Mmkay, it's 12:31 in the A.M. And I just couldn't stop until this was finished.

Heheh, it's so awkward when you're working on homo-erotic fanfics at school and people look over to see the words "bare ass"

And just for randomness, 21 was a good movie! :D

Oh and I don't own South Park. Cartman and Kyle's gay asses belong to Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

It's Saturday night. Perfect for teenagers to go out and party their asses off. But poor Kyle Broflovski was stuck at home studying for an English exam. He ran his fingers through his Jew fro, loathing the fact that everyone was enjoying their night but him. Trying to concentrate, he began skimming East of Eden for about the twelfth time.

Tap.

"In human affairs of danger and delicacy…"

Tap.

"…successful conclusion is sharply limited by…"

Tap.

"…hurry."

Tap!

Tap!

Tap!

"Jesus Christ…"

Kyle slammed his book down onto his desk and threw open his window, almost breaking it. He peered outside in annoyance to find Eric Cartman holding a bunch of pebbles.

"What do you want, Fatass? I'm not in the mood for you!"

Cartman gazed up at the Jew and smirked, throwing another rock at him. Luckily, Kyle's athlete reflexes helped him duck out of the way.

"Come on!" Eric called out to him.

Kyle just crossed his arms and glared down at him. "I have two things to ask first: Why? And where?"

Cartman threw another pebble, this time hitting Kyle on the arm. "That's one reason why. And I'm getting you out of that death row house of yours! So are you with me or not?"

Kyle arched an eyebrow, thinking. Cartman or endless studying for the rest of the weekend? Eh screw it, I'll see what Cartman's up to.

The Jew cautiously climbed out of his window and down the side of his roof, jumping down to the snowy ground with a faint thump. He stared at Cartman suspiciously in the dark, unsure of what he had in store.

"Alright, let's go," Eric whispered as he turned and walked out of Kyle's backyard, leading him to some unknown place.

Kyle hesitantly began to follow him, their trudging feet the only sound in the dark. "Where are we going? You still dodged that question."

But Cartman just continued on, ignoring him.

Kyle proceeded to question him even though he wouldn't listen. "What's the other reason you're doing this? Why are you helping me?"

Silence.

Kyle grew irritated and clenched his fists. "What are you planning now?"

Cartman suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and whirled around. He reached out and clung tightly onto Kyle's forearms, staring hard into his emerald eyes. Kyle would've flinched away if it wasn't for Cartman's greater strength holding him in place.

"What-What are you doing?" the Jew stuttered as he watched Cartman lean slowly towards him.

"Phase One of my plan."

Cartman suddenly jerked his head forward, cramming his mouth into Kyle's. Kyle's eyes widened as he felt his mouth intruding into his. He was too stunned to react reasonably, especially with the mix of confusion and hormones making his spine shiver.

Cartman continued to kiss him hungrily as his tingling fingers explored tentatively around Kyle's body. Using one hand, he ran his fingers through Kyle's orange flow of curly locks. With the other, he selfishly slid it under Kyle's shirt, rubbing his pale back.

Kyle was being overtaken by the tremors crawling under his skin. He felt so light-headed at the moment that he just finally gave in to Cartman's gentle touch and returned the kiss passionately. But as soon as the Jew realized how wrong and dirty he felt, he pushed Cartman away, who was bewildered at the sudden interruption.

For a long moment, they just stared at each other, flustered and embarrassed.

"Why did you just kiss me?" Kyle finally said to him awkwardly, still trying to conceal a blush.

Cartman just crossed his arms nonchalantly and smirked at him. "You mean you still don't get it?"

He stepped towards him again, but Kyle was prepared and took a quick step back. Annoyed, Cartman just proceeded to talk, but in more of a soft whisper this time. "You know…we've grown up together with our fucked up childhoods, and yet after all these years of supposed hatred we've felt for each other…I've always been kind of…attracted to you, Kyle…Even if it does sound sappy."

Bewildered, Kyle just stared at him with his mouth slightly agape as he let his words sink in. Cartman was getting fumed by Kyle's lack of response, so he let out a kind of whine that he only used as a last resort, "Come on, Kyle! I announced to the whole fucking world last year that I was gay! Why are you still acting surprised about that?"

Kyle just looked around, avoiding looking into Cartman's eyes so he could try to think properly. "I dunno…it's just…" he stuttered, still digesting what just happened. "W-Why me? Out of all the other guys at our school that are better looking, you chose me?"

"Why not you?" Cartman sighed and put a hand on his shoulder, smirking. "Why don't we just go to the bar and get a quick drink to sort things out like we usually do?"

Kyle stared at him for a long time, contemplating, and then looked away, nodding unsurely. "Okay…" he said with doubt evident in his tone. "But just one drink while we talk."

"Right…" Cartman smirked as he led Kyle towards the bar. "Just one…"

They walked down the dark and awkwardly silent streets of South Park, avoiding getting too close. As Kyle stared straight ahead, he could feel Cartman gazing at him from the corner of his eye. He shivered; feeling suddenly too warm like the air was closing him in a tight, hot space. As they neared the bar, his Jew intuition was making him have second thoughts about this.

Goddammit, why did I decide to have a drink with Cartman? Gay Cartman! Kyle slapped his forehead in his mind. Out of all the stupid decisions to make in life—

"Two Heinekens please," Cartman said to the bartender, handing him a fifty dollar bill.

Kyle gasped as he was suddenly snapped back into realty, seeing the bill. "Dude, what the hell are you doing?"

Cartman just smiled and whispered, "You know how we're minors, Kyle." Then he sneered and waved his wallet around before putting it away. "And I always have the power of persuasion on my side…"

I guess those years practicing photography helped him out, but damn, fifty bucks? Kyle thought as he sat on the chair next to Cartman.

They averted each others' gaze, sitting there silently among the bar with loud drunks surrounding them, until the same bartender passed them their two beers. As they toasted and took their first sip, Kyle sighed and looked over at him, commenting. "You know, you didn't have to pay up so much just so we wouldn't have to talk sober."

Cartman took a swing of the bottle, beaming happily. "Don't worry about it! Besides, drinking helps me relax…"

Kyle just rolled his eyes slightly and grinned at his ignorance. "So…about what was happening before…" He paused, embarrassed about being gay in public. "Do you really feel that way about me?"

Cartman almost choked on his third bottle and sputtered out a cough. "Jesus, Kyle! How many times am I going to have to say it to you?"

Kyle's eyebrows arched downward at Cartman's response. "Well how can I be sure this isn't just one of your sick, disgusting jokes?"

Cartman's short patience was already running thin. He slammed the bottle hard onto the bar table, causing people nearby to pause and look at them for a moment. Cartman leaned over towards Kyle, his face hovering a mere inch from his. And if Kyle wasn't expecting another kiss, he wouldn't have noticed the serious look on Cartman's face. A faint blush was unwillingly creeping on the sides of Kyle's cheeks.

Then Cartman whispered in a dangerous tone, "If this is all joke, I wouldn't have saved you from the Smug Alert in San Francisco so many years ago, you fucking whore."

Kyle stared at him in disbelief and puzzlement, but then Cartman slowly moved his lips closer to Kyle's. The Jew slowly closed his eyes, half expecting and half wanting a kiss. But a long minute passed and he felt nothing touch his lips. He opened his eyes mortifyingly to see Cartman sitting back into his chair holding his glass jug and laughing at him.

Kyle had just about had it. He clenched his fists and cried out his usual phrase when angry. "Goddammit, Cartman!"

Eric just smirked and flicked Kyle's nose playfully. "What? Did you want me to kiss you?"

"…No!" Kyle yelled in defense, but his tainted red cheeks told him otherwise.

Cartman was handed another bottle from the bartender, and he chugged it down, his cheeks red too. "Then why are you blushing at me!"

Kyle rolled his eyes at the irony and retorted, "You're blushing too, R-Tard!"

Cartman just laughed. "It's the alcohol stupid. This is like my 5th bottle."

Kyle stared at the pile of empty bottles near Eric. More like 15. Then he looked back at him and saw that Cartman was beginning to sway lightly to the point where he almost fell off his chair. He had a glazed look in his eyes and started to mumble shit to himself.

Kyle sighed and scooted off his chair. "I think you should stop drinking, dude…" He paused for a moment and then finished unsurely, "I'll walk you home."

For a second, Kyle almost thought he saw Cartman's eyes light up. That is, until he collapsed right on top of him. They hit the floor with a loud thud; causing people to stare, some giggling. Kyle instinctively shoved Cartman off, who just laid on the floor, too drunk to get up. The Jew stood up and courteously helped his friend.

Instead of a 'thank you', Kyle received Cartman leaning his whole body weight on him, using no effort to help walk out of the bar. Kyle huffed, struggling just to reach the exit. Noticing Kyle's difficulty carrying him, Cartman pushed him away and wobbled out the door.

Kyle quickly caught up to him, grabbing his shoulder. "Come on, dude. You're too drunk to think, let alone walk home by yourself."

Eric just shrugged him off and started to stagger down the sidewalk. "Iom fineyewsonof abitch…" he spoke in a slurred voice.

Kyle couldn't help but chuckle at Eric's drunkenness. "But your house is this way," he said, pointing behind him.

Kyle turned Eric around, grabbing his arm and leading him home through the street lit sidewalk. When they reached Cartman's house, Kyle stepped inside into the dark living room.

"Mrs. Cartman? Mrs. Cartman?" Kyle called out while dragging Eric behind him.

They walked upstairs towards Mrs. Cartman's room until they heard screams and squeaking of the bed. Kyle just rolled his eyes and hurried into Eric's room, which was filthy as usual. Cartman plopped onto his bed, sighing at the soft comfort.

Kyle rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and then broke the silence. "It's okay; you don't have to thank me…" Then he looked down sadly and turned towards the door.

As Kyle stepped off into the hallway, Cartman suddenly stood up and ran to him, yanking him back in and kissing him furiously on the lips. Bewildered, Kyle pulled away, an appalled look plastered on his face.

Cartman just smiled happily, his eyes sparkling at Kyle's. "… I was just saying 'thank you'."

Cartman stepped forward and grabbed him again, his arms wrapped around the Jew's back. Kyle's own arms were clinging onto Eric's chest as he looked away, timid. Cartman brought up his arm; gently cupping his hand around Kyle's chin and forcing him to face him. Hesitantly, Kyle stared into the eyes of his admirer. He was in a trance by the unusual spark and shimmer in Cartman's hazel eyes.

"C-Cartman?" Kyle spoke as Eric started to undo the top button of Kyle's coat.

"Hmm?" Eric smirked ever so innocently as he shoved him violently onto his bed.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Kyle yelped as he frantically tried to crawl off the mattress.

But Cartman was already on top of him, pinning his arms down. "Oh no you don't, you sneaky Jew rat!"

Eric drowned out Kyle's next words by kissing the side of his neck. Kyle felt so faint that he was too baffled to react. Cartman proceeded to unbutton his trademark orange coat, slipping it off as he continued to kiss his neck. It was suddenly growing hotter and hotter as Cartman slid his fingers down to Kyle's pants, sliding it off for easier access. Once he stripped Kyle and himself down of all clothing, he caressed him, savoring his warm, soft body. The Jew hassled under the sadist's grip as he was forced to turn around, his bare ass free for Cartman's filthy intentions.

"Don't…you…dare…" Kyle spoke through gritted teeth, still trying to break free.

Cartman held his slave in place, and then ruined his virginity, shoving his hard cock into Kyle's tight rear. The poor Jew gasped from the sudden penetration, which was quickly recovered by soft kisses on his back. Cartman continued to thrust deep into him, not caring about Kyle's state. All he wanted at that moment was to fuck his hot Jew boy until he bled; no matter how much pain it cost Kyle.

The ginger let out a few loud yelps as he lay there feebly, trying to handle the pleasure mixed with pain. A scream escaped from Kyle's pursed lips, causing Cartman to stop and grab onto him tightly, flipping him over so that he could face him.

Cartman pushed against him, his erection rubbing against Kyle's. "What's wrong, Kahl? Screaming doesn't solve anything."

"Please…" the Jew spoke between short breaths. "N-no…more…"

But Eric just sneered and moved his face closer to him, whispering into his ear threateningly. "I'll make it so that your body cannot live without me." He paused to turn Kyle around, more gently though. "This time, I'll do it slowly…but you'll never be freed from me. I'll be the only one inside you."

Kyle sighed, shutting his eyes tightly and bracing the upcoming pain. But there was none. Cartman snaked his hands softly up and down Kyle's body once more before laying wet kisses along his back. It put the exhausted Jew in a trance, the soothing touch calming him down into a path of slumber. As soon as Kyle's body lay motionless and resting, Cartman turned him around and gave him one final deep kiss.

Then he lay next to him, sighing and playing with his coiled orange locks. "Now what should I do with you, my Kosher chew toy?"

If you were looking for some hot, orgasmic yaoi fanfic, I probably failed to provide it! lol

It's my first time stepping to the Dark Side to write such descriptive...ahem...things.

(FailsAtPornLife)

So anyways, enough of the porn. xB

I originally intended this story to be a one-shot, but it could branch out into so many different storylines from here so I might continue it.

Review if you want me to continue or if you are super special awesome! :D

BTW, I'm cheesing my F-ing brains out!! xB