Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima does.
A/N: Reposting the story.
This scene is after the war with Tartaros, when Natsu leaves.
"You go ahead, I will head home first." Gray said to Juvia as they returned from visiting his parents' graves.
He went to his small apartment on the outskirts of the town. He reached for the doorknob and saw that the door was open. Too exhausted to care, he went inside, yet slightly keeping his guard up.
In the shower, cold water dripped slowly down with thick warm tears on his cheek. He gulped and hit a fist on the wall.
I will get better.
He pulled himself up and decided to go the guild. His family needs him there and he can't sit here all-night wallowing in self-pity and guilt. He thought of wearing a high collared jacket which could probably cover half of his face. He was still not ready for his vulnerability to be on display. He rummaged through his closet but couldn't find it.
Damn it, when and where did I lose it?
Growling in frustration, he settled for another one.
Gray dragged himself to the now-shattered guildhall. Everything was collapsed to ruins. They'll have to re-build it again for the hundredth time. A bonfire was lit in between, people sitting around it. There was laughing and drinking like it's a regular day, as if nothing has happened. But among all merriment, an almost invisible, thick air hanged low; something that lingered in the corner of the smiles that turned to drooping just for a split second.
They all knew that a lot has happened. The trauma dripped on them like poison on fresh wounds.
The ice mage sat on the rubbles, his hands resting on his knees. The tear stains on his cheeks were still visible. He kept his head low, but he was filled with a new determination. His jaw tightened as he thought about his new goal—kill END. His heart was still scarred with fresh wounds like everyone else's. He must become strong. This wasn't just about his father now, no. This was about the darkness that has always haunted him since his childhood. This darkness that Ur sealed for him by giving up her life; This darkness that had taken the lives of his loved one.
The golden flames stared at him, the embers glowing red.
His thoughts diverted to him, a flash of pink hair occurring in front of his eyes. Is he okay? He thought to himself. He looked around to catch a glimpse of the Fire Dragon Slayer but couldn't find him. Maybe he is resting home. It's good, the asshole needs that. It has been too much for him.
He closed his eyes and a scream echoed in his ears.
"Dad, NO!"
A sob, a cry, and then endless tears. He had never seen Natsu like that. He wanted to comfort him, snatch away the reality and tell him that it was all a dream; that he is not alone, his family – Fairy Tail– is there; that he is there. It would have been futile, but he should have done something. Anything.
He will get better, he promised to himself. His will protect the people he loves from all the grief.
He clenched his fist and looked up at the spark rising high in the sky.
Suddenly he heard the voice of hurried footsteps. He looked up and saw Lucy running towards them, her face glowing red, a paper in her hands. She stopped dead on tracks and took short breaths.
"Lucy, are you okay? Is everything alright?" Mirajane asked as she rushed toward her.
The Celestial Mage shook her head. "He..." she began panting, "He is gone."
"What? Who?" Lisanna asked.
Lucy handed the tear wet letter to her. She took and opened the crumpled paper, her blue eyes widening instantly.
"It's…It's Natsu. He says that he is going away with Happy for a year to train."
There were gasps and shocked noises all around.
"He didn't even think about everyone else! His friends, his family, no one!" Lucy said as she sobbed with Lisanna.
If there were any other comment or remarks, Gray didn't hear it. The world around him revolved and he couldn't stop shaking. His mouth was dry. He tried to swallow a lump in his throat but failed. Maybe he heard it wrong. The flame brain must be pulling a prank. He is an idiot anyway; doesn't know what to do and when.
"Did he tell his whereabouts?" Cana inquired with a frown.
The blond shook her head again.
Gray took a step backward, his foot slipping on a stone. No, he had had enough already. His stomach felt sick. He found the air was tight, hard to breathe.
He turned and ran away.
"Gray!" someone called from behind.
Gray had to stop because his legs felt like jelly and every muscle in him ached. He crumpled down on the grass covered with a thin layer of frost. Even if he wouldn't have been an ice mage, he wouldn't have felt the coldness sweeping in the atmosphere. He felt numb.
Slowly, it sinks to him that Natsu was really gone.
"You dumb fireball," He slammed his fist into the earth, "How can you do this? Why? Why are you so impulsive? Couldn't you have waited a little longer"
One year— one whole damn year that he realised his feelings and accepted them. He didn't even get the chance to confess. How pathetic of him, screwing up everything, always fleeing from his own feelings.
His heart felt heavy, like the gravity of emotions breaking him into his own fragments.
"Fuck, Natsu..."
Just like that, Gray's expression folded and tears slid down his cheeks.
Great, fire queen. You have broken my nose, heck, even ribs once, but I never flinched. Now I am so hopelessly in love with you, but here I am, crying like a fool.
"Gray." a voice called him from behind as a hand pressed on his shoulder.
Erza came and sat next to him. Her scarlet hair danced with the soft cool breeze. The raven bangs covered his eyes, but the water drops silently rolled down. Maybe for the first time, he was unashamed of them.
None of them said anything for a long time; their soft breath echoing in the surrounding.
"I am sure he will be fine," The redhead said after a while.
"Mm," The ice mage hummed.
"You couldn't have stopped him, if that is what you are thinking."
He suddenly turned to face her.
"Of course not!" he said, slightly bewildered. "I would have never even tried. I understand why he left, and I don't think anyone else can better than me. This is now all about fighting against the demons that have lurked behind in shadows, holding us off like chains. This is now carrying the light that we behold, to avenge the blood that was shed on battlefields by the darkness. This is all about getting stronger and better." He paused and let out an exhale. He must get better, for him too.
Ice dotted his skin and he took shuddered breaths. He thought of all the time they fought, all the time they laughed as they punched each other's faces.
All the times they lifted each other up by telling the other that they are strong. They believed in each other more than anyone else ever did.
This time too they'll have to do the same.
Maybe this is their story for now. Love will have to wait.
Somewhere near the Alder village, Natsu sat near the dead fire with Happy sleeping beside him.
He looked up at the dark sky and saw the snow flakes falling slowly. He opened his palm and one of them dropped on his hand.
"Hey, look! It's snowing, droopy-eyes!" He turned but only silence welcomed him.
He shut his eyes and inhaled the scent of the frost, the coldness, and the pines; everything that reminded him of Gray.
Stay strong. He reminded himself. I have to do this, so that I can protect you all.
He lit the fire again and opened his bag to take out the sleeping bag. Somewhere beneath the pile, a white high collared jacket was tucked. He held it tightly for a moment and then smiled to himself.
For him.
Sure, love will have to wait. But their hearts will make it easier and a worth lot more.
A/N: I initially put it down because I thought it wasn't good enough. After a few edits I thought, so what? who the hell cares?
My insecurities were coming in the way of me having fun. And I want to write more and get better but things don't always have to be perfect. So here's to my every not-remotely-perfect fic. ^^
Comments make me happy, so review please!