*****SPOILERS FOR 2x03*****
She felt uncomfortable in her own skin, no matter how hard she scrubbed or how much the water scaled her skin, Stella wouldn't wash away the feeling of him on her body. Paul Spector may not have actually come into physical contact with her, but what he had done was worse in some ways.
She felt sick to her stomach at the way he had violated her. That leather bound journal held all of her deepest, darkest secrets. Her fears and insecurities. The things she could never tell another living soul, and he had read every last one of them. And not only that, but the sick and twisted bastard had gotten off on it. On the mind games he was now playing with her.
Was he there when she got undressed for drinks with Reed? Did he watch her? Was he there when Jim turned up? Was he there when she could have brought Reed up? Did he see her and Reed in the bar? She knew he was no longer in her room, she had checked so many times, but she could still feel his unnerving presence. Watching her. Studying her.
He was under her skin and had somehow gotten into her mind. Her heart sunk at the realisation. He could have hurt Reed. The remnants of her small dinner and several whiskeys quickly made their way up Stella's throat and before she knew it, she had vomited into the waste bin. Her hands trembled as tears stung her eyes and acid burnt her tongue.
She could stay here, in this room. It was sending her crazy. Not even bothering to grab her coat or her shoes, Stella ran from the hotel room, clutching her dream journal, ignoring the worried and questioning looks she received from the lobby staff.
The streets were dark, illuminated only by the orange hue of the street lights. The rain was coming down thick and heavy but Stella didn't seem to even notice, much less mind. The streets were a dangerous place to be as it was, much less for a scantily clad woman at 3am. But to Stella, anywhere was better than that room.
The room was supposed to be her safe haven, her sanctuary. The place where she went to unwind and relax, the place where she first kissed Reed. Properly kissed her, not just in an attempt to shake off some horny prick at a bar. But now it was tainted and plagued with Paul fucking Spector.
She didn't know how long she had been walking, or even where her feet had carried her. Time just didn't seem relevant to Stella. It was like she was in a trance. She vaguely registered the crunch of a gravel path beneath her feet and the rapping of a wooden door.
It was only when a very tired, and very confused looking Reed apps reared at the front door did Stella register where she was. The warmth of Reed's home escaped through the ajar door and wrapped itself around Stella momentarily, shocking her out of her trance-like state.
Reed's eyes adjusted to the darkness as she made out the all too familiar figure.
"Stella?" She asked, her voice thick and hoarse from sleep.
Stella seemed to sway, taking a step forward and coming under the dim porch light.
At first Reed thought she must just be blind drunk and angry that she got left in the lurch, but as Reed looked more closely she could tell that wasn't the case. That something was wrong. She had never seen Stella like this. A terrified and haunted look etched on her face.
Stella Gibson did not ever openly show fear.
Something must be seriously wrong.
"Stella?" Reed asked again, the worry cracking her voice a bit.
The blonde stepped forward and suddenly felt her knees buckle beneath her. Reed stepped forward to catch Stella before she hit the ground. Her heart sunk as she held Stella. The woman was soaked to the bone, freezing cold and trembling and had turned up at her doorstep at 3 in the morning.
It was only when Reed had guided Stella inside her home that she saw she was wearing nothing but a thin silk night gown. Stella's bare feet were covered in cuts and scrapes and Reed realised that she must have walked here from there hotel.
As she guided Stella to the living room, she could feel her becoming a dead weight in her arms. What the hell had happened to her?!
With the same gentleness and care you would treat a newborn baby with, Reed placed Stella on the sofa, not caring that Stella was wet and muddy. She reached across and turned the table lamp on, swallowing thickly as it lit the room in a soft glow.
She didn't want to leave Stella for even a second, but Reed knew se had to go and get Stella a towel and a some dry clothes. She couldn't leave her in her drenched night gown.
"I'll be right back" Reed smiled, hoping to reassure Stella. But Stella didn't even seem to acknowledge her. Reed squeezed Stella's shoulder, her fingertips lingering on the cold, damp skin.
Reed made her way up the stairs, trying to shake the feeling that right now, Stella reminded her of one of her corpses. The ice cold skin, the emotionless eyes. A shiver racked Reed's body, but she quickly shrugged it off. She was glad Steve was away on business and that the kids were at her parents' tonight. He passed the empty bedrooms on her way to the bathroom, quickly grabbing a few towels, and her first aid kit before grabbing her yoga leggings and baggy t-shirt off the airer.
Stella hadn't moved an inch since she had left. Reed placed the items on the sofa next to a still trembling Stella, turning on the fire to its highest setting.
Reed knew something had happened. Something bad, but she couldn't push Stella. She knew her well enough to know that pushing Stella wasn't the way to go.
"I'm just gonna dry you off" Reed said softly, knowing that she had to tread on eggshells around this woman right now. She had been cursing herself from the moment she ran away, but that was not turning into scalding. Maybe if he hadn't let her fear take over, this wouldn't have happened.
For the first time since she arrived, Stella acknowledged Reed and nodded her head. Only barely, though. Reed picked up one of the towels and began to rub Stella's hair dry. Stella remained stoic and motionless as Reed rubbed her hair with the towel. It didn't take long to dry off Stella's hair and she was already starting to tremble less.
"I've got to get you out of that sodden night gown next" Reed spoke again, her voice softer than ever now. She had no idea what had happened, and she had to be incredibly careful from here on out.
Stella's eyes widened and she visibly tensed. Normally she had no problem with nudity or her body, but the vulnerability in her was overwhelming. She had already been violated once tonight and she couldn't do it again.
"It's okay, Stella. I'm not going to hurt you" Reed spoke again, as if reading Stella's mind. "I just need to get you dry and warm. You'll get sick if you stay in that sodden nightie"
The look in Reed's eyes felt like a warm and comfortable blanket, wrapping itself protectively around Stella. Reed made her feel safe. Both physically and emotionally, and Stella allowed Reed to undress her. She was so gentle and tender as she dried her body with the towel. Stella was sure she had never been touched with such care and grace in her life. It was almost nice. Reed's fingers felt warm and shooting against her skin. Every time flesh met flesh, Stella felt a tiny bit of Paul Spector on her melt away.
She felt Reed's fingers trail down the curve of her torso and stop just above her hip bone. Turning her head slightly, Stella watched as Reed examined a red, raw patch on her skin. It was obvious that Stella has rubbed her skin raw and left a scar on her skin.
"I'm gonna have to dress this so it doesn't get infected, is that okay?"
Stella nodded, feeling guilty and embarrassed. But Reed didn't judge her or question her as to why it was there. She simply dressed the wound with the most gentle and caring of touches. Reed seemed to have a silent understanding.
"It's not the classiest of outfits, but I figured it would do" Reed said with a smirk, holding up the gray yoga leggings and white, baggy tshirt.
Stella's blue eyes flicked to the clothes in Reed's hands for a minute before she stood and let Reed pull the baggy t-shirt over her head before stepping into the leggings, resting her hands on Reed's shoulders for support.
Reed collected Stella's nightgown from the floor and watched as she sat back down on the sofa, pulling her knees into her chest. Stella looked so small and terrified, reminding Reed of a little girl.
It was breaking her heart and all she wanted to do was take Stella in her arms and take away all her pain and fear. Reed felt the emotions bubbling up inside her and quickly excused herself, mumbling something about tea as she dashed out of the room.
Once Reed had left, Stella pulled out the journal from the crevice of the couch. She opened it and once again read that note. The words on the page making her sick. She could almost recite the message by heart now and that churned her stomach more. Knowing the hold over her this psychopath suddenly had.
Footsteps creaked in the hall and Stella quickly shut the journal just as Reed entered the room. A cup of tea in either hand and a hot water bottle tucked under one of her arms. Stella noticed the bloodshot and the puffiness in Reed's eyes and wondered if she had been crying.
Reed handed Stella the pink fuzzy hot water bottle as she sat down next to her. Stella stared at what was obviously one of Reed's kids' hot water bottles. Her finger stroked the fluff, reminding her of the kitten she had when she was a child.
"Stella, what happened tonight?" She heard Reed ask. Not in a prying sort of tone, but in a seriously concerned kind of way. Stella swallowed thickly and Reed must have picked up on it as next thing she knew, Stella felt Reed's soft, warm palm press against her cheek, cupping it as her thumb ghosted her skin. "Baby, you can tell me anything, y'know" Reed whispered, almost pleading with Stella. Unable to take feeling so useless anymore.
If there was one person in the world Stella trusted, besides Dani Ferrington, it was Reed. Reed who knew about Olsen and didn't judge. The first person she went to after Rose Stagg disappeared. The woman who rung her up and asked to see her, just so she could apologise for prying. Hell, she had unconsciously gone to Reed's home in the middle of the night when she most needed her, and Reed, instead of immediately hounding her with questions, looked after her. Made her feel safe and built up the trust before she even dared ask.
And besides, everybody would know soon enough anyway. Her hotel room should really be a crime scene at this very moment.
Her hand once again trembling, Stella handed the leather bound journal to Reed. The dark haired woman looked hesitant at first. This was clearly something like a diary to Stella, and she didn't just want to read the other woman's most intimate secrets and thoughts. But, even without any words, Stella urged Reed to read it. Letting her know that it was okay. That she trusted her. The whole world would know soon enough anyway.
Reed flicked through to where the ribbon was, assuming that's what had bothered Stella. She pretended she didn't see her name pop up on a page. Or the little school girl love heart next to it. Her cheeks flushed and her chest tingled as she thought about Stella writing about her. But that wasn't important right now, Reed reminded herself as she turned to the marked page. And, as she suspected, she found what had upset Stella so much.
Reed's heart dropped and her stomach knotted as she read the words. Her head was spinning and as she looked up, Stella was crying.
"He-he found me" Stella chocked, her voice breaking, speaking for the first time in almost an hour. "He broke into my hotel room and read my journal... Accessed my laptop. He knows the most intimate things about me, my weaknesses"
It shocked Reed to her very core. Not only to see Stella so openly scared and vulnerable, but to hear her admit she had weaknesses. She had no idea what to say or do, and so instead, she reached out for Stella's hand, hoping to convey what no words could.
But the second Reed's fingertips grazed Stella's skin, she snatched her hand away as though Reed had burnt her. Reed tried not to feel rejected, knowing that there was a lot more to it than that. Plus, she didn't really have a leg to stand on in the rejection department.
"He could have hurt YOU" Stella's voice cut Reed like a knife. "Tonight, if you'd have come up to my hotel room" she continued and Reed felt the guilt once again wash over her. "He could have hurt you, Reed" Stella's voice broke once again, this time followed by another breakdown. Tears rolled down Stella's cheeks faster than Reed had a chance to stop them.
Wanting nothing more than to hold Stella and take away her pain, Reed pulls her into an embrace, only to once gain be rebuffed and pushed away.
"I shouldn't have come here" Stella steeled herself as she stood up. "I'm so sorry" she mumbled, a fresh set of emotions welling up inside of her as she turned to leave.
Reed was up and on Stella's tail faster than the speed of light, grabbing her by the wrist so she couldn't leave.
"Ree-" Stella started to protest, but was silenced as Reed planted a firm, loving kiss on Stella's lips. As they pulled apart, Reed rested her forehead against Stella's, taking her hand and interlocking their fingers that hung by their waists.
"It's not safe for you out there" Reed pleaded.
"It's not safe for you with me here" Stella once again went to pull away, but was pulled back by Reed.
"I can protect you, Stella. Please. If I hadn't have left you tonight then maybe this wouldn't have happened-"
"-it's not your fault. If you'd had stayed, he could have hurt you! I've already put you and your family in enough danger and I won't risk doing to you what I did with Rose Stagg, Reed. I won't!"
"Then stay" Reed whispered, her warm breath washing over Stella's neck and sending a shiver down her spine. "I need you here just as much as you need to be here. Please, Stella... And if not here, then let me go wherever you go. I was stupid earlier when I walked away, and I'm not going to risk loosing you again!" Reed once again captured Stella's lips with her own, conveying how she felt and how much she needed her. It was odd, that she was the domineering force now and not Stella, but it felt right. Nothing, besides her children, had ever felt more right or perfect than Stella's tongue did against her own, or how their fingers fit together perfectly. Or how their bodies felt pressed against one another's. "It's okay to be scared, Stella. And letting people help you isn't a sign of weakness" Reed spoke again, her fingers entangled in Stella's damp hair at the base of her skull. "Let me do that for you, please. Let me protect you"
Stella, not having the energy to fight or protest and wanting nothing more than to be held by Reed, crumbled as she nuzzled her nose in the crook of Reed's neck, inhaling the soothing, calming scent that was Reed Smith.
"Okay" she whispered against Reed's collarbone before allowing herself to be manoeuvred back to the sofa.
Reed kissed Stella's temple before smiling.
"I'm just going to lock the front door" Reed informed her, kissing the tip of Stella's nose as she saw the fear rise in her beautiful blue eyes. "I'll be right back"
Stella listened intensely as Reed locked the front door, the sliding of the dead bolt easing her fear slightly, and within mere moments, Reed was back. As she sat down next to Stella, she noticed that unlike before when the blonde pushed her away, Stella seemed to inch closer and readily accepted the embrace Reed offered.
Stella once again pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped as small as she could, but this time she seemed to relax in Reed's arms. Her head resting against Reed's chest. After a little while, Stella's eyelids started to become heavy and droop, the steady thumping of Reed's heartbeat and the way Reed played with her hair lulling her to sleep.
"It's okay" Reed whispered, kissing Stella's forehead. She had been listening to Stella's breathing and noticed that it was getting deeper and slower, and that mixed with Stella becoming heavier against her body, told Reed she was about to fall asleep. "I'm here and I've got you" Reed continued, hoping to convince Stella it was okay to go to sleep. "You're safe with me. I'm not gonna let him lay a fucking finger on you"
Reed continued to stroke Stella's hair and kiss her temple, and it didn't take long for Stella to, somewhat reluctantly, fall asleep in Reed's arms. Reed just held Stella as she slept, still stroking her damp hair as she made a vow to never leave Stella again. She was going to do everything humanly possible to protect Stella, both physically and emotionally.
From a very young age, Reed had been protective, especially of the things she loved, and, as hard as she tried to fight it, tonight showed that she was falling for Stella. And she only hoped Stella would be there to catch her.
This probably seems really out of character for Stella, but we don't really know that much about her and everybody, including Stella Gibson has a vulnerable side. I hope that's what I conveyed in the fact that Stella can not really show that part of herself to Reed. I hope we get to see something like this in her, because as much as I love the hard faced, sassy, bitch Stella, I also want to see the other side of her.