Li stared out the window of her temporary home in a remote village in Brazil, watching the rainfall amidst the trees. Sounds of the forest life reached her ears, and she closed her eyes, relishing the quiet calm that such a thing induced in her. It had been so long since she had last been able to escape it all, to empty her mind of all thought and memory and just exist, seemingly one with the world. The war had wrought so much chaos on earth and on the colonies, that such a peace had never even been imaginable. Now the war was past, and Mareimeia's uprising forgotten memory; at least, in the minds of the people. Only a few still had the violent memories of battle and slaughter fresh in their minds. Only a few still felt the scars it had left behind, but only a few. After three years of almost uninterrupted peace, all of humankind had finally settled down and were leading peaceful, happy lives.
The sudden change in lifestyle was almost shocking to the Gundam Pilots who had fought so hard and long for it. They had lived their whole lives in war; peace was only a fairytale. Now it was reality. At first, they were happy to leave their pasts behind and lead this life of peace. Quatre and Ryo had always been the sweetest of the group; though they fought, they always hated it. They had taken to their new lives easier than the rest. Duo had a hard time at first, but with Ryo's guidance he, too, adapted to it. Leigh Lou was next, and slowly, the rest followed suit. After a time, Trowa had left them to go travel with the circus. He said he had promised Catherine he would return.
Li and Heero had stuck together at first, but after a year, Li noticed a slow change in him. He was becoming happier, and seemed to be adjusting very well to his surroundings. Li put a name to it one day. He was becoming more human, just as he had wanted to be. She knew he had been afraid at first that after the war ended, he would be useless. She had silently shared his fears. She was glad for him; he was more comfortable interacting with the people around him, and every time she saw him smile, her happiness grew. Nevertheless, inside she was still afraid, for though Heero had overcome his obstacles and adjusted, she had not. She hid this fact from him, pretending she was just as content as he was, but when alone she was sad. Eventually, this difference created a space between them, and not long after, they had mutually agreed to stop seeing each other. They were just too different, now. Moreover, Li knew it was her fault, but she could do nothing to stop it, which is why she had agreed. Even though deep inside, she still loved him, she refused to hold him back from achieving happiness, for he could never do that with her. A couple months after she had made a sudden decision, she left the colony where the pilots had been living, and just like that, seemingly disappeared. She had done this without warning, impulsively, with no intent of return, before she could change her mind. She had told no one, but then again, that was how she had always been. She had never liked goodbyes.
Now it was two years later. Unable to settle in to her environment, she had moved every few months since. She did not mind it; it was how she had lived during the war. It was familiar. She had never had a place to call home, that place blew up along with her father, and her mother and brother's remains. You only have one home in your life, she reasoned, once you lose it, it will not return. Therefore, she had existed, living in many spots across the globe. However, curiously, she had never ventured back out to space. She did not really know why, maybe it brought back the memories. On the other hand, maybe it was just too close to him.
She had been living in Brazil for longer than she had stayed in any other place since the war. The rainforest was calming to her, and she was not in a hurry to leave it. She knew she would one day in the near future. She did not belong here. Li sighed.
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"Ryo, sweetheart, what are you thinking about?" Duo Maxwell looked at his pretty wife.
Ryo looked back at him suddenly. He had caught her staring off again. She had been doing that a lot since Li left.
When Li first disappeared it, hit Ryo hard. Ryo did everything she could to find her sister, which became exceedingly difficult with a disconnected phone number and the fact she seemed to have changed her name. Ryo soon became depressed, wondering why her sister would leave without any warning. Ryo would stare out the window for hours at a time, hoping to see Li walking back towards the house. Duo finally got her out of the house and to a therapist. Ryo was now on medication to help her "get back on track."
Still sometimes, she found herself just zoning out, thinking. She looked at Duo and smiled softly, "Just thinking about what a mess I've been these past two years. I've got to shape up before our little one is born," she smiled and placed a hand on her slightly swollen stomach.
Duo kissed her forehead. "Don't worry, honey, you'll be a great mom."
"I'm hoping Li will be back by the time the baby is born. I want her to see him so bad." She leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. "I just hope she's alright."
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"Oh for the love of Pete's SAKE!" The short-haired red-head growled as she slammed her fist down on the table, "You've got to be kidding me Lady! I'm busting my out there for you and you're withhold my pay!"
The aged woman looked at her blankly, her voice in a calm yet dictative tone, "We've went over this already Cody, and you seem not to be getting the picture Until you cut your hours and start going back to school, I will not pay you. You unlike the others are only fifteen. You technically still have three more years of high school to attend, legally."
"The minute you put me with this company, you were breaking the friggin law!" Cody yelled at her, her gloved fist clenched.
"I did it because I needed you...Now that it's not as intense, you should start thinking about what else you are going to do later on down the line," Lady said and began to fill out some paperwork.
"What, are you going to just throw me away? Is that it, I was a tool and so now, there I go out the window?" She added darkly, her eyes glaring.
Lady Une shed of her glasses and sighed, looking at Cody, "In all reality you should have never joined this force. Now, this is a decision I am making for you. Either start taking night classes and carrying a lighter load during the day or turn in your resignation."
With an angry growl, Cody spun around and stomped out of her office, slamming her door shut and walked to the office she shared with Wufei, slamming it's door shut and causing a plaque to be knocked over. Thumping down heavily into her chair, she kicked her boots up and glared at them, resting her head against her hand while ticking away her anger.
The door opened and she was about to snap when she felt two arms wrap around her. She took a deep breath, taking in the Chinese's man sharp yet gentle aroma of a fresh musk. She rested against him, still angry, her voice quiet, "I really don't know how this is going to work..."
"It'll work fine..." Chang Wufei reassured her, "You're never the one to back out of a challenge Cod, why now?"
"I just don't like it...I don't want to be stuck in a room with a bunch of punks that will harass me," She mumbled.
"What if Li had given you this challenge?" Wufei asked.
"Then I wouldn't have given up...even if it killed me."
The man nodded behind her and turned her around and kissed her softly, "It'll work. I promise."
Cody sighed and stared at the floor, her voice even quieter, "Where is she Fei? Why hasn't she come home already? Why would she leave like that? She can't honestly think she's protecting us or something..."
She stood and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, "I don't know either."
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Li felt a little guilty, leaving like that. In the beginning, she had imagined how Cody would react, and immediately after she decided it was a good thing she was not there. She would be all fired up with anger, her trademark. She knew that Cody or Ryo would probably accuse her of being selfish, or uncaring, but really, this was helping her. For the first time in her life, she felt as if she had done the right thing. For herself, and others. If she had stayed, it would have been excessively awkward for Heero. He had begun dating a girl named Kara. She was nice, and sweet. Li had been unable to find a flaw in the girl, besides the obvious fact that she was unfit and weak, like every other citizen who had not fought in the war.
Then there was Ryo. It would have been too rude to ask to stay with them until she found her own spot where they lived. They would have said it would not bother them, but what newly married couple wants a guest. No, Ryo had not been an option. Nor had Cody, considering she was hardly able to sustain herself, and due to the new Military Education Act of AC 198, she would be forced to finish school.
Li was not close enough to any of the other pilots besides Quatre to even bother asking. She pulled out her laptop, one of the only things she took to every "home" she moved to. It was for the sole purpose of keeping in constant touch with the outside world. She kept track of MS production manufacturing industries to make sure that nothing like the Mareimeia incident occurred again. She followed the news closely, watching for anomalies and every once in a while, she would hack Preventors main computer to read recent files and missions. This was not hard, considering both she and Heero had designed it, so no one took notice that the system had ever been breached. It was child's play, but she enjoyed it. She would pull up recent profiles on Ryo, Cody, and the others. Constant readings on emotions, troubles, and medical documents were printed there daily, so she could see how they were doing every day. Once, she found that Ryo had been put on some pills because she had somehow become clinically depressed. It was not too soon, after Li had left. It had bothered Li greatly, because she had never thought that her leaving would affect Ryo so greatly. She had not always been there in her younger years, either, so it was not as if it was something she was not used to. During those times, Li had had the strongest yearning to go back, but something in her always repressed it, and she did not know why. Was she actually afraid to go back?
If Cody could hear her thoughts now, she would deck her good, and then probably start yelling about how she was acting like a stupid, selfish, coward. Probably all true, too, but why? She had never been afraid before, so why now, and over something so small? All she was afraid of, really, was that she would go back and they would all be changed and she would be the same, and they would be a symbol of something she had not been able to achieve. She had tried, really, but had failed miserably.
She just could not get used to peacetime. Every day she spent hours training both her body and mind, training reflexes muscles, in an exercise program that was much more intense and harder and tiring than how she had exercised at Preventors. It was like she expected the peace to disappear at any moment, and she wanted to be ready for it. On the other hand, maybe she could not let go. Being the best soldier had always been her goal, the thing she strived for her whole life, because achieving that would help them end the war era. Moreover, they had. She had looked at the peaceful world earth and the colonies had become and had felt this terrible emptiness in her heart. Her very existence, at that moment, was meaningless. She had not been needed from then on, and she had nothing to work towards; no dreams, no goals beyond those achieved in battle. She could not start anew like so many others; this was whom she was. In addition, that, along with the breakup, had been what drove her to leave. She had to figure out how to live in these times. She had to, or she would just fade away into nothing.
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It was later on that evening after Wufei and Cody had finished cleaning after dinner in their small apartment that the youth walked out onto their balcony and leaned against the railing, gazing out at the dark and the stars. Where are you Li? I need you so much right now... She desperately searched them as if they had an answer; unshed tears welling up in her eyes. She didn't bother to wipe them, just shut her eyes, saddened, Ryo needs you, I want that bitch that Heero is dating to go away...please...come home...
She felt two strong pair of arms turn her around and she found herself being pulled into Wufei's embrace, burying her head into his chest. She clung onto him as tightly as she could and muffled her silent tears in his shirt, feeling his warmth and his sweet aroma taking over senses, completely melting.
"She's somewhere...I promise..." He whispered to her, as if he could read her thoughts.
She nodded and let go of him, wiping her eyes shakily.
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"Ryo!" Cody called as best as she could, trying her hardest to be happy for her cousin.
She walked into the house holding an entire bucket full of baby stuff, setting it down in the front of the Maxwell house. She decided to bring it over since Ryo had not said any word of a baby shower.
When she found her cousin, she was sitting at the kitchen table, staring numbly at a picture of her and her sister. Cody walked to her gently, putting a hand on the blonde's shoulder, "Hi Ryo..."
Ryo jumped. "Oh Cody! I didn't hear you come in. Did you need something?" She pushed her hair behind her ear and turned the picture face down.
"I brought something for you," Cody took her cousin by the arm and led her to the front entry. Ryo's eyes lit up.
"Is all that for the baby?" She asked trying to hide her excitement.
Cody nodded. "I just thought since you never mentioned having a baby shower I'd bring some things over for you.
Ryo knelt beside the bucket and started going through it. "Oh Cody this is wonderful! Thank you so much!" She looked up at her cousin, tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong? You're crying." Cody knelt beside her.
"It's just so sweet of you... Li would be impressed you did all this for me. She'd probably tease you about going soft, you two would start arguing, and you'd storm off. I'd have to tell Li that you were just trying to be nice... And she'd... she'd say, 'I know. I don't mean to give her such a hard time. It just came out. I'll apologize to her later. You know sometimes, Ryo, I just feel like I can't be nice.'" Ryo looked at her lap, "But she can. She was always nice to me and even you, even if she didn't show it that often. I just don't understand why she would leave us. Did we do something wrong?"
Cody sighed softly and was barely able to speak, a lump in her throat as she formed the words softly, "I...I don't know Ryo. She left for a reason but...it's hard to figure out what..."
Sitting on one knee beside her cousin, she wrapped her arms around Ryo and hugged her tightly, "But no matter the reason, I know she wouldn't want to see you like this. She would want you happy because your going to be a mama, I know she will be when she comes home...cause she has to...one day."
Ryo sniffled slightly when she separated and found a little stuffed animal in the shape of a duck, "A duck?"
"Yup, cause ducks go quack and you can give this to Duo whenever he says something about going crazy," She smiled broadly, "And say, 'You're not crazy, you're too quaky already."
The blonde-haired woman giggled lightly.
"Well not only that, but guys like ducks...and so do girls so I thought you and Duo would like it too," Cody stood and stretched her hands out, wincing.
"You okay?" Ryo stood and Cody helped her.
"Yeah, I'm fine...just old injuries...electricity screws your hands up when you have a bolt of it go through your hand at a young age," The red-head grinned weakly, "No pain, no game, right?"
"Hey! I thought I heard an annoying pest reach my ears," Duo called as he walked in the back door, wiping his hands.
"Yeah, yeah..." Cody rolled her eyes as he gave her a brotherly hug, "I brought some stuff over for the baby."
The American looked down and grinned, kneeling down cheerfully, "This is awesome! You got all this stuff for the baby? Wow."
He stood back up and kissing Ryo lightly before looking to Cody, his eyes flashing with concern and question, "Any...any signs of Li?"
Cody's hazel eyes filled somberly with a soft angered confusion, "If I would have known, I would have been here the minute I found out; but no. Nothing yet."