Kaworu-chan: Little Angel an Eva Fairy Tale by AngelDragon
Disclaimer: I don't own the original fairy tale this story was sorta based on & I don't own any products I mention either. (So don't be mean & sue me!)
Warnings/Notes: This is sort of a little parody of one of my favorite Japanese fairy tales, 'Momotaro the Peach Boy.' In my version however, Kaworu is Momotaro & there are slightly exaggerated versions of some of the other Eva characters in the other roles. (& I may have gotten Momotaro's height wrong. Gomen! This IS a parody, after all) Plus, there's a little shonen-ai between Kaworu & Shinji. (My favorite Eva characters ^_^) Not to mention bizarre fairy tale-style humor & blatant disregard for the normal laws of physics. (Nothing's supposed to make a lot of sense in one, ne?) And be prepared for a little language too. Enjoy! And R & R, onegai?
Kaworu-chan: Little Angel
Once upon a time there was a boy named Shinji and the kind yet loose woman who adopted him named Misato living in the country in Neo-Japan.The boy was an artist and the woman was, well you know.. Shinji was pretty sad and lonely all the time because Misato left him alone a lot and he had no one to love him. He passed the time by painting with his magic brush. (Given to him by his fairy godmother Yui)
One day Shinji went into the scraggly almost-forest to paint and mope and Misato decided to go see if she could pick up guys in her new bikini at the beach. No sooner had she started to stroll through the surf than she stubbed her toe on something that'd washed up in front of her.
"ITAI! Damn offshore dumping!"she exclaimed then bent down to examine the offending item. Said action caused the lifeguard on duty to fall out of his perch after viewing her cleavage through his binoculars.
She could see it was a large sealed jar of peach applesauce. She pulled it out of the sand and thoughtWell Shinji likes peaches. I'll give it to him for dinner later
Late in the afternoon Shinji came home, still in a funk and Misato sported a nice tan and the phone numbers of the lifeguard and a surfer.
"Hey Shinji! Look what I got for you. Your fave, right?"She showed him the jar and plunked it on the table.
"Yeah.It's my favorite fruit."His stomach growled. He was pretty hungry because Misato was such a bad cook so he said, "Let's crack open that jar!"
So Misato brought a couple of bowls and spoons from the kitchen as Shinji fought with the jar unsuccessfully. With a growl and a twitchy brow Misato took it from him and opened it without a problem. "I loosened it for you,"Shinji muttered. Just as Misato dipped in a big spoon a little voice called out, "Wait! Don't eat me!"A little seven inch tall boy pulled himself up out of the jar with help from Misato's spoon.
He shucked off his scuba tank and mask then brushed applesauce-drenched gray bangs from his face. Understandably Shinji and Misato were freaked. (Not to mention Shinji was blushing because the kid wasn't wearing a damn thing under all that sauce) The boy, who had the most unusual yet kawaii red eyes said, "Arigato gozaimashita! I was getting a little pruney. Don't be afraid!"
He turned to Shinji and said, "Kami-sama saw how lonely you were without anyone to love you so I was sent to be your koibito!" Shinji and Misato looked at each other for a moment then back to the diminutive boy. "Well he won't eat much anyway,"Misato commented.
The little one went over to Shinji and awkwardly hugged his hand. "My name's Kawotaro.You're Shinji, right?"Shinji grinned, not quite as blue as he was before as he looked to Misato. "I like him already. He's so kawaii!"Though this size difference is gonna be a bit of a problem.. he thought.
Shinji loved Kawotaro very much and Misato grew to, well, LIKE him at least. (He kept getting lost in her dresser drawers and once she found him in a box of frosted cornflakes when she poured her breakfast. Needless to say that scared the hell out of her but Shinji found it endearing. Kawotaro had wanted to surprise his koibito by pretending to be the surprise in his cereal)
They all got along well enough and the boys were almost the same age. (Kawotaro was fifteen despite being the size of a plushie) One morning though, Kawotaro was sitting in the pocket of Shinji's pjs while Shinji brushed his teeth. He looked at their reflections in the mirror.
"Shin-chan you've always been very kind and loving to me. But I want to do something to protect you and Misato-san from these Angel-things.I'm an Angel too but you know I'm a good one, right?"He gazed at Shinji's reflection with a sad little look. Shinji nodded as he finished with his teeth. "Of course! Ai shiteru Kawo-chan."Kawotaro grinned at that.
"In a distant part of the sea there's an island that these beings like to hang out on. When they're not coming over here to our land to be inconsiderate jerks by leveling cities, stealing one of the guardian Eva statues and messing with people's minds anyway. So I'm going to Angel Island to fight them and bring back the Eva statue and whatever else they stole."
Shinji was surprised and a little saddened to hear this but he was also proud of his little Angel for wanting to protect him and Mistato.So the two of them helped Kawotaro get ready for his journey. Shinji gave him his magic brush and some new little clothes.
"Just think when you use it and it'll paint whatever you want,"Shinji told him. Misato 'fixed' him a bento box she'd bought from the store the day before. Then Kawotaro began his journey, promising his koibito and Misato that he'd come back soon.
Kawotaro went walking toward the sea. It was a long way even though he hitched a ride on a friendly black cat that was kind enough to drop him off at a bus stop. As he checked his map a spotted dog-boy with a nametag that read "Tohji" on it wandered by. He eyed the pocket-sized bishonen suspiciously and growled at him and was about to bite him. (He was a little on the skinny side, even though a nice girl at the local school was feeding him. Or trying to anyway)
Kawotaro offered some of his bento to Tohji and told him he was going to fight the Angels on their island and reclaim the Eva statue they stole. Tohji was a little hesitant at first since his little sister was at the vet's because their owner's home had been leveled by the Angels during their last trip to Neo-Japan.He said he'd go along when Kawotaro pointed out that this would be a chance to stick it to 'em.
Kawotaro and Tohji kept on walking with Kawotaro riding on Tohji's furry shoulders. Soon they met a haughty red furred monkey-girl that said her name was Asuka and demanded some of their food or else. Tohji remarked how much of a red-reared bitch he thought she was and they started to have a fight. Kawotaro quickly used Shinji's paintbrush to make a little pair of feathered wings on his shoulders and fluttered out of the way as Asuka bitch-slapped Tohji for noticing that she even HAD a red rear in the first place.
"There's no need to fight amongst ourselves! Asuka-san, Tohji-san and I are going to fight the Angels.So maybe you could NOT try to pull off various parts of him?"Kawotaro asked as he flitted around the dueling puffed-up animals.
"Then I'M going with you! A little shrimp like YOU and a thick headed mutt like HIM will need the help of an expert fighter like ME!"Asuka stated as Tohji growled something rude. Kawotaro sighed and offered some of his bento and put up with the bossy monkey-girl coming with them.
The odd trio kept on walking and suddenly they met a solitary pheasant- girl who quietly said that her name was Rei and that her owner, a brooding middle aged man with control issues, had tried to offer her up to the Angels to save his own sorry ass.
"Ooo look at Wonder-bird! Thinks she's SO much better than us because of those flashy feathers. Probably has a gilded birdcage too!"Asuka grumbled. Rei merely glared at her impassively and Tohji growled, "Hey she's ALREADY more pleasant company than YOU!"It was definitely throw-down time and Kawotaro mentioned to Rei that they were going to fight the Angels.She asked if she could go too, since her owner was indifferent to the fact that she didn't really want to become an Angel appetizer.
Kawotaro glanced at his bento and sighed. Well, there goes lunch. Maybe I can paint a bowl of fruit? He offered Rei the last of his bento and told her to come along.
So, with Kawotaro as their leader (Asuka objected but shut up when Kawotaro mentioned that Shinji's brush was mightier than the swords of her words), Tohji, Asuka and Rei, who usually hated each other or in Rei's case, just didn't give a damn either way, all learned to at least tolerate each other. They walked a long, long way and finally reached the sea.
"Well NOW what, Wonder-boy?"Asuka asked. Kawotaro thought about it a moment then smiled as he waved Shinji's magic brush over the edge of the surf. He was careful not to be swept away since the brush was a little heavy and a bit bigger than he was. "Boat ride anyone?"(He'd painted a sleek motor boat that steered itself) They all got in and started across the sea toward Angel Island.
When they came within sight of the island they could see that the Angels had a pretty strong setup there. And there were many, many Angels. (Sixteen to be exact) Some were very oddly shaped, like a striped sphere and a blue diamond. All we need now is a few other shapes and we'd have a box of Marshmallow CharmsKawotaro thought. A few others looked like nature's little mistakes and others were examples of Kami-sama having a sense of humor.
And I'm supposed to be RELATED to these things? I may be small but at least *I* got all the looks! Kawotaro thought with a mental giggle.
First Rei flew over the walls and began to peck at the, well, what she THOUGHT were the Angels' heads. They all tried to block her attacks with their AT fields but she was very strong and quick and dodged their blows as she forced her way through their defences. And while the Angels weren't looking Asuka slipped up and opened the gates. Then Kawotaro and Tohji galloped inside and started fighting the Angels too.
It was quite a terrible (and somewhat comical) battle! Rei pecked at the, um,'heads' and 'eyes' of the Angels. (Especially the ones with the huge, abstract eyes that were kinda hard to miss) Asuka clawed and screeched at them and Tohji bit them and well,'marked his territory', so to speak. "THAT'S for my sister and our owner!"he barked. Kawotaro painted himself a prog knife and some armor and slashed at the Angels, carving through their AT fields like a peach.
At last, the Angels were defeated. The ones who were left bowed (if they could) low to Kawotaro who told 'em off and demanded that they turn over the guardian Eva statue and whatever else they stole.
It was an unusual treasure: The Eva statue was accompanied by the Lance of Longinuss and surrounded by.. Boxes and boxes of Pocky in all the different flavors. Well no one said they were overly intelligent advanced beingsKawotaro thought. While his three helpers loaded all the Pocky into their boat, Kawotaro considered the Eva and the Lance.
"Wow! These things are bigger than Shinji-kun! How am I supposed to bring them home?"he exclaimed then giggled as he got an idea. He waved Shinji's brush over the statue and the Lance, turning the Lance into a pint- sized staff and the Eva statue into a three-inch keychain that he carried like a backpack. Then he turned the brush on the remaining Angels, turning them into semi-cute plushies that could be sold at anime conventions to pay for the damage they caused to Neo-Japan.
Kawotaro and his companions returned to their land and he painted a cart they could use to carry their 'treasure' back to Kawotaro's house.
How happy Shinji was to see Kawotaro return safely from Angel Island! (And how happy Misato was to see all that Pocky since even SHE couldn't eat her own cooking) Tohji, Asuka and Rei took some too and returned home a little wiser. (And less hungry) Kawotaro returned the Lance and the Eva (With Shinji's help) to their places in town. Then they returned home to 'celebrate.'(Shinji missed his little koi quite a lot since he'd been gone a few weeks) And they lived very, very happily. (YOU do the math! ^_^)
*OWARI*
Well.. This certainly was different, wasn't it? I said that it'd be shonen- ai AND humorous & I meant it. ^_^ Why should Kaworu be a tragedy-magnet all the time? This just goes to show you that it's *grays* that have more fun, NOT blondes! ^_^ Hope you enjoyed my fractured fairy tale! Ja minnasan! ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own the original fairy tale this story was sorta based on & I don't own any products I mention either. (So don't be mean & sue me!)
Warnings/Notes: This is sort of a little parody of one of my favorite Japanese fairy tales, 'Momotaro the Peach Boy.' In my version however, Kaworu is Momotaro & there are slightly exaggerated versions of some of the other Eva characters in the other roles. (& I may have gotten Momotaro's height wrong. Gomen! This IS a parody, after all) Plus, there's a little shonen-ai between Kaworu & Shinji. (My favorite Eva characters ^_^) Not to mention bizarre fairy tale-style humor & blatant disregard for the normal laws of physics. (Nothing's supposed to make a lot of sense in one, ne?) And be prepared for a little language too. Enjoy! And R & R, onegai?
Kaworu-chan: Little Angel
Once upon a time there was a boy named Shinji and the kind yet loose woman who adopted him named Misato living in the country in Neo-Japan.The boy was an artist and the woman was, well you know.. Shinji was pretty sad and lonely all the time because Misato left him alone a lot and he had no one to love him. He passed the time by painting with his magic brush. (Given to him by his fairy godmother Yui)
One day Shinji went into the scraggly almost-forest to paint and mope and Misato decided to go see if she could pick up guys in her new bikini at the beach. No sooner had she started to stroll through the surf than she stubbed her toe on something that'd washed up in front of her.
"ITAI! Damn offshore dumping!"she exclaimed then bent down to examine the offending item. Said action caused the lifeguard on duty to fall out of his perch after viewing her cleavage through his binoculars.
She could see it was a large sealed jar of peach applesauce. She pulled it out of the sand and thoughtWell Shinji likes peaches. I'll give it to him for dinner later
Late in the afternoon Shinji came home, still in a funk and Misato sported a nice tan and the phone numbers of the lifeguard and a surfer.
"Hey Shinji! Look what I got for you. Your fave, right?"She showed him the jar and plunked it on the table.
"Yeah.It's my favorite fruit."His stomach growled. He was pretty hungry because Misato was such a bad cook so he said, "Let's crack open that jar!"
So Misato brought a couple of bowls and spoons from the kitchen as Shinji fought with the jar unsuccessfully. With a growl and a twitchy brow Misato took it from him and opened it without a problem. "I loosened it for you,"Shinji muttered. Just as Misato dipped in a big spoon a little voice called out, "Wait! Don't eat me!"A little seven inch tall boy pulled himself up out of the jar with help from Misato's spoon.
He shucked off his scuba tank and mask then brushed applesauce-drenched gray bangs from his face. Understandably Shinji and Misato were freaked. (Not to mention Shinji was blushing because the kid wasn't wearing a damn thing under all that sauce) The boy, who had the most unusual yet kawaii red eyes said, "Arigato gozaimashita! I was getting a little pruney. Don't be afraid!"
He turned to Shinji and said, "Kami-sama saw how lonely you were without anyone to love you so I was sent to be your koibito!" Shinji and Misato looked at each other for a moment then back to the diminutive boy. "Well he won't eat much anyway,"Misato commented.
The little one went over to Shinji and awkwardly hugged his hand. "My name's Kawotaro.You're Shinji, right?"Shinji grinned, not quite as blue as he was before as he looked to Misato. "I like him already. He's so kawaii!"Though this size difference is gonna be a bit of a problem.. he thought.
Shinji loved Kawotaro very much and Misato grew to, well, LIKE him at least. (He kept getting lost in her dresser drawers and once she found him in a box of frosted cornflakes when she poured her breakfast. Needless to say that scared the hell out of her but Shinji found it endearing. Kawotaro had wanted to surprise his koibito by pretending to be the surprise in his cereal)
They all got along well enough and the boys were almost the same age. (Kawotaro was fifteen despite being the size of a plushie) One morning though, Kawotaro was sitting in the pocket of Shinji's pjs while Shinji brushed his teeth. He looked at their reflections in the mirror.
"Shin-chan you've always been very kind and loving to me. But I want to do something to protect you and Misato-san from these Angel-things.I'm an Angel too but you know I'm a good one, right?"He gazed at Shinji's reflection with a sad little look. Shinji nodded as he finished with his teeth. "Of course! Ai shiteru Kawo-chan."Kawotaro grinned at that.
"In a distant part of the sea there's an island that these beings like to hang out on. When they're not coming over here to our land to be inconsiderate jerks by leveling cities, stealing one of the guardian Eva statues and messing with people's minds anyway. So I'm going to Angel Island to fight them and bring back the Eva statue and whatever else they stole."
Shinji was surprised and a little saddened to hear this but he was also proud of his little Angel for wanting to protect him and Mistato.So the two of them helped Kawotaro get ready for his journey. Shinji gave him his magic brush and some new little clothes.
"Just think when you use it and it'll paint whatever you want,"Shinji told him. Misato 'fixed' him a bento box she'd bought from the store the day before. Then Kawotaro began his journey, promising his koibito and Misato that he'd come back soon.
Kawotaro went walking toward the sea. It was a long way even though he hitched a ride on a friendly black cat that was kind enough to drop him off at a bus stop. As he checked his map a spotted dog-boy with a nametag that read "Tohji" on it wandered by. He eyed the pocket-sized bishonen suspiciously and growled at him and was about to bite him. (He was a little on the skinny side, even though a nice girl at the local school was feeding him. Or trying to anyway)
Kawotaro offered some of his bento to Tohji and told him he was going to fight the Angels on their island and reclaim the Eva statue they stole. Tohji was a little hesitant at first since his little sister was at the vet's because their owner's home had been leveled by the Angels during their last trip to Neo-Japan.He said he'd go along when Kawotaro pointed out that this would be a chance to stick it to 'em.
Kawotaro and Tohji kept on walking with Kawotaro riding on Tohji's furry shoulders. Soon they met a haughty red furred monkey-girl that said her name was Asuka and demanded some of their food or else. Tohji remarked how much of a red-reared bitch he thought she was and they started to have a fight. Kawotaro quickly used Shinji's paintbrush to make a little pair of feathered wings on his shoulders and fluttered out of the way as Asuka bitch-slapped Tohji for noticing that she even HAD a red rear in the first place.
"There's no need to fight amongst ourselves! Asuka-san, Tohji-san and I are going to fight the Angels.So maybe you could NOT try to pull off various parts of him?"Kawotaro asked as he flitted around the dueling puffed-up animals.
"Then I'M going with you! A little shrimp like YOU and a thick headed mutt like HIM will need the help of an expert fighter like ME!"Asuka stated as Tohji growled something rude. Kawotaro sighed and offered some of his bento and put up with the bossy monkey-girl coming with them.
The odd trio kept on walking and suddenly they met a solitary pheasant- girl who quietly said that her name was Rei and that her owner, a brooding middle aged man with control issues, had tried to offer her up to the Angels to save his own sorry ass.
"Ooo look at Wonder-bird! Thinks she's SO much better than us because of those flashy feathers. Probably has a gilded birdcage too!"Asuka grumbled. Rei merely glared at her impassively and Tohji growled, "Hey she's ALREADY more pleasant company than YOU!"It was definitely throw-down time and Kawotaro mentioned to Rei that they were going to fight the Angels.She asked if she could go too, since her owner was indifferent to the fact that she didn't really want to become an Angel appetizer.
Kawotaro glanced at his bento and sighed. Well, there goes lunch. Maybe I can paint a bowl of fruit? He offered Rei the last of his bento and told her to come along.
So, with Kawotaro as their leader (Asuka objected but shut up when Kawotaro mentioned that Shinji's brush was mightier than the swords of her words), Tohji, Asuka and Rei, who usually hated each other or in Rei's case, just didn't give a damn either way, all learned to at least tolerate each other. They walked a long, long way and finally reached the sea.
"Well NOW what, Wonder-boy?"Asuka asked. Kawotaro thought about it a moment then smiled as he waved Shinji's magic brush over the edge of the surf. He was careful not to be swept away since the brush was a little heavy and a bit bigger than he was. "Boat ride anyone?"(He'd painted a sleek motor boat that steered itself) They all got in and started across the sea toward Angel Island.
When they came within sight of the island they could see that the Angels had a pretty strong setup there. And there were many, many Angels. (Sixteen to be exact) Some were very oddly shaped, like a striped sphere and a blue diamond. All we need now is a few other shapes and we'd have a box of Marshmallow CharmsKawotaro thought. A few others looked like nature's little mistakes and others were examples of Kami-sama having a sense of humor.
And I'm supposed to be RELATED to these things? I may be small but at least *I* got all the looks! Kawotaro thought with a mental giggle.
First Rei flew over the walls and began to peck at the, well, what she THOUGHT were the Angels' heads. They all tried to block her attacks with their AT fields but she was very strong and quick and dodged their blows as she forced her way through their defences. And while the Angels weren't looking Asuka slipped up and opened the gates. Then Kawotaro and Tohji galloped inside and started fighting the Angels too.
It was quite a terrible (and somewhat comical) battle! Rei pecked at the, um,'heads' and 'eyes' of the Angels. (Especially the ones with the huge, abstract eyes that were kinda hard to miss) Asuka clawed and screeched at them and Tohji bit them and well,'marked his territory', so to speak. "THAT'S for my sister and our owner!"he barked. Kawotaro painted himself a prog knife and some armor and slashed at the Angels, carving through their AT fields like a peach.
At last, the Angels were defeated. The ones who were left bowed (if they could) low to Kawotaro who told 'em off and demanded that they turn over the guardian Eva statue and whatever else they stole.
It was an unusual treasure: The Eva statue was accompanied by the Lance of Longinuss and surrounded by.. Boxes and boxes of Pocky in all the different flavors. Well no one said they were overly intelligent advanced beingsKawotaro thought. While his three helpers loaded all the Pocky into their boat, Kawotaro considered the Eva and the Lance.
"Wow! These things are bigger than Shinji-kun! How am I supposed to bring them home?"he exclaimed then giggled as he got an idea. He waved Shinji's brush over the statue and the Lance, turning the Lance into a pint- sized staff and the Eva statue into a three-inch keychain that he carried like a backpack. Then he turned the brush on the remaining Angels, turning them into semi-cute plushies that could be sold at anime conventions to pay for the damage they caused to Neo-Japan.
Kawotaro and his companions returned to their land and he painted a cart they could use to carry their 'treasure' back to Kawotaro's house.
How happy Shinji was to see Kawotaro return safely from Angel Island! (And how happy Misato was to see all that Pocky since even SHE couldn't eat her own cooking) Tohji, Asuka and Rei took some too and returned home a little wiser. (And less hungry) Kawotaro returned the Lance and the Eva (With Shinji's help) to their places in town. Then they returned home to 'celebrate.'(Shinji missed his little koi quite a lot since he'd been gone a few weeks) And they lived very, very happily. (YOU do the math! ^_^)
*OWARI*
Well.. This certainly was different, wasn't it? I said that it'd be shonen- ai AND humorous & I meant it. ^_^ Why should Kaworu be a tragedy-magnet all the time? This just goes to show you that it's *grays* that have more fun, NOT blondes! ^_^ Hope you enjoyed my fractured fairy tale! Ja minnasan! ^_^