You're a little worse for wear - you don't understand how the amount of alcohol never seems to go down even though everyone around you is so far past drunk - and you need air. You just need a few seconds to yourself outside, because Mike throws an awesome party when he's back in town but it's all just a bit much for a guy like you. You've never been into the whole loud music, drunk people sort of parties. You prefer a few of the guys round at your place, a few beers and an xBox tournament.
It takes you a while to remember how to get outside. It's like an obstacle course, and you swear someone's actually put these stools here for badness because that's the third one you've tripped over. Eventually you find the patio door, make your way outside and close it behind you.
You can still hear the muffled sounds of music and the raised voices of people singing along or encouraging another dance-off, but on the whole it's pretty quiet out here. You take a quick look around to make sure you're alone.
You aren't.
There's a figure sitting on the steps to your left. You make your way over to them slowly, because whoever it is you don't think they know you're here and you don't want to scare them. Your vision is blurred but when you get close enough that you're only a few steps away, you realise the figure is Brittany.
"Hey, Britt," you say to get her attention. "I thought you'd be in there dancing."
Brittany turns around to look at you then and your eyes widen as you notice the tears on her cheeks and the sadness on her face.
"Britt..."
She doesn't say anything as you make your way over to sit beside her. You wrap an arm around her shoulder and pull her into you. She holds onto you like you've never seen anyone hold onto you before. She cries into your chest for what seems like forever.
As you rub circles on her back to try and offer her some sort of comfort, you keep saying "It's okay, it's okay" but she just shakes her head.
"I miss her," Brittany manages to get out through her tears when she's calmed down enough to talk. "Sam, I miss her so much. I can't- I can't- I don't-"
"Shhhh," you say as you tighten your grip on her. You miss her too, but nowhere near as much as Brittany does. Yeah, maybe once or twice you've missed her so much that you had to clear your throat and wipe your eyes a little, but you know that's nothing - nothing - compared to what Brittany feels.
You can't even imagine how Brittany feels.
"I've ruined it," Brittany says, and you let her speak. You know she needs someone to talk to right now. "I've ruined everything. I've - she - I lost her. I lost her, Sam. Not just as my girlfriend but as my best friend too and I- I don't know how- nothing makes sense without her," Brittany cries.
"I know, I know." You do know. You've seen how Brittany's smile isn't as big and how it takes her twice as long to pick up the routines in Glee. You've seen how she only comes to a party every few months now, not every week. You've seen it all. You know.
"Ryder... he's... I like him, but he's not- he's not-"
"He's not Santana," you say for her, and a sob erupts from her at the mention of her name.
"I love her."
"I know you do."
"No, you- I still love her. Like proper love her." She looks at you then and her eyes kind of take your breath away a little because you've never seen someone be so completely honest.
"Okay," you say because, fuck, what else are you meant to say?
"Do you... do you think she'd take me back?"
That surprises you. Not that she wants to be with Santana, but the fact that she has to even ask that question.
"Are you serious?!"
"Sam..." Her voice is so small and so scared and you hate it. You hate that your two best friends are both hurting so much and you can't do anything about it. You hate it.
"Britt, she'd take you back in a heartbeat. A heartbeat. You hear me?"
Brittany starts crying again at that.
"You need to sort your shit out, Santana," you say in lieu of a greeting the next time you Skype with her.
"Nice to see you too, Trouty."
"Seriously, sort it out."
"Sort what out?" she asks, and it's clear to you that she actually has no idea what you're talking about.
"Really? Brittany! Sort your shit out with Brittany or I'll come down there and make you do it."
You noticed how she physically flinched at the name but to her credit she doesn't change the subject.
"I'm in Kentucky," she says. "There's no way you'd come the whole way down here."
"I spent an hour last night with your ex-girlfriend crying into my shoulder because she loves you and she misses you."
It's obvious that the words 'ex-girlfriend' are dealt like a physical blow to Santana's chest, and again with the word 'love'.
"She doesn't- she- she split up with me," she stutters.
"She loves you."
"Then why the fuck did she end it?!"
"You were both finding it hard."
"Hard? Oh no, you have no idea what the word hard even means until you have to live fucking miles away from the one person that makes your whole world complete. Hard doesn't even come close."
"If it was so hard, then why didn't you break up with her? It would've been easier, right?"
Santana looks at you then like you're an idiot. You kind of feel like one too. You know what you're saying is dumb but you need to make her realise. You need to let her come to it on her own. She's never listened to anyone else - anyone who isn't Brittany - so she needs to come to the realisation herself.
"Easier? You think this is easier? Not talking to her, not seeing her face on Skype, not waking up in the morning with a text from her? Going to the mall and seeing a fucking hat with a pom pom on it and not being able to buy it for her as a present? You think this is fucking easy?"
"I didn't mean-"
"No, I know what you meant. I didn't break up with her because I love her. I love her more than you could ever even imagine, okay? I- I don't care how hard it is - was - I don't care, because even if it hurt like a fucking bitch to be away from her for weeks at a time, at the end of it all I was still coming home to her. She was still mine and I don't care how much it hurt to be away from her, I'd do anything to make sure I could still call her my girlfriend. But what a lot of use that did..."
Santana trails off, slightly self conscious that she'd been so honest with you so easily.
"So if you'd do anything to call her your girlfriend, why isn't she?" You know you're overstepping. You know you're pushing. But you have to.
"Because she doesn't feel the same way. She doesn't think that all the hurt is worth it."
"But it is," you say and you have no idea why.
"Of course it fucking is."
"So show her."
"As if it's that simple."
"You managed to show her once that all the hurt was worth it in the end, so why can't you do it again?"
Santana's eyes widen and she looks away from the screen in genuine thought. You smile a little because you know she's starting to get it.
ryder.
You stare at the text on your screen not really understanding why Santana is sending you his name. Then your phone goes off again.
that's why i'm not worth it.
You wish Santana was here in person so you could slap her or yell at her or something. The fact that she genuinely thinks she isn't worth it makes your heart break for them both.
ur worth more than u think u r. trust me.
You just wish she could see it.
i broke up with him.
You're pulling an all nighter with Artie at his house playing Call Of Duty when you get it. It's close to four a.m. and you have to do a double take at your phone.
"I'm kinda tired, dude, can we call it a night?" you ask him.
"What?! Uh uh, no way, Sam Evans you are not fading on me like this, I need you for this mission! You can't leave a bro alone!"
"No, I can't," you think as you look at your phone again. "I think I'll be more use to you not playing than if I did," you say and you put the controller down, reach for your phone and make your way out of the room to go to the bathoom.
i'm sorry. r u ok?
You really are sorry. Brittany's in such a crappy situation and it's not the first time she's been there. It's not the first time she's had to choose between a boy and Santana. (You really, really, really hope it's the last.)
i don't know.
You read over the message a few times and lean your head back against the locked door of the bathroom where you're standing.
does she know?
You don't know if you want her to reply with a yes or a no.
she will tomorrow if she goes on fb.
Sam thinks that's the worst possible way Santana could find out - that noone felt it necessary to tell her - so you takes matters into your own hands and text her.
britt's single. make your move, lopez.
You don't find out how much of an idiot Santana is until a week later.
"So..." you say to Brittany as you playfully nudge her in the ribs. "How is she?" You even let a little smile come over your face.
"Who?" Brittany asks cluelessly.
"Who do you think? Santana."
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?" you ask, confused.
"I mean I don't know."
You don't even give her time to explain any further before you're up out of your seat and storming out of the room to the empty Home Ec classroom where you pull out your phone and call Santana.
It goes to voicemail, so you hang up and call again. And again. And again.
Your blood almost boils with anger because you know her timetable and you know that at three thirty on a Tuesday she doesn't have class. She always goes back to her dorm and chills until her Legal History class at six.
She's ignoring you.
You let it go to voicemail one last time and this time you leave a message. You're surprisingly calm.
"Santana, I don't know what the hell is going through your head right now but if you don't do something soon you're going to lose her. And not like you just did. I mean for good. You need to get your act together and get your girl back because she isn't going to wait forever. You need to show her that you're worth it, and you are Santana. God, that girl loves you more than I think you know. You're more than worth it to her. She's just waiting for you to show her that she's worth it too."
You hang up the phone and hope that she acts before it's too late.
what if she breaks up with me again? i think it'd kill me. i can't go through this again.
You don't know what you need to do to show Santana that Brittany needs her just as much as Brittany needs her.
she won't. trust her. she loves u.
i trusted her before & she broke my heart.
what's worse? never knowing what cud have been or risking it for her?
Santana doesn't reply.
You're making your way through an endless pile of homework when someone knocks your door.
"Come in!" you shout, sure it's your mom.
You hear the door open and then there's silence for a second then, "Hey."
You spin round on your chair and you're on your feet before your brain can even catch up. You wrap your arms around Santana and you hug her like you've never hugged her before. "What the hell are you doing here?! A little heads up would've been nice!"
You pull out of the hug and you see that she's smiling. She's smiling for the first time in weeks. "Thought I'd utilise the element of surprise," she smirks.
"Well I'm definitely surprised! But why are you here?"
Something flashes across her eyes - something like doubt or nerves or fear - but as soon as you see it, it's gone and replaced with determination.
"I'm here to get her back."