"Dammit."
Looking up from your handheld game, you curse the gods for making such a difficult and addicting waste of time. Leaning back in the couch you hear your sister ask you if you've died, yet again. Pouting like the immature child you are, you tell her to kindly fuck off, and sink further back into the couch.
Your thoughts drift to her. Satsuki. It's almost been a year and a half since you found out she and you were related, and the entire world nearly annihilated by your bat-shit crazy mother.
You've never truly forgiven her for what she's done to you, and more importantly what she's done to your sister. You see her cringe sometimes when someone comes up and hugs her from behind in surprise. It makes you angry.
She's the only blood family you have left, and you've made it your life's mission to make sure she's happy because you believe it's what she deserves. Dealing with Ragyo the way she did, you wish you could've switched places with her, just to give her a break from the weight of the world. What's done is done, though. You know that all too well.
Sighing, you get possibly one of the worst ideas that has come into your mind in a long time.
"Hey, let me teach you how to drive!"
Looking up from her novel on the opposite side of the couch, Satsuki sends you a glare, stating, "I don't feel like dying in a raging inferno today, perhaps another time. Besides, I seem to recall a time when you almost killed someone crossing the street, why would I want to learn from the world's worst driver?"
Grimacing, you remember that day; you were too distracted with thoughts too inappropriate to say aloud to see the red light and that one dumbass pedestrian crossing the street too early.
That was the day you found out what you felt for Satsuki was more than just sisterly. Shaking your head, you try again, "What! Oh, come on, that bitch crossed too early! What else do you have to do anyway? You've read that book like three times! I wanna get out of the house."
Your argument seems to have done its job, you see the way Satsuki's eyes spark and glint with mirth, and you smile. She's mellowed out a lot since you first moved in. Making jokes was tough around her at first, just because it was hard to believe that the battle was truly over.
Over time, you brought her out of her shell. You spent almost every second of the day with her, not because you felt obligated like the others thought, but because you actually wanted to hang out with her. You slept in the same bed with her in the beginning as well, the nightmares too much for you.
Waking up to your sister holding you and stroking your hair, whispering that it was going to be okay and that she wasn't going to let anyone hurt you made your heart swell.
After almost after six months of staying with her, you tell her you love her and you're glad you found your way back to her. She hugged you tight and told you stories of when she was younger, of how much she missed you, and that she loved you too.
You returned the favor when she woke up screaming bloody murder one night, you told her that you would be her rock and you would protect her as well. She didn't have to be the only strong one.
She broke down in your arms, then. She told you all the horrors she had growing up, and you laid there, holding her and whispering into her hair that she didn't have to worry anymore, that you were there and you'd never leave her.
"I suppose I could try it, just this once." Snapping out of your memories, you look back at Satsuki, who has shut her book and is getting up, making you do the same.
Grinning, you say with your usual confidence, "Finally. Now I won't have to drive your lazy ass everywhere." She lets a grin slip through her stern façade and whacks you on the shoulder. You can't stop yourself from grabbing her hand as it falls, and it takes everything not to link your fingers with hers on the way to the car.
She does pretty well until she hits actual traffic, "What! I didn't do anything! Why is everyone so angry?" Seeing an overweight bald man with a mini-poodle in his lap flip Satsuki off is added to your list of 'best things ever witnessed'.
"You're going the speed limit, that's the problem." You haven't relaxed since you've sat in the car, both hands gripping the crappy armrests of your previously owned Pontiac. Satsuki's face contorts in the cutest face you've seen her make in a while, attempting to understand why going the speed limit is a bad thing.
You can't help but smile; she's such a dork about following rules you know she'll never be able to drive properly with other traffic. Bringing a hand to your mouth, you nervously chew at the skin on your thumb out of habit to keep yourself from voicing such opinions.
Satsuki grabs your hand almost as soon as you get the first bite on your thumb and says, "I told you to stop doing that, it's bad for your teeth." As anyone else with a student driver would do, you scream at her to keep both hands on the wheel.
"I'm not biting my nails. Do you see a nail on the outside of my fucking thumb? No, don't think so. Jesus, don't do that again, you almost went into the other lane, fuck." You like being sassy with her; she's one of the only people on the planet that can handle it on a daily basis.
Satsuki just tightens her grip on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white, eyes widening. Concerned, you turn your attention to the road. In the middle of the highway is a line of turtles, taking their sweet time crossing the street. You've never seen something so classically ironic.
You laugh and look back at Satsuki, who is looking at you for some sort of suggestion on how to proceed. "Just pull over, there's no one out here anyway."
After pulling to the side of the road, Satsuki turns on the radio to her favorite talk show to pass the time. Your stomach drops as you hear the topic of discussion. Out of the corner of your eye you see Satsuki swallow a bit too harshly.
You don't want to hear other people's opinions on incest. You know what you feel for your sister is unconventional. Hearing the show's host drone on about how disgusting it is and how those people should all move to Greenland and stop poisoning society pisses you off.
You're confused enough as it is, you don't need extra crap from others to know that being in love with your sister is fucked up. "Hey, could you change the station or something?"
Met with silence, you wait a few moments. Now the show is taking calls from around the country. You seriously do not want to listen to this trash. "Satsuki, please change the channel." You're not asking. You know she can hear the difference, the strain in your voice.
She makes no point to move and you're officially done with caring. Moving to switch the station, Satsuki grabs your hand before you can touch the dial. "Stop. I want to hear this." You can't believe it. Your mind goes blank and you look out the window of the passenger seat.
You don't notice that Satsuki still has a grip on your hand until you've calmed down enough to take in your surroundings. She's doing that thing where she rubs the back of your hand with her thumb in calming circles. It makes you feel that much worse when you look at her and see that she's listening intently to the show.
Sighing, you hold your tongue. This entire situation is ridiculous and you don't have to answer to anything. You love your sister, you love her more than you can put into words, but you don't know what goes on in her mind. Anticipation grips your heart when Satsuki speaks again.
"That was interesting." Her hand is still in yours, and you can't decipher what she means. You grit your teeth, trying to sound indifferent, "How so?"
"I don't really agree with anything they said." It's your turn to be confused.
"What don't you agree with?" She's frowning. You know her well enough to see that it's a good sign for you.
"They said that if you're related to someone you shouldn't have romantic feelings for them. That's ridiculous. What about our situation?"
She turns to face you fully and you have no idea where she's going with this, "I didn't even know you were my sister until a year and a half ago. I've heard of people getting married and not knowing they were already related until years later. Does that mean what they have is invalid?"
You're getting nervous. She's going to ask you, you know it. If you liked her before you knew she was your sister. You tell yourself to answer truthfully, no matter how she reacts, because you'd rather answer about the past than the present.
Satsuki sighs in defeat and attempts to calm down. You both stay silent for a few minutes, and you hope the conversation is over. When Satsuki opens her eyes she looks conflicted, but after a moment or two, she looks at you almost defiantly.
"I've thought about you like that before. Sexually. I'm sorry. I'm sure you've never thought of me that way, but I thought I'd let you know, since it's been brought up. I would never take advantage of you, either. So don't worry."
Your heart stops. She's thought of you that way and you can't contain what spills out of your mouth almost instantaneously, "I've thought of you that way, too… Sometimes I have dreams where it's just you and me, far away from here, with no worries or problems, and we just lie on the beach or something and make out for hours. I really like those dreams. Sometimes we do more than make out. I'm sorry. I'm disgusting, I know."
You expect a slap to your face, but when you open your eyes you see your sister looking at you incredulously. Her mouth is slightly open, with eyes wide, and the grip on your hand tighter than you remember. After a few moments of staring she says, "Are these thoughts recent?"
You hold her gaze and see that there's no getting around this. You can't lie to her. Not at this point. Not when she's told you that she's basically had the same thoughts about you. "No. I've had them for a while."
Your mind blanks when her other hand comes up to cup your face. "So if I told you I wanted to kiss you right now, you'd have no objections?" You can't talk. Your eyes are wide with disbelief and you just grab her face and pull it towards your own, breathing uneven.
You're both blushing and when she closes the distance between you gripping your face with both hands you swear you've died and gone to heaven. Kissing her is unreal. You've fantasized about it for so long, but the fact that it's happening is fantastic.
You can't believe she accepts you this way. You're so lucky to have found her, and now she's gone and undone her seat belt to crawl over the armrests and straddle your hips.
You gasp and groan when she slips her tongue in your mouth, unashamed of the noises you make. You want her to know what she does to you. You want her to know that you're hers for the taking.
Thinking about it, you're almost positive you'll never come close to being as emotionally intimate with someone as you are with your sister in this moment. You've laid your heart on your sleeve and for the first time in your life it hasn't come back to bite you in the ass.
You want to touch her like you do in your dreams, moving your hands from her face, you place them on her hips and slip them under her shirt, feeling her skin for the first time. It's softer than your own, but you feel muscle contract under your fingers and suddenly you're aware of just how aroused you are, squeezing your thighs together in attempt to control yourself.
You're not sure how long you kiss each other, but after a while there's a strange tapping noise coming from the window. Opening your eyes you see Satsuki do the same and glance to the left without taking her mouth off of yours. What you don't expect is for her to choke on your tongue and lean back almost instantly after seeing what is outside the window.
Still dazed, you roll down the window with the goofy grin you know is on your face, "Afternoon, Officer. How may I help you?"
The cop let's you off with a warning, saying that you two are old enough to know better and to get a move on. As he stalks off to his cruiser, looking over at your sister, who is back in her seat, you can't help but laugh at the situation. She grins as well and grabs your hand after starting the car again.
On the way home, linking your fingers with hers, you tell her you love her and that if she decides she wants to kiss you sometimes she's more than welcome. "In fact, I encourage that type of behavior."
You bring your linked hands to your mouth and kiss each of her fingers and smile when she does the same at a red light a few minutes later.
You were never one for being conventional, anyway.