesn't mean it's not important."
James sighs, shaking his head. "Alright, get dressed. We're going out."
"We are?" Logan sits up, feet settling on the floor. "I don't think so. This chemistry homework-"
"Is something you can do in your sleep. Let's go see a movie. Or would you rather hang at the beach?"
"You have a date."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do. I heard Christy telling Diane about it."
Shit. "She canceled."
"Christy?"
"No, Diane. Of course Christy!"
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"No big deal. So what are we doing tonight?"
"Well...there is that new movie about the robots who try to starve us all to death."
James grins. "Sounds like my kind of movie."
Logan grins in return. "I'll be ready in ten minutes."
"Yeah, give me at least twenty. My hair's only half-done."
Logan rolls his eyes, but laughs. "Deal."
After canceling yet another date with Christy, James joins Logan in the living room. "Should we invite Carlos?"
"He's tagging along with Kendall and Jo."
"How did that happen?"
"I don't know, but Kendall's not too thrilled about it."
"Whatever. Let's go see some robots get their asses kicked."
XOXOXOXOXOXO
"Well, well, well, what have we here?"
James looks up to see Kendall standing over him, Carlos hovering just behind. "Hey. Where's Jo?"
"Ladies' room. I didn't know you guys were coming to see the movie."
James glances over at Logan, who quickly answers, "Well, when you mentioned it, it sounded pretty interesting."
The pieces fall into place with a thud in James' mind. Logan brought him here on purpose. Because it's where Kendall would be. Perhaps there's more to this "missing Kendall" thing than James originally suspected.
"I asked if you wanted to come, Logan. You could've said yes."
"Nah, you were already annoyed enough with-" Suddenly remembering that Carlos is there, Logan changes tactics. "I figured you had enough on your hands."
"Can we all sit together? Move over, James. Hey! Can we sit where you guys are? Just move down a few seats?"
James glances past Logan to see an irritated couple glaring at Carlos.
"Thanks! Come on, Kendall!" Carlos bulldozes his way past James and Logan, leaving the couple no choice but to move.
Logan shakes his head at Carlos being so...Carlosian.
"I'm gonna go wait for Jo, so she can find us." One last glance at James, as if somehow this is his fault, and Kendall is gone.
"Why didn't you tell me they were coming here?" James whispers to Logan.
He shrugs. "I didn't know what showing they'd be at."
This is a lie, and even James can see that. He lets it drop, though, as Carlos is already babbling at Logan about some guy who tripped over his own feet, then had the nerve to yell at them. "He was yelling at his feet, guys! 'I can't take it anymore! That's the last time you trip me up! We're going home!' It was so funny!"
James barely focuses on the movie. Instead he furtively watches Logan, who is furtively watching Kendall and Jo. Hands are held and James feels Logan tense up next to him.
Holy shit. It's worse than I thought. Logan, we need to talk.
XOXOXOXOXO
Jo politely invites Logan and James to join them for ice cream after the movie, but James declines before Logan can even think to answer. Sensing that Kendall is about to ask if Carlos can go home with them, James blurts out, "Oh, Carlos! Try that new rainbow Gummi sundae we saw! Tell me how it is!"
When Carlos' eyes light up, James knows the job is done. He ignores the glare from Kendall and pulls Logan along by the sleeve.
"Are we going home?" Logan asks, glancing back over his shoulder.
"We're going for a drive. We need to talk."
James ignores all of Logan's questions until they're out on the highway, driving along the coast.
"What, James? What's going on?"
"You knew they'd be there."
"I wasn't positive, I mean I knew there was a-"
"You knew they'd be there."
Logan puffs out his breath. "So?"
"Why didn't you just go with Kendall in the first place?"
"Because Carlos was already going, and even if he wasn't—like I want to be a fifth wheel on Kendall's date? No thanks."
James isn't used to having to think this hard about what he says and how he says it. This is Logan, though, his best friend, and he can't say the wrong thing and mess it up. "Turn here," he finally says, and after a quick glance over, Logan does.
They travel down the dirt road about a mile, passing a few cars here and there, and James finally tells Logan to pull over and park.
"Where are we?"
"Make-out Mile."
"What?" Logan looks around with wide eyes, realizing what's going on in the cars surrounding them. "James! What are we doing here?"
"Relax, I'm not going to jump you." For a moment, James is able to smile, watching Logan blush and splutter. "Unless you want me to," he teases.
The flush that spreads over Logan's face is proof enough of what James has suspected. "You're not exactly my type," Logan attempts to joke.
"You mean, I'm not Kendall." When Logan's eyes start to bug out and he looks as if he's about to argue, James speaks more gently. "It's okay. I'm not gonna freak out."
Silence from Logan, but he can't meet James' gaze.
"That's what's going on here, right? I thought at first you just missed Kendall being around, but...you're actually in love with him, aren't you?"
Still no answer. Logan stares straight ahead through the windshield, arms crossed over his chest.
"Hey." James lays a hand over Logan's shoulder, feels how tense it is and squeezes lightly. "If you're gay, that's fine. I won't say anything."
"I'm not gay!" Logan finally turns his head to glare at James.
"No?"
"No! It's just Kendall! It's not like I'm attracted to every guy!"
"So you admit it about Kendall."
A bit more spluttering, and then Logan finally nods. "And...okay. Maybe I am gay."
"Dude, nothing wrong with that."
"You know, out of everyone I know, I figured you would be the most freaked out about it."
"Me? Why?"
"Because. You're such a chick magnet. You're so...you. Worried about image. I didn't think you'd be cool with this."
"I'm cool with it because I'm your best friend. If it was Carlos telling me this, I'd probably tease him. A lot."
A tiny smile twitches Logan's lips.
"Why didn't you say anything?" James asks.
"I'm not proud of it. It's not like he even cares about me that way, or thinks like that."
"Still. You've been suffering over this for...how long?"
"Since seventh grade."
"What? Seriously? Dude. How did you keep it quiet for so long?"
"It was easy. Kendall never really dated until now. A few dates here and there, but nothing like Jo. He really likes her a lot."
James nods slowly. "He does. I'm sorry."
"It's just...I never thought he'd like me that way, but...I didn't think it would be this hard, either. Watching him fall for someone else."
The sadness in Logan's tone breaks James' heart. "Dude, I'm sorry. I don't know what that's like."
"Right, because everyone falls for you."
It isn't said with malice, but it still hurts. "No," James responds, squeezing Logan's shoulder again. "It's because I've never really loved anyone. Not like that. Crushes...there have been a lot of those. But not like what you feel for Kendall."
"I wish I didn't. It's ridiculous. Kendall is the least gay guy I know. He doesn't date a lot, but he sure does like girls."
James nods slowly. "I thought we all did. Were you just...pretending?"
Logan shrugs. "Not really. Some girls are pretty. I just can't imagine ever kissing them or making out with them, you know?"
"But Kendall, you can?"
Now Logan turns his face to the side, unable to even look at James.
"It's okay, Logan. I'm not making fun of you. And I won't say anything. You're hurting enough, you don't need to go through a bunch of embarrassment, too."
"Really?" Turning in his seat to study James, Logan finally says, "Since when are you so mature about things? Feelings and love and relationships?"
"I don't know. I guess I've watched my parents all my life and it showed me what I don't want. Yeah, I date girls all the time, and I'm always up for a good time with them, but I haven't met any yet that I want to see more than a few times. I get bored. Sometimes I think they're all the same."
"That's a problem with you, James. Not them."
"Maybe." James shrugs, not dwelling on it. "I always figure I'll know when I meet the right one. Kendall's looking for a lasting thing. I'm just having fun until the right one comes along."
"So...how do you know? What will the 'right one' be like?"
"I...well, I don't really know. I haven't thought about it too much. Someone I can hang out with for hours and not get bored. Someone who appreciates it when I look good. Because I put a lot of effort into that, you know."
"Yes, I know," Logan chuckles. "But you always look good."
"Oh please, you've seen me when I first wake up. I do not look good."
"You sure look a lot better than the rest of us. Even Mrs. Knight."
"Of course I do, but even that takes work. It's all about maintenance."
Logan rolls his eyes, but he's grinning. "So what else?"
It takes James a second to switch gears from his appearance to a prospective soulmate. "Um...someone who knows how to cook. Because I love to eat."
"This is true."
"I guess just somebody who will take care of me. You may not know this, but I can be a big baby when I'm sick."
"Oh, trust me. I know. Who always takes care of you when you're sick?"
James smiles. "Yeah, you make a great mommy."
"Shut up," Logan argues, but half-heartedly. He knows James is right. "You haven't said anything about her looks. Wouldn't she have to be gorgeous?"
"Not really. I wouldn't want a hideous girlfriend, but she can't be too gorgeous or I'd be competing with that all the time. She can't be prettier than me, right?"
Another roll of Logan's eyes. "Of course not."
"So...yeah. Fun to hang out with, cooks for me, thinks I look good, takes care of me. Is that a lot to ask?"
"I don't think so."
"Cool. I'll find her someday. In the meantime, I'm focused on the band and getting famous and living my dream."
"You know, you're not nearly as dumb as most people think you are. But I knew that."
"Thanks!" There's no sarcasm, James is honestly beaming from the compliment. "So what about you? What do you want in a...guy, I guess?"
After a long sigh, Logan mumbles, "Kendall."
"Aww, Logan." James unbuckles his seatbelt in order to lean over and wrap his arms around Logan's shoulders. "I'm sorry. He really does like Jo a lot."
"I know." Determined not to get mushy about it, Logan pushes James aside gently and turns on the car. "Let's go get ice cream."
"Oh, no. We are not stalking them on their date."
"No, somewhere else. How about that place by the boardwalk? They make their own waffle cones and give you like...four scoops."
"Ohhhhhh. Yeah. Nice." After buckling into his seat, James commands, "To the boardwalk, James!" When Logan glares at him, he grins. "I've always wanted to say that. And it's funny, because I'm the one named James!"
Logan chuckles; James is so silly sometimes.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
They walk the length of the boardwalk, slurping up ice cream while Logan talks about the phases of the moon and its effect on the tides. James always listens to lectures like these because they can be used later to make him sound smart with a date. It's worked in the past, anyway. He asks silly questions that don't seem silly to him, and Logan patiently explains why the moon can't really be made of cheese. They pass girls along the way, some pretty enough that James would normally make a point to meet, but out of respect for Logan's heartache he ignores them.
The evening ends with another Foosball tournament, and this time James is victorious. Kendall and Carlos arrive in time to catch the last few minutes, surprised when their offer to join in is rebuffed; Logan and James are both too focused and have a rhythm going. When it's over, the boys retire to their rooms for the night, remembering that they have an early call at the studio with Gustavo.
Carlos and James lie awake talking about the movie for a while, and James falls asleep thinking about Logan and everything he's going through. He wishes there was some way to help, some way he could take away Logan's pain, but really all he can do is be there and be a friend. Fortunately, he has no problem with that—hanging out with Logan is always a lot of fun.