Hatori glanced over uneasily at his bovine cousin, squirming a bit in his seat. After two cups of sake, Hatori was visibly more relaxed than he usually was, but by a normal person's standards, Hatori was still wound up tight like a humming piano wire. The dragon often felt uncomfortable around Hatsuharu- it wasn't at all anything in particular Haru did, it was just his general blank, monotone deposition.
Hatori related to the cow in that way, he also wasn't one to wear his emotions on his sleeve either. So, maybe, he was in good company. He was taken aback when Haru asked about her, but Hatori decided it would be best to just be honest. Perhaps his cousin could learn from Hatori's own mistakes.
"I… I haven't talked about this in years," Hatori whispered, his gaze shifting to the side and sighing. "I suppose… I suppose I did have feelings for Mayu while I was dating Kana."
Just breathing those words burned his throat, he could feel bile rising. Hatori wasn't an unfaithful man. When he entered into a relationships, he was completely committed. However, with Kana…
"It wasn't that I… Lusted after Mayu. I just found her… Witty. Mayu had a charm about her that Kana lacked. I loved Kana with all of my heart, but she… She was just so chipper all the time. It was truly exhausting. Kana hadn't even read Pierre de Larivey. I felt as if there wasn't much for us to talk about, and with Mayu… Though, perhaps, the romantic connection wasn't there, I felt as we worked well together. She sparked my interest. When she and Shigure joined Kana and I on dates, I always found myself much more drawn to Mayu's aura than Kana's. I don't think I've ever forgiven myself."
His voice cracking, Hatori moved to hide his face in his hand. "Haru, I believe… I believe I wantedAkito to lash out at me when I asked for Kana's hand in marriage. I wasn't a fool, I knew exactly what Akito's response would be. I wanted to be punished, and I… I wanted the marriage to be stopped. I knew it wouldn't last between Kana and I, but I lacked the conviction to stop it myself. I believe that is why I have never blamed Akito for calling off my marriage, and wounding my eye."
The doctor sheepishly glanced over at his younger cousin, unsure if Hatsuharu would understand. Haru wasn't a stranger to love, that was true, but perhaps he was still a bit too immature to fully understand the weight of this confession for the dragon.
"…Perhaps I really am a monster, Haru."