DISCLAIMER: Don't own Naruto and any of its characters

Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned.

William Congreve

The Mourning Bride

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CHAPTER 1

ESCORT

"Seriously, do you think I need an escort?!"

"No."

"Then why are you doing this? It not like I'm going to be attacked and die while I'm shopping!"

"Yeah. Yeah. But I'll be the one who is going to be attacked by a certain Hokage and Kazekage and die if I don't. Just troublesome! It's just that those two haven't gotten into their sense that you are one scary woman and no one would dare attack you."

"SCARY?!"

"W-w-wait, Temari! Just-just used the wrong words. I meant bloodcurdling. Uhm-uh no, not that---"

"NARA SHIKAMARU!"

She hit him hard enough with her powerful folded fan to knock him down semi-conscious, and stomped away, mumbling.

"ME? Blood-whatever…Hell, don't know what that word even is! Nothing good ever comes out of that pineapple head's mouth. Why can't he just be like a pineapple, all eyes, no mouth!"

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Shikamaru was one brilliant strategist. As lazy and cowardly as he admits he is, as soon as he assumes his thinking position and his incredible brain starts working there's no defeat, the plan is perfect. This talent gained him his chuunin title and the privilege of leading teams and saved the lives of many shinobis in more than one count. He scrupulously studies every angle and possibilities even the immeasurable angles and impossible possibilities and thinks of a hundred plans to execute a task. He was not a step ahead but always a hundred step ahead of the enemy.

If only he also does that before opening his mouth. He would've saved himself from the wrath of one blonde Suna princess. But then again, Temari was no enemy or opponent, well not this time.

Scientifically speaking that may explain his lack of zeal; the brain consumes almost 80 percent of our energy everyday. The way he thinks, may have consumed a whole lot! If only Chouji and Ino had Shikamaru's brain he wouldn't have gained so much weight and she wouldn't have to go on unhealthy diets. But the Asuma team could have only one genius, as if handling one Einstein sloth was not enough!

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Even in his semi-conscious state Shikamaru uttered his signature line "How troublesome." He slowly got up as he gradually got hold of his spinning head. "Tsunade-sama should've let me stay with paper works. Escorting a woman, let alone Temari of Suna, is worst than an S-class mission!" he thought. "Any more of these I am gonna have BRAIN DAMAGE." He's right and there would be one less genius in Konoha.

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Genius as he is, Shikamaru just could not decipher women. They are too complicated! Women loved to be praised and recognized for their independence and by no mistake he just did and got a bump on the head for doing so. He was just not good in putting them into words though. You have to agree with Shikamaru, she is one scary woman.

Giving up on their match on the chuunin exam was one of Sikamaru's best made decisions in life. If he had continued, he is one mashed pineapple head. He witnessed another horrifying act when she killed Tayuya of the Sound Four in one powerful swish. He had a hell of a time pinning her and it took only one swing of a fan to defeat the enemy and clear the forest at the same time!

Temari was one of the feminists. She demands equal treatment. If that is so, why do women complain when men don't open doors or offer seats to them? Having brothers like Kankuro and Gaara could intensify that attitude. She was the eldest and in charge of the eerie puppeteer who spends twice the time putting make up than her, and a kazekage that used to be the blood thirsty Shukaku. She was influential to these two powerful men. She has the respect of Suna's shinobis and the people of other villages because more than being the sister of the Kazekage, she is one powerful and skillful ninja.

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After dusting off his chuunin uniform, he tried to feel his jarred head with hands, convinced that it was still intact, he let out a sigh of both relief and objection, he has to look for Temari or his head will not be the only ones damaged. He has thought just letting her go around without him having to tail her but he was warned by the Hokage that if she hears any reports from her spies that the blonde Suna princess is seen without him she's going to break his bones to billions that it would look as if he was cremated.

"Where should I start?" He thought of the possible places Temari would be going. He had been escorting her for so long that he practically knows her favorite shops, food stalls, and the places she retreats when she got tired of shopping. He looked for about a good half hour but still, no trace of the blonde. "FOUR DAYS. Just four days more and she's going back to Suna. Well that would be a week if we'll include the three days we have to travel back to Suna. How troublesome…" he let out a sigh again.

Then like a ray of light, a blonde head with four sets bundled hair shined behind a window shop. He finally spotted her! He rushed into the shop to reprimand her of what she did. And he just found himself in an inconvenient place!

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The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a woman want?"

Sigmund Freud

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Just where did he find himself?

You could just think of sooo many possibilities.

Answers are next!