Title: Leaving
Chapter: 1/1
Series: Snapshots
Author: venenatus.venustas
Pairing: Harry/Draco (Harry Potter FPS)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: DEATH FIC! MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH – FOR NOW, HEEHEEHEE.
Author's Notes: The song 'Let Me Die' is sung by Nicholas Tse.
Chapter Summary: It's the end, but it's alright because you're here with me.
WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SLASH THEMES – WHICH MEANS HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN TWO MALE CHARACTERS. YOU ARE ADVISED TO LEAVE IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS.
Disclaimer: The characters portrayed in this story do not belong to me, but to the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling. This is all FICTION; none of it is true. No profit was made from this story. I bear no responsibility for anything you may claim from this story, you have been warned.
LAST WARNING. SLASH. HOMOSEXUALITY. LEAVE IF YOU DON'T LIKE.
Plagiarism is a crime. But I'm sure you know that already.
---
Are we at war tonight?
Will there be angels whispering to me 'good night'?
Don't wake when lightning strikes
My heart for you is true,
Let no one take that from you
Time is running tight,
Can't change from wrong to right
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be, baby
---
There are tears in your eyes, my love.
I know why you cry, and it pains me to see it, pains me further to know I am the cause of it.
You stroke my cheek, and I want to turn my face into your touch, but I cannot. "I love you."
"I know," you say. "I love you."
"I know." I blink slowly; my eyelids are heavy. "Don't cry, love. In the very least, you can save them for later."
You shake your head, unruly black hair flying. "No," you say stubbornly. Your tears fall onto my cheekbones, and I would cry with you if I only had the strength.
"You know I…"
"Yes," you say. "I know."
"No matter what they tell you – you have to know…"
"I won't. I do." You press a kiss to the back of my hand. "I do, love, I do."
"Has it started yet?"
"There's still time."
"You need to be out there, Harry. You need to be fighting with them. They need you."
"No," you say, and you cradle me to you even tighter. Your warmth is comforting, for I have none of my own. "I need to be here with you."
I speak no more, and we lay on my bed in silence.
---
It's time to say farewell
No need to cry or feel sorrow
It's alright, all in the book of life
Heaven grant me one last wish, I beg you
Let me say these words before I go
---
"Harry."
You know, and your eyes overflow with tears once more. "No," you say, shaking your head. "Please, no." You run your fingers through the ends of my long hair as you have always loved to do, and I know that there is a handful of the same hair in your gentle hands from the look of horror in your eyes. "How could they have done this to you?" you whisper.
"Casualty of war, Harry."
You shake your head again, violently, and your teeth tear at your bottom lip to stifle a sob.
"You would have me go without your smile?" I am manipulating you now, and both of us know it. "You would have me leave you in tears? Do you wish for me to leave in guilt and sorrow, Harry?" My voice is strong still, but my chest aches. I do not want you to know how my words pain me when I know it comforts you to hear me speak.
You tilt your head down and sniff before lifting your eyes back to meet mine. "I would not have you leave me at all," you say.
"I would not either, but you know how it is."
"Draco…" Your lips meet mine, impossibly soft and gentle.
A tear escapes my eye; the knowledge that I have to leave you is beginning to bear down on me now, more so than the pain of my injuries. Your lips close around the teardrop and the tip of your tongue is light against my skin. "I don't want to go," I say, and I have no strength to cry so I close my eyes and let the tears fall. You kiss those tears away as well, and I feel yours mingle with my own.
"Don't leave me," you whisper, and then your mouth is sealed over mine.
You taste bitter, and I know I do, too.
---
I will love you 'til the end of time
Every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace; my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you?
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can change my world
From black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more
---
"Words, Harry, are utterly insufficient."
"I know."
"Harry…" I try to reach up to touch your face, but my arm is too heavy; my atrophying muscles are melting beneath my very skin and you reach to grasp my hand instead. "Harry…oh, Harry." I know not what else to say.
"You can still be saved, Draco. There is still time."
"Madam Pomfrey doesn't know what to do. And Professor Snape has been working non-stop for a cure already. But there is no more time, even though they are the best. He needs to be in the war. There are those that need a Healer more than I – those than can be saved." I sigh, tired.
You open your mouth in retort, but I silence you with a look.
"Then," you say, "what would you have me say to you?"
"My name," I reply, and I sigh again. "I always loved the way you say it."
"Draco." And you pause, swallowing hard. "Don't leave me," you whimper.
"Not – leaving," I say, words jarring as I struggle to breathe and form the words.
"Draco," you say again, stroking my cheek gently with your hand, downwards with your fingertips, upwards with your knuckles. "I love you, Draco." You sniff, trying to hold back the tears. The smile you have is genuine, but so sad that my heart is aching just to be able to reach up and smooth away your lines of sadness for you.
"Love – you," I manage to say.
Your fingertips rest on my lips now. "Don't speak anymore, my beloved. I know you're hurting." A lone tear spills over the edge of your bottom lashes and trails a slow, shining track down your cheek. It hangs on your jaw for a brief second before coming loose and falling onto me.
I wish your tears would fall on my lips, Harry, just so I could pretend I was kissing them away for you. I wish I could trace the tracks they left on your skin with my tongue as I used to do before, and you would shudder and sigh and then everything would be alright again. It's been a long time since I'd tasted salt on your cheeks, my love, and these are the first tears since we have been together that would not be shared with me.
"Draco. Draco, Draco. Oh, Draco. My Draco." The tears are surging now, an unstoppable force, and you wipe them away, swiping at them with the back of your hand. "My Draco. My – mine." Your voice is choked with your barely controlled sobs. My heart is not breaking, it already broke hours ago when it began to happen and the reality of it began to sink into me.
Your head is bent over, trying to hide from me, but I see you – I see you breaking. Don't cry, my love, please. It's getting so much harder to form words now, and I'm panting, lips parted, eyelids low over my eyes, and when I close my eyes to blink I cannot quite seem to find the strength to open them again.
I do not know how long it is, but you look up and I can feel you panic; you are trembling, and I, in your embrace, tremble with you.
---
Are we at war tonight?
Will there be angels whispering to me 'good night'?
Don't wake when lightning strikes
Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go
---
"Potter."
You turn your head at the voice; I know who it is without looking, though I couldn't have even if I wanted to – my eyes open a sliver, instead, and I see the panic on your face.
"Professor," you say.
"They need you upstairs, Potter."
"No," you say, and you look back down at me with a tender gaze.
"Potter. You must go." There is a definite note of urgency in Severus' voice, and yet you shake your head, lips stretching to smile softly at me.
"No," you say again.
"Potter…" Severus is at loss; he knows there is very little he can say to sway you.
I take a deep shuddering breath. "Go," I say, as I release the air in my lungs.
Your eyes widen; you're surprised, I can tell. "What?"
I stare back at you. You know what I said; you just don't want to admit it.
"Do – do you want me to?"
Severus, understanding what I want as always, turns and leaves, robes rustling as they billow out behind him.
A small frown on my brow as I close my eyes briefly. No, my expression tells you. No, but you have to.
"I won't go. I won't leave you!" You're frowning now, too, a furrow appearing on your forehead.
"You – don't have to – leave me," I rasp, and my voice is burning in my throat, but I still force the words out. "I – I –"
You know what I want to say, don't you? I know you do, from the way you're looking at me right now.
"No," you whisper, and you lean back as if wanting to step away, but your arms are wrapped around me, supporting me as if I were but an infant. "Don't leave me," you say again, and there is a hitch where your voice breaks. "Don't leave me!"
You place your hand over my heart, as if to reassure yourself that I'm still here, that I haven't gone yet. And yet I feel it. Soon, so soon that you'll be able to go upstairs and fight. I can feel my life leaving me, Harry. My heartbeat is weakening with each beat; each breath of my lungs expels a bit more of my life with each exhalation.
There is no serenity with the inevitability of my soon-to-be death, none of the feelings associated with journeying that Dumbledore likes to talk about. There is only despair, pain, and the remembrance of your smile.
Your hand flutters, shaking uncontrollably, running over my body as if to seek out an injury so you could heal it for me. "No!" you cry. "No!" There is a note of hysteria in your voice, my love, and it frightens me.
Do not try to follow me, love. Do not be reckless when you finally go upstairs, leaving my cooling body to stiffen, here in my room, deep in the dungeons. Forget this moment – forget me in your arms, wasted away. Forget so you could fight, Harry, please. Do not be blinded by your hate for them – they will use it against you and they will taint our love by doing so.
There is so much I need to tell you, Harry, but there is no more time – for either of us.
Ah, but I love you. And that is all you need to know for now.
---
I will love you 'til the end of time
Every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can give me strength to fight,
'Til the sky is burning, it's the end of time
---
Soon, Harry, soon. Sooner than I would ever have it be, love, but here we are, now, and we are to be separated finally. No, don't cry, I beg you. Just hold me close so every last breath of mine is of you.
I can hear the screams through the dungeon walls, Harry. They need you up there. There's no use in me struggling any more – futile effort that would be better put to use in concentrating on your touch on my body, almost a corpse in your hands.
I'm a vain person, Harry, I always was. Tell me, is there any trace of the boy you loved still in me? Is my silver blond hair dull and brittle, breaking off in bunches of fluff instead of falling off in silken tresses? Is my pale skin pallid, my smooth glowing complexion diminished to nothing more than leaden white paint? And what of my eyes, Harry, my silver grey eyes that you love so much? Have they lost their shine, too? Or are they like lamps in this dim room, flashing with an otherworldly light that only the dying posess? Is my beauty, my vice, my vanity – is it gone, Harry? Am I ugly now?
You seem to be hearing my silent queries, for you're still speaking low words to me. "Draco, my beautiful Draco. I love you so much."
There is a calm to your voice now, and yet there is defeat in the undertones. No one can fight Death, Harry, least of all you, though you may be The Boy Who Lived. You told me once that you would be The Boy Who Lived For Me. Or You. You know, Harry. So please. Never be The Boy Who Died For Me. Can you promise me that? Please?
You're sobbing openly now, shaking your head. "My Draco." You choke over your words. "I love you. Draco, I love you. You know? I love you."
I struggle to focus on your voice. "I was willing to give up everyone for you." Your laugh hurts me more than any of your tears. "Hermione and Ron wouldn't speak to me. Dumbledore was so shocked…Snape thought I had you under the Imperious Curse." The same laugh again, that cuts me so deep. "I didn't care, as long as I had you." You hide your face in my hair, and I feel you kiss the top of my head. "I never cared, as long as you were there."
I remember. Those first months when we were ostracised by the school, met with shocked gazes and muted whispers wherever we went. It wasn't in either of our natures to be intimidated, and we had gone about our business hand in hand, laughing, loving, uncaring. I remember so well.
My lips part; I try to speak, to tell you one last time that I love you. But I can't. Can you hear me, Harry? Does your heart feel what mine is trying to tell you?
I love you.
---
Look ahead tomorrow, a long and winding road
Keep the faith of mine don't let it go
You're the only reason night ain't growing cold
What will I do, without you?
---
You kiss me, and you burst into tears immediately afterwards. "Your lips are cold, Draco." You lean your cheek against mine. "Your cheek is cold, too. Are you still here, Draco? Draco? Can you still hear me? Draco?" Your tears are so hot, beloved; they burn – are burning – even as they soothe away the chill in me.
I want so badly to answer you, my love, I do. I can't even find the energy to blink anymore, and I'm staring directly ahead, eyes slitted open, lips ever so slightly parted. I feel cold, Harry. You're the only thing still keeping me warm, you know?
"You can't go, Draco," you say, voice soft and breath hot against my ear. "What am I going to do without you? Let me – with you – I…" You take my hand and hold it to your face, letting my fingertips brush against the salty wetness coating your skin before you kiss your own tears away.
Severus is at the door again, and you look up. "Potter," he says, but lets the rest of his sentence hang.
"Professor," you greet him, and after a brief silence, you say, "I'm not going."
"I…I have a potion I want to try on him."
"What is it?"
"Another variation on the hypothetical antidote." Severus sighs, and I know he must be exhausted; everyone who survived the first uprising is too taxed to handle the second, and that is why you must take the lead, love. He's at my side now, and you lift my head so he could pour the potion down my throat.
"How long do we wait?"
"Ten minutes."
There hasn't been a poison that Severus hadn't been able to administer a successful antidote to, and this is what makes him such a highly regarded Potions Master. This particular one, however, has him and me in a tizzy because we can't figure out what is in it. The bastards mixed too many together, wanting to create a potion that would give Him back his human body, but instead, they created something much worse. Slytherins are all so conceited, Harry. We all want to look good, and the Dark Lord is no exception. He was quite the looker before he submerged himself into the Dark Arts, you know. Oh, wait, you do know.
Ten minutes is up, and I can see you gazing at me. There is too much sadness in you. I wish I could make you happy again. Always, you're plagued with too much unhappiness and ill luck. I will watch over you, my beloved, after.
Will you pick out a good photo of me for the funeral, Harry, if there will be one? Will you set a photo of me on my tombstone, your favourite one of me, that one, from the Graduation Ball?
Is this a bad time to tell you that I wish I could taste chocolate one last time? I do so love chocolate, Harry, and I haven't had any since I began losing my appetite.
Harry, Harry, I don't want to go yet. I don't want to go! There is still so much more I want to do, so much more life I have yet to experience with you. Seventeen is too young, Harry, it's too young. I'm not ready for this; I'm not ready to go. Hold me tighter, Harry – don't let me go.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid now, of Death, yes, and of being separated from you. I'm afraid you'll forget me – is it selfish of me to never want you to forget? I always was, you know – selfish, that is. Don't forget me, Harry.
I said it many times tonight, but I'll tell you again.
I love you.
---
I will love you 'til the end of time
With every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can make my world so bright,
Life, no longer empty,
With you in my heart, in my heart
---
This is it, love.
You're holding me so tight. You know that it's time as well, you can feel it, can't you?
Severus is standing by the door, a respectful distance away for you to say your last goodbyes to me. Dumbledore is next to him, watching, waiting for you to go upstairs with him.
You're smiling so tenderly at me, so lovingly. I love you too, Harry, I love you too.
I want you to know that I don't regret this. They could do whatever they want to me – and well, they did – but the time I spent with you is worth the world, Harry, along with everything and everyone in it, myself included.
I take a deep breath – my last breath in this world, full and long, and I suppose that I am lucky to be granted such a last breath, because I could take in your scent, so like my favourite sticky cinnamon rolls, and I am content to know you are here with me.
Your grip on me isn't loosening, and I don't want it to, either.
I exhale slowly, eyes finally falling shut, and my world is dimming, taking my light with it. Somewhere in the darkness, I think I hear you cry my name, but I don't know aymore.
One last time, before everything turns black.
I love you.
---
The End!
---
Okay, not really. I have a sequel planned for this, to make it completely sickeningly sweet, but I have to get off my lazy arse to write it, first…! Hope you enjoyed reading this – my first deathfic ever, ooee. Please tell me what you think of it, comments and suggestions would be wonderful.
Much love,
venenatus.venustas
Chapter: 1/1
Series: Snapshots
Author: venenatus.venustas
Pairing: Harry/Draco (Harry Potter FPS)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: DEATH FIC! MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH – FOR NOW, HEEHEEHEE.
Author's Notes: The song 'Let Me Die' is sung by Nicholas Tse.
Chapter Summary: It's the end, but it's alright because you're here with me.
WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SLASH THEMES – WHICH MEANS HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN TWO MALE CHARACTERS. YOU ARE ADVISED TO LEAVE IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS.
Disclaimer: The characters portrayed in this story do not belong to me, but to the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling. This is all FICTION; none of it is true. No profit was made from this story. I bear no responsibility for anything you may claim from this story, you have been warned.
LAST WARNING. SLASH. HOMOSEXUALITY. LEAVE IF YOU DON'T LIKE.
Plagiarism is a crime. But I'm sure you know that already.
---
Are we at war tonight?
Will there be angels whispering to me 'good night'?
Don't wake when lightning strikes
My heart for you is true,
Let no one take that from you
Time is running tight,
Can't change from wrong to right
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be, baby
---
There are tears in your eyes, my love.
I know why you cry, and it pains me to see it, pains me further to know I am the cause of it.
You stroke my cheek, and I want to turn my face into your touch, but I cannot. "I love you."
"I know," you say. "I love you."
"I know." I blink slowly; my eyelids are heavy. "Don't cry, love. In the very least, you can save them for later."
You shake your head, unruly black hair flying. "No," you say stubbornly. Your tears fall onto my cheekbones, and I would cry with you if I only had the strength.
"You know I…"
"Yes," you say. "I know."
"No matter what they tell you – you have to know…"
"I won't. I do." You press a kiss to the back of my hand. "I do, love, I do."
"Has it started yet?"
"There's still time."
"You need to be out there, Harry. You need to be fighting with them. They need you."
"No," you say, and you cradle me to you even tighter. Your warmth is comforting, for I have none of my own. "I need to be here with you."
I speak no more, and we lay on my bed in silence.
---
It's time to say farewell
No need to cry or feel sorrow
It's alright, all in the book of life
Heaven grant me one last wish, I beg you
Let me say these words before I go
---
"Harry."
You know, and your eyes overflow with tears once more. "No," you say, shaking your head. "Please, no." You run your fingers through the ends of my long hair as you have always loved to do, and I know that there is a handful of the same hair in your gentle hands from the look of horror in your eyes. "How could they have done this to you?" you whisper.
"Casualty of war, Harry."
You shake your head again, violently, and your teeth tear at your bottom lip to stifle a sob.
"You would have me go without your smile?" I am manipulating you now, and both of us know it. "You would have me leave you in tears? Do you wish for me to leave in guilt and sorrow, Harry?" My voice is strong still, but my chest aches. I do not want you to know how my words pain me when I know it comforts you to hear me speak.
You tilt your head down and sniff before lifting your eyes back to meet mine. "I would not have you leave me at all," you say.
"I would not either, but you know how it is."
"Draco…" Your lips meet mine, impossibly soft and gentle.
A tear escapes my eye; the knowledge that I have to leave you is beginning to bear down on me now, more so than the pain of my injuries. Your lips close around the teardrop and the tip of your tongue is light against my skin. "I don't want to go," I say, and I have no strength to cry so I close my eyes and let the tears fall. You kiss those tears away as well, and I feel yours mingle with my own.
"Don't leave me," you whisper, and then your mouth is sealed over mine.
You taste bitter, and I know I do, too.
---
I will love you 'til the end of time
Every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace; my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you?
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can change my world
From black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more
---
"Words, Harry, are utterly insufficient."
"I know."
"Harry…" I try to reach up to touch your face, but my arm is too heavy; my atrophying muscles are melting beneath my very skin and you reach to grasp my hand instead. "Harry…oh, Harry." I know not what else to say.
"You can still be saved, Draco. There is still time."
"Madam Pomfrey doesn't know what to do. And Professor Snape has been working non-stop for a cure already. But there is no more time, even though they are the best. He needs to be in the war. There are those that need a Healer more than I – those than can be saved." I sigh, tired.
You open your mouth in retort, but I silence you with a look.
"Then," you say, "what would you have me say to you?"
"My name," I reply, and I sigh again. "I always loved the way you say it."
"Draco." And you pause, swallowing hard. "Don't leave me," you whimper.
"Not – leaving," I say, words jarring as I struggle to breathe and form the words.
"Draco," you say again, stroking my cheek gently with your hand, downwards with your fingertips, upwards with your knuckles. "I love you, Draco." You sniff, trying to hold back the tears. The smile you have is genuine, but so sad that my heart is aching just to be able to reach up and smooth away your lines of sadness for you.
"Love – you," I manage to say.
Your fingertips rest on my lips now. "Don't speak anymore, my beloved. I know you're hurting." A lone tear spills over the edge of your bottom lashes and trails a slow, shining track down your cheek. It hangs on your jaw for a brief second before coming loose and falling onto me.
I wish your tears would fall on my lips, Harry, just so I could pretend I was kissing them away for you. I wish I could trace the tracks they left on your skin with my tongue as I used to do before, and you would shudder and sigh and then everything would be alright again. It's been a long time since I'd tasted salt on your cheeks, my love, and these are the first tears since we have been together that would not be shared with me.
"Draco. Draco, Draco. Oh, Draco. My Draco." The tears are surging now, an unstoppable force, and you wipe them away, swiping at them with the back of your hand. "My Draco. My – mine." Your voice is choked with your barely controlled sobs. My heart is not breaking, it already broke hours ago when it began to happen and the reality of it began to sink into me.
Your head is bent over, trying to hide from me, but I see you – I see you breaking. Don't cry, my love, please. It's getting so much harder to form words now, and I'm panting, lips parted, eyelids low over my eyes, and when I close my eyes to blink I cannot quite seem to find the strength to open them again.
I do not know how long it is, but you look up and I can feel you panic; you are trembling, and I, in your embrace, tremble with you.
---
Are we at war tonight?
Will there be angels whispering to me 'good night'?
Don't wake when lightning strikes
Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go
---
"Potter."
You turn your head at the voice; I know who it is without looking, though I couldn't have even if I wanted to – my eyes open a sliver, instead, and I see the panic on your face.
"Professor," you say.
"They need you upstairs, Potter."
"No," you say, and you look back down at me with a tender gaze.
"Potter. You must go." There is a definite note of urgency in Severus' voice, and yet you shake your head, lips stretching to smile softly at me.
"No," you say again.
"Potter…" Severus is at loss; he knows there is very little he can say to sway you.
I take a deep shuddering breath. "Go," I say, as I release the air in my lungs.
Your eyes widen; you're surprised, I can tell. "What?"
I stare back at you. You know what I said; you just don't want to admit it.
"Do – do you want me to?"
Severus, understanding what I want as always, turns and leaves, robes rustling as they billow out behind him.
A small frown on my brow as I close my eyes briefly. No, my expression tells you. No, but you have to.
"I won't go. I won't leave you!" You're frowning now, too, a furrow appearing on your forehead.
"You – don't have to – leave me," I rasp, and my voice is burning in my throat, but I still force the words out. "I – I –"
You know what I want to say, don't you? I know you do, from the way you're looking at me right now.
"No," you whisper, and you lean back as if wanting to step away, but your arms are wrapped around me, supporting me as if I were but an infant. "Don't leave me," you say again, and there is a hitch where your voice breaks. "Don't leave me!"
You place your hand over my heart, as if to reassure yourself that I'm still here, that I haven't gone yet. And yet I feel it. Soon, so soon that you'll be able to go upstairs and fight. I can feel my life leaving me, Harry. My heartbeat is weakening with each beat; each breath of my lungs expels a bit more of my life with each exhalation.
There is no serenity with the inevitability of my soon-to-be death, none of the feelings associated with journeying that Dumbledore likes to talk about. There is only despair, pain, and the remembrance of your smile.
Your hand flutters, shaking uncontrollably, running over my body as if to seek out an injury so you could heal it for me. "No!" you cry. "No!" There is a note of hysteria in your voice, my love, and it frightens me.
Do not try to follow me, love. Do not be reckless when you finally go upstairs, leaving my cooling body to stiffen, here in my room, deep in the dungeons. Forget this moment – forget me in your arms, wasted away. Forget so you could fight, Harry, please. Do not be blinded by your hate for them – they will use it against you and they will taint our love by doing so.
There is so much I need to tell you, Harry, but there is no more time – for either of us.
Ah, but I love you. And that is all you need to know for now.
---
I will love you 'til the end of time
Every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can give me strength to fight,
'Til the sky is burning, it's the end of time
---
Soon, Harry, soon. Sooner than I would ever have it be, love, but here we are, now, and we are to be separated finally. No, don't cry, I beg you. Just hold me close so every last breath of mine is of you.
I can hear the screams through the dungeon walls, Harry. They need you up there. There's no use in me struggling any more – futile effort that would be better put to use in concentrating on your touch on my body, almost a corpse in your hands.
I'm a vain person, Harry, I always was. Tell me, is there any trace of the boy you loved still in me? Is my silver blond hair dull and brittle, breaking off in bunches of fluff instead of falling off in silken tresses? Is my pale skin pallid, my smooth glowing complexion diminished to nothing more than leaden white paint? And what of my eyes, Harry, my silver grey eyes that you love so much? Have they lost their shine, too? Or are they like lamps in this dim room, flashing with an otherworldly light that only the dying posess? Is my beauty, my vice, my vanity – is it gone, Harry? Am I ugly now?
You seem to be hearing my silent queries, for you're still speaking low words to me. "Draco, my beautiful Draco. I love you so much."
There is a calm to your voice now, and yet there is defeat in the undertones. No one can fight Death, Harry, least of all you, though you may be The Boy Who Lived. You told me once that you would be The Boy Who Lived For Me. Or You. You know, Harry. So please. Never be The Boy Who Died For Me. Can you promise me that? Please?
You're sobbing openly now, shaking your head. "My Draco." You choke over your words. "I love you. Draco, I love you. You know? I love you."
I struggle to focus on your voice. "I was willing to give up everyone for you." Your laugh hurts me more than any of your tears. "Hermione and Ron wouldn't speak to me. Dumbledore was so shocked…Snape thought I had you under the Imperious Curse." The same laugh again, that cuts me so deep. "I didn't care, as long as I had you." You hide your face in my hair, and I feel you kiss the top of my head. "I never cared, as long as you were there."
I remember. Those first months when we were ostracised by the school, met with shocked gazes and muted whispers wherever we went. It wasn't in either of our natures to be intimidated, and we had gone about our business hand in hand, laughing, loving, uncaring. I remember so well.
My lips part; I try to speak, to tell you one last time that I love you. But I can't. Can you hear me, Harry? Does your heart feel what mine is trying to tell you?
I love you.
---
Look ahead tomorrow, a long and winding road
Keep the faith of mine don't let it go
You're the only reason night ain't growing cold
What will I do, without you?
---
You kiss me, and you burst into tears immediately afterwards. "Your lips are cold, Draco." You lean your cheek against mine. "Your cheek is cold, too. Are you still here, Draco? Draco? Can you still hear me? Draco?" Your tears are so hot, beloved; they burn – are burning – even as they soothe away the chill in me.
I want so badly to answer you, my love, I do. I can't even find the energy to blink anymore, and I'm staring directly ahead, eyes slitted open, lips ever so slightly parted. I feel cold, Harry. You're the only thing still keeping me warm, you know?
"You can't go, Draco," you say, voice soft and breath hot against my ear. "What am I going to do without you? Let me – with you – I…" You take my hand and hold it to your face, letting my fingertips brush against the salty wetness coating your skin before you kiss your own tears away.
Severus is at the door again, and you look up. "Potter," he says, but lets the rest of his sentence hang.
"Professor," you greet him, and after a brief silence, you say, "I'm not going."
"I…I have a potion I want to try on him."
"What is it?"
"Another variation on the hypothetical antidote." Severus sighs, and I know he must be exhausted; everyone who survived the first uprising is too taxed to handle the second, and that is why you must take the lead, love. He's at my side now, and you lift my head so he could pour the potion down my throat.
"How long do we wait?"
"Ten minutes."
There hasn't been a poison that Severus hadn't been able to administer a successful antidote to, and this is what makes him such a highly regarded Potions Master. This particular one, however, has him and me in a tizzy because we can't figure out what is in it. The bastards mixed too many together, wanting to create a potion that would give Him back his human body, but instead, they created something much worse. Slytherins are all so conceited, Harry. We all want to look good, and the Dark Lord is no exception. He was quite the looker before he submerged himself into the Dark Arts, you know. Oh, wait, you do know.
Ten minutes is up, and I can see you gazing at me. There is too much sadness in you. I wish I could make you happy again. Always, you're plagued with too much unhappiness and ill luck. I will watch over you, my beloved, after.
Will you pick out a good photo of me for the funeral, Harry, if there will be one? Will you set a photo of me on my tombstone, your favourite one of me, that one, from the Graduation Ball?
Is this a bad time to tell you that I wish I could taste chocolate one last time? I do so love chocolate, Harry, and I haven't had any since I began losing my appetite.
Harry, Harry, I don't want to go yet. I don't want to go! There is still so much more I want to do, so much more life I have yet to experience with you. Seventeen is too young, Harry, it's too young. I'm not ready for this; I'm not ready to go. Hold me tighter, Harry – don't let me go.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid now, of Death, yes, and of being separated from you. I'm afraid you'll forget me – is it selfish of me to never want you to forget? I always was, you know – selfish, that is. Don't forget me, Harry.
I said it many times tonight, but I'll tell you again.
I love you.
---
I will love you 'til the end of time
With every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can make my world so bright,
Life, no longer empty,
With you in my heart, in my heart
---
This is it, love.
You're holding me so tight. You know that it's time as well, you can feel it, can't you?
Severus is standing by the door, a respectful distance away for you to say your last goodbyes to me. Dumbledore is next to him, watching, waiting for you to go upstairs with him.
You're smiling so tenderly at me, so lovingly. I love you too, Harry, I love you too.
I want you to know that I don't regret this. They could do whatever they want to me – and well, they did – but the time I spent with you is worth the world, Harry, along with everything and everyone in it, myself included.
I take a deep breath – my last breath in this world, full and long, and I suppose that I am lucky to be granted such a last breath, because I could take in your scent, so like my favourite sticky cinnamon rolls, and I am content to know you are here with me.
Your grip on me isn't loosening, and I don't want it to, either.
I exhale slowly, eyes finally falling shut, and my world is dimming, taking my light with it. Somewhere in the darkness, I think I hear you cry my name, but I don't know aymore.
One last time, before everything turns black.
I love you.
---
The End!
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Okay, not really. I have a sequel planned for this, to make it completely sickeningly sweet, but I have to get off my lazy arse to write it, first…! Hope you enjoyed reading this – my first deathfic ever, ooee. Please tell me what you think of it, comments and suggestions would be wonderful.
Much love,
venenatus.venustas