Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns all right to previous game plot and affiliated characters mentioned. Some previous plot has been twisted under my interpretation. Behind These Hazel Eyes is sung by Kelly Clarkson and I didn't create it either. I changed the word 'hazel' in the song to 'Mako' for story purposes.
(Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me.)
Cloud Strife stood looking out over the edge of a cliff and down into the decrepit city that Midgar had become. A rusty, enormous sword stood point down in the dirt beside him. He had no direction, no reason to live now that everything he once loved was gone. No one from his controversial past remained with him.
Zack had been gone for a long time now. Zack, the only one who would have been able to understand him. Zack, the only one who would have stood by him if there seemed to be any other way to end things. Zack, who wouldn't really make a difference after all because he was dead. His best friend was dead and it had been his fault.
Aries was dead, too. She had been murdered. He could have stopped it. He could have done something. He knew that the General was there. A part of him at least. The part of him that believed Sephiroth wasn't evil. Even her death had been his fault. She had believed him. She had stood by his side even when he was faltering. She had known the truth, but she wasn't here now. She hadn't been there then, when he'd made his biggest mistake of all.
Sephiroth.
His biggest mistake was also his greatest happiness. If only he could have seen from the very beginning what was happening. Then things wouldn't have gone the way they had. So many people wouldn't have had to die. He wouldn't have had to die.
Sephiroth.
(I used to stand so tall; I used to be so strong.
Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right.
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong.)
Back in the day when things used to be so simple, no, things were never really simple. Back in the day when things used to be simpler than they ever had, Cloud and Sephiroth had found each other. It had been an accident at first, for sure. The Greatest General on the Planet had no need to find release among the cadets, or anything less than a SOLDIER First Class.
Zack.
Sephiroth was Zack's friend. Cloud was Zack's friend. Zack was the factor that brought them together, as well as the one that had held them apart at one time. It had all just seemed to fit.
Then the awkward cadet had grown into a fitting young man. This man had undergone trials and tribulations that no man, woman, or child should have even had to think about, much less experience. He had changed. He was stronger, faster, and harder to kill than ever before. He was changed.
And not just on the outside. Inside he was on fire. He lost his best friend and found that his old love was being controlled by the evilest sentient being the Planet had ever seen. He was then forced to go against the one he'd loved. He was the only one capable of killing this man, of stopping the travesty that had been about to occur.
No one had stopped to ask how he might feel about it. No one had stopped to consider that he'd known this man that everyone feared. No one cared that he loved this so called villain. No one cared to know so long as he did what he was there to do. No one cared.
He had friends. He loved his friends to a point, all of them. From the annoying to the just plain spooky. He would walk through fire for them, but he would still drop everything and run if only there were a chance of Sephiroth's survival. He didn't want to kill the Planet, but he didn't want to kill his only happiness.
He'd been stuck.
He had to do it.
(Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep.I'm barely hanging on.
Here I am, once again.
I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend.
Just thought you were the one.)
Cloud sunk to the ground under the weight of his memories. It was his fault. His fault. All his fault. They were all dead now. Zack, Aries, Sephiroth. Every last one of them. All that he had ever held dear were dead. All that he had ever loved, each in their own way.
He thought that he had finally found peace all those years ago. He thought he'd finally found what he'd been looking for, but then it had been ripped away. Someone had reached out in the name of science and had destroyed his entire life. He'd been weak then. Weaker that he was now. There had been no way to stop it, but he couldn't help but feel like he should have done something.
But, seriously. What could he, the failed experiment, really accomplish? He couldn't save anyone. He couldn't even save his only friend, his only guidance, and his only love. He truly was a failure.
His life had become haunted with nightmares. He didn't even know when he was awake or asleep any longer. It was pathetic. For an ex-SOLDIER, AVALANCHE member, no, he was practically their leader now, to have nightmares about the past was just plain pathetic. He wasn't the only one, but he was the one that it wasn't expected from. He was the one that was supposed to stand strong.
He was breaking.
It had started slowly at first. Before Hojo, before Nibelhiem, before it was too late to save Sephiroth. Before Jenova invaded every corner in the man's mind. It had started when he realized that he was never going to measure up to the expectations of ShinRa. He wasn't successful as a SOLDIER. He would never be accepted as lover to the General. The leader of ShinRa's armies needed the best and he was going to get it someday. If Hojo didn't interfere.
It had escalated since then until it had spread to encompass everything that had happened from that point onward. He couldn't get a grip on reality. He could feel it all slipping away, like sand through a strainer.
Why couldn't he find his own paradise?
(Broken up, deep inside.
But you won't get to see the tears I cry.
Behind these Mako eyes.)
He hadn't cried in a long time. He couldn't make himself, wouldn't make himself. Even when he'd been staring into the face of his former lover, locked in a battle of minds. A battle to the death. He didn't let his feelings through. He wouldn't let the General see him cry.
The source of his pain. The source of his love. The sourse of his only weakness.They really were one in the same, weren't they? Showing weakness was frowned upon in the rank of ShinRa. Sephiroth would not have responded well in seeing the tears. Things could have been worse, but keeping the emotions hidden was taking its toll as well. No one knew.
Of course, he could have told someone. He could have shown this raw piece of his soul to one of his companions, but they wouldn't have understood.
And how could they? Who would he tell?
Vincent: The strange vampiric man had his own secrets and shortcomings to deal with. He was convinced that he had sinned and had to atone for them. Not to mention the fact that he had to hold back a horde of bloodthirsty demons that resided in his mind and attempted to take over his body at the least opportune moments. No, he couldn't give Vincent another burden to add to the one already lying heavy on the other man's conscience.
Cid: The pilot had been there, not from the beginning, though he might as well have for all anyone else cared. But he'd never really understood what Cloud had been going trough during their long journey. The uncouth man had wanted to get back at ShinRa for his own reasons. And besides, Cloud have never become close to the man. Only Vincent really had.
Yuffie: The ninja had to run Wutai now. She couldn't be distracted with something as confusing as Cloud's feelings. Cloud didn't even understand them. She was young, and her life stretched on ahead of her. There was no need to drag her into a place she had no real reason to be in.
Nanaki: The odd creature was out of the picture for sure, even though he would be the wisest. He would be the one who would know what to do. He would give good advice, but Cloud didn't want to hear good advice. Cloud didn't want to know how to correct his problems. They wouldn't be his problems if he couldn't figure them out on his own. He needed someone to know, not someone to play repairman in his mind.
Barrett: He had Marlene. He didn't need anything to jeopardize that. As loyal as the man had been in the past. He wasn't what Cloud needed at the moment.
Tifa: Now there was an enigma. Girl from his childhood. Never really friendly. Never really caring until he had reappeared in his home town as a SOLDIER years later. He'd made something of himself back then. Not something he was proud of. Not something he would ever be proud of. But something he could deal with. Something he could cope with when he looked in the mirror. Tifa hadn't understood him back then and she wouldn't understand him now. She couldn't care enough. She would never care enough, even though she thought she already did. Cloud could see past the lie.
No one would ever see his unshed tears.
(I told you everything, opened up and let you in.
You made me feel alright, for once in my life.
Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be.
So together, but so broken up inside.)
He'd told Sephiroth everything about himself. He'd given the man the ammo he'd used later on in life. He'd been the one to open his soul to the twisted man in an attempt to gain back the man that had once resided there. He'd done everything but lay down in front of him and give him every little weapon and fancy that he'd wanted to destroy the Planet.
No, he thought to himself, I did that, too.
It was his fault. He let in the enemy. The enemy had resided in his very soul, masquerading as the man who'd sat up with him at night. The man who'd held his hand when he felt as though he couldn't go on. The man who, while being cold and heartless on the outside, was really a kindhearted person caught in the middle of a brutal war within himself. The man who was supposed to protect was the one who needed the protecting, from himself.
And Cloud hadn't done the protecting.
And then he'd found himself on the opposite side of the battle. Exiled from SOLDIER, knowing that he had to somehow find a way to stop the end of the Planet, and knowing that he had to be brave and face his fate. To destroy, and see destroyed, everything he'd ever found the least bit of comfort in.
Sure, he'd put on a brave face, crackingterribly corny jokes to lighten the mood and keep his ragtag band of heroes together through every adversary imaginable. He'd done a good job in that respect at least. Bonds had been formed and lifelong friendship had sprung out of the chaos, but he hadn't been all right then.
He'd been breaking into tiny pieces, scattering, like his memories of a better time and place, along the currents of the wind. He couldn't retrieve himself now. The last bits were buried now. Buried with his lover, with his enemy that refused to stay a memory.
Buried with his only hope at having his only true love restored to normal.
(Cause I can't breathe, no I can't sleep.
I'm barely hanging on.
Here I am, once again.
I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend.
Just thought you were the one.)
Cloud was thrown out of his reminiscing at the sound of familiar footsteps behind him. He jumped to his feet and pulled his large sword from its sheath. The clean and shining metal of the obviously well-kept sword practically glowed in contrast to the rusted blade that lay everything but forgotten behind him.
"Sephiroth?"
But how could it be? He'd been killed! Twice! By Cloud's own hands. By Cloud's own technique. Omnislashed by Cloud's own sword. Twice! Not even the Great General would be able to survive that. His vessel had been destroyed.
The only failed experiment left for Jenova to convert was himself and he was pretty sure that he would have realized if he'd turned into the new Sephiroth. But there was something different about the man that stood in front of him.
The eyes were still an eerie shade of greenish blue, and they still glowed from the Mako content in his body. The eyes were glowing now, as he knew that his were as well. Mako reacting to Mako. The face was still as pale as pale could be and still remain human. The silver hair still cascaded down broad shoulders to the beginning of his leather-clad muscular calves. Still immaculately groomed as always. But there was something missing. Where was the sardonic smile that graced the normally solemn features in that well-known face? When Jenova had been in control, that smile had rarely, if ever left the man's countenance.
The haunted shadow of lunacy had left the man's eyes.
"Cloud?"
(Swallow me, then spit me out.
For hating you, I blame myself.
Seeing you, it kills me now.
No, I don't cry on the outside anymore.
Anymore.)
Sane. He was sane. He remembered. He wasn't being controlled. He wasn't a vessel. He was Sephiroth, the Sephiroth from before Nibelhiem. Though not perfect, he was still better than what he had become.
And Cloud still loved him.
The realization was like a sucker-punch to the gut. He knew that he'd never truly stopped loving the man, but to feel the poignancy of that love firsthand again, nearly winded the swordsman in a way that no battle ever could. He still wanted Sephiroth. No, he still needed Sephiroth. Healthy, sane, perfect Sephiroth.
But he was still forced to hate him. He was still forced to be wary around him. To search for the slightest hint that the evil was still there. The smallest sign that Sephiroth was anything other than himself. He would never be able to forget the sight of the Masamune sliding out of the body of Aries.
Aries, so innocent and undeserving of her fate.
'Cloud?What has happened here? Why do I feel as though I have done something unforgivable? Why do I sense that you hate me?' Cloud stumbled back as the voice invaded his mind. Sephiroth touched a hand to his lips with a bewildered look on his face. That look didn't belong there. Cloud couldn't take it anymore.
"Why are you still alive?" He said out loud, more of to prove to Sephiroth that he didn't have to delve into his mind to speak, and because he found the link between him and his counterpart as slightly creepy and preferred not to use it due to the pain it took to open it from his side. Jenova was strong and did not take it in stride when someone tried to halt her plans, be them mental or physical.
But how could he go against Sephiroth knowing that the man didn't remember a single thing he'd done?
Knowing that telling the man the truth would probably break him past the point of no return?
Knowing that he would lose him again?
Cloud didn't think he could ever be that strong.
"Should I be dead?" The utter confusion in the other man's voice almost threw Cloud for a loop, and Cloud took a staggering step back in the face of his own realization.Sephiroth honestly didn't remember all the terrible things he'd done. The mercenary didn't want to even think it, but the hope was clawing it's way out of the dark recess it usually hid in. He could feel his heart warming with the tendrils of pure hope that were finally surfacing after staying hidden for so long.
Maybe Sephiroth could be saved.
Then, suddenly, they both collapsed...
Cloud felt like he was in the process of being pushed through a meat grinder. His head pounded and every part of his body was throbbing painfully. He seemed to reach out to grab something and almost recoiled in surprise to find it there once his hand connected with the solid thing for which he had been groping for.
A hand.
And the hand closed around his own in recognition.
Memories were being shoved back into his head with the force of an oncoming runaway train. Colors, sights, sounds and feelings were all being reintroduced into his memory banks at the speed of light. Satisfaction, hurt, pride,pain, agony, embarrassment, contentment, happiness, love,regret, more and more pain, loneliness, overwhelming sadness, despair, and then numbing nothingness followed by a heaping pile of guilt. His entire life was there in front of him, the all but forgotten memoriesbegging to be placed back where they belonged. Begging to return to his conscious instead of being hidden away for all eternity.
(Cause I can't breathe, no I can't sleep.
I'm barely hanging on.
Here I am, once again.
I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend.
Just thought you were the one.)
His breathing slowed as he felt another presence in his mind, nothing quite so demanding or repulsive as the previous one. Warmth began to flood into his ragged soul and fill in the incomplete spaces easily. The presence seemed to envelope him and throw up a shield against the invading force.
He could see them in the shield.
All of them.
Aries, standing serenely next to Zack. Zack, always with that same mischievous smirk on his face. That same impish twinkle in his eyes that told you he was planning some new trick or hilarious deception. They were holding on the each other and smiling at him each one holding out their free hand in his direction, telling him that it was all right this time. He could grip their hands without fear.
This time he would be going home to stay.
(Broken up, deep inside.
But you won't get to see the tears I've cried.)
Sephiroth.
He was there, in all his glory. The angel amongst his mortal court. The man behind the mask. The man who had hidden behind the tough exterior of a ShinRa general, no, the ShinRa General. The man who'd only been seen on rare occasions by those closest to him. The man who'd been thrown behind the facade of Jenova's ultimate wrath for everything good and living on the Planet.
Cloud's Sephiroth.
The man held out his pale hand, devoid of glove, devoid of the hideous scar that had once stood there, stark black against the seemingly delicate skin. Devoid of everything that had once marked him as Hojo's pet project.
And Cloud took it.
Later it was to be the high point of controversy between the surviving AVALANCHE members. Exactly what happened that day on the cliff overlooking Neo-Midgar was something they would never know in it's entirety. Some things just weren't meant to be known.
But none of them would ever truly forget that day, though they would soon diverge and go their separate ways, none really losing contact with the others.
It had been cold, as it usually was now that Jenova's threat had been vanquished for the second time, and the AVALANCHE members had been wandering the city, doing the normal things they did when there was nothing threatening the delicate balance between Lifestream and the population.
That's when they'd gotten the feeling that something wasn't entirely right...
They had quickly touched base and regrouped at the new Seventh Heaven and took off into the wilderness that surrounded Midgar. Neither one could explain it in words, but they just knew that it was too late to stop whatever was happening. They knew it had to do with Cloud and that it, whatever it was, was going to have dire consequences, but they couldn't bring themselves to face the reality, even when it had been staring them in the face.
Cloud was gone.
It was so brutal, just seeing it like that. Cloud, laying there, not breathing, not moving. The man who used to be so full of life not doing anything at all. Would never do anything again.
No preparation. No warning. No big battle with amazing shows of skill and prowess. No friends nearby to lend a helping hand when things were looking grim. No big flashy show or sparks resulting from the clashings of steel on steel. Buster on Masamune.
He was just gone.
And the strangest thing of all at the time, was Sephiroth's body, also withno apparent signs of struggle or wounds, laying not even two feet away. Also dead.
They hadn't even known Sephiroth had begun to live again.
But the strangest thing of all was what registered in their minds much later, after the screams of anguish and the silent tears. After they had clung to each other andattempted to tearout their hair in grief for the one man that had united them all. Right before they were about to delicately take the bodies and give them both hero's burials, for Sephiroth had been a hero in his own right. Misguided though he may have been towards the end of his life.
The thing that would plague the minds of Cloud's former partners and friends for years and years to come.
The two enemies had peaceful looks on their faces, as though they had known what was coming and had embraced it. Had walked into it without a second thought or the slightest hint of fear. Had known it was where they belonged.
They were holding hands...
And the tell-tale sign oftears streaked their faces...
(Behind these Mako eyes)