A/N: Hello all~. So, I found myself in an interesting part of the internet some time ago and became inspired to write. I put out this quick bit of fanfiction as a result. It was meant to be a drabble, but we see how that turned out.
Warnings: My sense of humor maybe? There's nothing to be concerned with really. There's mention of one sexual deviation/paraphilia if that upsets people. Since I follow the FictionRating standards, that's the only reason this is a T. It could probably be a K+ I suppose...
x.x.x
"Days like these can't much longer. Dark hours bring new light..."
Quiet humming carried the harmony of Reach's chorus across the small room as steam and light streamed in. Toris stepped out of the attached bathroom, moving in time with the song. The man had just gotten out the shower and, after the day he had, was looking forward to finally collapsing in bed. He flopped down onto the mattress and began going through the motions of drying his drenched skin. Thoughts of burying himself under his covers nearly distracted him from noticing the muffled ringing echoing in the room.
"Eh? Who could be calling this late? I should just let it go. I mean, if it's important, they'll leave a message," the man reasoned with himself. "Then again...that's rather rude. What if it's something urgent? Someone could be in trouble. Or even worse, it could be...HIM."
Toris' stomach turned at the mere thought of his creepy ex-boss. Toris left his service years ago, but the man seemed to think their relationship was in good condition. While the intimidating man never called at such an hour, Toris didn't put it past him and, should the man actually call, the brunet had no desire to suffer the consequences of not answering.
"Alright, I'll do it! If it's nothing serious, I could always tell them to call back tomorrow." He hurriedly rooted around for the phone tangled in his sheets and fished it out with a look of confusion on his face as "UNKNOWN CALLER" scrolled across the caller id. He lifted the phone to his ear, pressing the talk button, and hesitantly greeted the caller. "H-hello?"
Only silence greeted him from the other end.
"Hello?" Once again, no one replied and as the silence grew, so did his puzzlement. "I-is anyone there?" When no one answered, Toris' eyebrows furrowed in irritation. At such a late hour, his patience could only go so far. "Whoever you are, this isn't funny. If you don't answer, I'm going to hang up." He managed to pick out the faint sound of stuttered breathing and his bemusement turned to worry. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Do you need help?"
A breathless gasp answered him and then, suddenly, silence once more.
"Hey! Are you still there?" Kelly green eyes widened as Toris realized that he could quite possibly be listening to someone dying. "Don't worry! I'll call the police and ask for someone to come f-"
"What are you wearing?" It was a deep voice that answered, hoarse like the owner hadn't spoken in years, with an almost mechanical undertone.
The sudden, and random, question caught the brunet off guard, causing him to falter a bit as his mind processed it. "E-excuse me?"
"What are you wearing?" the guttural repeated slowly, enunciating everything as though speaking to a child.
The man looked down at his body. A few droplets raced down his slender chest, disappearing beneath the forgotten towel which lay across his lap. "W-well I was about to get ready for bed," he answered instead, figuring it was better than telling the person on the other end that he was only in his birthday suit. "Why does that even matter? Who are you?"
"Do you want to know what I'm wearing?"
'This is getting ridiculous,' Toris inwardly groaned in discontent as the caller ignored his question and continued on. "No. I'm sorry; I can't really say I want to hear that."
"I'm...naked," the voice hissed mischievously, putting emphasis on the last word.
Green eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at the scandalous declaration. A vivid shade of cerise painted Toris' face and neck. "W-what? You can't just say stuff like that! That's not right at all! Ho-"
For the second time, the caller interrupted him, this time with raucous laughter. Toris pinched the bridge of his nose, realizing this phone call had been one big joke and there was only one person he could think of who wouldn't think twice about doing this.
"Feliks, is that you?"
The sound of rustling echoed through the receiver before the laughter continued in a more natural voice. "You, like, totally caught me! Guess I didn't need the voice changer after all. I wish I could have seen your face! It must have been priceless," he barely finished before breaking into laughter again.
"Feliks, do you know what time it is? I was about to go to sleep." He didn't bother to hide the tired irritation in his voice.
"I know, but you have to do this sort of thing at night. If you don't, it doesn't, like, have the same effect."
"No, I'm pretty sure I'd have reacted the same way."
"Oh! So, you're horny right now?"
"Yes, I- What? No! What are you talking about?" And it was times like this that he wondered just how tightly wrapped his friend was.
"So, I was on the internet, right, and I read this article about scatologia and dirty phone calls and I found a few stories that were totally hilarious. Did you know some people get off to this? Anyway, I was having trouble sleeping and this seemed like a good idea at the time." Feliks spoke as though he were casually telling the story of how his day went and not explaining that he'd decided to prank call his best friend as a sleep aid.
Toris wished he could say that didn't make sense, but considering who he was talking to, it was a pretty conventional answer. "Well, I'm sorry. That didn't turn me on."
The receiver went quiet and Toris could just imagine the disappointed pout on his friend's face.
"...I thought I was being totally sexy."
"I think that's how it works. It's not the person receiving the call that enjoys it, but the person who makes it."
"...Then that means I can, like, finish, right?"
"No," he drowsily sighed, fighting to keep the smile out of his voice. Even when cranky from a lack of sleep and ready to pass out, there was no way he could stay upset with his friend for long. He stood up, tucking the phone in the crook of his neck as he began to dress for bed.
"But I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted to do to you!" Feliks managed to say between laughs.
"Then call me tomorrow at a reasonable time," he joked as he slid into bed, his body happily shutting down. "Goodnight, Feliks."
"Sweet dreams!"
Without looking, Toris pressed the end button and tossed the phone somewhere to the foot of the bed. He managed to let out one more yawn before rolling over and promptly falling asleep, a small smile on his face.
x.x.x
For those who may be wondering what scatologia is, it's, in the simplest terms, getting sexual pleasure from making obscene phone calls. While searching for something completely unrelated, I learned this neat little word and found there are a few forums I've seen where the victims have posted transcripts of their calls. Some of the stories are indeed hilarious as Feliks said. There's also this funny joke song called Obscene Phone Call from Jenny Jones which I recommend for a giggle or two.