"Check mate!" shouted Jadeite, grinning. Nephrite scowled. They had been playing chess all day, because there was nothing else to do in the Negaverse. They had been tied 4 to 4, and now Jadeite was about to win the final match.
Suddenly, Kunzite appeared, floating in the air beside them. Nephrite jumped up in
"shock", "accidentally" knocking over the chess board.
"Dammit, Nephrite!" yelled Jadeite. "I'm still counting that as a win!"
"Nope, I had three different moves planned on how to get out of that one. Try harder next time," smirked Nephrite.
"Grrrr..."
"Silence, you two!" commanded Kunzite. "We have more serious business to attend to."
"Do you mean to say that our Queen has identified a new possible energy source, or that the revival of Metalia-sama has advanced?" inquired Jadeite.
"No, no, no. I said serious business. You all know what day it is today, correct?" Kunzite asked.
"...Friday?" asked Nephrite, hesitantly.
"NO!" scolded Kunzite, slamming his fist on the table they had been playing chess on. "It is my beloved Zoisite's birthday!"
"Oh, is it now?" muttered Nephrite, with mock enthusiasm.
Kunzite's eyes narrowed.
"He just means that you're stating the obvious!" Jadeite said quickly, covering for Nephrite. As much as that guy was a lousy chess opponent and a cheating one at that, he still wasn't in the mood to watch him get pummeled by Kunzite. Especially before he could destroy him at chess, once and for all. "Of course he knew it was Zoisite's birthday! How could anyone forget such a significant day!"
"You're absolutely right," agreed Kunzite. "Which is why I'll be expecting you to present the birthday gifts you must certainly have already bought him at his party tonight. 6 P.M. NST (Negaverse Standard Time). It would be quite a shame if you were to be late and/or forget your gifts. Zoisite would be so hurt if his two closest friends neglected him on his birthday! And I don't take too fondly to those who hurt my Zoisite. UNDERSTAND?"
"Yes, Lord Kunzite!" Jadeite and Nephrite said in unison. Kunzite warped away, and the two of them let out a sigh of relief.
"How are we going to find him a gift? That party's in like four hours..." Jadeite said nervously.
"How about we don't get him a gift? Queen Beryl wouldn't just let them kill us, right?" asked Nephrite.
Jadeite responded with silence.
"Who does that cape-wearing bozo think he is, barging in here and demanding that we get his pet a gift and go to his birthday party? What makes him a 'lord' anyway? Did he become a lord and then get the cape, or did he get the cape and that made him a lord? I'm sick of him always bossing us around, like he's the leader of the Shitennou or something! We must put an end to this, Jadeite! We must stand our ground, and refused to be subjected to-"
Suddenly, Nephrite appeared by Jadeite's side in the middle of a shopping mall.
"Why did you warp us here?" he asked.
"Cause I don't want to die tonight. Let's just pick something out and not risk getting beat up," Jadeite reasoned.
"Fine," Nephrite agreed reluctantly. "Can't we just get him a Barbie doll or something?"
"I don't know if he likes those..." Jadeite said, thoughtfully. "Let's stick with something we know he'll like. Ya know, so he doesn't tell Kunzite to pummel us."
"Ugh, the only thing that guy likes is being annoying," said Nephrite, thinking back to all the times he'd appeared in his mansion to taunt him.
"Oh, ok then! We could get him a megaphone! Or an air horn!" Jadeite exclaimed in a stroke of brilliance.
"HAHAHAHA NO." Nephrite barked, putting an end to the ideas. "Zoisite with a megaphone is worse than Kunzite with whatever dark energy he can muster. Here, let's just go in this clothing store. I'm sure they'll have something."
Their hopes were quickly depleted as they wandered through the store.
"Umm, do you think Zoisite likes jeggings?" pondered Jadeite. "Oh! Or how about these shoes? They're called 'Crocs.'" He put the shoes on himself to model them for Nephrite. "They're quite comfy. I might even get myself a pair!"
Nephrite grimmaced. "I don't know about those, Jadeite. And I don't know what Zoisite likes. I've never seen him in anything other than his traditional Negaverse suit."
"I can work with that," remarked Jadeite. He approached the counter. "Excuse me, would you happen to be selling an intimidating purple uniform with green trim?"
"I think you mean gray uniform," corrected Nephrite.
"What? No! These uniforms are definitely purple!" Jadeite responded, gesturing down at his own uniform.
"You must be colorblind, because that is clearly gray," Nephrite sneered.
"No, they WOULD appear gray if I WERE colorblind, which I'm not. You might need to get your eyes checked, though."
"ME?" Nephrite turned to the cashier. "We'll be taking that in gray, please."
"No, don't listen to him!" interrupted Jadeite. "These are clearly purple, right?"
The cashier looked scared and disturbed. "Honestly, they look like a gray-purple to me..."
"SEE! HE SAID GRAY!" Nephrite gloated.
"HE ALSO SAID PURPLE! GRAY-PURPLE WOULD BASICALLY BE A SHADE OF PURPLE, MEANING THEY ARE STILL PURPLE!"
"THEY'RE MORE GRAY THAN PURPLE!"
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!" Jadeite shouted. "IF IT HAS ANY HUE AT ALL, THEN IT IS NO LONGER GRAY AND MERELY A DULLED SHADE OF THE COLOR, WHICH IS IN THIS CASE PURPLE!"
"WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT?"
"I WENT TO ART SCHOOL BEFORE DROPPING OUT AND JOINING THE NEGAVERSE!"
Nephrite charged up an energy blast, as did Jadeite. They both fired and both dodged, obliterating a few racks of clothing in the process. They charged up again, but a manager intervened.
"GET OUT OF MY STORE!"
Jadeite quickly headed toward the exit, but Nephrite stayed behind to ask a question.
"Before I go, the uniforms we're wearing are gray, right?"
The manager pulled out an enormous boot and booted them both out of the store.
"Nice going, Jadeite," Nephrite scolded.
"ME? You're the one who got us booted!"
"Come on, Jadeite. We don't have time to play the blame game here."
"But you just-"
"The party's only in a few hours. If you're not going to help me fight Kunzite, then help me find a gift," Nephrite demanded.
"I AM TRYING! I was just about to have a gift before you- nevermind. You know Zoisite better than I do. When he comes to your mansion and annoys you-"
"ATTEMPTS to annoy me," Nephrite corrected.
"Sure. When he does that, has he ever expressed an interest in anything?" Jadeite asked.
"Oh!" Nephrite said suddenly. "He likes flower petals! Pink ones!"
"Great job, Nephy!" exclaimed Jadeite.
"Don't call me that."
"Sure thing, Nephy!" Jadeite said, teleporting them to the middle of some sort of public meeting area.
"Where are we now?" sighed Nephrite.
"The park! There's all kinds of flowers here!" Jadeite explained.
"Oh, I remember this park! This is where me and Molly-"
"Who?"
"None of your business," scowled Nephrite, and Jadeite snickered. "Let's just take the petals from this tree. They are cherry blossoms, the kind Zoisite uses."
Jadeite gave him a strange look.
"... Not that I would know. Get shaking!"
Jadeite went to the base of the tree and tried to shake it, but it didn't budge. Nephrite glared at him. He tried harder, but still no movement. Finally, he turned to Nephrite. "This thing isn't going to move. How about we just fly up there and-"
"Oh, just let me do it," Nephrite sighed, in an overly exasperated tone. "You're just weak. Someone as strong as me can shake this tree with ease."
Jadeite watched with a smirk on his face as Nephrite tried and failed to shake the tree. He looked at Jadeite out of the corner of his eyes, and grit his teeth. He'd be damned if he didn't prove he was stronger than that smug bastard Jadeite. He rammed against the tree with all his might, but not a single petal fell. He channeled a large quantity of dark energy to his hands, and blasted the tree as gently as he could. It demolished the tree, and the upper half snapped off and landed on the ground. Not one petal was shaken off.
Nephrite was about to storm off in a fit of rage, when a squad of police officers appeared. "You vandalizers!" they shouted. Nephrite took off running, while Jadeite just stood there, laughing his head off. That was, until the police knocked him down and put him in handcuffs.
"What was that for?" Jadeite shouted indignantly, as they dragged him toward their car.
"We saw you attempting to manhandle that tree. If you had actually been strong, you could have done some serious damage."
"Hey!" Jadeite exclaimed.
The police attempted to shove him in their car, but he resisted and fell down on the ground.
"Nephrite, help!" he called out. Nephrite stopped running, and turned around and laughed.
"You're going away for a long time, you delinquint!" an officer shouted, trying to get him back on his feet.
"Stop that! I have rights, you know! NEPHRITE COME OVER HERE AND BAIL ME OUT!" Jadeite called desperately.
Nephrite just smirked, shook his head, and teleported away.
"HEY! DON'T YOU JUST TELEPORT AWAY AND LEAVE ME HERE! Oh, wait, teleporting..." Jadeite realized, feeling stupid.
He warped back to Nephrite's mansion, leaving the police with an empty pair of handcuffs and shocked expressions.
"Don't do the crime if you can't take the time," Nephrite laughed upon his arrival.
"Hey, shut up." Jadeite quipped. He looked around Nephrite's luxurious mansion, wondering where he developed such extensive interior design skills. "Hey," he began, noticing the observatory-like room. "Why don't you just ask the stars for help?"
"The stars have bigger problems than what some brat needs for his birthday," Nephrite chided. "But I do have another idea."
"Oh?" asked Jadeite. "I hope it's not as brilliant as that last one..."
"Kunzite and Zoisite are a couple," Nephrite began, ignoring Jadeite's criticism. "Couples like couples' things."
"Genius!" Jadeite muttered sarcastically.
"SO, let's just get them any generic couples' gift. It's the thought that counts, right?"
"I guess so, but where would we go to get such a thing," Jadeite wondered.
"It's quite simple, Jeddy! Molly showed me this place called-"
"Who?"
"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" he yelled, teleporting them to the couples' gift shop he had passed one day on a walk with Molly.
They roamed around the store, trying to find something inexpensive. It's not that they were low on money, and even if they were, they could have just grabbed the item and teleported away. It was that they really wanted their gift to say, "We got this because we had to, and it's low quality because we don't like you."
Something caught Nephrite's eye. It was a couples' salt and pepper shaker set, and they were the two halves of a heart. "Ooooh!" he thought out loud. "Molly would love this!"
Jadeite turned toward him with a teasing grin.
"I mean, Kunzite and Zoisite would love this!" he added, stuffing an extra set in his pocket for later use.
"But wait, Nephrite. The box says 'His and Her Salt Shaker Set.'" Jadeite noted.
"So?" Nephrite asked. "Ohhh, right," he said disinterestedly, having momentarily forgotten Zoisite's male gender. (Looks like he was watching the dub again.) "Let's just cross it out and write on top of it."
"No!" Jadeite remarked. "We're paying 30 dollars of someone else's money for that! For that price, the staff members should do it professionally."
Nephrite rolled his eyes and walked up to the counter with Jadeite. "Pardon me, can you please 'professionally' change 'Her' to 'His'?"
"Why, of course," the lady at the counter said, smiling knowingly. "You two really are a cute couple."
"WHAT?!" Jadeite and Nephrite objected simultaneously.
Jadeite tried to explain. "Hahaha, it's not like that. These are for our... umm... co-workers."
The counter lady mistook his hesitation on the proper term to use for his enemies who he was buying a gift for as him trying to think on the fly and cover something up.
"Oh, come now. You don't have to hide your relationship from me! I support the two of you, and your love!"
Jadeite and Nephrite tried again to protest, but this lady was relentless. "In fact," she added, since tax brings your purchase over $30 dollars, you're entitled to a free couples' portrait!"
"NO THANKS!" they said in unison.
"Don't be shy!" she laughed. "I won't take no for an answer, not with cuties like you!"
She dragged them to the back and sat them down.
The two Shitennou stared at each other in horror. She put them in a hug-like position against their will, and they immediately tried to get as far away from the other as possible.
She slapped them both across the face. "MOVE AGAIN AND IT WON'T JUST BE A SLAP!" she shouted, throwing away the first canvas and starting over. They were both too stunned to move, giving her time to finish her portrait.
"Done!" she said gleefully, smiling happily as though she hadn't just brought forth the fury of a thousand suns.
She turned the painting around to show them.
"Hey, I don't look half bad," began Jadeite, before getting elbowed by Nephrite.
"Yes," she agreed. "Your faces were really emphasized through the contrast with those navy blue uniforms you have on."
Nephrite's eye began to twitch, and without a word, he put his hand on Jadeite and teleported them out of the studio.
They appeared on some outdoor market strip.
"What was that for?" shouted Jadeite angrily. "That was a great portrait of me!"
"Why would you want a picture of yourself with me?" Nephrite asked, disturbed.
"I wouldn't! I was going to cut you out and hang my half above my bed, so all those inferior to me would gaze upon my beauty and weep!"
Nephrite looked at him, seeming genuinely concerned. "Jeddy, are you feeling alright?"
"Pshhhhhh," he responded, not actually giving a yes or no answer. "Hey, look!" he began, pointing over to a kiosk he had just noticed. It said "Get Your Name on a Wallet!"
"Come on, Jadeite. We don't have time for you to do this kind of silly thing."
"No, Nephy! This could be the birthday gift we've been looking for!"
"Huh," Nephrite thought aloud. "I suppose everyone can use an extra wallet. And it will look like we put a lot of thought into it, since it's customized!"
They arrived at the stand. "Hello, we would like to purchase a wallet with our, umm... acquaintance's name on it," Jadeite told the worker.
"Ok, and what is your friend's name?" he asked.
"Our ACQUAINTANCE'S name is Zoisite," Nephrite stated.
"Very well," the man said. "And just how is that spelled?"
Jadeite and Nephrite looked at each other. Jadeite gestured to Nephrite to go on and tell the man.
"Ummm..." Nephrite began, honestly having no clue. He looked imploringly at Jadeite, but clearly the other Shitennou had no idea either.
"Umm, I think it's Z-O-Y-C-I-T-E..."
"What? That's not it!" Jadeite interrupted.
"How do you know? It sounds right to me!" Nephrite argued. "If you know it, then you tell the man!"
"I don't know the right spelling, but I know that's the wrong spelling."
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
The man rubbed his temples. "I don't have all day, you know," he said, gesturing toward the long line that had formed behind them.
"Fine," Jadeite said. "Just write on it Z-O-I-C-I-T-E."
"That's definitely not it!" Nephrite objected.
"It totally is!"
"Is not!"
" says it is! And couldn't possibly have the wrong spelling!" Jadeite shouted, matter-of-factly.
"But look! Sailor Moon Wiki says it's Z-O-I-S-I-T-E!"
"No, I just looked it up! The wiki says it's Z-O-Y-C-I-T-E!"
"That's what I originally said! But I think you're on the dub Wiki!"
"QUIET!" hollered the kiosk worker. "All of this fourth wall breaking is making me uncomfortable. Just pick a spelling and get on with it! I'm losing business here!"
"Well I don't want to get him something with the wrong name!" Jadeite exclaimed. "Kunzite will clobber us around for sure, and what's worse, he might not even give us any birthday cake!"
"WELL UNTIL YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA, WE'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO-"
Suddenly, the clock struck midnight. Jadeite and Nephrite froze in horror.
"Oh no!" shouted Jadeite, expressing both of their thoughts. "That means it's 6 P.M., NST! It's time for the party and we didn't find a gift!"
"What do we do now?" asked Nephrite.
"There's nothing we can do. Let's go and face the music," Jadeite said, resigned.
Nephrite lowered his eyes. "Jadeite?"
"Yeah?" he responded.
"If we die tonight, I just want you to know..."
"Yeah?"
"It was fun playing chess with you."
Jadeite's eyes welled with tears, and he moved closer to Nephrite to give him a manly shoulder pat of affection.
"BECAUSE OF HOW BADLY YOU LOST! HAHAHAHAHAH!"
Jadeite rolled his eyes, and seriously contemplated blaming the whole lack of gift on Nephrite. When suddenly, an idea dawned on him.
"Nephy, I've got it!" he shouted, relief washing over him.
"What is it?" Nephrite questioned.
"I'll get us out of this! Just play along!" Jadeite exclaimed, grabbing Nephrite and teleporting them both to Kunzite and Zoisite's castle.
They appeared in a room with two large tables set up. The one table was labled "Kunzite's Gifts," and was filled with gift wrapped packages piled to the ceiling. One of them was shaped very distinctly like a car, if a car had been covered in wrapping paper. The other table was labled "Nephrite/Jadeite's Gifts," and it was noticeably empty. There were even a few cobwebs on it, and a tumble weed rolled by.
"AHEM," said Kunzite, clearing his throat. He sat menacingly on the opposite side of a dining table, with Zoisite in a party hat leaning adoringly against him. "Please place your gifts on the table, then take a seat," he said, waving his hand invitingly.
"Uh, yeah, about the gifts..." began Nephrite.
"What about them?" Zoisite asked, faking a tone of shock and fear. "Did something happen to them?" He turned to Kunzite, looking as innocent as an evil-doer such as himself could manage. "Oh, Kunzaito-sama, please tell me my dearest Shitennou friends didn't lost my gifts! It would ruin my whole birthday!"
Kunzite stared accusingly at the two of them, cracking his knuckles. Nephrite glared at Zoisite, who giggled quietly behind his hand.
"Well, you see, Kunzite," began Jadeite. He was nervous, but he stood up straight and put on a show of confidence. "We spent days- no, weeks- no, months prior to this looking for the perfect gift for Zoisite. But then we realized something. There was no material object that could possibly be worthy of his ownership. He is above the need for any petty material goods, and as such, we wanted to present him with the most deep and meaningful thing we could think of: our friendship!"
Jadeite looked at Kunzite, hoping his plan had worked. Kunzite turned to Zoisite, who didn't look impressed.
"Eww, why would I want your friendship!?"
Jadeite put his head in his hands. The only thing he had left to do was teleport to Queen Beryl and have her ask them to spare him. Which he suddenly doubted she'd do, since he had been out all day shopping instead of doing his duty of gathering energy.
"BUT," Zoisite continued. "I do appreciate the compliments :3!" he said, blowing him a kiss. Kunzite glared at him for doing so. "So I will let you live."
"You mean, you'll tell Kunzite to let him live," interrupted Nephrite. "Since you couldn't possibly kill him yourself."
"Oh, you'd be surprised who I could kill if I put my mind to it," Zoisite said, looking at Nephrite with a confident grin. Nephrite cringed as he thought back to that time Zoisite had a plant youma impale him to get his black crystal. Good thing that through the combined efforts of Molly and the Sailor Scouts, they were able to get the thorns out of him before he died!
Kunzite butted in. "So let me get this straight, dear," he said to Zoisite. "Jadeite's gift was acceptable, yet Nephrite has not given you anything?"
"It appears he hasn't!" Zoisite said, looking at Kunzite "sadly." Then, he turned back to Nephrite, smirking. "So, you haven't gotten me anything for my birthday? Nothing at all?"
"I guess not," Nephrite barked.
"I thought you would have been better at getting presents than you were at getting energy from the humans! How could I have been so wrong?"
"Maybe I would have got you something, if you weren't such a pest!"
Zoisite gasped. "Why are you so mean to me? On my birthday!" he cried, wrapping himself around Kunzite for 'comfort.'
"Aww, my poor little Zoisite," Kunzite said softly, petting his hair. "Is there anyway I could still make this a good birthday for you?"
"I'm afraid there's nothing you can do," he 'sobbed.' "There's no way I can ever have a fun birthday when Nephrite is around being a meany!"
"Don't worry, I'll fix that," Kunzite said in an intimidating tone. He stood up suddenly, swooshing his cape back. He began to charge up a dark energy blast in Nephrite's direction.
"Oh, poor Nephy!" Zoisite exclaimed sadly. "If only he would just be nice to me for my birthday! Just a few compliments! An apology!"
"Not happening," Nephrite muttered. "I'd rather die." He meant it at first, but Kunzite's growing energy ball was lowering his bravado.
"All he would have to do would be to give me a single compliment, and then I would tell my Kunzaito-sama not to kill him!"
Kunzite raised the energy ball above his head, getting ready to throw it.
"FINE!" Nephrite yelled, furious. "I will give you ONE compliment. That is it."
Kunzite smirked and vaporized the energy ball. "We're waiting," he said.
Nephrite began, "Zoisite, you are a... a..."
The other three Shitennou stood silently, waiting.
Nephrite hadn't realized how hard this would be. He tried again. "You did a good job at... at..."
Zoisite's grin was growing bigger by the minute. "Just a single compliment. Just one."
But Nephrite couldn't think of a single good thing to say about Zoisite. And, even if he had, he doubted he would be able to get it out without vomiting.
"Come on, man. Just make something up," encouraged Jadeite.
Nephrite took a deep breath. "You are not as despicable as you could be."
"Awww!" Zoisite squealed, making a cute face. "Do you really mean that? :3"
"Ye-"
"What was that?"
"I said ye-wejgjiaowerh"
"Huh?"
"I SAID YES!" he screamed, falling over with a coughing fit.
Suddenly, Zoisite and Kunzite both burst out laughing hysterically. Zoisite's high, feminine laugh especially grated against Nephrite's eardrums, as well as Jadeite's.
"What's so funny?" he demanded.
"Oh Kunzaito-sama!" Zoisite said merrily, wrapping his arms around Kunzite. "This has been the best birthday ever! It has been so much fun watching their buffoonery all day!"
"WHAT!?" Jadeite and Nephrite shouted in unison.
Kunzite turned mid-laughter and pulled down the "Happy Birthday!" poster hanging behind them. Behind it was a screen, and on that screen was a view of exactly what Nephrite and Jadeite were doing at the time. They had been watching them the whole day!
Jadeite started sputtering and foaming at the mouth. Nephrite just stood there immobile, twitching ever so slightly.
"Also, you guys did get me a birthday gift, whether you realize it or not!" Zoisite stated, pulling out the portrait that the pushy shop lady had painted of Jadeite and Nephrite as a couple.
"Hey!" Jadeite said, jumping up gleefully. "Can I have a photocopy of that?"
"Umm, sure."
"Yippee!" Jadeite exclaimed, admiring again how cool he looked on his side of that painting.
But Nephrite was so done with all of this. He had been scurrying around all day, in fear for his life, and Zoisite had been watching and laughing the whole time. He had even been forced to say that Zoisite was not as despicable as he could be, a total lie! Looking back up and seeing Zoisite scanning a copy of that gay portrait for Jadeite, Nephrite finally snapped.
He picked up the giant four layer birthday cake, and walked over to Zoisite, tapping him on the shoudler. When he turned around, he took the entirety of the cake and smashed it in his face.
"AAJGAHHGHWEGHWEGJWK!" screamed Zoisite, raging about how long it would take to get all that icing out of his hair.
Kunzite pinned Nephrite against the wall in anger, ready to pummel him. But Zoisite interrupted, saying there would be no need. Instead, he pulled a giant wad of cake off his head, and threw it at Nephrite.
"WEJGWAJRHKERHLLTHLEH!" screamed Nephrite, raging about how long it would take to get all that icing out of his luxurious locks.
Kunzite sat there chuckling at the sight of the two of them smushing cake in each other's faces. They noticed and threw globs of it at him.
"GSEGESNDNLGLASKHEKRH!" screamed Kunzite. He wasn't really worried about getting it out of his hair, so much as he was mad because THOSE FOOLS GOT ICING ON HIS CAPE.
Figuring that Zoisite and Nephrite were already too icing covered to be affected by him hitting them with any more, he directed his anger at Jadeite, picking him up and throwing him at the giant pizza.
"AHHH SO MUCH GREASE!" he wailed. "MY FLAWLESS COMPLEXION!" He slapped Kunzite with a pizza slice, who blasted him with dark energy in return.
Nephrite and Zoisite stopped, turning to look at Jadeite.
"Umm, is he going to be okay?" asked Nephrite.
"Yeah, what was that for?" Zoisite inquired.
Kunzite rubbed the back of his head, feeling kind of embarassed. "I'm not sure, really. It was more of a reflex."
Jadeite looked up dizzily.
"See, good as new!" Kunzite commented, mildly relieved.
Zoisite turned back to Nephrite, and laughed at his cakey exterior. Nephrite also thought it was quite hilarious that Zoisite, as dainty as he was, was laying there in a pile of icing. Jadeite laughed too, whether it was from seeing them soaked in cake or from his recent head injury. Kunzite laughed, because Zoisite was laughing, and because Nephrite and Jadeite never even realized it was the youmas he hired that had been trolling them all day.
In that moment, they all felt almost like a... like a family. A hateful, revenge-driven, evil, dysfunctional family.
Nephrite thought for a moment. "You know," he said to Zoisite. "You're evil, horrible, obnoxious, and mentally-deranged. But it's true what I said. You're not as despicable as you could be. You ALMOST are, but not quite."
"Awww!" Zoisite said, this time only half faking it. He turned and elbowed Nephrite in the friendliest way he could manage, dissolving the crystal he had formed in his other hand just moments ago to try to kill him with.