Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, Ms. Lohan, Ms. Spears, or Gov. Schwarzenegger.
Sequel to Gravitation 911, after the boys are taken away by the authorities. Hope you enjoy!
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"It's Lindsay Lohan"
"Britney Spears!"
"Maaaa, that's why they locked you up, Shu! It's Lindsay!"
"Don't be mean, Ryu! And that is Britney!"
K dug the heel of his hand into his forehead, his trigger finger itching for the weapon he had been forced to relinquish in order to visit the singers in the exclusive Beverly Hills mental health facility.
The object of their argument, a middle-aged nurse overdue for a smoke break, glared at the arguing men and waddled down the hallway.
"Idiots," she muttered somewhat unprofessionally as she disappeared around the corner.
"Ahhh, you chased her away!" they accused one another simultaneously.
"Quiet!" K snapped, slapping his hands over their mouths. Two pairs of eyes registered his presence and in fine Pavlovian response, two pairs of hand reached for the sky.
"Mon sho!" ('don't shoot') their muffled voices implored.
"No talking." K ordered and lowered his hands, slapping the mouths shut again as they began yammering as soon as his hands were removed. Ten repetitions later, he had their attention.
"Look, Shuichi, you've just spent the first twelve hours of your 72-hour hold virtually guaranteeing that you'll be committed here for life. And Ryuichi - how did you manage to get yourself locked in here?"
"I was just here to visit Shu, and they got to asking about what happened, and I explained how Kumagoro told me to hit Shuichi, and that I always listen to Kumagoro when he argues with the voices in my head…" Ryu waved the bunny victoriously. "Everyone was so understanding, they let me stay!"
"Look, Ryu, it's the Governator!" Shuichi squealed, pointing out the window to the heavyset Hispanic man on the riding lawnmower.
"Stop it! You guys need to be on your best behavior if I'm ever going to get you out of here!" K tugged the disconnected drip line and checked the label on Shu's half-full intravenous. Well, no wonder. Maybe I can pick up some of this for home later. "You're not feeling any pain, are you, mouse?"
K handed Shu his cell phone and the pink-haired singer forgot all about the horticultural head of state.
"I can call Yuuuukkkkiiiiii!" squealed Shu happily.
"NO!" Ryu growled, preparing for a flying suplex from the top of the headboard. "Don't you call that devil!"
Tell me they didn't watch Wrestlemania again, K gloomed.
As Ryu threw Shu into the figure-four leglock, the cellphone spurted out from between them and shattered on the floor. Shuichi wailed and Ryu pounded the wall whooping and declaring victory in fine wrestler-like triumph.
K sighed and stood back to let the incoming orderlies do their work.
"WHAT did I tell you last time?" the tall muscular orderly groused, hands on his hips.
"Your phone number! You gave me your phone number! But my phone is broken! And I belong to Yukiiii!"
"Ah, no! No, shhhh, be quiet! Not that. What did I tell you about making a racket?"
"He gave you his phone number?" Ryu quavered. "You gave him your phone number?"
"That's not important, Mr. Sakuma."
"You beast! That's my Shu-chan! He only thinks that evil Yuki loves him! He's mine! You whore!"
"Let's start over," the orderly groaned. "What did I tell you last time you made me come in here to quiet you down?"
Shuichi, to his credit, concentrated very hard. "Um…why is my hair this color?"
"Noooo…try again."
"Don't crawl on the floor?" Ryu offered brightly.
"Don't lick the call button?"
"Get your toes off of my fly?"
"It's food so don't put it there, that part of your body is for something else?"
"Stop screaming for Yuki?" Ryu pouted.
"Don't touch each other like that?" giggled Shu, touching Ryu like that. Ryuichi attacked with inspired lust and the orderly collared them both. They swung wildly, hanging from the man's iron grip, trying in vain to reach each other around him. He huffed in frustration.
"You really want these guys for sixty more hours?" K asked slyly. Actually, this was pretty nice, watching someone else wrestle with the dimwits for once.
"You want these guys?" asked the orderly, and K realized that his own sanity was being called into question. Well, it was a fair question.
"It's my job, it's just my job! Hell no, I don't really want 'em!"
Tired of holding them up, the orderly stalked to the bathroom and disappeared. He re-emerged briefly without the boys and closed the door.
"I give up. I threw em in the shower together. If nothing else they might be a little more tired when they come back out."
Squeals, giggles, na-no-das and finally moans echoed behind the door. Then it was quiet except for rhythmic thumping, gasping and ahs.
"That oughta do it," agreed K reasonably. "I'll have to remember that trick."
"I forget how young they are," K remarked a few minutes later, lying on the bed and looking at his nails. The orderly knocked on the bathroom door again.
"Enough you guys, we're getting complaints from upstairs!" the orderly roared.
"Mmmph!"
"Shu, don't talk with your mouth full," chastised a panting Ryu. "Although, that is incredible. Wait, talk more! Talk more! Auuhhhhhh!"
"Mmph mmmh mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph," Shu said cooperatively.
"Both together!" Ryu somehow sounded the same now.
"Mmph mmmh mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph," they intoned in unison.
The orderly flung open the door, and the two froze, toothpaste foaming wildly as they brushed one another's teeth.
"I hate you guys," muttered the orderly. There was toothpaste everywhere. He stalked off to get a mop.
"Look, guys, you really are feeling okay now, right?" K asked, in danger of drifting of into slumber.
"Mogh mph agh flmph," Shuichi foamed and drooled.
Ryu spit and rinsed. "Me too!" he agreed cheerfully.
"Right. How 'bout we got find the local pocky emporium and head back to your place, Ryu?"
Shu spluttered and foam went everywhere. "But it's fun here with Sakuma-san! And Yuki's not coming anyway. We have fifty-nine and a half more hours! They promised!"
The orderly, freshly returned with cleaning supplies, paled at the prospect of fifty-nine and a half more hours. He dropped everything and dashed off.
Shu watched and wondered if he was leaving to go take his coffee break with Britney and Arnold.
"Well, my cell is broken now, and that seems like a long time to have to go without talking to Eire-san." K said very quietly.
Ryuichi growled.
"Oh no! We have to go! We have to go now! Britney! Britney, I want to go now!"
"Lindsay! It's Lindsay! Kumagoro is positive!!"
K rolled off the bed and peered down the hallway. The front desk was vacant and the front door stood wide open. The last car, with the exception of K's rental Humvee, peeled out of the parking lot with an ear-splitting squeal.
"I think we can go now. Get your stuff, guys."
"Did Britney leave?" asked Shuichi, holding K's hand and rubbing a sleepy eye.
K was still wedging the smuggled IV bag one-handed into his coat pocket. "Uh, yeah, she had a concert."
K just managed to nab them by the collar before they caught up with the riding mower to challenge the man to wrestle.
He slung them into the Humvee and they fell asleep within two blocks, leaning on each other with Kumagoro tucked between them. Rescue complete
Patting the .44 magnum in his chest holster, K smiled. They just didn't pay him enough to put up with these guys unarmed.
Reviews glady accepted, na-no-da!