SPORTS CENTRE: ANIMATION EDITION!
Announcer: This is Sports Centre, with your hosts Kevin Chiu and Sonny Ing.
Sonny: Hello, and welcome to Sports Centre: Animation Edition.
Kevin: So, what's happening today, Sonny?
Sonny: Well, Kevin, in today's sports news, the Toronto Blue Jays beat the reigning champions, the New York Yankees in the World Series. This could not have been done without the pulled off "Homer" trick with Homer Simpson! It was a very tense game with the score being tied. In extra innings, the bases were loaded for the Jays and Homer Simpson, by luck, scored the winning run by a bean ball!
Kevin: Now, how could he ever done it?
Sonny: Well, I saw the guy pull off a few "Homers" because the pitcher said D'oh!
Kevin: Heading onto the Top 10 highlights, we go to Sonny to begin with the list.
Sonny: Alright, Kevin I got to be honest with ya, when I saw the 2006 World Cup Final that headbutt really made me think of something alright: unsportsmanship. Here to begin the Top 10, the Top 10 moments in unsportsmanship. #10: The 1993 NHL Eastern Conference Final. Game 5 of the series between the Leafs and the Kings saw a bitter word fight between defenceman Ned Flanders, and Maple Leaf goalie Chouji Akimichi. But, when you see Ned Flanders in a hockey game, you know he's about to get unholy!
Kevin: Roll the tape!
(--VIDEO PLAYS--)
Ned Flanders: You diddly-doodly son-of-a-(BLEEP)! You are such diddly-(BLEEP) ing-daddily-(BLEEP) ing (BLEEP)! You-su-diddly-uck! Go (BLEEP) your mom!
Chouji Akimichi: Yeah? Well, (BLEEP) you too!
(--VIDEO ENDS--)
Kevin: Now, THAT wasn't pretty!
Sonny: I know, eh?
Kevin: Anyway, now on #9: the CPFL (Cartoon Professional Football League) Mega Bowl 41- Colts vs. Bears. Tremorton Colt XJ-9 defeated the Shelbyville Bears by a score of 1000-12. However, later inspections reveal that XJ-9 had taken a lot of HARDWARE MODIFICATIONS….and some robotically steroids.
Sonny: Here's #8, the 2004 NASCAR Anime/Cartoon Cup Season. During the Martinsville 500, #7 driver Nara Shikamaru gets wrecked by #15 driver Philip J. Fry. When asked in an interview, Shikamaru called Fry a troublesome piece of sh-t.
Kevin: We will back after commercials, stay tuned and don't flip the channels.
Announcer: This Sports Centre is brought to by… McDonalds. "It's sh-t, don't eat it!", and by Campbell's Chunky. "It fills you up, but don't see your business because it ain't pretty!" Stay tuned for more highlights!
(COMMERCIAL BREAKS)
Kevin: Welcome back sports fans, and here for a shocking surprise on #7, in last year's Winter Animation Olympics is Haruno Sakura and Yakanama Ino lesbian pair…first in figure skating history! As a result, they both got suspended for violence, swearing on international television and last but not least mooning everyone in front of the crowd while having sexual intercourse on the middle of the rink.
Sonny: We can't find you the unrated edition (since it's too much for TV), so don't bother trying to bug your parents to find one for ya (because your dad is probably having one hand off the TV remote and the other hand reading Playboy, while watching). Anyway, #6 in baseball, Eric Cartman—one of the best superstar batters next to Barry Bonds—gets expelled from the Major Baseball Youth League for committing drive-by murders, rapes, and burning down houses.
Kevin: Damn, that guy is on coke! I mean hmmm, sorry. Now as we're heading to #5 on the chart we bring you this update. Uzumaki Naruto and Ero-sennin (Jiraiya-sama) is now suspended and in jail for him committing rape on Tsunade-baa-sama. Now why on Earth is he raping an old lady? Now #5 is Barney Gumble, the champion, after being drunk and falling off an apartment and crushing Drederick Tatum, causing him to be hospitalized in a coma for 3 years. Remember folks, Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble will be in the ring tomorrow so buy your tickets, fans!
Sonny: Time for #4 to arrive! Number 4 is the 'Miracle on Ice'! Chazz 'Michael' Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy have just won the figure skating annual championships with the unspeakable, the awesome, Iron Lotus! However, in a later TV interview, Chazz and Jimmy (at the same time) say the c-word (as in "see you next Tuesday"; to the Soviets) when being asked about beating the Soviet team. This caused uproar to the U.S.S.R. and an international crisis worsening.
Kevin: Now on the top 3 and # 3 as ANFL (Anime Football League) in the 2004 ANFL Cup Finals. Uchiha Sasuke and the Konoha Strikers beaten the Akatsuki Marvels and Uchiha Itachi, 27-19 (cough humiliation cough). During half-time, Sasuke went into the Marvels' change room and battled Itachi with the Chidori. Really the ANFL officials had to break this one up. As a result, Uchiha Sasuke gets suspended in the next season which brings down not only the Strikers but their brotherhood.
Sonny: Here on number 2, Naruto had farted during the gymnastics freestyle dance off while facing Gaara of the Desert! Now, if we zoom in on this video over here, you can clearly see a green gas cloud. And, if we zoom in even closer, now take a look on the right of the video; you can see Sasuke having sex with Ino and Sakura in the very, very back of the audience. Now, the way we can see this, is because a ninja professional had opened the genjitsu while recording. Very HUMILIATING for the very first lesbian figure skating pair. Yeesh! We'll be back for #1 after the break.
Announcer: This channel is brought to you by the EASY STEP.
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Sonny: And now, weeeee're back with the number one moment! Moleman getting a football in the groin! Show the clip!
(--VIDEO PLAYS--)
(Football flies and hits Hans in the crotch)
(Doink!)
Moleman: (Groaning) Mmmmmmmmmmmmm uhhhhhh.
(Falls on the ground holding his groin)
(--VIDEO ENDS--)
Kevin: That's all for today, and remember the ultimate Indianapolis 500 is coming tomorrow at 12 PM Eastern Time. Remember sports fans if it isn't funny, don't watch it!
Kevin and Sonny: HAVE A GREAT EVENING! GOOD NIGHT!
--APPLAUSE—
Next episode: the funniest bloopers!
THE END
Disclaimer: I do not own the animes, cartoons, product brands, Smosh, Blades of Glory, sports teams, sports leagues, and sports events that are mentioned in the fanfiction, as well as Sports Centre. Sports Centre is from TSN, a channel owned by CTV globemedia and ESPN Inc. The U.S. edition of Sports Center is from ESPN, owned by ESPN Inc. and its family of ESPN networks.